Chapter 1: Just take these broken wings and learn to fly again

Author's Note: If you are reading this, I want to thank you. This is my first attempt at Tiva fanfiction and I am really excited about where this story is going and I hope you come along for the ride. Surprise surprise, I don't own any of these characters, but the ideas are mine. Enjoy

She turned around to tell him to run fast, but the blast pushed her away from him. She stumbled to keep herself on her feet. The bomb had gone off earlier then they had predicted; they had run out of time. She whipped around again to get back to him, but the after blast had caught up to him, the flames from the building whirled around him until his body was consumed by the fire. His name ripped from her lips, and she proceeded to scream until her world went black…

"Tony!" Ziva gasped as she shot out of bed, grasping around in the darkness to find her light switch. The yellow glow quickly illuminated her small bedroom, chasing away the shadows in her apartment. She let the light calm her racing heartbeat as she instinctively reached for her cellphone. She stopped herself as her fingers grasped the cold phone case.

"What am I doing?" she questioned herself, releasing her fingers. She wasn't allowed to call D.C. in the middle of the night after cutting herself from her team, just because she had a nightmare. That wasn't fair to anyone, especially Tony, as everyone was trying to move on. Phoning them would just throw that all away. She took a deep breath as she tried to fight the memories of D.C. that poured in and the worry that her dreams might not be dreams. She worried that one day she will be woke up by a phone call telling her he isn't there anymore.

She sat up in bed and pulled her duvet closer to her. Even though the Israeli night was warm, her own thoughts chilled her to the bone. She was lonely here and it was her own fault. She had made the decision to stay alone in Israel to try to heal. The Ziva David that came back was not the same one that left 8 years ago. She was so broken from her time spent in the USA and she had thought that staying here would make her feel whole again. Nevertheless, she was alone with no family and no one who loved her. She had left those people across the sea because she believed that leaving them was the right thing to do in order to keep them safe. No one who cared for her ever lasted long, and she couldn't bear the thought of losing them. She thought she could heal herself but it wasn't working. After being here for six months alone, Ziva felt no difference; she was still just as broken as before, perhaps even worse. She missed their company but most of all she missed Tony.

Just saying his name broke down her walls, she felt her throat seize with emotions and tears were already forming in her eyes. At first she had not wanted to admit that he had caught her attention; but it was inevitable, he would not stop bugging her. Somehow, along the way she had fallen head over heels in love with him. Somehow, he had too. However, there were always complications, especially with the type of job they had and the team. Soon, it had become too late.

Or so she thought. Yet, he had come after her and tried to convince her to come back with him. She can still hear what he said to her as if it was yesterday, "I'm still fighting for you Ziva." And at that moment in her life, she couldn't bear to disappoint him, to have him waste away his fight on someone who was broken. So she let him turn his back on her, and walk away. And even when she said that, her insides were screaming at her to tell him to come back and take her with him, to not leave her alone. But she was too afraid that he would leave when he knew the truth that she wasn't worth being fought for. And Ziva David knew she would never recover from that heartbreak.

If she was being honest with herself now, she would have rather gone with him and had her heart broken, than live in her own misery here. She sat up straighter as her next thought formed, she was done drowning in her misery. She was sick of this pity party and stubbornness that she was using to prevent herself from being around the people she loved. It was her own fault she was denying herself a chance at happiness, because she was afraid of it being taken away like before.

She arose out of her bed and went into her living room in search of her laptop. She was booking herself on the next flight to Washington. There was no going back now; she had to face what she had been hiding from in order to find what she is looking for her.

Her flight was leaving in a couple hours, but there was one last thing that she had to do. She had already packed up her apartment and her things sent to the US, but her last task was the hardest ... Saying goodbye to her father. She approached his gravestone, and the tight feeling had returned in her chest. She did not think this was going to be this hard but as she kneeled by tomb, tears sprang into her eyes, and began to fall freely. Ziva angrily brushed them away, she had promised herself she would stop crying hastily but it was not as easy as she had assumed.

"Abba, I'm leaving Israel again, but this time for good. I do not think I will be coming back here for a long time. I am not the Ziva that you sent to the USA, I'm much weaker now but I now know who will make me stronger: my team. I need them Abba. They are the only family I have left; the only ones who truly love me.

There is no one here anymore who can offer me that. I am sorry, I must leave you but I know you will always be looking over me. I hope to once again be the daughter that you were once proud of."

She rose from the grave and brushed off her knees, turning her back away from her past. There was one thing left to do, before she got on her flight. She dialled his phone number and held her breath until she heard him answer.