This is my entry for Outlaw Queen Advent Calendar 2017. A huge thanks to moonboymushroom on twitter who was a wonderful beta!
I hope you enjoy it!
(...)
Taking a sip of red wine, Regina takes a look around the bar and a huge smile spreads across her face. She has never thought she would find herself living a life like she does now: she owns a bar in a small town, wears jeans and tank tops, drinks more than she should and happily communicates with the local people.
She's never been fond of people, preferred to play alone as a child, always built walls around herself as she got older, refusing to let anyone in, to show who she really was. But that was a lifetime ago and now she's enjoying the company of the people around her, raising glasses with them, wishing everyone a Happy New Year.
It must be the fact that she's going to leave this place soon that made her let Lucy organize the town New Year Eve party in their bar. There's no harm to have one last celebration with these people and then disappear from their lives as if she hasn't even existed.
The people are cheerful tonight, talking and singing and dancing happily with one another, the atmosphere is light and festive, and surprisingly Regina realizes that she doesn't mind all of this that much. Her mood is so good, she even talks with the most annoying person in this town – Marry Margaret.
However, when midnight approaches, Regina feels as though she's suffocating around all these people. She excuses herself and walks to the quieter corner of the bar, stands in front of a huge window and rests her head against the wall, sighing.
The people behind her starts counting seconds and when they happily scream 'one', the sky erupts with wonderful colors and there are sounds of glasses being raised behind her and she raises her own glass, whispering a Happy New Year to the Heaven.
It's her 100th New Year's Eve.
She has never thought she would live this long (she was a rather melancholic kid, she proclaimed her desire to die young on many occasions) and here she is now, after having survived two World Wars, giving birth to a child in the middle of a field all by herself, protecting him with everything she has during the darkest times and watching her husband die on the front… Yet she's still alive, looking as young as the day her life was ruined.
The story is rather complicated and unreal. It all started when her husband had died and her mother took her son away from Regina. She was devastated and her melancholic soul had only one option.
She jumped from the bridge that night, ready to die.
Instead, she was found by the British army soldiers who got her from the water and used as an experimental material for the new device they'd created. She had been electrocuted for too many times to count, she lost all of her senses and everything. She lost her memories of who she is, of how she ended up there.
One day when Regina thought she would really die, they surprised her by letting her go. They've claim that their new weapon was not a success, the power in there was not enough to kill a human being, and that they don't want here there anymore.
Regina spent a few months in a hospital after that, healed her wounds and collected her broken pieces, put her thoughts back under control and tried to move on.
Somehow.
She got Henry back when her mother was killed by some soldiers. As horrible as it sounds, she'll be forever thankful to those awful men who had been kind enough and didn't harm her boy. She ran away then, hid in a small town called Hyperion Heights where no one knew her, where no one could find her and, she hoped, hurt her.
However, fifteen years later she had come to a realization that during the time she spent there, she hasn't aged. She didn't think much about it, she had other problems with Henry growing up and attending school and then getting ready for college and then meeting Jacinda. But one day, Henry pointed out that something is wrong.
Regina tried not to think about it.
However, people in the town started gossiping about her. She didn't bother about these awful women talking that she was using some illegal products to stay this young, she wasn't hurt by the way they all looked at her, as if she was some kind of a monster.
But when one day a police officer named Graham visited her, inviting her to the police station, she realized that something was wrong indeed. They accused her of faking her identity and she was told that she'll be arrested.
Regina could easily prove that she was actually Regina Mills, but then she risked being locked up for different reasons while scientists tried to figure out what made her stay young. And it was the last thing she wanted.
So she took her things and ran away.
And she still runs. Every ten years, on the 1st of February, on her birthday, she takes all of her things, changes her identity and starts living a new life.
This February will be the tenth.
Swallowing over the lump in her throat, Regina takes another sip of the wine and tries to breathe steadily, to keep herself under control.
On February she's leaving Storybrooke. And as much as she loathed this town on her first year, she grew to love it. Most importantly, Henry lives here and so do his family and she can see them every day. She formed a strong bond with Lucy and now the younger woman is not just her granddaughter, but her best friend.
Regina must admit that she even started to like people of this town, not all of them, but there are some faces she's really going to miss.
If only she could stay…
"Happy New Year, milady."
She's startled by a greeting and she doesn't even have to turn around to see who it is, she already knows, would recognize this accent anywhere. It's the same mysterious man who visits her bar once a week but she meets him in her dreams more often.
A few months ago he entered her bar for the first time. She's never seen him before, but he seemed to be quite nice (he left good tips) and harmless. From that day, he comes to her bar every week on Mondays, with a book in his hands. He orders a glass of whiskey and reads.
Regina thinks he's crazy. Who reads in a bar? Of course, people like to read in cafes, but bars? He doesn't seem to mind all the noise, though. He just sits there quietly, not talking to anyone, just reading.
She cannot say that she minds. She rather likes this man, as stupid as it sounds. She'll never act on her feelings but he seems kind and awfully handsome. Whenever his blue eyes met her brown ones, she feels things that she hasn't felt in a really long time.
It's good to have someone to fantasize about when you're sad and lonely.
"Happy New Year," Regina says back, looking over her shoulder and smiles before turning back to the window.
"The view is breathtaking," he points out as he takes a step closer to Regina, and she can see from the corner of her eye that he's not looking at the sky, he's staring at her.
"Indeed," she agrees and takes another sip of her drink.
They stand there in silence, and Regina cannot remember the last time when she felt like this with someone. If she wasn't leaving next month, she would start a conversation with him, try to find some kind of connection and get to know him.
But she is leaving. Her life is not that easy that she could fall in love with a mysterious man from her bar and have a romance. So she doesn't dream about it, she just continues to gaze at the wonderful sky. The fireworks are dying down already, and she feels that she should get going, she shouldn't stay here with him for too long.
Just when she turns to leave, he says, "I'm Robin."
Regina stops and looks over her shoulder to find these blue eyes staring at her, wide with curiosity as he extends a hand towards her in greeting.
She almost tells him that she's Regina. Almost. Yet she catches herself just on time, and instead shakes his hand, saying, "I'm Roni."
"Nice to meet you, Roni," he smiles and squeezes her hand lightly and Regina smiles in return before she turns around and walks back to the bar to the crowd of people she grew to like.
(…)
"Grandma, do you really have to leave?" Lucy asks sitting on the couch beside Regina's suitcase. The woman glances at her father, who's sitting at the armchair in front of her, and Henry, of course, cuts in.
"Mom, you cannot leave now. I have cancer, only God knows how much time I have left on this planet," he says and Regina stops immediately, her whole body tensing. She doesn't like to think about that, she doesn't like to think that she's going to lose Henry anytime soon. "I wouldn't want you to be away when I die," he adds, making Regina swallow hard.
She sighs and turns around to face him. "Henry, don't talk like that." However, the tears are already forming in her eyes and it's only a matter of time until she starts crying. "You will not die. Not soon, anyway. And it's not like I'm going to England or something. I will be only a few hours ride away from you."
"It won't be the same," Lucy opposites, crossing her arms over her chest. They've never really been close but when ten years ago Regina moved to live with them in Storybrooke, everything changed. And Lucy doesn't want to lose that nor does Regina.
"You all know that I cannot stay here." Regina states, crossing her arms over her chest, mirroring her granddaughter.
"Why's that?" Henry asks, "Mom, it's not the twentieth century anymore. The world is different, people here are different. No one wants to hurt you anymore."
But Regina can still feel the fear of almost being caught again, she can still feel the helplessness of being locked up from the world. So she shakes her head, insisting, "I have to leave, it's for the best."
"Is it?" Jacinda asks with a raised eyebrow, sitting down beside Henry.
For a long moment Regina looks at them, considering their idea. Henry is actually sick and as much as she wants to deny it, the changes are rather huge that something horrible will happen to him. And she doesn't want that. She doesn't want to leave her family when the death is threatening to tear them apart.
A year wouldn't change anything anyways. She just stays until Henry is alright and then she leaves. It will be no harm, right?
"Fine. I'll stay," she sighs. The smile that spreads across Henry's face is worth it. Lucy claps her hands together while Jacinda chuckles. "But just one year. And then I will leave." Regina adds but it doesn't seem to matter because Lucy is already bringing glasses to celebrate this wonderful news.
(…)
Regina's noticed that from New Year's Eve, Robin comes to the bar more often. She finds him sitting at the corner of her bar not only on Mondays but on Friday evenings too. He sometimes comes on Tuesdays as well, brings some papers and reads them whilst drinking whiskey. Whenever their eyes meet, he smiles at her.
One hot summer day when the bar is empty because everyone is at the beach, Robin walks into the bar with a bouquet of red roses and walks straight towards Regina. He looks tensed, yet smiling at her and Regina's eyes widen.
"Would you go on a date with me?" he asks, extending flowers towards her.
The glass Regina's been cleaning drops from her hands to the floor and shatters, the sound echoing through the empty bar. She blinks her eyes for a few times, not caring about the glass on the floor, and stares at Robin.
"What?" she finally manages to ask, not being able to believe that he just really asked her out.
"Would you go on a date with me?" he repeats his question and now there's a playful smile on his handsome face, he doesn't look so tensed anymore, and Regina would've laughed at him if she wasn't so stunned.
She would've laughed at him if she hasn't dreamt about this moment.
"Robin, no!" she says quickly, shaking her head. She would love to, she really would but she's not meant for happy endings and she's not going to bring herself more pain by trying with him.
It's better to have a beautiful illusion than a painful reality.
Robin's face falls and Regina feels bad for him; she's not stupid, she knows he's attracted to her just as much as she is to him. He would not have talked with her that night, he wouldn't have came to her bar on a daily basis, he wouldn't have waited for so long if he wanted just to sleep with her.
He recovers quickly though, and that playful smirk comes back to his face. He doesn't look hurt but perhaps he's just good at lying.
"Would you mind me asking why?" he asks with an arched eyebrow. "I thought you liked me," he adds and Regina feels her cheeks heating up. Shit, she hasn't been as discreet as she thought.
"You think too highly of yourself," she settles on saying as she hopes that Robin doesn't notice her blush. But his mischievous smile gives her an answer.
Robin shakes his head at her, faking sadness. "Too bad," he says, but his eyes are shining and she knows that he got all the answers he wanted.
He winks at her and sits on his usual chair, takes out a book from his bag and starts reading.
He doesn't turn another page for another hour and Regina continues to clean the already cleaned glass for a long while too.
They're thinking about the same. About the future they could have but won't.
(…)
Regina has lost the count of times Robin tried to ask her out. She doesn't find it annoying, thankfully, a simple 'no' is enough of an answer and he stops asking all together. But then the next week he comes back with the same question, in case she's changed her mind during the weekend.
On one Monday in the middle of November, Regina's smiling brightly as she pours everyone drinks of their choices for free and raises her own glass with them. Henry's results came back with positive results, the cancer was beaten and her son is finally healthy again. Perhaps not as healthy as he could be but at least he is cancer-free.
"You're in a good mood," Robin notes as he sits down and takes out a book.
Regina nods, smiling brightly, cannot help it. She almost blurts out that her son is cancer-free and that she couldn't be happier but she stops her excitement just in time, reminds herself that Henry is her grandfather and not son here.
"Then perhaps today is the day when you'll agree to go on a date with me," he says playfully, obviously not serious anymore- he has given up on them, she thinks, he's just teasing her now.
Regina feels light today, it feels as if a very heavy weight has been lifted off of her chest and that she's young all over again, as if her life was returned to her.
And today she cannot see a reason why she shouldn't agree to go with this handsome man on a date.
"I agree," she tells him.
The book falls from Robin's hands as he looks at her with wide eyes, a small uncertain smile spreading across his face.
"You do?"
"Yes. One time." She assures him and now he's smiling from ear to ear. It looks as if she's given him the best present of his life. "Don't make me change my mind," she adds and pours herself another glass, then one for Robin.
She's never seen him this happy.
(…)
On a cold November evening Regina waits for Robin outside her bar. Lucy promised to take care of the bar, she assured Regina that she has to go out and have a little bit of fun with Robin, that she deserves that.
But Regina feels strange.
She hasn't been on a date for more than fifty years and she knows what dates are these days, she knows that most of them end up in bed. But she's rather old fashioned, and she has no plans on sleeping with him tonight.
Or any night.
This is their only date.
There will be no more.
Henry is healthy now, it's only a matter of time until she leaves.
"Good evening, milady." Robin's greeting snaps her out of her thoughts and when Regina blinks her eyes, she finds him standing right in front of her, holding snowbells in his hands.
She scoffs, "Snowbells? Really?"
She hates these flowers for it reminds her of Mary Margaret and David, the town's most annoying couple, walking together around, lovesick with each other, as they collected her favorite flowers which happened to be snowbells. And now whenever Regina sees the flowers, she wants to throw up.
"I know it's not the season but the winter is nearing and I thought-" he sees the expression on her face and stops mid-sentence, shaking his head to himself. "Alright, nevermind. Just forget about it," he asks and turns to throw the snowbells into the trash bin beside them but Regina stops him by grabbing his wrist.
Robin turns to look at her and she gives him a sincere smile as she takes the little flowers from his hands. "Thank you, Robin."
Robin stares at her for a moment but then sighs and stretches his hand out for Regina. "I was so excited that you agreed to go out with me, I didn't even think that something could ruin it. Least of all stupid little flowers."
"It didn't ruin anything, Robin. It's lovely." Regina insists, feeling uncomfortable for her reaction. She should have reacted differently, of course she should. Damn it. She's already ruined everything and their date hasn't even started yet.
"Let's forget about it, alright?" he asks with a smile and when Regina nods that smile only grows.
"So, where are we going, Romeo?" she asks with a smirk as they start walking through the Storybrooke park towards the Forest and the Troll Bridge.
"Oh, that's a secret, milady," he replies with a stupid grin and if Regina wasn't busy adoring it, she would be rolling her eyes at his excitement.
The air is cold for a mid-November evening and Regina's coat is rather thin so Robin wraps his arm around her shoulders and she shamelessly presses herself closer to him, enjoying his warmth. He doesn't seem to mind, not at all, because his grin only widens.
The conversation between them forms easily, effortlessly. He asks her innocent questions, she does the same, he jokes and she laughs at his stupid jokes, he flirts and she flirts back, enjoying every single moment of it. Regina doesn't remember the last time she's felt like this.
But then suddenly Robin becomes serious, his hand tightens around hers as they walk the dark and empty streets of Storybrooke. He stops, unexpectedly, and turns to look at Regina, his face serious. "I haven't told you something about myself."
"What a perfect time to tell me that you're a serial killer and will murder me," she jokes making the corners of Robin's lips lift up.
"No, I could never kill such a beautiful creature," Robin shakes his head, chuckling and Regina feels her heart fluttering. Gods, she doesn't want to admit it but she has strong feelings for this man. Very strong feelings. "I have a son," he says, his eyes staring right into hers.
"A son?" she lets out before she can help it. She knew that he was new in this town, he has lived here only for a year or so but she has never seen him with a son. Oh God, she really hopes he's not married.
"His name is Roland. He's four years old little monster."
"Please, don't tell me you're married," It's all Regina can say.
"Of course not, milady." Robin tells, his eyebrows raising at such thought. "Do you really think I could lie to you and make you the other woman?" he asks and Regina chuckles, shakes her head.
They're living in the 21st century but Robin's morals are from 20th, just like hers. Perhaps that's why she feels so attracted to him, perhaps that's why she feels this pull towards him, this pull that she cannot control anymore.
They continue to walk, their conversation getting lighter and lighter, funnier with every step and Regina laughs like she has never laugh before, and she feels so light, she forgets about her own life curses, she forgets about her son's illnesses that only a week ago was life- threatening, she forgets everything. There are only Robin, she and happiness.
All of a sudden they stop and Robin announces that they've come. Regina turns to look around, she was too caught-up in their conversation to notice where they were going. However, when she looks around, she realizes that there's nothing around them, nothing except trees.
"A forest, really?" Regina asks, scoffing.
"Come," This time Robin ignores her reaction and takes her hand in his, leads her further into the woods.
They walk over tall grass and circle around the trees until they reach the barren place. Robin's hand squeezes hers and he rolls his head back until he's looking up into the dark sky. Regina frowns but follows him anyway, throws her head back and gasps in surprise. The sky is full of stars, it seems to calm and so wonderful and amazing.
She doesn't remember the last time she simply looked to the sky and felt so happy.
They stare at the sky together, and his arm wraps around her shoulders to keep her warm or to keep her close, she can't quite tell, and she feels so careless, free and happy that she turns her head to the side and looks at him. Robin turns to look at her too and when their eyes meet, she sees that they both want the same.
Regina kisses him first, thinks he's too much of a gentleman to push her this far on their first date, no matter how bad he wants that. And well, she's dreamt about this moment for so long, has wondered what it would feel like to press her lips against his, she just cannot wait anymore.
It turns out kissing him feels like heaven.
(…)
Regina is nervous. She knows she shouldn't be, yet she is.
Who knew that meeting a four year old would turn a woman who lived for a hundred years into a nervous mess?
They aren't that serious, Regina reminds herself in hopes that her rapidly beating heart will calm down. Robin just wanted to introduce his son to her, it's nothing too serious, it's nothing that makes them even more involved, right?
Regina tried to talk Robin out of it because as much as she wants to deny it, meeting Roland makes whatever is happening between them more serious. Another reason she didn't want to meet Roland was because she knows children get attached easily and when she's going to disappear, Roland will be hurt too. And she doesn't want that. It's one thing to hurt a grown up man and completely the other to put a child through this kind of pain.
Regina shakes her head to herself, pushing these thoughts away. Roland will not get attached to her, she'll see him for only a few times and then she'll disappear.
Swallowing hard, she looks at her reflection in the mirror. Her short hair is wavy today, her face free of any heavy make-up which means that her cheeks are red from her nervousness.
God, this is a disaster.
She shouldn't have agreed.
Suddenly she hears a knock on the door and her breath hitches in her throat. There's no turning back now, she realizes as she runs her hands over her hair one last time and turns around.
Inhaling deeply, Regina opens the door.
She's greeting by Robin standing with a little boy beside him who's looking down to the floor shyly. Robin, for his part, is smiling widely at her, dimples that make her heart melt on full display. God, he's so handsome.
"Hi, Roni," Robin greets her and looks down at Roland who's now looking at Regina curiously. "Roland, this is my friend Roni. Roni, this is my son Roland." He introduces them and Regina smiles a little, her heart calming down as she crouches down so she can see the beautiful boy better.
"Hi, Roland," she says and he gives her a sheepish smile in response, the dimples appearing for a brief moment. Regina grins. "I have something for you," she tells him in a cheerful voice and Roland looks back at her immediately, curious now. She stands up, turns around and takes the stuffed monkey she bought in the Christmas market from the board.
It's a simple grey monkey toy with a red Christmas cap and scarf but Roland takes it from her as if the toy was made out of diamonds. His eyes shine with excitement as he hugs the toy and grins. "Thank you, Roni!" he exclaims and throws himself into her embrace, his little arms wrapping around her neck.
Regina is surprised at first but quickly recovers and hugs him back. She looks up at Robin who's watching the whole scene with a huge smile on his face.
He looks proud.
(…)
The town is magical tonight. The streets are empty and quiet, illuminated only by the moonlight and some lights from the windows of those who decorated it with Christmas lights.
Regina, Roland and Robin are walking side by side, Roland in the middle, holding Regina's hand tightly with one hand while he holds a cup of hot chocolate with the other. Robin is carrying the monkey, glancing every two seconds at Regina with a goofy smile on his face.
They look like a real happy family.
When they reach the town square, where the giant Christmas tree is standing, the atmosphere changes completely. Christmas music is playing, songs everyone knows by heart surrounding them. Children are dancing around the tree, playing and chasing each other. The town is awake.
Even the Christmas tree is stunning even though it is decorated simply but it feels magical. Then again, everything seems magical when Robin is beside her.
Roland runs off to play with his friends and as soon as he's away Robin pulls Regina closer to him and she goes willingly, despite all the people around them. Their noses touch as they smile stupidly at one another.
"Thank you for tonight," Robin whispers into the space between them and presses his lips against hers.
Regina smiles into the kiss, her arms wrapping around his neck. She has never thought she will feel like this again, young, carefree and most importantly happy. But this wonderful man beside her makes her feel like she's eighteen again.
(…)
"Roland didn't let go of the monkey you gave to him until he fell asleep," Robin tells her as he joins her on the couch in the living room. She's been drinking wine here while Robin was putting a very sleepy Roland to bed.
Regina nods, smiling softly. Roland reminds her so much of Henry, the same excitement, the same happiness, the same childhood thinking and freedom. The difference is when her son was this age she lost him to her own mother and wanted to take her own life.
Regina swallows hard at the memory.
Thankfully Robin doesn't notice that. He just wraps his arm around her shoulders and kisses her hair before taking a sip of wine too. Regina feels warmth spreading all over her as his hand runs up and down her arm, as he hums at the wonderful taste of wine.
She's aware of his every move, of his breathing, of everything, and she knows what she wants. And she knows exactly why she shouldn't do this.
So she pulls away from him a little and glances at the clock, "I should probably go home."
The smile disappears from Robin's face as he sighs and puts the glass on the coffee table. "You could stay," he suggests and quickly adds, "You could sleep in the guest room, of course. Or wherever you wanted to. Just don't go,"
Regina smiles a little. He is cute when he's nervous.
She shouldn't stay, she really shouldn't but she has been thinking about this for a while now, about their relationship and its meaning. She knows that there are feelings between them, feelings that scare both of them but they are there, they are real.
If she's really going to disappear after Christmas, perhaps she should give herself something positive to remember.
"I'll stay," she says and Robin smiles widely. "And I won't need a guest room. I would very much want to sleep in your room, if you won't mind," she tells him with a wink.
Robin swallows hard, realizing what it means. "Are you sure?" he asks and Regina nods her head doubtlessly before putting the glass on the coffee table beside his and turning towards him.
"I want you," she whispers and presses her lips against his.
(…)
Days with Robin were amazing. Nights with him were glorious. Everything with him was too good to be true. They didn't fight, they didn't get jealous of each other, their union was filled with trust and support for one another. It felt as if their life was a fairytale.
But every fairytale has its ending. And so did theirs.
Two weeks before Christmas they are sitting on the couch in Robin's living room, Roland already passed out after the extremely active day of decorating the house and Christmas tree. After the boy was put into bed, Robin decided to show her some photos of his life in England.
Regina saw no reason why he shouldn't do this.
He shows her everything and everyone, from his mother and his father, uncles and sisters to his wife and their house and their dog that died from sadness two months after she passed away. He shows her his childhood house and his grandmother who loved Christmas more than her life.
Regina smiles listening to all the stories, her head rested against his shoulders.
However, when he shows her a photo of his grandfather Regina's heart stops beating for a moment. Her breath hitches in her throat, her whole body tensing.
"He was a horrible man," Robin tells her with a shake of his head but his voice is distant, and all Regina can feel is her now rapidly beating heart. She swallows hard, hopes she'll not break down. "During the Second World War he created this awful device that using electricity it was possible to kill anyone."
Not anyone, not me, Regina thinks bitterly. All of a sudden she's in that place again, dark and stinking, and she sees a man from almost hundred years ago who shouted at her that she'll die, he'll create something, he promised, he'll make it better and she'll be dead.
Memories flood her like a wave of cold water and she's suffocating, all she can feel is pain as she remembers everything over and over again.
Something clicks inside her and before she knows it, she's up on her feet, running. She moves as fast as she can, leaves her coat and scarf and that beautiful red winter cap Robin bought her the other day.
She runs and runs and runs, runs through the snow and falls but doesn't feel the cold of the snow, she just gets up and runs again.
She needs to get away from these memories.
She'll go insane otherwise.
She runs and runs and runs until there's a light and then the light is so near, so bright and blinding, she cannot see anything.
And all of a sudden she's not running anymore, she's laying on a cold snow in a pool of her own blood. But at least now her head is empty.
(…)
Regina wakes up feeling a dull pain in right leg and head. She's disoriented at first, confused, and everything around her is white, and she wonders where the hell she is.
She tries to roll onto her side but it feels as if her whole body has been beaten. She tries to remember what happened, but all she can remember is decorating Christmas tree with Roland and rolling her eyes at Robin as he gave her the cap so she wouldn't get cold on winter days.
Only when she sees an IV in her arm does she realize that she's in the hospital.
"Roni, you're awake!" Robin's voice fills the quiet room and he's jumping from the chair and rushing to her.
Regina flinches; any sound makes her head throb.
"Wh-What happened?" She asks, her throat sore.
"You ran away from my apartment and got hit by the bus. You broke your leg so badly, they had to perform a surgery!" He exclaims but then seems to notice that loud sounds put her in pain, so he turns his volume down, adds in a much quieter and calmer voice, "I was so damn worried!"
Oh.
Regina sighs as memories flood her head and tears fill her eyes unexpectedly. She was running away from her demons, as always. But it's one thing to run from illusions and completely the other to find out that the man she adores is related to the man who turned her life into hell.
She swallows hard, trying to hide her tears. This unexpected turn of events proves that they cannot be together, Regina thinks. They've had these few weeks with each other, shared a few passionate nights and wonderful days but it was never meant to become something more.
Her past will haunt her forever.
"Leave me alone," Regina whispers, turning to look away from him.
She can hear Robin's sharp inhale before he says, "Roni, what does it-"
"Leave me alone," she repeats, her voice shaking. She'll not cry. She will not.
"What?"
"GET OUT!" She shouts turning to look at Robin, her eyes itchy from tears but she will not let a single one fall, she'll be strong till the end.
Robin looks utterly confused, his eyes wide and it looks like he's going to walk up to her and make her explain everything but something in his eyes changes and he sighs, looks at her one more time and turns around to leave.
Only when the door are closed behind him does Regina let the tears run down.
(…)
It's been a few days since that horrible car accident. Regina found out that she had a broken leg and minor concussion. She was supposed to stay in the hospital until the Christmas Eve. Once she was out of the hospital, she planned to leave.
Henry visited her all the time. And so did Lucy and Jacinda. They all took care of her even though Regina didn't want to see anyone. All she wanted to do was hide until she's released from the hospital and then she would run away and start a new page of her life.
She didn't know how she'll do it, though. She hasn't loved in a really long time and Robin… well, he'd stolen her heart from the moment he stepped into her bar for the first time. But she could live with her feelings, she could easily move on… However, now when she got a chance to know what it feels like to be loved by him, it hurts million times worse.
One part of her wants to apologize. It wants to forget everything, her fears, her sadness, her curse and stay with Robin forever. The other, though, dismisses the thought immediately. She's not meant for happy endings. She'll only hurt Robin for there's no future for them.
But Robin is Robin and he doesn't give up easily. He comes to her on the fifth day with a small box of Christmas chocolate.
"How are you, Roni?" He asks, sheepishly, as he walks further into the room. He stops awkwardly at the end of her bed, obviously not knowing how to act around her.
But he still came. She threw him out, she hurt him, yet he's still here.
"What are you doing here?" she asks, trying to act nonchalant. But how is one supposed to be that when the love of their life is standing right in front of them?
"I love you, Roni," he tells her flatly, and words sound so sad, it feels as if loving her is a curse (and it is, their love was doomed from the beginning).
"Robin-" She starts, surprised, but he cuts her off by walking up to her. He puts the chocolate on the nightstand and takes her hand in his, his hands shaking.
"Roni, I wouldn't be here right now, telling you how I feel if I didn't think you feel the same," he whispers, his eyes full of tears, and Regina's whole body tenses as she registers his words.
He knows.
He knows about her feelings.
"Please, don't run away from me," he begs. "Tell me what happened. What did I do? Please, Roni, I need an explanation." His hands tighten on hers, and a single tear rolls down his cheek, breaking Regina's heart. "Please, give us a chance."
She looks at him, her own eyes full of tears, breathing hard and she feels like her whole body is being torn apart.
She's leaving. She's decided. Once she's out of the hospital she's going to pack her things and go away.
But the way Robin is looking at her, the way his eyes are pleading her not to leave him breaks her walls, makes her change her mind.
The tears start running down her cheeks as she pulls him in for a kiss, her free arm wrapping around his neck, the other tightening its hold on his. It's heaven when their lips touch, it's heaven when his fingers find their way into her hair, it's pure heaven when their tongues meet.
When they breathlessly pull away, Regina runs her fingers over the stubble on his cheek, tears collecting in her eyes again. The look on his face is sincere, open and vulnerable and she never knew a man could love like this.
She swallows hard and looks away, down to their joined hands before clearing her throat.
"My name is not Roni," Regina says, staring right into Robin's eyes. "My name is Regina. Regina Mills. I'm one hundred one year old and I had the pleasure to meet your grandfather."
(…)
"So your grandfather Henry is actually –"
"My son, yes," she finishes for him as Robin looks at her with wide eyes.
He asked to repeat the story one more time for the first time he was too stunned to hear everything. It seems like he listened to every single detail the second time, it seems that he wanted to remember everything, yet his mind still refused to cooperate.
"That's a lot," Robin settles on saying, his face confused.
Regina swallows hard. Perhaps his feelings for her are not strong enough to overcome the madness of her life.
"Yeah," she mutters, looking away from him, ashamed. She should have known better than to trust someone.
"Ron- Regina," he corrects himself, his hand touching her chin and lifting it until their eyes meet.
She tries to push the tears away, she tries to be strong. She wants to be brave and look him in the eyes when he leaves her.
"I love you, Roni or Regina or whoever you really are." He says, "I told you that before. Nothing is going to change that. No matter what happened in your life, no matter who you were or how twisted your story is. I love you."
"What?"
"You are my future, Regina." He continues to speak, his eyes filling with tears. "And if you'll give me a chance I promise to make at least 40 years of your life unforgettable. Then, however, I don't promise to be as charming as now because old age may make me grumpy .Until then, I'll do everything in my power to make you the happiest woman."
"Oh, Robin," she whispers, her eyes full of tears. She puts her hands on his cheeks and pulls him into a kiss that should answer all of his questions.
(…)
Regina burrows her head into the pillow humming at the smell of forest. She snuggles closer to a warm little body in the bed and the boy grumbles something incoherently in his sleep and cuddles into her chest, his little hand tightening on her waist.
She could stay like this forever.
"Good morning," she hears a raspy voice and it seems like her sleep is over. She squeezes her eyes shut, trying to shout Robin's voice out and make him go away, to let them sleep just for a little bit longer.
However, it seems that her companion has other ideas because all of the sudden he's pulling away from her, and sitting up, the sheets lifting and letting cold air reach Regina's warm body.
"IT'S CHRISTMAS!" Roland squeals, jumping on the bed. "Regina, wake up, it's Christmas!"
Unwillingly Regina opens her eyes and a huge smile spreads across her face as she finds Roland smiling from ear to ear, jumping on the bed excitedly. On any other occasion, she would scold him for doing it but it's Christmas, no one should be scolded on Christmas.
Roland jumps from the bed runs out of the room to the Christmas tree. Robin only chuckles at his excitement and walks towards the bed, sits on the edge and leans over to kiss Regina.
He smells like coffee and Christmas cookies they've baked yesterday. He smells like home.
Regina hums in contentment.
"Merry Christmas, milady," Robin whispers against her lips before capturing them in another kiss.
"Merry Christmas," she says back, her arms wrapped loosely around his neck. "As much as I like having you here all to myself, I think you should go to open presents with Roland," she adds untangling herself from him.
She remembers their tradition: to open Christmas presents together and eat Christmas cookies with milk while they're watching a Christmas movie. And Regina doesn't mind being all by herself for a while, she would rather like to sleep for a little while longer while the two of them continue their traditions.
"I think it's time for traditions to change," Robin says and pulls covers away from her, a mischievous smile on his face. Regina rolls her eyes at him playfully and sits up a bit and all of a sudden Robin is lifting her from the bed up into his arms and she squeals.
"Put me down!" She demands, trying to keep her voice stern but fails completely, laughing, as Robin tightens his hold on her and walks out of the bedroom.
"Don't move," he warns, smirking. "We don't want you to have more broken bones, do we?" he asks with a raised eyebrow and glances to the cast on her broken leg.
Regina rolls her eyes again but the smile is spreading over her face anyways and Robin is so handsome and so sweet and so close, and she cannot see the reason why she shouldn't kiss him.
And she does just so.
"I love you," he says when they part, and there's a smile on his face and he doesn't expect her to return the sentiment, he just carries her into the living room and puts her down on the couch. Roland quickly joins them, bringing presents with him from under the Christmas tree and showing everything he got to them excitedly.
When the presents are unpacked, they curl up on the couch and turn on a Christmas movie. Robin brings cookies and three glasses of milk, and Roland makes himself comfortable on the couch between the two of them, enjoying the new tradition.
Regina's never thought she would have this.
(…)
Roland is sitting on the couch beside Lucy, Henry with Jacinda in front of them, playing 'monopoly'. Regina's never been good at games, so it was no surprise when she went bankrupt the first. She sat beside Robin for a while but then excused herself and went to the kitchen. Even in the kitchen she can hear them laughing at Roland's complains that he does not understand this game.
The Christmas music is playing in the background, the smell of cookies and forest filling the whole house.
Everything seems magical. Again.
Regina sits down on the kitchen chair and takes a cookie from the plate, thinking about this wonderful Christmas day. She has never thought she would meet a man who would fit into her strange family so well. It feels as if they were family all the time.
She feels tears filling her eyes and she didn't come here to cry but somehow this year had changed her life completely, this Christmas means the world to her and she finds herself being emotional.
"I feel like a part of your family already," Robin announces as he walks into the kitchen and Regina quickly wipes the tears away from her cheeks, hopes he doesn't notice. But he does. "Regina, is everything alright?" he asks, concerned, sitting in front of her and taking her hand in his.
"I… I just never thought I would have this," she whispers, her voice shaking with emotions.
Last Christmas she was awfully sad planning her new life. Today there are no plans about leaving anymore, now she's with Robin, she has him and Roland and Henry, and her son is healthy and Roland is excited and everything is wonderful. It is hard to believe that it is her life.
"Regina," Robin squeezes her hand, making her open her eyes. "I am sure you could never imagine that you could kiss such handsome man whenever you wanted to but I don't think it is a good reason to cry on a Christmas day." He jokes and Regina cannot help but smile. "Here it is, here is that elusive but satisfying smile I think about everytime I close my eyes," he tells her, squeezing Regina's hand. They look into each other's eyes for a moment and then Robin says, "I love you, milady."
Regina feels that something have changed between them, she feels like it's time to leave her past behind and move on.
She feels like they're real.
And she's not afraid anymore.
"I love you too," she whispers and the way Robin's face breaks into a grin is worth all the fears.
"You, Regina Mills, just gave me the best Christmas present I could ever ask for," he says and then he's up on his feet and before she knows it, he's pulling her into a kiss and she's kissing him back with everything she has.
It feels like magic.
"Merry Christmas, Robin," she gasps as they pull away.
"Merry Christmas, milady," he returns before kissing her again.
That magical Christmas day when Regina Mills finally admitted that she opened her heart up for love again, something in the planet changed, the starts crossed and a miracle happened.
That day something changed inside Regina, something that broke the curse of her life and gave her a chance to grow old with Robin.
Something that gave her a chance to live a wonderful life with the love of her life and die with him when their life was lived.
(...)
May your Christmas be filled with love, happiness and peace! Merry Christmas!