Disclaimer: I do not own Fullemtal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, or any related characters.

Smell

It was a fairly rare occurrence for Edward to call Roy while he was at work. Even though they were in a relationship, the boy knew he was constantly flooded with paperwork, not to mention having to dish out assignments and occasionally go on one of his own. As such, Ed only ever called in an emergency.

So, when Roy answered the phone to hear a hysterical blonde on the other line, he was understandably worried.

"Ed? Ed, what's wrong?" he asked amid a series of alarmingly loud, shallow breaths.

"What the hell did I do to you!?" the boy half-wailed, half-screamed, evidently unsure whether to be angry or upset over whatever situation he was currently in.

"I don't understand…"

"Well, I must have done something to you to make you so mad as to do…this! Fucking hell, can't we just have an argument like normal? I don't even know what exactly you did! Please, look, I'm sorry, just—fix it!" Edward demanded, his breathing becoming more labored. Roy noticed that he also sounded stuffy, his voice just a little off.

But he didn't know what Ed was talking about. He wasn't angry at the blonde at all—actually, he had been feeling especially romantic lately and had just sent over some flowers—tulips, they were in season—that morning. "Ed, listen, calm down. You're going to have to explain to me what it is I did to you, because I don't know what you're talking—"

"The flowers!" the boy yelled. "That's so…sneaky, Roy, why would you do that?"

What? What was wrong with surprising your boyfriend by having a bouquet delivered to the house? Sure, Edward could be a little naïve when it came to relationships, but even he had to realize that was pretty normal…

Unless he was upset, thinking he had been treated like a girl? Or maybe the tulips were messed up, broken by some idiot delivery boy, and Ed thought he had done that on purpose… "What's wrong with the flowers?" Roy asked slowly.

"I dunno! You—you did something to them! All I did was sniff them and now I can hardly breathe, my nose hurts, I can't smell anything…you didn't poison them, did you? What could I have done to make you that fucking mad!? I know I can be an ass, but…" The blonde was hyperventilating at this point, and Roy thought he heard some tears. That was even more alarming; Edward hardly ever cried. He must be really upset to actually cry about it…

Still, if he honestly thought that Roy had poisoned him…well, that was a pretty good reason to be distressed.

Roy rested his head in his hand. "Ed, I didn't do anything to the flowers. You know I would never hurt you like that, no matter how mad you make me."

"Then why am I dying over here!?" the boy wailed.

Really? How could someone this smart—someone who was once the youngest State Alchemist in the history of Amestris—not realize what was going on? "Edward, are you seriously telling me you can't think of any other explanation for what's going on?"

There was silence (aside from a heavy rasping) on the other end of the line for some time. Eventually, Roy decided to just tell him. "Allergies, Ed! I didn't know, of course—I wouldn't have sent you tulips if I knew they would do this to you, I would have stuck with roses, but I was just trying to spice it up. Really, I'm sorry you're having a hard time, but why would you think I'd hurt you like that on purpose!?"

Edward was quiet still. "Oh," he said finally, voice small. "I…I don't know. Allergies? Really? That just seems so…trivial, I guess. I've heard about people being allergic, but I didn't know it would be this bad. I just assumed it was something else, and what else could it be unless you were mad with me…?"

Roy would have laughed at the absurdity, had the situation not been so awkwardly serious. "You are the most melodramatic person I know. Only you would suspect sabotage over allergies. And to think I'd do that! You really believe I'd hurt you?"

"No," the boy murmured. The quiet tone made his voice all the more distorted, thick. "Which is why I was so upset. I didn't know why you'd do that…" He sighed. "Okay, I guess I'm kind of an idiot."

Smiling now, Roy shook his head, though the blonde couldn't see him. If it was anyone but Ed, he'd be offended. But this was the boy who exploded over comments about his height, and who was terrified by milk. Of course he would think something ridiculous like this. "But you're my idiot. You should go see a doctor and get some medicine. I'd like you breathing when I come home tonight, okay?"

It was a sign of Edward's embarrassment that he didn't rise to the tiny insult. "Yeah, okay. I'm sorry about interrupting you for something so stupid…" He paused, sighed again.

"It's okay, Ed. I wasn't that busy anyway." A total lie, but the boy was beating himself up now, and Roy didn't want him to be all depressed. He briefly considered how much work it was dating the blonde—but it was definitely worth it.

"I love you," Edward responded. He probably could tell Roy was lying; though he had quit the military after the whole thing with Father was resolved, Ed had been around long enough to know that Roy was always busy.

"I love you too." Roy hung up the phone, and opened a small drawer in his desk, pulling out a paper that looked just like the rest. But this one was important.

At the top of the paper, in heavy letters, were the words: "THINGS TO NEVER DO." And underneath was a rather long list, each entry handwritten after some event or another. Roy had started this little list shortly after he began dating Edward. As it so happened, each and every item involved the blonde.

1) Make short jokes (when you want to get laid later, otherwise it's still hilarious)

2) Sneak milk into his food—he can tell

3) Make jokes about our sex life to him when other people are around

4) Ask him about his ex, that Winry girl

It went on and on, just little reminders of things to avoid if he wanted to keep Ed around. And now Roy added another number, this one somewhat more important than the others.

30) DO NOT buy him tulips

Okay, so, some of these will be funny (like this one-I thought it was funny at least ;A;) and some will be more serious...

I have an idea for sight, but for the rest I'm not sure, feel free to give me suggestions :) And as always, let me know what you think:

Also: I have a poll on my profile, it would be a great help if you would go take it! Thanks!