Title: Home Is Where The Heart Is.
Pairing: Finnick/Annie.
Summary: I can see it in their eyes when I come home. 'Why is this mad, mad girl coming back home instead of Finnick?' They say. Truth is, I've been asking myself the same question.
Rating: K+
Author's Note: Technically, this is my first story for the fandom - at least first to be published. Oh, quick note: I'm English, so for all you Americans, the spelling might seem a bit distracting: sorry! Hope you enjoy it, show a little love.
Home Is Where The Heart Is:
I can see it in their eyes when I come home. 'Why is this mad, mad girl coming back home instead of Finnick?' They say. Truth is, I've been asking myself the same question.
At first, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to return to District Four at all. They say home is where the heart is, but my heart has fled on a one-way ticket to a place he can never return. In any ordinary circumstance, I would jump at the chance to hop on the next train over, if it meant I could just have him hold me in his arms again. There would be nothing to hold me back here, nothing that could ever overpower my selfish need to be with him.
Except there is.
Every time I look down, there it is. The bump. It's only small, but it will grow bigger. Is it awful to say, that despite my condition, I considered cutting my own suffering short and joining my husband in a place we can both be happy? Yes, Annie. Yes, it is.
Then my love would have died in vain. He died making the world a better place and all over Panem, there are people who are eternally grateful to him. Finn died to save our child from having to grow up in the cruel place we both did. We suffered so much at the hands of the Capitol, of Snow. Left us broken in so many ways.
So, really, there wasn't even a choice. How could I take away a beautiful innocent life, yet to experience the newfound wonders of the world, just to satisfy my own greedy needs. He would never forgive me.
I struggle on and remind myself that I am lucky. I must be grateful for what I have suffered, because without it all – I wouldn't have found him. But it was always the two of us against the world. No matter where we were, we were together. Together, everything was alright. He would hold me tightly in his arms and murmur comforting words in my ear whenever I went off to my happy place. I would lace my fingers with his and remind him of what an incredible man he was when he felt their dirty fingers exploring his body. Together, we were a team and we were unstoppable. But now we've been ripped apart and I'm left alone.
I suppose, I'm not alone, really. In seventh month's time, there will be a little person entering the world. The worst part is, after everything, that is the lone thing I am most terrified of. I'm terrified of facing whatever waits for me on my own, without the one person I rely on more than anything. I'm terrified of watching the boy, somehow I'm certain our child will be a boy, grow up. Of watching him grow up to be just like his father. To look into his eyes, and see his sea-green pair staring back at me. I'm terrified of facing that pain every day, alone.
In someway, I know I will be comforted my looking into those eyes. Not just because a part of Finn will live on to witness the beginnings of a newer, kinder, world, but because those beautiful eyes will never bear the burden that their previous owner's did.
In a way, I guess I know why I'm alive and my husband isn't, not that it was any of their business to question that in the first place. They didn't know him like I did. Some saw him as the kind-hearted man he was, most see the sexy, seductive victor, designed in the Capitol. But none can say they loved him, relied on him more than anything, had him rely on you more than anything.
Someday, I'm going to have to come to terms to the fact he's gone, and someday soon if I want to be able to support the person who will make sure he didn't die in vain. But I know not a day will pass when I didn't wish we swapped places.
Even when the sun shines on the shadows, the world is a cruel place. So cruel that it takes away the life of a good man. A young man. A man who had a family just waiting for him. A man who never stopped trying to defeat the people who took lives away. A man I loved. My man.
I know why this mad, mad girl came back home instead of him. No matter how much I know I have to be here for the life left in my charge, to help him make his own way through the world, I'll never stop loving Finn enough to wish I could be with him. We deserved that at least.
Next time I see the question bubbling behind their eyes, I know the answer they're so desperate for. But I don't tell them. I drift off to my happy place where no-one can touch me, and as if in a dream, Finn's there to hold my hand and tell me it's all okay. As the months go by, our son joins us in the place where we're happy and I see my husband embrace our son as it should have been.
Then Finn explains to me. I can't come to my paradise any more. I need to be there for our son; his mother can't disappear on him. So I listen as he tells me just how proud he is of me. I listen as he tells me he'll still be here, he's not going anywhere. I listen as he tells me he loves me.
I take our son in my arms and I walk away from my husband, back into the real world of stares and whispers. I'm there for my baby, to guide him through the world.
And when he's asleep, that's when Finn comes. He lies on the bed next to me, and holds me tightly in my arms as I go to my happy place, murmuring it's all okay.
Because, it is okay, really.
As long as we've got each other.
Author's Note: So, they you are. I'm currently working on a long, multi-chapter, first in a trilogy featuring Prim and felt I needed a break. Yes, I do realise I am lazy. But I was watching a television show of Titanic and since I was crying (yes, I also realise that I am a wimp) this one-shot sort of just came out on a whim. Anyway, I hope you love it. I'd love to hear how you feel about it, criticism is very welcome. Keep an eye out for my fic in the future, it's called A Beautiful Primrose. Thanks for reading!