Title: Lost and Found
Spoilers: none
Rating: PG for dark ideas
Summary: Future fic
Disclaimer: The characters depicted in this fanfiction belong to Rob Thomas and his creative team at The C.W./U.P.N. The story is my own creative work and my intention is to pay homage to the universe they created, not to profit from it.
If you could pinpoint one moment in your life where everything went wrong, it would be a year from today. When the world stopped spinning and all that was left was darkness. All that was left was darkness and despair. No kind words to comfort you.
Nothing worked no matter how hard you tried. No therapists, no medications, no nothing. Nothing worked and you felt hopeless. Nothing could erase the deep hallow pain left inside.
There was no help possible and every word spoken was like a curse or a burden to live. Nothing made sense and there was no reason to go on living anymore. The end had come at long last and there was no going back. It was now until eternity.
It's not something that you wanted to happen. It's not something that was planned. It's as random as a plague and as silent as the loving kiss of a mother. But there's nothing loving about it. It's cold and it shows no mercy for the people around it.
Is there a cure for this misery? Is there a way to dull the pain of a year ago? There's no such thing and there's no way out. You need to live or be trampled over. There's no escaping the past or the present.
Except . . . .
There is one way to forget everything, to erase all of the pain and feel happy again. It's pleasant for you but terrifying for others. However, it's the one way to end the dull ache in your heart and put a stop to the madness.
You wonder if you could do that to everyone else that's left, like he did that to you. You don't understand why and you're not sure if you want to. Maybe secrets are better to left alone. But maybe you would understand if you went the same way. If you took what's left and made it special in some way.
But could you do that to your father? Your best friend? Your children? The answer is not so clear and it probably never will be. Do you want to hurt them like he hurt you? How could they be able to take their pain away? You wish that it would not be the same way as yourself.
Desperate times do call for desperate measures. Is this the right time? It's never the right time. You know that. Your father knows that. Your best friend knows that. Even your children know that. But it still doesn't make it any less appealing. Rather the opposite.
Finally, you decide that it's time to join to him. You hope that your father, your best friend, and your children will follow decades later. You hope that this does not cause them too much pain. Finally, you understand your mother and her reasons, but you hope that your loved ones never do. It would be too painful.
At long last, you put the gun to your head and pull the trigger. You hear people crying, but you also hear people laughing. It really does not matter at all anymore. At long last you have found happiness with your one true love as you have been trying to do for the past year since you found out. You are finally whole again.