"And he thrust into her with such might, that afjkbakdjbfjhwe"
"Fuck... What the fuck? I can't fucking write this shit." I glared angrily at my laptop screen, silently begging the words to pop up magically. "How am I supposed to write about sex when I haven't been laid in forever?" Pushing myself away from my desk, I jumped up to pace my cluttered bedroom. But it's been weeks since I've updated... not that anyone cares, I thought bitterly; today was just not my day. Been traveling for about a month, had no wifi the entire time, and when the internet gods decided to bless me with a connection, writers block decided to fuck me sideways in the ass. "Why did I have to choose to write an erotic thing," I groaned and threw myself back onto my chair, staring at the story information. Nearly 30 chapters of pure bullshit and smut written poorly over the span of nearly 6 years. And somehow people enjoyed it.
"Yo, Sesshomaru. I need your help," I mumbled hopelessly to words on my screen. "How would you stick your dick into someone?" Chuckling lightly at the sudden image of the stoic inuyoukai giving me sexual education, I quickly typed down some more halfhearted bullshit, and published before regret filled my guts. Ambling away from my computer, I checked myself in the mirror. Messy hair, tired eyes, and hobo clothing graced my gaze. "Ah, yes, perfect." But soon my satisfied smile turned into a frown. I hadn't showered for about a week due to travel, and no makeup touched my face for months. My usual spiraled curls burst from my head in waves and frizz. All in all, I was a hot mess, so a shower was needed. Picking up my phone, I decided that going out would be good also, seeing as I've been cooped up doing nothin. "Hey, it's me," I said vague enough to not sound desperate. "Just wondering if you still wanted to go to that newish bar? Yeah. No, I don't really know where it is. Okay, yeah. Alright see you in an hour." As the conversation went on, my hobo clothes were soon peeled from my body, and hot water ran down my back.
"God, it would be so cool if Sesshomaru were here..." I muttered as I washed my hair. "He'd probably kill me though," I sighed, rinsing the suds out. I peeked out the high window in the shower as I ran conditioner through my curls, and spotted a bright star. Closing my eyes tightly, I wished that the demon lord would come to life, not kill me, and tell me things so I could finish that fucking story. I smiled at my useless wish, but when I looked for the star it was gone. "Fucking airplane, just my luck." I growled lightly. A huge crashing sound erupted from my bedroom, causing me to jump and slip on my soap. Landing hard on my ass, I already knew a nasty bruise was forming. But my pain was soon forgotten when another crashing noise caught my attention.
Holy fuck, I'm being robbed. Why the fuck is my day going so bad? Hopping out of the shower, hastily dressing into my shirt, and cursing that I forgot my pants in the room, I pulled up my underwear and grabbed the nearest object to defend myself. First thing I noticed was the unnatural pitch black darkness, making my knees shake. Second thing I noticed was that I grabbed a fucking plunger. Third thing I noticed was the unnatural quite. "He-hello?" I whispered out, cringing as my voice sounded too loud in the silence. "Yo-you better leave," I called out more bravely, "I have someone coming over, and they're super strong," bullshit, "And I have a gun!" more bullshit. Nobody answered, and I knew I would stumbled upon something in my tiny room.
I heard a small noise to my left, and immediately began to run in the opposite direction. Didn't take more than a few seconds to cross my bedroom, so as I guess when my hand was supposed to meet the doorknob, I was instead met with a face full of hard metal. "Fucking shit," I hissed out tersely as a felt blood dripping from my injured nose. First a bruised ass, now my nose was going to swell. I stood there cursing, forgetting my situation, and didn't notice the two glowing, gold orbs pointing directly at me.