The evening sun hung huge and low over Mushroom Kingdom, its last rays lending a warm glow to the smiling clouds. Bowser, lurking behind a rock overlooking the enemy camp, was oblivious to the beauty of the scene. In the valley below the famous brothers were engaged in a jumping competition, and their voices carried clearly on the autumn breeze.
"See, Luigi? I can jump slightly higher than you," the red-cap bragged with characteristic arrogance.
"It is true," replied the taller one with a shrug. "But, as you can see, I can jump slightly further!"
Bowser ignored the duo's trivial banter, instead focusing his attention on a little tent that stood near them. She was in there, he was certain, and it took all his willpower not to rush in and storm the camp. Sure, she might be his for a few seconds, not really his but at least in his possession, but then they'd be jumping on his head and, well, he knew where that one ended up. No, if she was ever to be truly his it would have to be her choice, and that, he knew, could never be. For how could one so delicate and beautiful, a princess for Christ's sakes, ever love such a hideous, hulking spiked-covered monster as he?
And then she emerged from the tent, prim and perfect, rubbing sleep from her beautiful blue eyes as she blinked in the light. Her domed pink dress, pristine as ever, reached to the ground to obscure her dainty feet, and gave the illusion that she was gliding over the grass towards her diminutive saviour, the 'hero' who just the night before had rescued her from Bowser's lonely castle.
"Princess," nodded Mario, "you're awake."
She nodded, her long blonde tresses bobbing prettily about her angel's face, and he kissed her without decorum. Bowser snarled in annoyance at the moustachioed one's careless treatment of his beloved.
"You must be hungry," continued Mario. "Here, I found this mushroom." He held out a red mushroom, but she shook her head.
"Thanks, but you know they go straight to my hips. I fancy a nice salad, or some sushi."
"Well, we only have a mushroom," replied Mario. "Just have half, if you're not so hungry."
She munched glumly on the power-up, and sure enough, her hips promptly swelled to twice their normal size. "Now I'm fat," she wailed, and began to trot about, her figure gradually returning to its normal proportions.
Bowser couldn't believe it, his princess spoken to like a piece of dirt, made to eat a common mushroom and, worst of all, forced to exert herself! If she were his, he would shower her with affection and serve her sushi salad every day. If only she were his...