"Aaaaaaaaand you're on the Eragon Dating Game!" I said happily, flashing them that big, stupid smile a lot of TV show hosts have. "Starring, me, you're host, monkeybait! And please give a nice hardy round of applause fooooooor… ERAGON!"

The audience claps as Eragon walks onto the stage absentmindedly.

"Saphira? Where are you Saphira?" Eragon called. He stared out the audience. "Hey… you guys aren't Saphira… and this isn't Carvahall… where am I? You guys dress weird." Eragon laughed at them, but I grabbed him by the neck and gave him a big noogie.

"Oww! What are you doing? Are you affiliated with Galbatorix!" Eragon grabbed out a knife and pointed at me.

"You're on a game show, stupid. I'm the host. You're going to date a girl in the book," I explained.

"What's a-"

"Sit there, good sir!" I said, pushing him into a chair. Three walls were put on either side of him so all he could see was the audience and me. "Let me explain some more. We'll get some girls from the show and you ask them questions and sometimes they get to do funny stuff. It's like that That's So Raven episode when they had to eat the dinosaur eggs and swing over the tar pit. So are you ready?"

"Uh…"

"Great! Please give a round of applause for guest number one, Arya the elf princess!" Arya walked in, clued in on what was going to happen from before. She still seemed rather sullen, because Arya is never happy. Eragon's eyes, however, turn to hearts.

"Arya! Yay! I love you!" Eragon said, grabbing out to her. Someone super glued him to his chair and nailed the chair to the floor. Arya rolled her eyes.

"So, Arya, what do you have to say?" I asked her, handing over the microphone.

"I can't wait to lose so I can see his unhappy face," Arya said monotonously, her expression unchanging.

"Wow, that's got to hurt. Group "ouch", everybody."

"Ouch!" the audience shouts. Arya shrugged and sat down in one of the chairs on one side of Eragon where she couldn't be seen. Eragon considered crying so she would feel bad for him, but found that wasn't in his masculinity to do so.

"Okay, next let's welcome Angelina and Gertrude! Their so old we let them be on a team together," I added. Angelina and Gertrude entered, smiling with "I Love Eragon" t-shirts on. Eragon had no idea they were so obsessed with him and blinked unhappily.

"So, you two oldsters, what you gotta say?" I asked.

"Bring it! We're going to win!" Gertrude said, grinning toothily.

"Wow, that's some enthusiasm! Take a seat, ladies," I said, gesturing to the chairs next to Arya. They sat down. Arya kind of excluded herself from them.

"And next I'm proud to introduce, Maud the werecat!" Maud enters, cat ears twitching. I think Maud rocks, so I give her a big hug. Maud hisses, so I let go.

"So, Maud, what do you have to say?" I ask, handing the microphone to her. Maud drops it and leaps on to one of the chairs. The microphone made a loud noise.

"… alright, then," I said, picking it up. "Next, let's welcome Elain!"

Elain grinned as she walked in. Now Eragon was totally weirded out.

"So, Elain, what do you have to say?" I asked her.

"If I lose, oh well. If I win, Horst will kick Eragon's butt!" Elain said proudly.

"What are you even doing on this show! You're already married!" Eragon yelled, pointing a threatening dagger.

"Oh, hush up. I've already been married seven times," Angelina growled. Maud ate one of the legs off her chair.

"Almost near the end of introducing characters, folks! Next we have Elva." Elva approached the stage with an evil sneer. She hid a large stick of dynamite behind her back.

"My sister says Elva funny!" I shouted. Only saying it because it's true. My sister jumps on the stage suddenly and shouts "ELVA!" Then she runs away.

"So, Elva, what do you want to say?"

"May the best person win," Elva said. Then she looked angry. "I'm too young for this! I'm only four!"
"I'm sure you are," I said, stupidly fooled by her adult voice. "It's okay to be short. We won't make fun of you for your height."

"I hate everybody." Elva sulked over to her seat.

"And next we have, Katrina!"

"NEVER!" Roran shouted, suddenly running onto the stage, waving his hammer over his head. He made a Native-American like war screech and grabbed Katrina by the wrist before dragging her off.

"Well, last but not least is Nasuada," I said, taking the weird moment all into stride. Nasuada sat down.

"Are you ready to begin?" I asked.

"No," Arya said angrily.

"Let's get this party started!" Angelina and Gertrude replied.

"Meow," Maud meowed.

"Alright!" Elain said with enthusiasm.

"Yes, yes," Elva said in a sinister way.

"Okee dokee! Good luck everyone!" Nasuada replied, ever so positive.

"ELVA!" my sister shouted.

"This is ridiculous and confusing. AND WHERE IS SAPHIRA!" Eragon yelled.

"All that will be revealed shortly. Or not. It's up to me. Mua haha!" I laughed evilly and paraded around the stage during the break while everyone stared at me and some people left.

That's chapter one. Suggestions! If I don't get any, I won't continue.