Fools Rush In: Chapter One
Disclaimer: Dragon Age and all assorted characters/places/etc belong to Bioware, not me.
Hawke was one of the loveliest women living in Kirkwall. Fenris would bet even a blind man could see that. Therefore it was only natural, he reasoned, that his eyes tended to linger on her figure whenever he walked behind her.
Their other companions did not share the same sentiment.
"You know what absolutely amazes me?" Isabela asked conversationally.
Fenris grunted, not really in the mood to listen to the nonsense the pirate liked to sprout, but also not having the energy to stop her. Though it was not meant as encouragement, the incorrigible wench took it as such.
"I find it amazing that you have managed to stay upright throughout this whole trip," Isabela went on. "Sundermount tends to be rocky going, but yet you haven't stumbled at all despite the fact that I haven't seen you take a single glance at the path."
The elf was not about to admit anything. Isabela liked to tease him enough, and there was no way he was going to hand her more ammunition. "Oh? I have been staring ahead this whole time."
"You've been staring ahead all right, but at the…scenery rather than where you're walking."
"Considering that you've been staring at the same scenery, I don't see how you have cause to complain."
"Oh, I'm not complaining. Hawke's ass is the nicest I've ever seen, and trust me, I've seen a lot. Still at least I'm not completely focused on our fearless leader. I spotted and disarmed two traps. What have you done?"
Fenris grimaced. Luck was with them today, and they hadn't run into any roving bands of slavers or bandits. There wasn't much need for his particular talents outside of battle. It made for a peaceful outing, but alas it wasn't one that he contributed much to. It wasn't his fault, but he doubted that he would be able to convince the pirate of that.
Alas Isabela even had to remark on his silence. "Thinking of what to say in your defense? Don't bother. You might think that you're being discreet, but you have a lot to learn. You ought to consider taking Varric up on his offer of lessons."
"I'll do that as soon as you take up lessons on when to keep your mouth shut," he shot back.
"Someone's feeling cranky. If you need a bit of privacy to take care of a personal issue, just let me know. I'll arrange for a distraction, never you fear."
"Argh!" Fenris had had enough of the pirate and her innuendos for one day. He quickened his pace, catching up to Hawke. He would have to forgo the view to walk by her, but it wasn't as though he would be able to enjoy it with Isabela in the mood she was in. Hawke raised an eyebrow when he appeared by her side but made no remark, allowing him to stew in silence as they headed back to Kirkwall.
Hawke finally spoke up when it came time to go their separate ways. "Are you feeling all right, Fenris?" she asked, her face drawn with worry. "You seemed a bit off today." She cocked her head to one side and looked at him carefully. "If you're getting sick, you should let me know so I can do something about it."
"I don't need your magic," he said sharply. "I am perfectly fine."
"I wouldn't use magic on you, Fenris, not so carelessly," Hawke replied quickly. "I know better than that. There are other ways to heal wounds, and so I would leave magic as a last resort." She bit her lip, her eyes downcast. It was as though she had been hurt at how Fenris had instinctively turned down her offer of help. A sudden wave of guilt washed over the elf. He hadn't meant to hurt her feelings, but he didn't want any more magic being used upon him than absolutely necessary.
"Sorry," he mumbled. "I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions like that."
Hawke shook her head. "No apologies are necessary. It's a sensitive topic for you, I know. I hope you know that you can trust me about that." She paused for a moment before continuing. "I also hope you know you can always turn to me for help, no matter what might be troubling you."
"Thank you," he said. "But it is nothing. Just Isabela being Isabela, that's all." Thankfully Hawke let it go at that and didn't question him further.
Fenris was convinced that what he had told her was true. The fact that he could hardly bear to tear his eyes from her meant nothing. He was attracted to Hawke; that was a given because of her beauty. It was mere physical attraction though, and he wasn't obsessed with her, no matter what certain rogues might think.
Besides he was hardly the only one who admired her figure. Isabela was often shameless in her ogling of the mage. Sebastian too also watched the sway of her hips as she led them through Kirkwall and its environs, and more than once, Fenris heard him mutter about needing to go pray. The abomination was the most annoying of them all though with the way he tended to monopolize Hawke's conversation when she brought him along. It didn't escape Fenris' notice that Hawke often seemed annoyed by the way the abomination trailed after her, and she hardly paid the other mage the attention he so blatantly sought.
So Fenris' attraction to Hawke was nothing really. It didn't mean anything that his dreams were invaded by her. The fact that his heart started beating faster whenever she favored him with a smile was of no consequence. That was what Fenris told himself, but he couldn't quite ignore a small voice telling him otherwise.
Varric could be annoying like that.
"You know elf," said the dwarf , "if you keep on like this, one day you're likely to spontaneously combust."
"I have no idea what you are talking about," the elf replied, continuing to glare daggers at the abomination all the while.
"Sometimes I wonder why I even try," Varric mumbled half to himself. "You know, I know for a fact that if you go and take Blondie's place by Hawke's side that she'll be eternally grateful to you. She might even show you just how grateful if you—"
"If she didn't want to be bothered by the abomination, then she didn't need to invite him along," Fenris bit out. "We're perfectly capable of taking out whatever comes our way without him."
"Yes, but Hawke's primary concern is getting us all back to Kirkwall in one piece."
"And how does the abomination help with that? Dwarves are remarkably resistant to spells while I care not to be touched by his spells," was Fenris' sharp reply.
"That's true, I'll give you that. Hawke is probably concerned that we may still be suffering from the aftereffects of that nasty Qunari poison. You have to admit Hawke is cautious about our party's health…especially when it comes to you."
Fenris stiffened. He knew what Varric was trying to imply. "As you said, Hawke is concerned about all of us even when such concern is not warranted."
"It's like talking to a rock. Actually scratch that. It's worse. Rocks sometimes get a hint. You, my friend, are remarkably hard-headed. If I didn't like both you and Hawke so much, I'd wash my hands of you now." Varric sighed dramatically. "As it is, I guess I'll have to wait until you figure it out before you'll listen to my advice. Just don't take too long, elf. Like I said, the way you're going, spontaneous combustion is imminent."
Fenris rolled his eyes but otherwise didn't bother to respond to the dwarf's ramblings. He didn't know why both Varric and Isabela continued to insist that he felt more for Hawke than he actually did. Perhaps they had some sort of twisted bet going on between the two of them which involved making him play the fool for their fearless leader. Not that he thought that they would really do that, as neither of them were the malicious sort.
Still it was unnatural how the pair had seemed to join forces when it came to teasing him about Hawke. Once an idea got stuck in their heads, it was hard to get it out, and so Fenris doubted he would be able to convince them that they were wrong. He would just have to wait things out.
A sudden roar rang out from in front of them, startling Fenris from his musings. Instinctively he reached for his sword even as his gaze shot forward to assess the situation. Hawke had stumbled across just what had taken out an entire patrol of Qunari—an abomination and not the annoying, manifesto-writing sort. No, this abomination was the raging, vicious type that inhabited Fenris' nightmares and it was headed straight towards Hawke. Caught out of position, Fenris rushed forward, hoping to meet the creature's charge. He arrived too late though. Hawke bore the brunt of its initial assault, wielding her staff as she sought to fend the creature's strikes off.
Fenris didn't remember much of what happened after that. The blighted creature died of course—the elf himself was the one to lop off its head—but he didn't keep track of the flow of battle the way he usually did, not when his heart was hammering in his chest. He couldn't bear to live if Hawke were to die, and he couldn't believe that he had been caught off guard so badly. Fortunately though Hawke was wounded, it was nothing that Anders couldn't heal.
However the damage had been done. Fenris could no longer pretend that what his feelings for Hawke meant nothing. No, if he was being completely honest with himself then what he felt for Hawke was everything.
Unfortunately once he realized the depth of his feelings for Hawke, it was impossible to put such realization back in the box. In fact, it was impossible for him to stop thinking of Hawke period. He longed for her—for her approval, for her smile, for her touch—like he had never longed for anything ever before. The mage was constantly on his mind, and it was maddening how much he wanted her.
Of course the elf knew that his was a hopeless case. There was no way that Hawke returned his feelings. She cared for him, that much was certain, but then again she cared for all of her companions. There were times that he even dared hope that the mage was fond of him. But clearly she was out of his league. An elven man with a lovely human woman would always raise eyebrows but they were more mismatched than that. Hawke wasn't merely lovely; she was beautiful enough to be considered one of the wonders of Kirkwall or so Isabela always claimed. Hawke was also a noble while he was a runaway slave who hid in his former master's stolen manor. The gap between them was so large as to practically be a chasm.
Hope was both his best friend and worst enemy in this instance. Whenever Hawke smiled at him or whenever she dropped by to share a drink with him, his heart would start pounding while thoughts of the mage being more than fond of him would start racing through his mind. There was even one time when he could have almost sworn that Hawke fancied him, the way she stayed by his side while they walked back from the Hanged Man one evening. Nothing ever came of it, and the usual distance that separated them reestablished itself the very next day. Fenris cursed himself as a fool for ever thinking that Hawke could possibly be interested in him.
The thought persisted and took root in his head. He could not sleep without seeing her in his dreams. Finally one especially poignant dream—one in which she was happy and smiling and carrying their child— convinced him to take action. If nothing else, failing to win her interest should at least spell an end to such dreams. He couldn't just declare himself to Hawke though. If he wanted the best chance at success—and he wanted that one dream to come true, damn it!—then he would need to court her, to show her that he could make her happy.
There was one major problem in doing that however. Fenris had to admit that his experience at courtship was rather limited. As a slave, he had known only what his duty required and that was to protect his master at all cost. When his master had wished for him to pleasure another, the elf had done so but never had he initiated a seduction much less a courtship. He had seen magisters court one another, but he knew better than to try any of those methods on Hawke. One of the things he admired most about Hawke was that if someone presented her with a gaggle of slaves ready to be sacrificed, her instinct would be to kill that fool rather than to thank them.
No, courtship rituals were very different here in Kirkwall. Alas there were no answers to be found at the bottom of a bottle. Fenris needed help and the outside sort. The only question was from whom. The people closest to him and so most likely to agree to assist him in wooing Hawke were Hawke's other companions. The blood mage and the abomination were both out as potential helpers and for obvious reasons. Even if the small Dalish elf wasn't a fool who thought that it was perfectly safe to consort with demons, she would still be a fool and unlikely to be the source of any good advice. Fenris did not think that the other elf would be malicious, but she was just as much a newcomer to this city as he was. The abomination would be an even worse choice. Not only was he an abomination, but the blond mage had made it as plain as day that he harbored feelings for Hawke. Fenris did not think that the abomination was ever the type to help a rival in love.
Varric and Isabela were the next two who came to mind. While they were each an obvious choice, Fenris discarded such notions almost immediately. For one, they would be insufferable. Both the dwarf and the pirate had seen him falling for Hawke first, and Fenris was in no mood to listen to endless 'I told you so's'. He could see in his mind's eye now how the two of them would tease him on and on. On the other hand, both Varric and Isabela had experience in courting women. However, Fenris wasn't quite sure if he would equate a crossbow with Hawke, despite the fact that Bianca was almost as deadly as the mage. As for Isabela, while she had chased many women in the past, the pirate had been after one thing and one thing only. That wouldn't satisfy Fenris; he wanted Hawke's heart as much as he wanted her body.
That last issue applied to Sebastian as well. The Chantry priest had not hid his past from any of them. Sebastian had been quite the rake when he was younger, and a successful one to boot. Still Fenris thought that Sebastian would be the best person to turn to for help. The archer was kind and understanding and experienced. Most important of all, he wouldn't tease Fenris for falling for their leader. While there was cause for concern regarding the archer's attraction to Hawke, Fenris knew that at the end of the day, Sebastian was committed to upholding his vows and so would never act on such attraction. That made him the best choice.
Or it would be if Sebastian was in Kirkwall. Unfortunately the archer was off on a whirlwind tour of the Free Marches, seeking to drum up support for his claim to the throne of Starkhaven. Fenris had been surprised to learn that the archer was still thinking of taking back his childhood home, but he supposed it was hard to let such things fall into the hands of murderers and fools. The elf didn't know how Sebastian thought he would be able to rule a city while still fulfilling his duties to the Kirkwall Chantry, but if anyone could manage such a difficult task, it was Sebastian.
However all that meant was that Sebastian wasn't around to assist Fenris, and that the elf was left with only one other person: Aveline. Fenris winced as he recalled how awkwardly the red-headed warrior had pursued Donnic. That episode had been truly painful at times to watch. Still at least she could understand how hard it was to try and romance someone. Also she might be more successful in giving Fenris good advice about how to go about wooing Hawke. Aveline was a woman, and so it stood to reason that she should know what women wanted in a man and what proper courtship methods entailed.
That being said, Fenris solemnly promised himself that he would ignore all and any advice Aveline gave about gifts of livestock.
Author's note: Here's another one of my k!meme fills, with this prompt requesting a two-person love triangle between Hawke and Fenris. I found that I couldn't pass that one up even though I've another fic to finish. Anyway please review as I'd love to hear what you think.