Having Elder Price hold him is the best thing that's ever happened to Elder McKinley.
No one's ever accepted him like that, or gotten as close to him as he has.
But Elder McKinley is selfish, and he knows it.
He's been Turning It Off for some long, pretending he didn't feel anything that now that he finally has someone, he wants…more.
He wants Elder Price's mouth on his, or their skin touching instead of being separated by clothes.
And he knows he can never, ever have that. He hates himself for even wanting it, when he's already done so much wrong just by thinking about it.
But Turning It Off is getting old, especially now that he's met someone who feels the same way.
He just keeps imagining it,
Over
And
Over.
Mouth
On
Mouth.
Skin
On
Skin.
He sees it
Again
And
Again.
He doesn't even realize that he's crying until Elder Price mentions it. "Elder McKinley? Are you…crying?"
Time to Turn it Off again. "No." He wipes the tears off his face. "I'm fine." He scoots closer to Elder Price, tries to pretend it's enough.
Even though it never will be.