Summary: As uncliché as an injured pro-surfer turned cop is, here are some other occupations that Kono Kalakaua could have had before she met Five-0.

5 Ways Kono Never Met Five-0

1

"…we're on an island with less than a million people, which means the bad guys know the good guys. So we need to look for our bait outside the box."

"I take it you have the perfect guy in mind."

Commander Steve McGarrett and Chin Ho Kelly (Pilot Episode)

"I take it you have the perfect guy in mind."

"Nope, not a clue."

There was a silence, and then Danny blew out a breath. "Wow, that was anticlimactic. You, uh, ever consider a career in acting? You'd be perfect as the star of one of the horrible action movies."

Chin ignored the blonde detective, meeting Steve's eyes squarely. "If you'd come a couple years back, we could have used a HPD trainee, but two years ago, a case where a rookie was used went bad. Kid got himself and the hostage killed, and HPD got a lot of bad press. It's strictly against policy now."

The former SEAL held his eyes. "So, what you're saying is that we don't have anyone with military background."

Chin nodded, "Afraid so, boss," he paused, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, "Unless—"

"What?" Steve asked impatiently. Please, let him have someone, anyone we can use.

Chin smiled, "How do you feel about using civilians? More specifically, a third-grade teacher who's been born, bred, and raised with cops, has a black belt in judo, and the coolest head I've ever seen on a kid."

"Can you get even more specific? Like, maybe give us a name or something," Danny smiled, "I am digging the third-grade teacher bit though, those ladies are tough. The stories Gracie tells me…"

"Kono." Chin interrupted, "Kono Kalakaua. My cousin. Best elementary school teacher in Hawaii." He glanced at Steve. "I can vouch for her. She'll do the job right—but don't look for anything permanent. Kono loves her job and her kids more than anything."

"Then it's good that it's summer vacation," Steve smiled, "Let's go pay her a visit."

2

"That's your cousin?"

"Choose your next words carefully…both of you."

Detective Danny Williams and Chin Ho Kelly (Pilot Episode)

"Hey, chill man, whatever your cousin chooses to do in her spare time is her business, and I happen to think that bartending is a perfectly legitimate business," Danny hesitated, "I do have to wonder though, how exactly is she qualified to meet Sang Min?"

"She's got a black belt in judo and was an HPD trainee for two years before she decided it wasn't for her." Chin leaned over the counter and called, "Hey, beautiful, how about a gin and tonic?"

"Shove off," the girl said as she mopped up a substance Steve really didn't want to identify, "Find your own gin."

"Good to see you too, cuz."

That got her attention. Kono turned and gave grinned before vaulting over the bar and grabbing the taller man in a hug. "Haven't seen you in awhile. I'll have the gin in a moment." Stepping back, she surveyed Steve and Danny. "Friends of yours? Drinks are on me."

"Thanks, we'll have martinis," Steve said, holding out a hand, "Commander Steve McGarrett, nice to meet you."

"Kono Kalakaua," she said, "My hands are filthy so I'm not going to shake."

"You didn't hold back from hugging me," Chin pointed out, and winced at the look on Kono's face, "On second thought, don't say anything." Kono grabbed a washcloth from the countertop and wordlessly handed it to him, but she wasn't quite able to keep the corners of her mouth from tipping up.

Just then, a tipsy customer decided that today was his lucky day. "Hey, sssweetheart," he said, grabbing Kono's arm, "I've been waiting for my drink forever. Get mo-moving, will ya?"

Kono surveyed him, and then shook her head, "I think you've drunk enough." She tried to pull away, but the man refused to let go.

"I'll de-decide that," the guy's voice was slurring, but his grip tightened, the pressure making Kono wince. Steve moved forward to intervene but Chin motioned him back. It was a good thing too, because at that moment Kono twisted her arm free and hit the man with a double right hook. He dropped like a stone and Kono pulled his wallet out of his pocket. "Six, seven, twenty-seven," she announced, despite the fact that the man was obviously unconscious, "That settles your bill."

"Won't you get in trouble with your boss?" Danny asked as Kono got back behind the counter, "I mean, unless you're allowed to serve drinks for free and knock out customers. Which is completely fine."

"It's my bar," she explained calmly, "Family business—it's been in the Kalakaua line for decades. Dates back to Pearl Harbor. My other chosen path of life didn't really work out, so here I am."

"Your other chosen path being the HPD?"

Kono shot Steve a look and then relaxed, "My cousin talks too much. Yeah, the system really wasn't for me, but hey, I know how to use a gun, handcuff a man, and debrief a witness. Might come in handy."

"Learn anything about undercover work?"

Kono smiled, "Quite a bit. Why do you ask?"

3

"Nice right cross."

"Nah, man, that was a love tap."

Commander Steve McGarrett and Kono Kalakaua (Pilot Episode)

"Chin, why the hell is your cousin approaching a man with a gun to a kid's head? And why is she unarmed?"

"Calm down, Detective. Kono knows what she's doing." Chin motioned for him to lower his voice, which the Detective reluctantly did.

"Really? 'Cause last time I checked, her name wasn't listed in the HPD roster. She doesn't have a badge, and if that's her ride, she probably isn't a fed." Danny jerked her head at the black morticycle, whistling softly, "Though, I have to admit, I want one of those."

"Dano? Shut up. There's a man holding a child hostage." Steve led them forward, ducking behind a nearby building to shield their approach from the gunman. He caught glimpses of Kono, noting her body language as she approached the criminal. Calm, assured, not friendly. Training slipping through—but barely, and definitely not the kind of training the HPD gave.

"Give me the gun, Makaha. You know you won't get away with this, and I know you don't want to hurt the kid." Kono's eyes never left the gunman's face, "There's no one around now, but there will be soon. You want to go to jail? I'm sure there are some inmates who'd love to see you again."

Makaha's grip tightened on the gun, beads of sweat slipping down his neck as he scrabbled for control. "I know what you're trying to do, and it won't work. You're going to go away and leave me alone, and I won't kill the girl."

"You're not giving orders here," Kono replied calmly, "You're going to drop the gun, let the girl go, and then we'll talk. You don't think the rumors are true? You shoot that kid, and if you're lucky, you'll end up in a jail cell." She smiled. "Of course, I'd rather see you rotting in an alley somewhere, if that's your preference. I know it was your buddy Ming's."

"Shut up!" The gunman jerked, swinging his gun to point it at her, and that was when Steve made his move. He dived for the gun the same instant Kono tackled the girl to the ground, shielding the crying child with her body as she scrambled to get them both out of range. Danny grabbed Makaha's gun and Chin pulled her to her feet, despite the fact that she was still cradling the six-year old.

Kono shot him a wry smile. "Nice to see you, cousin."

"Glad to see you're keeping out of trouble." Chin gave her a hug, carefully not squashing the little girl, "I'll call the HPD."

"Ok, who are you?" Danny demanded as she began making soothing noises to the little girl, "Some kind of vigilante? P.I.? Batman?"

Kono raised an eyebrow. "I'm whatever's needed when it comes to lowlife scum like him." She jerked her head towards Makaha, who'd been handcuffed and pushed against a nearby building by Steve. "Haven't seen them before, Chin. New friends?"

"Actually, new boss," Steve said, panting as he hauled Makaha towards them, "You sure know how to make a first impression."

"Wasn't aware I was making one." Kono stepped around to face Makaha, and gave him a sweet smile, "Hey, brah." He looked up, and she punched him, sending his head cracking sideways, "Next time you decide to do something stupid, don't get civilians involved."

Steve smiled. "Nice right cross."

"Nah, man," she wiped her fist on the side of her shirt, "That was a love tap."

4

"She's very talented."

"Oh, she's off the charts. Spent three years on the pro-circuit…"

Detective Danny Williams and Chin Ho Kelly (Pilot Episode)

"She's definitely not what I expected," Steve said honestly.

"You've got that right. I mean, your last 'guy' was frickin' two-hundred something and bald. She definitely is not." Noting the look the other two men gave him, one wry, one slightly scary, Danny swallowed hard. "Shutting up."

"Cousin!"

The three men turned to watch as the "guy" Chin had recommended walked towards them, a warm smile on her face. Kono Kalakaua was slender, with delicate features, muscles that was proof of rigorous, constant exercise and curves that her bikini did nothing to hide. Despite Chin's earlier warning, both men struggled not to look below her face as she enveloped Chin in a hug.

"So, you're a professional surfer?" Danny asked as she pulled away.

Kono shot him a smile, "Yeah, but the season's over so I'm here to make a bit of extra cash. Tourists always want a teacher who looks local but somehow manages to speak perfect English." Her grin grew. "Not many who qualify." She turned back towards the waves, shielding her eyes. "Speaking of which, I've got a customer waiting for me, so if this was just a friendly visit…"

"Wish it were, kid, but I'm afraid it's business this time," Chin lowered his voice, though he kept his smile light for the sake of those watching. He quickly explained why they'd come, and Kono's face gradually changed from smiling to serious.

"You think they might be traffickers?" she asked.

"Could be, but we won't know for sure until we get a meeting, and you're the only one I know who might not raise suspicion."

"You had me at traffickers, cousin, no need to lay on the flattery. I'll do it." Giving the others a wry smile, she held out a hand, "I'm Kono, and I hope I'll get to meet you both officially before the job, but right now, I've got an L.A. beach boy getting impatient with me in the water." Turning, she ran back towards the water.

"Uh, she always make decisions that fast?" Danny asked, watching her pacify the "beach boy."

"That's Kono," Chin shrugged, affection coloring his tone as he watched her, "You'll see."

5

"Unfortunately, she's family, which means the HPD will never take her seriously."

Chin Ho Kelly (Pilot Episode)

"So, she's a cop?"

"No, she quit after they refused to let me come to her graduation ceremony. Turned to the opposite side, actually, according to some. Kono's a Kapu now." Seeing Danny's confused look, he elaborated, "The unofficial police that keeps the land safe from, well, Hoalies." He gave a sympathetic smile at the Detective's visible wince. "Sorry, brah."

"Nope, totally fine. Glad to know that there's an entire group of people who'd just love to kick my ass."

Chin clapped Danny on the back, "Hey, man, we know you're one of us. The others will come around." They walked up to the doorstep of a house and Chin knocked—four times, then two, then five.

"Oh, so now there's a secret knock?" Danny muttered.

Chin laughed. "Nope, just messing with you. Hope Kono remembers our childhood, or else she might have a gun when she opens that door."

"Of course I remember," came a muffled voice, "It was the worst password ever—I think everyone figured us out." The door flew open and a slender girl threw herself into Chin's arms, "Good to see you, cuz." She stiffened as she noticed the other two men and pulled away. "Are you two—"

"Friends," Steve said, holding out a hand, "Commander Steve McGarrett."

"Detective Daniel Williams," Danny added.

"Kono Kalakaua," Kono said, shaking their hands, "No fancy title." Turning to Chin, she raised an eyebrow. "Cops, Chin? Better be a good reason they're at my door."

Chin hesitated. "We need your help, Kono."

"Sorry, I don't help cops." Her tone was final, and if Steve hadn't inserted himself in the way, she would have shut the door. Kono raised an eyebrow, her head tilted up slightly as she gave him a look, "I'm warning you right now, I have a nasty right hook."

"Listen, I don't know what you have against cops," Steve said, "But this involves lives of innocent children. Families, Kono. At least hear us out."

She hesitated, and then reluctantly stood aside. "I think you should come in. All of you."

"Love to." The three filed in and she shut the door before leading them into a small living room. Taking the chair, (and letting the other three squeeze on the sofa, she crossed her legs. "So, what's this about innocent children?"

Author's Note: So, what do you think? Love it? Hate it? Have "5 Things" suggestions? Feedback and constructive criticism is welcome.