AN: Let me start by saying that if you've had me on author alert in the past and read my stories, this one may seem all too familiar.

Let me explain.

I wasn't at all happy with it, so i took it off and worked on it for a while and changed it a little here and there. I now feel comfortable enough to say, i think i know where I'm going with this. Think being the key word here.

I'm aware I'm also going to have a lot of you that have no idea what I'm talking about because I'm putting this story in a completely different category then it was in originally. So hello to the Big Time Rush fanbase.

The reason for the change was that i felt that i had a lot more to work with here and it's a lot more easier for me and way more easier to play off certain situations.. I have, what I'd like to call, some sort of gameplan with this...again i think.

Forgiveness and Love. Mom thinks that if we have enough of that in the world then everything would be near to perfect. But you're always going to get that one person who can't forgive. Me. And you're always going to get that one person who can't Love. You.

3rd August, Happy Birthday To Me:

You never did wish me a happy birthday. 8 years of being best friends and I got no calls, or texts. Was I surprised? Honestly, no, I expected it. You're off doing your own thing now, you try to deny that we've grown apart but I'm not stupid. Ever since you walked through those doors, made your self known among everyone - made a name for yourself. I knew you changed.
I got a few birthday wishes. From family, a few friends, even that one girl from summer camp, you know the one James used to tease? It wasn't her I wanted a birthday wish from though. Sure, the fact that she thought about it was nice, but every time my phone vibrated I prayed it was you, I'd feel my heart skip a few beats and then I'd look at the name shown on the screen and my heart? Well, it dropped. I tried to pretend as if I didn't care.

My Mom kept asking if you called and every time I'd say no she'd do her disappointed eyes. You know what I'm talking about right? Like the time when we smashed her new computer when we were 11, and she asked us what happened and we just told her we didn't know. Her brown eyes would darken and it would kill me too look at her. Of course you know what I'm talking about...I mean you are the one that calls them her "disappointed eyes" But I just don't get it. Is she disappointed at me? I highly doubt it, I did nothing wrong after all. It's you she's disappointed with...I try telling her it's nothing, it's just a birthday it happens every year. She thinks differently. She doesn't want to be mad at you, she loves you like you're her own, maybe that's why.

She's known you for so long, she thought you were raised differently than that. She's still waiting for that "Happy Birthday" off you, for me. Her hearts in the right place, she doesn't think badly of anyone. She lives by her own rules. Forgiveness and Love. She thinks that if we have enough of that in the world then everything would be near to perfect. But you're always going to get that one person who can't forgive. Me. And you're always going to get that one person who can't Love. You.

It doesn't bother me anymore you know. I've learned to deal with it, like you've learned to deal with my stubbornness. I just can't seem to understand how someone so strong, can't love. I've gone over and over the whole situation in my head. I just can't grasp your bluntness with what happened. It's 11:50pm now...

10 more minutes until my birthdays over. I still haven't got anything from you, you're probably in bed now, if you're not then you're probably on your computer or whatever, doing whatever it is that you do.

I don't know how to say this, which is why I'm writing it down...Whether you get this letter or not, well, who knows. But I do love you. Not in that brotherly sisterly way. In that I actually love you way...if that makes sense?

I've known for a while now, I wanted to tell you, I really did, but this whole thing goes back to the "You can't love" situation. It wouldn't work out anyways...it's midnight now. August 4th. It's no longer my birthday, and I can't forgive...remember?

"You need to get out more, enjoy the little sunshine we're having today." Maria Benson told her daughter firmly.

"I'll enjoy it tomorrow, Mom." Vanessa told her Mother, slowly rolling her eyes as she typed away on her laptop, her dark wavy brown hair falling into her face. She lifted a hand to slowly move it away, her chocolate coloured eyes looking directly at the laptop.

Maria shook her head and placed her hands on her hips, her white tipped manicured finger tapping against her hip. "What? When it starts to rain again? Honey, go out, get air."

"I don't need air, Mom."

Maria walked over to her daughter and gripped the top of the laptop pulling it out of her hands, sighing, as Vanessa protested raising her hands to try and grab it back.

"Mom!" Vanessa snapped. Maria shut the Laptop and placed it on the kitchen table, swatting Vanessas hand away as she reached for it again.

"Go out for an hour or two, then you can have it back."

"But-"

"Go! I'm not having you stuck in here all day on a computer! Technology these days, do you know what it's doing to your eyes?"

"Okay, Okay! I'm leaving, I'll go out."

"Would you get me a bottle of milk while you're out?"

Vanessa scoffed. "I knew you didn't want me to just go out for "air"!"

"Get two, sweetie! You know, we always seem to drink them pretty fast?"

Vanessa rolled her eyes again as she stepped out of her front door. The sun was actually pretty bright today, for Minnesota anyways. Everyday this week had been cold and depressing, so nearly everyone in her neighborhood was outside, probably trying to make the most of the little sunshine they seemed to be receiving.

As Vanessa walked down the street she could feel a slight breeze on her arms, she looked up towards the sky to see some clouds move in front of the sun. "I knew it wouldn't last long." She said to herself.

"Vanessa!" A voice called from behind, she turned to see Mollie Summers rushing towards her, a big smile on her face.

"Hey." Vanessa smiled back, giving Mollie a friendly hug.

"Did you have a nice birthday? I really wanted to come see you but my Grandma-"
"Mollie, I already said it's okay, I'd rather you visited your Grandma in hospital instead of visiting me on my birthday."
"I just felt really bad though," Mollie frowned. "Did he text you?"
Vanessa slowly shook her head. "He" didn't need a name. Vanessa knew exactly who her friend was talking about. "I knew he wouldn't...it's no big deal."

"Yes it is a big deal!" Mollie snapped, looking as if she was on the verge of a tantrum. "When I see him, I swear-"
"Mollie..."
"You've known him since you were 9! He couldn't even wish his best friend a "Happy Birthday" on her 17th? He's messed up."

"I'm sure he was busy. I mean with his new band-"

"Why are you defending him?"

"I'm not defending him, I'm just-"
"Making excuses."
"Mollie...Look, It hurt that I didn't get a text or a phone call, I'll admit that, I wont forgive him if he comes to me with one of his typical excuses but, I don't know...i suppose I'm just used to defending his actions."
"You need to stop that. He thinks he can get away with everything because you're always helping him, maybe if you stood your ground a few times he'd get the message."

"He's never going to get the message."

"Oh, he will! If you ignore him altogether and let him realize how much he actually needs your lame excuses."
"My excuses are not lame!" Vanessa snapped at her feeling slightly offended by her friends words.

"Oh please." Mollie rolled her eyes as she flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder. The light breeze making her curls move gracefully in the air. Mollie was hotheaded, everybody who got on the wrong side of her knew that. She came across as your sweet, typical, girl next door type of person. Vanessa knew from a list of occasions that she was anything but that. Mollie knew exactly what she wanted, a gameplan even. When her mind was focused on something she went with it and it was usually hard to get the blonde headed girl to snap out of goals. Vanessa admired her for that, she was everything she wanted to be. The fact that the fiery girl kept her around, defended her, really warmed her heart.
"Maybe they could be a little better...but they're not horrible."
"What brings you to this side of the neighborhood, Benson?" Vanessa turned, her dark brown eyes widening as she saw James Diamond leaning against his car. This wasn't right. She thought slowly to herself.

"You don't look cool stood like that." Mollie immediately pointed out as James glared at her. "And what are you doing back here? Shouldn't you be off frolicking in some pretty LA hotel?"

"Was I talking to you?"

"Guys, Please don't fight, I'm really not in the mood right now." Vanessa said quietly. "James..." She tried to reason with the tall man who pushed himself off the car to pull Vanessa into a hug. She met James is summer camp, the place where all her relationships seemed to blossom. He was a friend, almost like a brother. Vanessa could never see him more than that. He valued his friendships greatly, his relationship with Mollie however was different. Nobody could understand it, not even them Vanessa guessed. They got a kick out of pushing each other to another level, seeing how far each one could actually go. They both had yet to crack, but Vanessa knew when that day did come it would not be pretty. They both had the hotheaded temper so the results to that day was something everyone would gladly wait for.

"I only asked a question." James said to her smirking.

"She doesn't have to answer you!" Mollie cut in. Vanessa glared at her friend from James' hug, trying to tell her she was going to make it worse but, it was Mollie, She made mountains out of mole hills.

"You have quite the mouth on you today, Mollie." James chuckled.

"Make sure you tell your best friend he's a dick!" Mollie carried on, as Vanessa stood helplessly between the two, wishing she could just be back at home with her laptop.

"Tell him yourself."

"Oh I will! Believe me, I intend to!"

"Well, it's your lucky day. He's inside." James nodded towards the house his car was currently parked outside of.

"What!" Vanessa screeched, starting to panic. "But why? How?"

"Oh! He's in there is he!" Mollie asked.

"Last time I checked, yes." James said sounding bored with where the conversation was going. He placed a hand on Vanessa's shoulder and gave it a soft squeeze before pulling away. Vanessa's breathing had sped up and he had noticed. Knowing that her panicking in the middle of the street would probably lead to her breaking down. Vanessa looked up at him and gave him a soft smile in thanks as she bit her lip looking towards the house she knew way too well.

"Then go get him for me would you?" Mollie's voice sounded.

"Nah..." James wrinkled his nose in distaste. "I'm not one for helping you out."
"I said go-"

"Is somebody asking for me?"

Kendall Knight. Right there, Vanessa's heart stopped as she tried to look anywhere but his face. She began to focus on her breathing again, closing her eyes shut tight trying to remember if she was actually supposed to inhale next or exhale.

Was it possible for someone to look more perfect? His blonde hair fell into his bright green eyes which, when they were looking at you, always seemed to be looking straight into your soul. He stood taller than Vanessa at almost 6 foot. Her small height of 5'2 making her seem like one of the seven dwarfs next to him.

"Scared to look at me Van?" She heard him say.

3rd June, The Day We Met:

Remember when we first met? I think about it all the time. I know what you're probably thinking how sad I am for actually admitting that to you, but that moment played a big part in my life. Summer camp, right. We had that whole "buddy system" thing and everyone got into partners. We were the only two left so the councilors just put us together. Kind of awkward for two 9 year olds since we were the only pair there who weren't paired with someone of the same gender. We had to do some sort of activity to get to know one another so i told you i was going to wrestle you and, unexpectedly, tackled you to the ground.

I know, your version of what happened is completely different to mine but I'm still convinced that's only because you refuse to admit you got beat up by a girl. You were upset (or angry as you would call it) and stomped off in some sort of mood with me.

I wondered around alone. I remember this little boy making me cry. Cory. That was his name. I haven't spoken to him in a while...but that's besides the point. Cory was being mean, and me, being the overly sensitive person I am, took everything he said to heart. He called me ugly and that sort of pushed my little 9 year old self over the edge.

But then you came along.

You pushed Cory to the ground and...I know you're going to think this is stupid, but I remember exactly what you said. You told him how your Mom disapproved of people calling girls ugly, or something like that but then you looked at me and told me I was the prettiest girl there. And then you made me pinky promise to not tell anybody. Then you made me pinky promise that i wouldn't tell anybody i tackled you to the floor.

I told you my name and you rolled your eyes because apparently my name was way too long for your liking and you called me Van. Nobody other than you has ever called me Van.

Shortly after you giving me a nickname, you asked me to be your best friend. Well, actually, you sort of demanded it if i remember correctly. I said yeah and we were inseparable ever since then. But people change. Right?

"Why would I be scared." Vanessa asked him, Her voice still on the quiet side.

Kendall just smiled at her and put his attention back to Mollie. "You wanted me?"
"You're a dick!"

"You really get straight to the point, don't you?" Kendall commented. "Mind telling me why?"

Mollie scoffed. "You don't even have any sort of idea as to why I'm calling you a dick?"

Kendall shook his head, eyes glued on Vanessa as he looked her up and down. "Clueless, really."
Vanessa's heart slowly broke again as she listened to the conversation. Well, there's a first time for everything... She thought to herself trying to hold back the tears that wanted to fall.

"Well then...you're not a dick. You're a fucking fuck face!" Mollie snapped at him.

"I can feel the love, Molls." Kendall said,

"Lets go Nessa, You can tell me what you did on your BIRTHDAY." Mollie gripped Vanessa's arm and pulled her away down the street. Vanessa thought about turning around. Thinking about what his reaction was, but she couldn't. She carried on walking and felt a buzz on her leg. She reached into her pocket as Mollie began to rant, about Kendall, and looked at her cell.

1 New Message.

Vanessa looked at the name and bit her lip as she hesitated then pressed read.

I'm coming over tonight.

Vanessa closed her eyes as she read the words, she wasn't surprised. They were constantly going round in circles. But she couldn't help but think about what she had said to herself. She knew he was going to try to win her over, but she couldn't Forgive, and he couldn't Love. But she couldn't get away from it either.

AN: So, that's it. What did you think? Did you understand it. Am i losing my mind. Should i just give up with whatever this is.

I'm thinking all right now because even i need to question what I'm doing...

Its short right now, if you like it enough to even want another chapter it will be longer. I'll explain more. This is just getting the basics out the way.

I know the letter type things are confusing and hard to get your head around but if this story sticks around long enough you WILL eventually understand it a lot more.

BUT I DO HAVE AN IDEA, I PROMISE.