Still my guitar gently weeps…
I closed my flickering eyes and took a deep breath, I could hear the heavy steps on the wooden stairs and the angry curses coming from his beer stained lips. Darkness surrounded me as I tried to keep my heart steady. My door crept open and I held my breath, his footsteps falling closer and closer to the closet door. I said a silent prayer, whispering to any deity that would help me out, save me from my eternal fear. "Jackson…where are you??? Daddy's not mad…. I just wanna have a little fun with my little boy" I could hear him opening my large Armoire. "We can play a game Jackson. You like games don't you? Don't you wanna play a game with daddy?" I could hear my comforter sweep against the carpet as he looked under my bed. "Dammit Jackson where are you?" I heard him whisper and I gulped. My foot slipped and hit the closet wall. The thud resounded through the air and I held my breath, waiting for him to come to the closet door. Silence engulfed the air as I watched him through the cracks in the door. He turned towards the closet door and a spark of realization hit him. 'No no no' I chanted in my mind as he started towards the door.
The door was yanked open and light flooded in on me. "There you are Jackson. Hiding seek was always your favorite game." He picked me up by my forearm and pulled me through the air. "We're going to a game Jackie, a very grown up game," He whispered, patting my messy blonde hair. "What, couldn't get any from the misses." I muttered. And he slapped me. "See what you do Jack. You make me hurt you. I don't want to hurt you." He whispered and rubbed his hands down my back. My body froze as my hands clasped rigidly, "No," I whimpered and he laughed as he went to over to my dresser. He pulled something off the top of it and approached me. "Come here," He said without a slurred and I shuddered as he threw me onto the bed. I bounced before becoming still. He cradled me and rubbed my forehead before sticking a syringe in my forearm. My eyes roamed the ceiling erratically before finally settling on a water stain.
I don't know how you were diverted
You were perverted too
I don't know how you were inverted
No one alerted you
I clutched the notebook to my chest as I rocked in the closet. Tears slowly ran down my bruised face, and I struggled to keep my crying under control. My whole body ached and my head felt as if it might explode. His hands left invisible trails of shame and I felt so unclean. I wanted the pain to end. But it wouldn't go away. Nor would the sticky liquids I had drenching my legs. Neither would the blood that stained my underwear. I was filthy. I was impure. I had been sodomized. By my own faster father.
I took a deep breath as I began writing down my story.