Rose story

by Silverfur

the story of my dog's life.

ROSE

Dedicated to a very annoying kid on my bus,

thanks for the quote.

And to all those free hearts, who still dare to be free.

Contents

Once upon a time -

Agree to disagree -

Of heart and claw -

Life on the outside -

Cereal -

the mind is a portal -

Separation -

Willowpelt -

Dream of freedom and release -

Its not goodbye, its forever -

Quel esta (rest well) -

~~*~~

Special page -

Once upon a time

All my life I have felt a deep power, The aching feeling of needing to spring forth, to use my whole upper body, to feel the ripple of muscle under skin, to feel my shoulder blades move back and forth in a rhythmical way, to feel my spine bend and flex. And yet, with this feeling there was always something more.

If ever I were to set hand on the ground, in my mind it would turn into a paw, strong and padded, thick with fur and tipped with claws.

The feeling was new and yet old.

I would often prance around on all fours as a child, and unregrettably confess I still do it to this day, save for the prancing.

But even then I knew there was something more, something I could feel, a deep longing of sorts, recognizable and yet unreachable. I knew I was something more, this obsession to feel the way I do when I get down, take the stance of any four legged animal, mainly that of the canis lupus family tree, and walk around as so, hands and knees, the rest of my legs below my knees had little use other than to balance me.

I knew it, I could feel it, when down there, acting strange to the world I felt normal, I could almost feel the ghost of thick fur, the undercoat thick and soft, the top thin and course, guard hair.

I could feel my body changing and yet there was no physical change.

I could feel the stance come natural, completely winning over the sad stances many humans make when trying to act or play horsey with small children or other.

My back dipped slightly, my head held back proudly yet lazily.

My shoulder blades rising to feel like risen hackles, my sides shifting to become flanks, which is what they really are, though many don't refure to them as such. My shoulders gathering under me to support my chest and front, and my hands, now turned paw were set close but not quite touching.

My back legs were spread and often I would have a tail, which helped to take some of the embarrassment off, the feeling of being bare without a tail unnerves me to a grate extent. Though born without one, I felt it in spirit, it was there.

My ears pricked forward and I took a step, the transformation had been completed, and yet the only thing that really change was I was no longer standing on to feet, but simply on hands and knees. But in my mind I had changed to that of a white timber wolf, my spirit animal, my totem, everything I feel and know I am somewhere deep inside.

Imagine a tiger, think of its back as it walked, the rippling muscle and strong bone rippling the fur along the spine and shoulders, thing of the swift steps of the fox and gentle incline of a cats' head as it gazes into a tree. The eyes of the wolf, gazing full of knowledge and wisdom beyond years, and the fierce power mixed with the delight and simple pleasure of a ferret or weasel at play.

All those I felt, some would have called me a warg, a beast, a princess mononoke had they felt as I did, for there was really no set animal. Yet unlike the beast, I saw beauty.

When I came to realize what I was, no normal human, I began to long for a partner, someone who could feel and act the same as I do, who would share my feelings and present answers as a friend, no matter what I said or did. Who would bite back with gentle nudges. Someone who would play as I did. I wanted a canine companion.

At the time I was to small to act for anything, only but an infant in the eyes of man, and every other creature no doubt. All I could really do was drabble and gurgle and hope the guardian whom represented a mother in body and mind remembered to put baby powder on my pink hide after changing my filth, I sure hope she would remember, a rash was something that would not make my day any better, let alone hers.

Years passed and still I longed for a friend, no one at kinder-care liked me much, for reasons unknown still to me, mayhaps it was a pre-selection of who was going to be popular or not.

Years passed even more, and soon a I had a baby brother, pudgy little thing he is, reminds me of harry potter to be honest, was born and we had to move in order to have more space. We ended up living in the large upstairs of my brother's father's parent's house. They had two dogs. Dolly and Madison. Maddy looked like an over sized, black chihuahua lab mix, and dolly was a black Labrador retriever.

Even though they too were of what I felt I was in spirit, or close enough, it wasn't the same. They didn't belong to me, even though I never claimed to own any animal, even the little froggers I rescued at my old home. I referred to them as friends, not pets.

Dolly and Madison did not have the connection to me as the bond normally forged from true friends, and so they became mere acquaintances.

The house we were living in was huge, built from the very hands of my brother's father's father. Or so I heard. The back and front yards could both easily hold a very large party, or several moving vans. However the parties were not as grand as one would have figured them out to be what with so much space. It was very quiet in and around the house. Any other houses were far away, large horse properties and what not. but I always found something to do. I started to wander from the house, letting my strong little legs carry me off in any direction to see were the land fell away to pure desert. Thus began my life of needing cruel adventure, something to do all day until night, something to feed the second part of the hunger from my wild side, the canine in me not only needed the feel, but the hunt as well.

And so I played around the fields and around the first mile and a half of the house's perimeter from sun rise to sun fall and sometimes even later. But even so I still missed the companion that wasn't there. And it was then, after another few years that we moved once more. I left my future friend there awaiting me in silence.

Agree to disagree

Something happened, and I don't remember much but I do know my brother's father didn't live with us in our next house, which was my grandmother's its one of the most cozy houses iv ever, and will ever be in. it just has that warm fuzzy grandmother kind of feel to it. And it will always have a fuzzy screen over it every time I picture the place, like steam coming from the cookies in the oven. Its a nice place. The carpet was particularly good for crawling around on. I even swear I floated once or twice, or maybe I was just high, but who would do that to a fiery child like me? Rip your eyes out if ya tried I would!

It was in this house that everything happened, my world turned and changed, molding into the future by the hands of Valar. Dolly, the black lab from my home before this one was pregnant. Not by Maddy but by a golden retriever who I did not know very well.

It was going to be her second litter if im correct, and fate be it as it was, there were ten, ten pups all in all, what a wonderful number.

You see, when I was younger, in the hospital were I was born, it just so happened that I was the only female born, the only female infant in the hospital. All the other infants were male, they called me the little princess.

And it just so happened that in that there litter of pups there was but one female.

However we did not get the female, not at first anyway, someone else had picked her up before we could. I was young back then and didn't care what gender the pup was, it was a fuzzy playing companions, the same kind of companion I had been longing for.

But fate still would not allow me to have a friend. No not yet, it wasn't time. I waited for a few more days, and the female pup was suddenly brought back. Its still unknown to me as to why she was brought back, but that's what happened, and I will forever be thankful.

We brought the puppy home, I didn't go get her with my mother, I didn't even know she was going to get her the girl, I thought she went shopping or something, but when she came home and stepped outside with this black ball of fluff, my heart skipped a few beats.

I was playing outside, just a normal hot day in Arizona, darting around the grass, most likely chasing crickets in the long grass behind the randomly places brick fence in the middle of the yard.

I remember being crouched down, back to the door, when my mother opened the back door and walked out a little, set the puppy down, then asked what we would name her, HER!?

I think I cried a little that day, and I thought of the best name I could ever think of for her. I thought as I played, watching her little paws splay out as she bounded towards me, her plum of a tail wagging, the soft baby fur, black like a raven's wings wagging back and forth so fast it nearly set her off balance.

The little mouth lined with nearly see-through baby teeth sharp as needles, the huge pink tongue that eagerly licked at my face and hands, already having known me from when I went to visit and pick out a pup.

I watched her eyes, so much like mine it was frightening. Brown laces with golden flecks, a black ring around the irises, always searching, always looking on with wonderment, and fear of the real world and adventure for the unknown.

The tiny muscles rippling under her thick pelt and the plump belly of a puppy swaying as she walked, so soft was she. I played with her, thought about a name as graceful, as stunning, as strong and loyal and strong willed, with a heart bigger then the world and faithfulness to hold any bond. So many things could be said about her, nothing ever was bad.

Finally, it stuck, I loved the flower, I loved the plant, the thorns for her strength and loyalty, for her will power and faith, for everything that made her who she was physically, and the red petals, the scent, the beauty within the danger, the love. I gazed at the moon that night, the little bundle in my arms and I spoke her name.

Her name would be Rose.

It stuck quite easily, she seemed to like the name, my mother called her Rosey, or the Rose from Titanic. We had a few nicknames for the pup, but Rose was always going to be her true name. I favored the nickname Rosey, and often called her as such.

Its funny, I had often seen the flower laced around or in the moon, even now. Rose would often come come with, either dead animals that she had proudly caught, and I was proud too, though mother wasn't. Or a rose, or piece of the petals or stem or something. I guess she liked it, it called her like it did to me.

Its almost scary how much we were alike, like sisters drawn together by fate.

About another year passed, and I never wanted to leave that house veiled in warmth and love, that just cozy feeling all around. But the time had come to move once again. This house I must say, though not as cozy held a kind of spiritual feeling. I started to hear the trees speak, I could name the rocks, I started to see things in the clouds, I drempt of things that were to come.

I could see entity like things, spirits of a sort, and yet not. I started to realize that not all of them were spirits, but a soul, a creature summoned from another world. Mayhaps they were from the portal of my mind. Did you know the mind is a portal? Well it is, but so many people are to afraid to ever even tread to the back of there mind let alone there portal itself. I and Rose did however. We found the key, and opened our minds.

Swirls of color, noises that made our ears bleed, our bodies ached and changed, we howled in pain and joy, we could feel the change, we knew we would never be the same. And yet all we did was look at the moon the first night we stayed at our new house.

We woke up the next day outside and shaking with cold sweat and panting like crazy, thirsty and hungry, and yet with a cold calm that spoke of years of wisdom and knowledge between us that no one else carried.

We could feel the ice within our blood stream, we knew we were never going to be the same, we had changed, I could understand her thoughts, and she could understand mine. We were connected, linked by our minds and hearts, sisters of the moon, the stars, of blood. We now knew who we were, and the only thing left to do was to use our new gifts, and go on an adventure.

From there on in, we set off. Though I must admit we didn't always wander, no in fact, our new home was so wonderful just in itself it was often hard to leave. It had a homey feel to it, not the cozy veil of sweet cookies baking in the oven that our old house did, but a feeling of knowing this was were the heart resided. Our house was large, built atop a large hill overlooking the desert for at least a half mile around, (or so it felt to us) before you encountered any other houses. And it wasn't just a desert filled with nothing but sand, that kind of desert isn't located anywhere near us anyway!

The desert we had was lush, filled with green, and greenish beige plants of all sizes, shapes, and even colors. The cactus flowers seemed to always be in bloom, the trees, though they always looked half dead, always had a tinge of green to them, even in winter. There were other kinds of plants too.

Some of the plants resembled cactus, and yet there trunks and stems sprouted high up off the ground, like an elephant's trunk, or octopus's legs, the vines covered in thorns and hanging down threatening to pull your hair if you walked to close by were always filled with chirping birds.

The ground, though it did have some sand, looked more like a reverse field somewhere in middle-earth, most likely near the grate city of Rohan. Except were they have grass and large platform rocks, we have dirt, and large platform rocks. You could go out and suntan on them those rocks were to use, though I wouldn't recommend it, what with the Arizona sun and all.

And it wasn't just plant life that flourished here in our own little oasis, animals thrived there as well.

We had large families of quail, they would dance around the front part of our house all morning noon, and night. When you whistled they would whistle back, and some even came if you called out to them, but that was until Rose and I came to live there.

It was always nice to see, in the spring time to see a little trail, a line of quail babies darting after there mother who led the line in the front, and the last but never least daddy quail to take up the end of the line. Those little fuzz balls were so cute, always peeping and chirping to one another, so fun to watch.

Rabbits also lived here, cotton tails and grate hairs and even a few hybrid buck hairs. You know? A jackolope? The large hair hybrid with what looks to be antlers, but in truth there only a genetic form of mutation were the hair grows in spirals like antlers, like rhinos horns. Or is it?

Rose and I used to go out hunting these animals, rabbit was the best prey one would ever hope to catch, and though we were fast and very skilled, we only ever caught one seven out of ten times. No exaggeration. However, we would often have to kill the poor rabbit, for it had become rabid, or it was injured beyond repair, either I or Rose would snap its neck or spine.

Coyote and desert foxes, and desert cats and even owls and deer would come around. But it wasn't as often as the quail or rabbits.

Rose and I would often, before a hunt, or doing anything would sit outside and watch the sun rise, or set, and even took time to gaze at the stars and make a quick patrol around the house every night, no matter house late. I still look to the stars to this day.

Like I said before, our house was built on top of a hill, but it wasn't the house that you could see driving up that we really lived in. You see, that was in truth my grate grate grandparents house, they resided in the upstairs, while we, my mother, brother, I and Rose took the overly large second basement. Yeah, second basement. Arn't you jealous.

Well, we did happen to live in a basement, but one could not really tell for the lights were bright, and the room was warm and comforting, just don't touch the walls, they were always cold, and the house itself was cold, and yet warm, warm when needed and cold when needed. I always liked it best. Back then I used to have souls, vampire souls, whom went by the names of Taro, Cal, Sephon, and Deamon. They were my best buddies, however they are gone now. Its still Unknown to me were they dwell.

I loved that house, and I still do, I love it more then any other house I think iv ever been in, mayhaps its because it held some sort of power over I and Rose. But whatever it was I liked it.

This is also were I started up my slight obsession with the computer. Though the TV was nice too, oh and the fridge and cabinets, though the food fairy seldom comes to me house.

It was then that he came, Rose was captivated, never once had the thought of love crossed our minds, not the mate kind of love, we had no use for it, but somehow it had claimed her. In the form of Luck.

~***~

His name was Lucky, he was, what looked to be like a collie mix, but its still unknown what he really was. He was dazzling, with white, brown, red, and even some grey splotched fur, though matted and rough, obviously not taken care of. He was about medium height, not a very large dog and yet not small. Just a few centimeters above Rose's shoulders.

He had erect ears, the fur behind them matted and dirty. He had large paws, the dew claws of each for paw piercing his flesh causing him to bleed. He was slender, or more so starved, I fed him as often as I could for I loved him too.

His eyes were of two different colors, one a blueish grey, and the other might have been a green, but I cannot remember. He was a wonderful dog, he listened to no one but Rose and I.

He was owned by the Mexican farmers that lived next door. I still hate them to this day, for they cared not of their family pet.

We would often bring Lucky on our adventures, even letting him eat our caught prey, only after checking to see if it had any obvious problems. Lucky was our buddy, we nearly completed our pack with him, the only male member of the pack we had created, however something started up within Rose and Lucky.

Of heart and claws

Rose and lucky had fallen in love with each other, It had become obvious in the way they looked at each other, and the way they would often come back together from a hunt when we all had separated to begin with in order to cover more ground.

I didn't much care about this love affair, I was more then proud that my little girl, my best friend had found something I could never have. I was not envious in the bit. It was a shame that Rose had been spayed, they would have had beautiful pups.

I watched them sometimes, when we were just hanging about, not on a hunt or adventure or anything. I would watch them frolic and play, prance around as if they were pups. I watched Rose play hard to get, and I watched them take napes in the shade of an afternoon tree. I would sometimes join them, unless I had something else to do, the computer was often a place I retreated as they played.

Things seemed wonderful, nothing could brake us up. I fed lucky, watered him, and we all hunted, we were a pack, and we were happy.

That was until things started to get out of hand. As the pups started into there teen years, they started to wander off, and not to hunt, for there was never any prey to be caught when one was yapping and barking to each other like wild puppies.

Rose and Lucky would often run off on me and not come back for the rest of the day, I started to get mad, I felt shunned. Left out on whatever games they played, though I really cared not. I just felt as if they cared not for there leader, I knew it was only a faze, but I wish they would at least tell me, and not have snuck off.

Soon I started to get mad, the prey had started to multiply, the rabbit population leaping to dangerous heights. I knew no one had been hunting, and my hunting alone wasn't helping much. Something had to be done to get those two back on track. I started with confronting them both, one at a time then to gather, I growled at them until they submit, and we all had one good hunt, though it didn't really help anything. The rabbits just kept popping up. they even became dangerous, attacking when they could, but we were skilled and easily dealt with them.

But soon they started to run off again, this time at night, and when we went on a hunting patrol, they couldn't keep up, yawning loudly and often miss stepping and alerting the ever alert prey to our presents.

I once again confronted them, but they ran off as soon as I started talking, and with that I got pissed. I yelled, I screamed, I punished, but nothing seemed to work, I was once again alone, and nothing could be done to help it, all I could do now was ask the skies what to do.

Life on the outside

With Rose and Lucky gone away, I was left alone to ponder, I needed help and no one on this earth could give it to me. So I had no choice but to surrender myself to sleep and use the gifts I was given to ask of the stars what to do, for they held the most wisdom.

I lay down one night, outside on a large rock that was surrounded by large lush bushes, I knew they would protect me from wandering eyes and would leave me in peace until I woke with the answers. The rock that I lay on was a dull grey color but when cast in the moonlight it shone silver, like the grandest of elven silk ever made. The moon could do that to stuff you know, make it look all purdyfull.

So I lay down, yawning heavily, this was a sign they knew I was coming and were awaiting my arrival into the afterlife, or whatever I was going. I call it StarClan now.

Did you know a lot of books, mostly the ones that touch the heart are true? Or them come from a true story? Did you know that, even fiction can be true? Flying dragons, talking cats, a hidden world within our own. Like I had said before you only need to unlock the portal within your mind to fully understand and finally see it.

Because there just might be a flying dragon, disguised as an airplane, or a hidden world within our own, which I know for a fact is true, but that's not the kind of world im talking about. Like say an underground city.

Well, I had seen and read a book like the ones im talking about, a book about cats living out in the forest, clans, and they had a system, the warrior's system. They had a leader, deputy, warriors, apprentices, and a medicine cat. And they lived and worked like normal cats, they were normal, save for the system they lived under, and the code. Which was similar to mine.

Well, they looked to the stars, which they believe were there ancestors, and I now believe the past are also up there, so I believe it too. Well, these dead cats would often help guide them in times of hardship and worry. They could come down through a dream, there fur dusted in starlight and speak in riddles that helped guide there paw steps.

Well, I found out this world was real, and somewhere it was happening, so after searching and believing, I finally found it, and I named it StarClan, and it was the resting place of all my past friend, the ones I have lost, even random animals and such I might have seen. Also the people from my long past, the past I know I have, the past form my other lives. Each brightly lit star within the sky represents one of these fallen friends.

Well, as I lay there, sleep overtook me in its sweeping wing and I found myself floating, or more like being pulled, up into the stars. I watched my body depart from me and hoped no one would find me there, they would think I was dead. Well my soul was not in there at the moment, so I guess dead is what I would be. Unless someone else had a high spiritual connection too and that person just so happened to find me, then they could tell were I was and leave me be. But what were the chances of that?

So I let myself be carried high into the sky, and then when things seemed to settle around me, and I no longer felt as if I was being flown into the sky, I opened my eyes.

I no longer looked myself, my hair was no longer black, but a silvery white. I had a set of furry fox like ears atop my head, and a large white plum of a tail, I felt stronger and more fluid. My golden eyes searched around the dark forest, gazing over the mid-spring landscape only dreams could make. No artist could ever capture this painting layed out before me.

The trees were lush and full, and silent as any forest could be, no birds sounded in the dim and darkness. There were thick bushes all around me, and all the colors were set in a a warm yet dark feel.

I felt at home here, and yet I also felt scared, knowing I was in the realm of the dead. The only light that made this whole place bright was the moonshine that fell all around, though I could see no moon past the thick of the roof the canopy of leaves made.

I assumed that I had to wonder around until I met someone else who would most likely tell me what to do because no one was there when I woke until this starlit world. So I did, I made my was through the bramble bushes, pushed past large branches that cut me, I leapt over small streams dancing as it flowed, and even ran into a large tree. I landed hard on \my butt, and that's when I heard it, the muffled chuckling, I knew who was laughing at me, and I wasn't all that happy about it.

I turned to see a slender sleek and yet well muscled man. He looked to be about mid twenties. His black hair, tinted with purple was long and braided in the back, the front coming around in choppy bangs to mirror his slender face. his pointy ears flicked as he chuckled, a slender hand covering his mouth. He was clad in thick rich armor. Golden, purple, red, and even a tinge of silver. His purple colored eyes laughed at me and yet held much love and wisdom.

Growling I threw a rock at him and told him to can it as I got up and dusted myself. He promptly side stepped and avoided the rock. Now I know what your thinking, heaven is supposed to be magical, decent, and everyone is respectful of each other and blah blah blah. Well this isn't really heaven, its StarClan. Simply its another life after this one. And though everything is more solemn and graceful, littered in starlight and angel dust and whatnot, everyone still held there old tempers and personality, no one ever goes to StarClan and looses there old self, you just become more graceful and smarter, as if a thousand years have passed, you know all the secrets now. The past, the present, and even some of the future, so of course you will seem much wiser and fluent.

Looking as if he had snow on him, which he never really did like, the man-elf creature dusted the starlight off his shoulders. Before greeting me with a gracious bow I returned, bowing my head slowly in respect.

Wildstar was once my lover in my first, mayhaps it was my first, life. I remember it only in flashes. Wildstar was a devil, a sinner. He had earned his place in StarClan because of his love for me, and leadership skills. I still loved him, and every time I crushed on someone else I felt bad, I remembered him, and yet he was completely fine with it, all those years of wisdom being put into your head helped I guess.

And he was my number one person I looked to in dire times of need, that besides Kiba, Centari, and a few others, most likely they were around lounging and would be told of my arrival after I had left.

The sinner chuckled before striding up, seeming to float almost, as if in water, as he walked. And I wished I could do the same, but being solid in a misty world wouldn't allow you to glide, only stumble like a newborn.

I watched him as he walked closer to me, watched as the starlight fell form him then reappeared a he walked under random beams of moonlight. I watched as his arms went up, strong and yet so careful, watched as he embraced me, then swiftly caught me as my legs buckled and gave out underneath me. As if all in slow motion. He was about a head taller then I was, and thus I was ease to carry. He chuckled again as he set me down as he himself fell easily into a crouch, setting me down in front of him.

"so tell me whats up?" he told me, though it was clear he had already known what was going on down below the stars. But I told him anyway, telling of my fears of being left, how I was in all my past lives when someone died. I told him how I felt left out, and the confusion that came along with it, I asked him if I was failing my job as a leader, but he simply shook his head and smiled at that. We spoke all night it seemed like, and even ended up chatting about random things. He still spoke in a kind of riddle, no matter what he said I always had to stop and think about it.

We had finally fallen back into our original conversation when he turned to me with an almost sad pleading look within his beautiful eyes. I knew our time was up, my soul had to return to my body before the moon left. I looked down saddened slightly, but knew I would see him again, weather I just take a peak outside and see the stars or weather I need to speak to him again. But it was still sad that I had to leave. He lifted my head up softly, two fingers under my chin to tilt my head up and look at him, he leaned down and kissed me on the forehead then rubbed his fine claws over my cold cheek softly. He told me goodbye and I bowed low in respect once again. Then without warning he waved his right hand past my face and said something, and I felt myself fall back, my world turning black.

I blinked, one second I was standing in the forest, Wildstar waved his hand over my face, I started to fall back, I blinked again and I was laying on the cold surrounded by bushes yet again. I panted a few times, breathing in the crisp night air until my heart regained its normal drum. I glanced at myself and saw the shimmer of ghostly snow, it always happened when one visits StarClan. I got out of my little spiritual place and shook myself. The moon was still in the same place, it must have only been a few moments. I almost find it funny, some of the longest visits up to StarClan result in short time on earth, shorter more urgent visits tend to take all night on earth, only moment up there.

I smiled to myself, the knowledge Wildstar had told me resting in the back of my mind. I would simply let the pups run there course. He told me not of the future, but simply stated that they were kids, and no harm would come from it, they would soon outgrow it. And they did.

Cereal

As soon as the running away had stopped, and life seemed to get back to normal something happened. I fought as hard and I could, I cried and I screamed. I tried to comfort the partially shocked Rose, and whisper soothing words to her. I regret not having fought harder for the pup. I regret letting those sick humans ever touch him, I regret so much, I wish I could have done more, and I regret it terribly to this day. And I hope one day Rose and Lucky will be able to see each other, and see the pups they never had, and life happily in paradise. I hope those low life humans die in a fiery pit, or something horribly. They don't deserve to life for what they did.

Lucky was always hungry, no one could blame a starved dog for wanting to protect his food, oh no. my brother didn't mean to try and take the food away, he was juts a child, and yet I thought I taught him better, and I still sort of blame him for it.

Lucky wanted the cereal, my brother wasn't around to claim it anyway, lucky was hungry, an so snapped at my brother for trying to take the food away, didn't even cause any harm. Just a little scar on his jaw, I believe he deserved it.

But those foul Mexican humans took lucky away, they put him to sleep, they killed that dog, punishment for the punishment they dealt him. How dare they do that to him! And sadly, this stirred that human part of me whom hates other races, nay, who hates humans. Its just easier to blame a whole race.

Lucky lived a pitiful life, and died a horrible death. But I and Rose will always remember him, for he was Rose's love, and my best man.

Farewell Lucky.

The mind is a portal

After the tragic death of lucky rose and Iwere able to start hunting again, though it was a more solemn task. It was no longer a adventure, it was a chore. But no one else would do it and the rabbits were becoming more like rats.

We seldom spoke to anyone less we were together, but we were only together at night and on hunting patrols, we took separate patrols when checking the borders of the house, and when just lazing about we either took strolls and thought or slept, all done separately.

We didn't know when this sad spell would end, and I was starting to become scared that not only had we lost our best man, but were loosing our spirit gifts, the powers that let us speak to each other, and see, and in every way be who we really were.

I was really scared. It had been that long sense we had spoken or conversed with StarClan or even seen a Fea on a hunting patrol, though they normally wandered the desert in the evenings. Even the vampires were fading, or my eye sight was, either way I was frightened.

I needed to do something and quick, it was quite obvious that rose wasn't going to do anything.

So one night I stole her away from her soft bed, it was one of those chilly nights, but I dared not bring a sweater, the cold made me feel icy, my head was clear and my senses felt super charged just by the crispness of the wind. I dragged the befuddled dog down into the bushes were the hidden rock was, the same one I used when visiting StarClan. It wasn't all that big, and rose and I had to curl up together to fit without rubbing up against a thorn bush. Rose and I were unsettled, that much was clear,

it took at least a half hour until we found sleep, but even then our dreams were dark, StarClan was not talking to us, was this a sign or were our gifts truly fading?

We woke the next morning, no one was up yet and we snuck back into the house easily. We were both restless, but it seemed as if Rose was unfazed by the lack of our spiritual guides. She simply went back to bed and lay down, twitching ever so often in hopes of finding a comfortable position to sleep in, but to no hope.

I couldn't take it anymore, not only was I loosing my gifts and guides, but I was also loosing my best friend, I would not let this happen, heartbreak or not I would not let her fade.

I once more scooped her up, her protests muffled by my hand around her maw, and drug her outside, which was hard because she was flailing and in order to get out of the basement house you needed to go up some very narrow, very steep stairs.

I finally managed to get her outside, and when I did I looked at the sun, it didn't hurt me, I was going to be blind anyway, my true form is blind, and yet she can see in a whole new way, unknown to humans.

Well I gazed at the sun, set my jaw and started to drag her out into the fields were most of our hunting is done. I guess Rose figured we were going on a hunting patrol because she soon stopped struggling and simply decided to just go along, hunt, and get it over with.

Well, as soon as we got there, we saw about a hundred or so rabbits just milling about the fields, the rolling desert hills, snuffling along in the shrubbery.

Rose turned to me with a look that asked were she was to go on this mission, but I didn't return the look or answered it, I simply walked off. Thinking I must have gone this way so she goes the other she started off, but I called her back, confused even more as to what was happening.

I strode through the fields, ignoring everything in my path, and I walked on for hours, until it was nearly sun-high. I could hear Rose complaining and panting behind me, obviously tired and hungry but I pressed on, forcing her to follow.

Soon enough we got to a rather large looking hill, and within the hill was a drain pipe, a rather large one, you can crawl into it and home outside a very large looking room that's hidden inside the hill. And that's just what we did. We crawled through the pipe and came out in a dimly lit room, there was nothing in the room besides a puddle of water, it was a drain pipe after all.

We both stepped into the middle of the puddle, Rose finally figuring out what we were doing, though neither of us had ever done it. We had heard stories and acted on them now. We lifted our noses to the stone ceiling and let out a sorrowful howl, and we sang like that for at least an hour or so. We sang until we were crying, sang again until we laughed, then once more, and we were free.

I still to this day go out and sing, out into the night in a place that is all mine, were I can be alone, were I can let my heart out in a simple song. No words are ever needed in this song, but you can still understand it if you heard it.

After that we came to of the tunnel, and milling about the hill listening quietly, with soft smiles on there faces were the Fea, the summoned, the ghosts and spirits that roam this earth, unnoticed by humans now a days.

Rose and I both stood in shock, we could see them, and even better then before! And yet it was scary, to see demons, furry eared and long tailed, wing even and horns on some, dragons, small and in the sky, little bright specks on the evening light danced around the wild flowers and I realized they were fairies, I looked to my left, a small crowd of elves stood, obviously transfixed with the song, though I know not why when they were so rich in voice.

Over some ways down the field, as far as my blind eyes could see I saw coyotes, dancing and playing with a spirit fox, and a winged chibi-looking murgroth. A round fuzzy creature that looks like a puff ball.

I nearly cried, I could see all the Fea and summoned once more! And it was obvious rose could as well, for she darted off into the thick of the party, well not so much as a party then as a gathering. I stumbled and one of the elves caught me, then I stumbled again, tripping over a dragons tail and earning a loud rawr, I bowed and said sorry. I was so happy. My gifts had been replenished. We were no longer fading into death. I guess all we needed to do was release all those pent up feelings.

Separation

It seemed just as soon as we got our gifts back we had to move. And I didn't want to move, this was my home, I could never leave it. But things weren't really going the way they should have been.

There had been a building group that had come in last spring and started tearing up the fields, killing more rabbits and wild life then needed, we lost that one hidden place in the hills, and our territory had become trashed. They were building houses, and to this day, the fields are still trashed, and the houses have been build, yet no one lives in them. A waste of life and space. Stupid humans.

But that was not the only problem, my mother had met a man in the local bar up town, and sad truth, my mother Is a horrible chooser when it comes to picking out guys. But who can blame her? We all crave love and attention, but some just don't have enough strength to hold back. I don't blame her for marrying the drunk, and I don't blame him for being one.

Yes its true I do wish it never happened, but it did, and all we can do is move on. I think what I hate the most about it is we had to move, and I will always hate when someone else is home, I like my time alone, I don't really hate anyone, its just that fact that I like being alone.

I regret not fighting more, however. I regret not attacking and holding on as hard as I could for as long as I could, I wish I had fought more.

We moved soon after my mother married the man, and I saw were we were to move, a horrible cookie-cutter neighborhood. There was no were to wander, no were to be free.

I didn't want Rose to live there I didn't want her to be pinned up as well, I would take the suffering. Though I wish I could have fought harder to stay. Once I leave something I don't ever want to come back, to many memories.

Nut I did end up coming back every now and again, and each time it was harder and harder to leave. I wished it would go away. And I almost started to hate it.

I left Rose at or old house, I could have never kept her pinned in that sad place, I wanted her to be free and away from human eyes, eyes that judge, that hate, that laugh at your very existence if your not like them. So I left her and suffered for it.

Willowpelt

Its been a long while, and iv become accustomed to this place though it will never be my home. It will simply be a place I rest, were I come for warmth, it will be a home, but it will never be my home.

School was hard, but I found a two friends who helped me through it, and I taught them of the summoned, and they understood, they become what I was, yet this was there first life. They learned and didn't laugh, and I will always remember them for this.

They didn't play along, they really believe, do you know how hard it is to find humans who understand!?

Well its really hard.

But I found them. It took a while to earn there trust, and even longer for them to earn mine, but we did. We were the best of friend, the three mouse caters!

We were always together, and if we were alone, we wouldn't be for long. I once again had a male companion, and a female. And life was starting anew.

But then school ended, and one of them left, and I got depressed. I really liked him, he understood a little more so then the female, I would miss him, but we called each other every night and talked all night. Always about the summoned.

It was an easy life I guessed. But I still missed my companion, my first one, who's black fur rippled under lithe smooth slender muscle.

I tried to hide my longing, but it was hard, and when one has been up all night talking about the summoned and Fea, its kind of hard to stay cheerful and happy in the day time. One does need sleep you know.

It was on one of these days I was hiding my longing for a friend even harder that I came across a sign that said free kittens. It was just down the road from my house so I went to take a look. The lady who owned the kittens scared me, she was rather large and sloppy, tattoos covering her arms. I had never seen her befor,e but I had seen her kids.

Her kids were horrible, they played out in the street and they trashed other peoples front lawns and houses. There were destructive and not to bright. Now I knew were they got it from.

It took a while to convince my mother to let me have it because she had to go through my step dad first, though in truth he was either drunk, not around, or just plain did not care either way. But he thought he was the man of the house so we let him think so.

Well, the kitten was a small fluffy thing. It was a male, strange don't you think? He was gray dusted with silver on his muzzle, and he had golden eyes. Huge for a kitten of his size. He was apparently the runt.

I named him Willowpelt, my mom thought Will, and everyone else just went with whatever sounded good at the moment.

He and I were ninjas! Or so we thought. He was a strange kitty, he would take walks with me outside and never leave. He would kneed me when I came home form school, and he would try and suffocate me with his fur when I slept, he liked to sleep on my face.

It was also after I got Willowpelt that my step dad got very drunk, and a huge fight broke out. Willowpelt and I fought as a team quietly in our own rooms, then hid together in our room until it was safe enough to aid the sorrow filled.

Fights like that were starting to get common, and I was almost glad, the fool would soon be out of our lives and we would all be happy and care-free once more. But it wasn't so.

The man stayed, and he has gotten better with the drinking, no longer getting drunk every night and falling to pretend he was an inchworm or something horribly sloppy. He now drinks little at night to ease himself to sleep, and on the weekends with his friends.

Willowpelt was becoming an adult, and I was growing up a little bit too, but it seemed to happen so fast. I know hes dead now. And yes, I cried, and I sometimes cry again, but its not as sad, because he left of his own free will. I was a good parent, and I raised him as best I could. He turned out fine I think. I often use his departure as a joke. You see Willowpelt had found a girlfriend, and ran off with her. But he could have also been stolen or killed or something, because he liked to pick on all the dogs, the wussy dogs that was. Haha I raised him right, that I did! He, a cat, picked on dogs. Wonderful. Simply wonderful. Well anyway, he picked on the dogs around the neighborhood.

Mostly prissy little purebreds with snobby owners who did not see them as friend or even pets, but as prizes. And they were always little toy dogs. Who wanted a prissy big dog when you were a tiny prissy owner?

Well, we got a letter attached to the car one day telling us to keep our cat inside, well insulted as we were we deliberately left the doors open in front of everyone.

Willowpelt always came back, I once found him laying in the front room, the front door wide open. He had been in and out and now was back.

Well, soon after the note, and after we once again started shutting our doors, thinking we had gotten the point across, Willowpelt disappeared.

I still don't know what has become of him, but I know wherever he is in StarClan, he is happy.

So thank you Willowpelt, for being a small part of my life, you made it big for me. Oh, and remember them awesome ninja skills we taught each other.

Dream of freedom, and release

once again a time skip happens, and my life moves on. Its almost spring break, and I can feel something. Something that made my heart sing with the same spirituality I once had, and yet it was a sense of foreboding, as is the sight of the red dawn. I believed it had something to do with my bracelet. I had always had it on, I thought I would have it until I died. I wanted to have it until I died. But my boyfriend bit it off with his teeth when it looked like it was going to brake. He told me his did it out of love, but I no longer care for such things as human love, what I need it so much deeper.

Well, I might never know if it was the bracelet or not, but I knew it was something horrible. And yet it only showed its self in my dreams, but I could never remember what they were about.

Well, the time was drawing near for spring break, and I was getting excited,

though my teachers were piling on the work. I didn't do the work in front of anyone, though I did when no one was looking, I had to defy everything the school and the world now a days does. Its just my nature, don't ever go trying to change who you are just to fit into society.

Its just as retarded as the labels they stick on you.

Happily, I left school one day, spring break was the next day, no more school. I have to admit, I saw the red dawn each morning I left for school, something was horribly wrong, I knew something was wrong. The sky was filled with blood, I felt a chilly calm over my soul and body, what was this? I was afraid, and yet lifted my head in calm surrender.

I knew something bad was going to happy, all the signs were clear and yet I chose to be ignorant and ignore them. How foolish I was. But even if I did know, what could I have done? This feeling, I didn't like it, and yet, sadly I embraced it because it made me feel how I used to feel when back at home, back when I knew who I was. And I missed that.

Well, whatever this horrible and sickening delightful feelings was, I was going to find out soon enough.

Its not goodbye, its Forever.

I woke up on the first day of spring break, and feeling suddenly cool, icy, all thoughts clear, once again knowing who I was, I walked outside me room. My mother was crying. In truth I was never all that concerned when she cried. It was always something I cared not all that deeply about. I at first thought my grate grandmother had finally died. And I relaxed. Not because I hate her, on the contrary, I love her very much, in fact the only reason I felt relaxed was because she wouldn't be suffering anymore from old age.

But it wasn't her, no, it wasn't her who had died.

I stood there in shock, though on the outside I was calm. I stood there for a moment as my mother's eyes, so full of sorrow and pitty tell me that Rose, me beloved Rose, my flower, my best friend in the whole world.

That she was gone.

I stood there, for a moment, gating the pitty within her eyes and yet felt nothing. I turned silently and opened the fridge absentmindedly, obviously in shock.

I stared at the low amount of food that stocked our fridge and remembered times together Rose and I raided the fridges up stairs and down just to get a decent snack.

I stood there for what seemed like hours, when in reality it was about five seconds. Then I turned and went back into my room.

I sat on the edge of by bed, clutching myself and staring into the darkness. I had made my room like the basement, no light could get in unless the light was on, and even that was dim. One could barely see past there own hand in my room.

And there, sitting and clutching, and in severe shock I stayed. I let my heart slow down, ready to give myself up, I waited and waited, my eyes glazing over slowly and I finally let out the breath I had been holding. I could see it, in front of my face, see my breath as if I was outside in the dead of winter at night with no stars or moon.

I let my mind go. I had to, I could see no other way. My heart slowed even more and I let go completely.

I opened my eyes to a dark forest, bathed in starlight. I knew were I was. I was in StarClan. I guess I had died, but I wasn't dusted in the fine snow of the moon so I guess I was dying. I wandered the pathways that had been created through generations of paw steps.

No one came to me, and I searched no one out. They let me be, knowing I did not want to see anyone. They would come when I needed them most. But now was not it. I just needed to be alone.

I finally sank down, exhausted and hyperventilating. Then I saw it, in the distance, in a clearing, just a few yards in front of me were the moonlight rained down to fill the clearing in a golden light, unlike the silver light that covered the rest of StarClan.

My now golden eyes widened and my pupils shrank, my mouth hung open slightly and tears filled my eyes.

I stumbled into a sitting position, no longer hyperventilating, the shock of what I saw before me having stopped my ragged breathing. And what I saw before me were memories. They danced around each other, laughing and playing. They leapt at each other, and they bounded and flailed. Bodies dusted in gold, and they took on a dream like affect. I watched, entranced through my tears.

The smaller of the two darted swiftly around, snapping small jaws at her friend, her soft black baby fur sticking out all over, the tips of each little hair that made her look so soft and pudgy was tinted with gold.

I watched as her companion, small in frame but strong dance easily away and avoid any playful bites before she swung around in what was supposed to look like a fluent round house kick intended to go over the pup's head, though the girl fell flat on her back. The pup then saw her change and bounded, like a puppy, onto her companion. And they together laughed in what seemed to be a musical note of sorts. To heavenly to describe.

I blinked and the sweet memories vanished and another one played, and then another and another. Each lasting for a time. And then Rose herself stood there, once again a pup, yet older in someway, she looked like she had in the prime of her life. She gazed at me and I smiled at her, tears filling my already drowned eyes. Her fur was sleek, her floppy ears no longer looked puffy, like they had when she was alive, for she might have been allergic to the dirt that surrounded our home. She gazed at me with the same chocolate eyes that we shared and I gazed back at her with my own. Then without warning, she yipped, though no sound could be heard, nor did she move, but I felt it. Then she turned, leaping around in slow motion and running away into the distance and out of the light into the rest of StarClan. But just before she was gone I saw something else, right next to her was the image of my younger self, right next to her. And when I saw this I knew we were both going to be just fine.

We were both finally home.

~~*~~

Quel esta

(rest well)

Its been, not all that long. And I have found I am no longer scared of the future, or of human's labels, or even being accepted into the world. I care not for them.

I have learned to cope with life, and I still look to the stars every night, and I whisper a thanks and talk quietly about how my day was. Though I know she already knows.

And when things do start to get hard, I always feel a soft furry presents next to me, then I drift off into a peaceful sleep, like how we used to sleep when we were younger. Sometimes I feel more then one presents.

Im thankful I knew her, and I don't feel scared anymore. Though I admit I am very lonely in the day.

I don't ever see Rose In StarClan, but if I do dream of her, I don't remember it. But whatever happens or will happen, I know were we are, and I know were I belong. And I know someone out there loves me just as much as I still love them.

There is a star, just a few inches away from the moon if your looking at it, its a blueish red, almost black star with gold ringed around it. It looks like red petals are forming out around it. That's Rose.

Its hard to end a story, when its not really the ending, but the beginning. So ill say one last thing.

Rose.

Special page

Rose was in fact a real dog, and the events that took place in this book did in fact happen, though some things were exaggerated.

And many things have also been left out in order to focus more on the main character.

On the last chapter is a half chapter called Quel esta, it is elvish for rest well.

Rose did die the first week of my first spring break in tenth grade. And I did go into shock and see the events that took place in the book, though not at the same time. I believe I am no longer in shock, but have found my own inner peace.

Lucky the dog was also real, and he was an abused animal. The events in this book about him were in fact the result of animal abuse, the owners took no heed to this and later got a cat, who ran away, a dog, who was stolen. Probably for the better, and another dog that was also stolen.

Please, if you have a large family, or just cant take care of something like a animal then don't get one. Because pets are family members, they turn into your friends and your family. Don't ever abuse them, they have done you no grate wrong.

The names of family members, neighbors, and other people were not mentioned to once again create the feel of living in a different world looking through the eyes of the narrator.

I would like to thank my high school teacher Mrs. franks who gave this to me as a school assignment, but I believe it turned into so much more.

Willowpelt was also a real cat, and he did run off one day, we either think he ran off with his kitty girlfriend, or was stolen or killed. Once again, please respect other peoples animals, if something does go wrong with someone else animal, don't take things into your own hands, call an animal control to talk to the owners.

I would also like to thank Rosey, she was my best friend, and will always have a special place in my heart and in the stars. Thank you Rose.

Lastly, I would like to thank you, dear reader. For picking up this book. I hope you have learned something worth learning.

Good hunting.

Cassidy McEuen.