Summary

Tony goes out for a drink and comes home with more than he bargained for. The Avengers learn that Tony isn't drunk and drugged drinks are no laughing matter.

Author Note

Let me know what you think; enjoy.

One for the road

Chapter 1

It was another pleasantly warm day in New York; the streets were bustling with tourists, basking in the summer heat and taking advantage of the fine weather. Even the Avengers were enjoying the warmth summer had to offer. Things were quite uneventful in the newly built Avengers tower, despite the nice weather it came to no surprise to many that Tony Stark was once again confined to his lab, caught up in another one of his latest projects.

The billionaire was currently lying on the hard floor beneath a pile of scrap metal and machinery, wincing in discomfort. His back ached from the endless hours he'd spent lying on the cold floor but he was too stubborn to move. The playboy had a large spanner in one hand and a small torch clenched between his teeth, his free hand was buried deep inside the bodywork and mechanics of his latest creation, fiddling with a few lose screws.

He was dressed in his casual clothes, his favourite black Sabbath t-shirt and worn jeans covered in soot and dust. His arc reactor was just visible through the faded material of his shirt; it made a handy light for his work. The mechanic was constructing himself a new laser cutter from old parts and would have been finished many hours ago if it weren't for the lacking of proper equipment. Most of his best tools for tinkering were in Malibu and he had yet to ship them over or purchase new ones, he kept telling himself this was because he was busy and had nothing to do with being completely unorganised.

Stark knew that it would have been both quicker and easier to buy one, after all it wasn't like he was lacking fund. But he felt a sense of pride and achievement knowing he'd built something himself. Tony's face was covered in black smudges of dirt and oil, his hair was ruffled and messy; sticking out at all angles as if he'd been struck by an electric current. Only the playboys feet were visible to anyone who happened to walk into the room, the pair of grubby boots peeking out from beneath the contraption tapped against the floor repetitively to the beat of ear shatteringly loud music.

Many people would find it unusual sight, seeing the wealthy man tinkering covered it dirt rather than paying others to do it for him, but it was something he enjoyed. A hobby that offered a welcome distraction and escape from the world outside the tower. Especially now the Avengers had moved into the tower he cherished some time alone.

Unexpectedly the volume suddenly decreased to a noticeably lower volume, leaving the room almost completely silent. Stark growled and slid out from beneath the laser cutter, he threw his tools to the floor beside him in a childish huff and sat up slowly, wiping his fingers on a strip of dirty rag.

'Jarvis what have I told you about turning down daddy's music?' he sighed, running a hand through his hair. He winced at the feeling of grease and grit that stuck to his fingers.

He pushed himself to his feet, groaning at the aching pull around his shoulders as he approached his desk a short distance away, to obtain a cup of strong coffee. Surely he wasn't old enough just yet to be getting such aches and pains?

As he rolled his neck and shoulders he became conscious of the unpleasant sensation of sweat dripping down his back, his shirt clung to him like a second skin and it made him feel sticky and uncomfortable.

Boy was he in need of a shower.

When was the last time he'd showered anyway? More importantly how long had he been down here for?

His thoughts were interrupted when a familiar British accent reached his ears.

'My apologies sir, but I thought I should inform you that you have an incoming call from Miss Potts.'

He raised a brow in surprise as he turned on the coffee machine. It wasn't unusual for the redhead to call whilst she was away on business, but Tony couldn't shift the inkling feeling he'd forgotten something important.

'Patch her through J!'

He collapsed onto a nearby stool and spun around to face the holographic screen, swiping the now full mug of steaming hot coffee as he did so. His eyes lit up slightly when the fully made up face of Pepper Potts appeared on screen.

'Hey Pep! Missing me already?' he teased, grinning as he leaned back again the desk behind him comfortably, resting an arm on the surface.

'Tony what are you doing?!' the strawberry blonde shrieked, she was dressed in smart business attire, she wore a white blouse and matching jacket, her hair was pulled back into a tight pony tail.

'Ughh working?' he answered, though it sounded more like a question. He took a large swig from the stark industries mug in his hand. His answer seemed to make the blonde very agitated.

'Look at you!' she scolded, frowning in disapproval.

He didn't have to look in the mirror to know he looked a complete wreck. He scratched the back of his head sheepishly, a habit he'd only recently picked up when his CEO became annoyed with him.

'Pep, I swear I was on my way to shower-' he insisted, he looked like a deer in the headlights.

'Why aren't you dressed yet?' she snapped.

'I am dressed! See? Look, I'm wearing clothes-' the pair continued to bicker loudly.

'You forgot didn't you?!'

'Forget? Forget what? I didn't forget anything; I'm wearing socks and everything…' Tony joked, furrowing his brows in thought. He felt his heart jump when an unpleasant thought entered his head.

'… It's not your birthday is it?' he paled.

'No Tony, it's not my birthday,' Pepper rolled her eyes and the billionaire let out a sigh of relief and took a sip of coffee; until he heard her next words.

'You Mr Stark, are supposed to be at a charity fundraiser in less than two hours!'

He nearly choked on the liquid.

'W-What?' he coughed, patting his chest lightly.

'Don't you what me! I told you about it four days ago I can't believe you forgot!' she growled, taking in a deep breath.

The playboy looked up at her meekly.

'Wow is it Friday already?'

'Tony how long have you been down there?'

'Ummmm….'

'I bet you haven't eaten!'

'Pep, please.'

'Go and get ready Tony.'

'You know, I'm sure they wouldn't notice if I just-'

'Tony you're going to the party!'

'But Mom I don't wanna go to the party!' he whined childishly

'Antony Edward Stark you are going to that party whether you like it or not!'

'Awwww!' he pouted, Pepper sighed tiredly.

'Go and get ready Tony I have a meeting to get to; remember to dress properly and take happy with you please, I want someone there to keep an eye on you, If I find any photographs of you dancing on a table without a shirt on you will be in so much trouble!'

'C'mon Pepper that was once time!'

She growled in response.

'What would I do without you Pep?'

'Go and get dressed!'

'Ok sheesh going!' he dropped his near empty mug of the side and stood from his seat.

'Be good!' she called, and turned away from the camera.

'Wait!' Tony called, before she could hang up. She turned back and looked at the dishevelled man expectedly.

'Yes Mr Stark?'

'I Love you' he smiled sheepish.

She smiled fondly.

'I love you too Tony.'

The moment the video feed cut out Tony lost the smile from his face picked up a pencil from his desk and launched it across the room, sulking like a child.

'Jarvis, why didn't you tell me I had a fund to attend?' he groaned as the pencil hit the floor.

'Perhaps I would have been able to remind you sir, had you not muted me on several occasions,' the AI responded swiftly.

'Smarty pants' the scruffy mechanic grumbled, downing the remaining contents of his mug.

'I learned from the best sir.'

Tony sat still for a few more moments, staring into space, twirling the empty porcelain in his hands. Stark whined pitifully as he exited the lab. He had a feeling it was going to be a long evening ahead.

Less than an hour later Tony was showered, dressed and ready to go. He briefly checked his reflection in the mirror to make sure he looked reasonably presentable, though anything was an improvement from when he'd stepped out of the lab.

The smart black Armani suit and matching tight fitting trousers, along with a silk tie he'd chosen, as well as a clean, crisp white button up shirt succeeded in showing off his lean figure perfectly. His trademark goatee was neatly trimmed and his hair had been styled into its usual ruffled, spikey state. Tony quickly slid on a pair of leather shoes and his favourite Piguet wrist watch before he decided he was done. He looked fresh, flashy and smart; that was good enough for him.

When the playboy stepped out of the elevator and strolled into the main lounge just moments later to wait for Happy to arrive he was greeted with a loud wolf whistle. He turned to see four figures occupying the couch in the far corner of the spacious room, all staring from their seats; Clint had a wolfish grin on his face. All of the Avengers were present, with the exception of Thor.

Barton tossed a cushion at the billionaire's head playfully, frowning in disappointment when he managed to step aside and dodge the hit.

'Hey, watch the money feather brain!'

'Someone's looking dapper,' Steve smiled from the armchair he was sitting in.

Tony took a cocky bow, before gliding across the room towards the mini bar.

'So glad you approve' he grinned, swiping a half empty bottle of whisky from the side and took a few small sips before pouring himself a large glass as he leaned against the marble counter.

'Going somewhere nice?' Bruce inquired; peering over his glasses he eyed the man with mild curiosity.

'Brucey!' Tony gasped dramatically, 'don't tell me you forgot about our date!'

'My apologies,' Bruce smiled bemused, peering over the book in his hands, 'I am otherwise engaged this evening, another time perhaps?'

Tony snorted before downing a large mouthful of alcohol.

'Your cheating on me aren't you? Bruce I thought what we had was special,' he pouted, emptying the glass in his hand with two big gulps. 'I brought a new microscope and this is how you repay me,' he sighed.

'I'll make it up to you,' Banner smiled, throwing off the billionaire's flirty comments.

'Your lab bench or mine?' Stark purred.

Bruce nearly choked on his glass of water.

'Get a room,' Clint gagged, watching as Stark was perched comfortably on the arm of Bruce's chair.

'Get a tower,' Stark quipped. 'What's the matter tweet pie, jealous?' he grinned, inching closer to Bruce, who rolled his eyes at the other man's eccentric behaviour.

'Hey, I have E=mc2 tattooed on my ass, wanna see?' he grinned cheekily.

'Tony please!' Steve sighed wearily.

Stark pulled his cell phone from his pocket and flipped it around. 'Smile for the camera Bruce, selfie!'

Before he could take a photo, Barton kicked the billionaire's leg, causing him to wobble and the phone fell out of his hand, it slipped from his grasp and bounced onto the floor.

'Hey! '

'Behave yourself Barton' Natasha scolded.

'Woops'

'You gonna pick that up asshole?' Tony asked, crossing his arms in mock irritation.

'What am I your slave? Pick it up yourself old man.'

'Is that an offer? And hey, I am not old!'

Barton responded with a frown and a middle finger aimed at the genius.

'Children play nicely' Bruce smiled.

'How old are you anyway?' the archer asked curiously.

'Can't tell you that, top secret; I'd have to kill you.'

'Jarvis how old is Stark?'

'Jarvis don't answer that!'

'According to my database Agent Barton sir is 33 years of age, and has been so for the past 10 years.'

Everyone in the room fought to suppress a chuckle, except Clint. The archer made no effort to supress his emotions, he laughed so hard tears began leaking from his eyes.

'You don't look a day over 50,' Bruce teased.

'Oh, shut up!' the playboy huffed, playfully crossing his arms.

With a sigh Tony slid off the arm of the couch and bent down to pick up the fallen object, giving everyone in the room an excellent view of what lay beneath his skin tight trousers.

'Jesus my eyes!' Clint gasped.

'What's the matter Barton, can't handle the goods?' The billionaire smirked cockily, waggling his eyebrows.

'Jesus Stark did you paint those on?' Romanoff smirked.

A blushed formed on Steve's face as he looked away and tried to concentrate on the television, Romanoff merely rolled her eyes at the man's antics whilst Bruce barely managed to contain his own amusement. Barton remained lounged across the floor, rubbing his eyes.

'Oh god, I think I'm blind!' he wailed dramatically.

'Sir, Mr Hogan has arrived and is waiting for you in the guest lobby,' Jarvis interrupted, causing Tony to sigh heavily.

'For a man who loves parties, you don't sound so enthusiastic' Steve commented offhandedly, Stark stood and adjusted his tie.

'It's just a party, how bad can it be?' Natasha shrugged off.

'You have no idea!' Stark whined. 'I have to spend the whole night kissing ass and shaking hands with a bunch of snobs while a bunch of ugly women hit on me, whilst drinking a ton of cheap alcohol that leaves a bad taste in my mouth,' he growled. 'The photographers follow me around like a bad smell, it's like hell but worse!' Tony shuddered at the thought.

'Sounds like you'll fit right in' Clint joked, an amused grin on his face.

'You're an asshole you know that?'

'Sir, I really must insist you do not keep Mr Hogan waiting,' Jarvis's voice echoed throughout the room, Tony whined pitifully.

'Quick! Bruce, it's not too late to come with me!'

'Sorry my tux is at the dry cleaners, I'm afraid I'll have to sit this one out' he responded dryly, putting on a fake look of disappointment.

Tony snorted at the physicists words, he was unsure as to whether Bruce even owned a tux or suit of any kind. He would have to leave himself a note to purchase one for him for future reference.

'Have fun' Widow smiled smugly.

'I hate you all,' Stark sighed before reluctantly dragging himself towards the elevator.

'Be on your best behaviour Tony,' the super soldier called after him.

'Don't get too drunk!' Bruce called after him, a small smile pulled at Tony's lips.

Tony Stark, drunk?

Whoever would have thought of such a thing?

'No house parties while I'm gone!' he called over his shoulder as the doors closed.

'Jarvis, keep an eye on them would you? If anyone except Bruce so much as even blinks at my lab they are in big trouble,'

'Understood sir.'

The elevator finally came to a halt and the doors slid open to reveal Happy Hogan, waiting patiently at the end of the lobby.

'Evening boss,'

'Alright Happy let's get this over with, when this is over we are stopping for drive thru on the way home.'