Pieces of Me Everywhere, a twilight fanfic

Pieces of Me Everywhere

A/N: This is only my second Twilight piece. It's a bit disjointed and is supposed to span about a 2 ½ year time period. I hope you all enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. If I did, well Bella would not have ended up with Edward. I took the title from a line in Laura Jansen's song "Single Girls".

Bella cut her hair two days after she left Edward and cancelled their engagement. She'd gotten tired of its weight, tired of the feeling that she was drowning; the she was being pulled under the waves and unable to find the light.

She enjoyed the freedom, the sudden weightlessness. She hadn't felt that way in so very long.

Her new condo was bright, airy and open. There wasn't a nook or cranny that escaped the sun. Her yellow bedroom faced the port and sometimes she'd spend hours basking in the sun, sucking in its light, its warmth, remembering how she'd almost let this life go, almost said goodbye. She was so lucky that she had been given this second chance.

She didn't think about him. She was barely 60 miles away, butshe refused to let her thoughts wander past the city limits. She refused to think about the beach, or the ramshackle red house where he had rebuilt her, made her whole again. Girls just leavinga serious relationship weren't supposed to think about the other lovers they'd left behind. She wasn't supposed to dwell on the man she'd refused to take a chance on.

She couldn't, wouldn't, let him fix her again. She had to come back to herself on her own. Had to find out who she was and what she wanted alone. Running to him would just put her back at square one. She wanted—no, needed—to do this. She couldn't rely on anyone else this time.

She said yes when the boy down the hall, the one with the shy smile and bright eyes, asked her on a date her second year in the building. She wasn't sure if it was the warmth in his brown eyes or the brightness to in his smile that got her to agree, but she did. To her surprise she enjoyed the night of cheap drinks and bad karaoke. There was no desire to hear another's voice, no longing for another's touch. There was just Bella. Twenty two years old, alive and happy.

She spent a lot of time reading. In the immediate days after the wedding that wasn't, she read everything she could get her hands on. She read books on knowing oneself and self help. Books on heart break and moving past old relationships. Books on solitude and meditation. She went back to church, even though a tiny part of her was terrified that after all the pain she had caused the doors would bar her entrance.

She wished and hoped and prayed that her heart would heal. She prayedthat she would be strong enough to stand on her own. She prayed that they were okay, the two men who had held her fluttering teenage heart in their hands. She prayed for forgiveness, because she had never meant to hurt them. They had simply gotten caught in the crosshairs of her path to adulthood. She prayed for peace, because she didn't want them to carry any bitterness or pain. She prayed for love even though she wasn't sure if she deserved it anymore.

She worked. She didn't need to; the Cullens, despite her attempts to refuse them, had set her up with everything she would need to start her life anew. The condo was hers, the car was in her name and paid for, and her bank account had enough money to last her for at least five or so years. But she enjoyed being around people, enjoyed hearing the hum of their voices and the jingle of their laughter. Her job at the bakery gave her that. The smells and the sounds reminded her that she was alive, that she had not left behind the sun and the light.

She made friends. Rather, she renewed old friendships. Angela Weberwas a fantastic listener and an even better shoulder to cry on. She let Bella rage, let her weep. And when Bella told her the truth, told all that happened, let her in on all the myths and magic, Angela took it in stride. She was a steadying force for Bella. She helped her find her path and kept her from falling back into zombie land.

She kept trying to pretend, kept trying to act as if there wasn't a reason she'd chosen to be so close to home. She planned her visits to Charlie and Angela around her denial. She even drove nearly 30 miles out of her way to avoid any potential run-ins with the Pack or, more specifically, with Jacob. She wasn't ready to face him yet. She wasn't ready to let him back in if it was just to say goodbye all over again.

He haunted her anyway. Her dreams were filled with warm brown eyes, hot hands, and skin the color of new pennies. She woke up craving warm summer sun andsalty beach air, with the smell of a garage lingering in the air. On occasion a pair of small bodies, with tiny toes and tiny hands and the word mama falling from their lips appeared as well. Those dreams left her crying and shaking, arms wrapped tightly around her body as she tried to hold fast to her dream children.

She kept telling herself she'd be fine. Bellatold herself a thousand little lies to make it through her day.

She almost believed them.

It took nearly 3 years of begging and pleading and not-so-subtle hints, but Charlie finally got to her, finally got her to give in and visit La Push with him. She told herself she'd be okay. She could do this, she could see him. She was fine. She was over him and past all that childhood nonsense.

Except she wasn't over it, not really. As the day drew closer her dreams grew more vivid, more intense. She could feel his handsburning a path across her skin, could feel his eyes , could feel those small tiny bodies holding her tight, begging her not to let go, begging her to stay.

To say she was nervous would have beenan understatement. Her fingers twisted themselves into a knotted wiggling mess, and her normally sleek bob cut was a frizzy, wild mess. But she was there, Angela at her side, her wolf charm bracelet round her wrist, and her heart dancing the rumba in her chest.

She could do this.

He really was like the sun. People flocked to him, surrounded him, and fought to be in his light a little longer. The years had been good to him. He was still taller than humanly possible and still a formidable sight, but the lines in his face seemed softer, andthe tension that he'd carried for so long seemed gone. This wasn't sixteen year old Jake, all intense feelings and whirlwind decisions. This was 20 year old Jacob, someone Bella didn't know.

The rest of the Pack was there as well. All of them were still sights to behold, but there was a sense of calm to them, a sense of peace. She supposed that the Cullens' relocation to Serbia had helped with that. The wary glances they sent her way made her glad Angela had agreed to accompany her. She wasn't sure she could've walked this gauntlet alone.

She knew when he saw her. The smile on his face grewdimmer, the light seemed to leave his eyes and the Pack slowly closed in around her. She was grateful for Angela's almost painful grip. It kept her from fleeing, kept her grounded.

He watched her like a wolf. Sharp eyes, assessing her chance of escape, watched to see if she'd run at the slightest movement.

She held her ground, even as it shook before her eyes.

She didn't run. Didn't hide. She let him see her as she was. Older, wiser, and finally, finally on solid ground. This wasn't Bella, young, in love and foolish. This was Bella, single and happy and firmly on a path of her choosing.

It wasn't like in the movies. They didn't have a moment were she fell into his arms; there were no tears and soft spoken apologies. She had made mistakes, yes, but she had beenyoung, and youth could be forgiven. What they did havewere tense smiles, stilted conversations and glances that lingered longer than they should have. They couldn't erase all the hurt in a moment's worth of conversation.

But they could begin again. Slowly this time, and with a wisdom they hadn't had before.

They rediscovered each other slowly. He taught her to change her oil and patch a tire. She taught him how to bake the perfect chocolate chip cookies and shared her views on philosophy with him.

They went to book signings and La Push bazaars. She dragged him to flea markets to find beloved books and vintage dresses; he took her to cars shows and brought her to the high school he volunteered at.

They went on group outings, he and the Pack along withher with Angela, and Daniel, a sweet boy from her building. (Bellawasn't a social butterfly, but her little group was enough). They went to parks and on picnics and, one bright sunny day, they dove off the cliffs just because they could.

They talked about what happened. They talked about why she didn't get married and why he didn't imprint. She told him it was because she was losing herself, he told her it was because he was unable to let anyone in anymore, not after being broken so completely. They never talked about what they were doing now. They didn't have to.

They had to walk before they could run, they both knew that.

When it happened, she was ready. When the mood shifted and the light in his eyes became a smoldering glow, she was ready to respond in kind. She was ready for the press of his lips against hers, ready for the touch of his hands and the heat that came with them. This was her choice, he was her choice, and she knew now that it was the right one.

Waiting for him, waiting for this, had been the right choice.

It took a few tries, but they were here. They had ten tiny toes and ten small fingers apiece. They hadbeautiful, small bodies with the darkest tufts of downy hair, the biggest and brightest brown eyes. They were finally here. Her dream babies, Eva and Ivan. She'd waited so long for them.

Life wasn't perfect. It wasn't all halcyon days and moonlight nights. It wasn't always dazzling and it wasn't always perfect. They were flawed. They fought over the dishes and they argued about the Pack swearing around the kids (Leah and Quil loved to teach the kids new words and Emily and Bella could only take but so much), and sometimes she'd go home to Charlie's and bake out her anger while the twins tortured their grandfathers. But it was real, and it was life, and it was everything her dreams had ever promised it would be.

A/N: And we're done! I know it wasn't all Jacob and Bella, but I loved the idea of Bella on her own, trying new things and finding herself again. I hope you all enjoyed this.