AN: This is also a pice of work that is transleted from swedish to english.
He watches her. He often do that when there's no risk for anyone else to know. He likes it. No, he loves it. He knows that he shouldn't do it, but he can't help himself. He loves to watch her when she's reading and focus' on the book. She usually frowns when she does that. He told her once, bur she just snorted at him telling him that she does not. He loves to watch her when she talks. How she moister her lips with her tongue after every sentence. He loves to watch her when she's sleeping. Sometimes he sneaks into her room on the nights when he can't sleep. He walks up to her and looks at her calm face. The moon shines on her making her look like a goddess in bed. Then he reaches for her and gently strokes her cheek. He wants to wake her. Tell her all about his thoughts. But he can't. He's not aloud. He loves to sit and listen to her thoughts. Especially when she lets her mind wander. He's heard the thoughts she has about him. He smiles every time cause they are always so nice. But he knows that it's a dangerous pleasure. He really shouldn't do it. It hurts inside of him, and every time it gets harder to stop. But here he can look at her. Here no one will disturb him. Another one of Nathan's many parties to get new contacts. She has been accepted in the family now, and that's why she attend these parties. He himself has never liked them and stayed out of everyone's way. So even this time.
But now he stands in a corner with a drink in his hand and watches her. She's standing with Nathan and talks to some big shot from Wall Street. Her emerald satin dress makes her green eyes shine even greener. Her blond wavy hair hangs free over he back. A butterfly hairclip sits in her fringe, keeping it out of her eyes. He smiles at Nathan and laughs. He can't hear her laugh, but he can imagine it. He loves her laugh. So pure and clear, but above all honest. Nobody laughs like her. It sounds like angels bells in his ears when he hears it. She looks around the room and he can see how she's looking for someone. His souls says that it's him she's trying to find. And when he hears her thoughts he knows that's it. He steps out of the shadow and mixes with the crowd. Her gaze slides across the room and he can see how she spots him. A new joy lights up her eyes. He can't help but blush over how real the joy is. She leaves Nathan's side and slides over to him. Noon of them says anything. Words are unnecessary. They both know what the other one thinks. Without a word they walks through the crowd and out on a secluded balcony. They should know better than to expose themselves to situations like this where anything can happen. But they doesn't care. The night breeze hits their faces. It's a little chilly, but that doesn't concern them. They stand beside each other. Far enough to not touch each other, but close enough to feel the warmth from the others body. He looks at her. A dim light from the party inside reflects in her hair and makes it glow. Her eyes are looking up at the night sky. Maybe she's trying to see some stars. Maybe she dreams that she's somewhere else, with or without him. A place where things are different. He resists the impulse of stroking her hair.
- This is so not my thing, she says after a while still looking up on the stars.
- I know what you mean, he answers.
- It's so different from the life I'm used to. All these rich people talking about politics and money. It's…it's…ah. I don't know what it is.
- I know. You feel so alienated among them.
- Exactly.
She turns her head to him and meets his eyes. He can se that glance in them. The glance she always gets when she's watching him.
If just everything where different.
- I agree.
She bashes him light on the arm while she says with false anger:
- You promised not to read my mind.
- I can't help it that you think so loud, he says while defending himself from her next bash.
There's a sudden shiver through her body. He understands that most of it is because of the chill. But it's also something else. Something she doesn't want to say, but that he think he knows.
- You want to go inside?
She shakes her head, bud shivers again. He puts his arm around her and pulls her closer. He wants to give of his own warmth. She cuddles up in to his arms and puts her head against his shoulder. He can feel her breath against his neck and shivers. He leans his head against hers and enjoys the feeling of her hair against his cheek. The smell of her newly washed hair finds it's way up his nose and he takes a deep breath to feel as much of it as possible. She pulls her head back. He looks at her and their eyes meet. A thousand oceans can't have the same depth as her eyes at that moment. Their faces draws closer. Their lips longing to meet. Their noses touches and they can feel each others breaths.
- Peter?
The moment is gone. He looks to the door and sees Nathan standing there. Guilty he lets go of Claire and almost unnoticeable backs away from her. He can feel her disappointment almost as clear as his own.
- What's up Nath?
He tries to sound casual but thinks that Nathan can hear the tension in his voice. Nathan looks enigmatic at them for a moment before he says anything.
- Heidi's looking for you inside.
- Sure thing. I'll come.
He stands still for a second hoping that Nathan will leave so that he can have one last word with Claire. But when Nathan doesn't seem to be willing to leave he sighs quietly and walks past his brother and back to the party.
It's night. Dark and quiet. The whole house is sleeping, but he can't find the peace to sleep. He lays in bed, tossing and turning. He can't get the feeling of unfulfilment out of his body. It hangs over him and won't let him be. The almost-kiss earlier that night wasn't enough. He wants more. He shouldn't, but he does. He doesn't want it to be just almost. He wants to feel her lips against his own. He wants to caress her golden hair. Feel her body against his own. Feel that she desires him like he desires her. But it's all so wrong. He curses the moment they first meet. The first time he looked into those enchanted green eyes. But still it's probably the most wonderful moment in his life. Sometimes, when life seams hopeless, he thinks of that moment. He told her that life only gets better. But ever since then it's only been getting worse. She's lurked her way into him, to places where no one has ever been before. He rolls over to the side and looks out the window. He knows how the stars look like in the sky and he smiles to himself when he pictures her whit the stars in her eyes. Suddenly his bedroom door slowly opens. He turns his head that way, not knowing who to expect. The whole house should be sleeping. He sees her standing there, watching him. She doesn't seem to know that he's awake but stands in the door not knowing whether to go inside or walk away.
- You can come in, he says.
She doesn't answer but just walks inside shutting the door behind her. She walks quietly up to his bed and sits down with her back against is stomach. He moves a little to make room for her, but she doesn't want to lay down. She looks out the window and he places a careful hand on her back.
- Can't you sleep either? he asks after a while.
She shakes her head and looks down at her knees. Even though it's a rapid movement he thinks he can see tears on her cheek.
- Can't we just pretend?
She says it and the knows that she's desperately wants him to say yes.
- Pretend what?
- That everything was different.
He sighs. He wishes that as much as she does. But he also know with the same certainty that she has that it's not possible. They are both so aware of the reality. But still very aware of their own feelings. He doesn't know what to say. He understands why she's crying. Her pain is so clear to him. He can see it every day. He gently strokes her back and is hoping that she will understand all that he's trying to say but can't find the words for. She sobs. Then she lays down on the bed besides him. Whit her knees against his. Her face against his. Her heart against his. They look at each other and he can see that she's been crying for a while. He whips away a tear from her cheek, but soon there's another one taking its place.
- Can't you just say that everything is different. Just say it.
He can hear the desperation in her voice. She's depending on it just as much as he is. He puts his arm around her and pulls her closer. He can feel her heart against his chest.
- Everything is different. The world doesn't exist. It's just you and me. No one else. Just you and me.
He whispers it to her hair. He can hear how weak it sounds. But just like her he clings to he words. The world doesn't exist. It's just the two of them. No one else. He puts a hand under he cheek and lifts her head up against his own. She doesn't object but follows in the movement. The air between them is vibrating. The world doesn't exist they close their eyes and their lips meets. The heat flows between them. Their legs get tangled up together to keep them still. His hands caresses her hair. Down her back. Hers are doing the same. They play in his hair. Down his back. Desperately clutching his shirt. He pulls her closer. Holds her hard against himself. He does never want to let go. Heaven couldn't be as sweet as this moment. But reality muscles in as the steps of someone comes through the closed door. They stop kissing and looks at each other. She pulls away and makes herself ready to leave the room. He grabs her arm and stops her from leaving the bed.
- Stay here tonight, he whispers.
- I can't.
- Screw what everyone else thinks. The world doesn't exist. It's just you and me.
She smiles at him. They have both the same feeling. She crawls closer to him again. Lays down with her back against his chest. He moves as close to her as he can. Then he puts his arm around her waist and pulls her even closer. None of them says a word. But there's no need for them. Words would just be superfluous. Her breaths gets deep and even, sleep has taken her to a place where everything is different for real. He leans his head against hers and breath in the scent of her hair. His whole body relaxes and he starts to wander into the kingdom of sleep. But first he begs a silent prayer that this moment will last forever.