AN: This was a story I originally posted on Tumblr for Westallen Secret Santa. It's a bit late getting here, but here it is, regardless.
He deserves it.
Barry Allen had those words on repeat in his head as he sat crouched behind a large snow drift located close to the front steps of his house. With the feeling in his hands, feet, and face basically nonexistent, and the warmth of his house accompanied by the scent of his mother's delicious Christmas cookies tempting him to give up his petty endeavor, those whispered words, as well as the image of Cisco Ramon getting pelted right in the face with a snowball, provided the willpower he needed to keep his butt planted in the snow. He blew warm breath onto his frozen, prickling fingertips through his gloves and he silently blamed his current discomfort on Cisco, adding just another thing to the growing list of reasons his short, fellow science geek deserved what was about to come to him.
Just because he's so damn happy with Cynthia doesn't give him the right to tell me what I need to do with my relationships, Barry silently fumed. He deserves what's coming to him.
With his determination once more intact, Barry shook out his hands to try and get feeling back into his fingers before he returned to the task of gathering snow and rolling it into the perfect snowball that would inflict the most damage upon impact. Cisco was due to show up with his caroling group any second now, and when he did, Barry planned on popping out of his hiding place and pummeling his friend with the numerous snowballs he had been busy making since he had thought up this particular plan earlier on that day. He never considered himself to be a violent person, but in the current moment, he wanted nothing more than to hit his friend as hard as his friend had hit him when he so nonchalantly threw such callous words at Barry the night of the Wests' Christmas party. He had hit Barry below the belt by throwing Iris, Barry's best friend who he had been secretly in love with for years, into his face, and his cruel words had been stuck in Barry's craw for days, festering and rotting his insides, leading him to this current desperate act. After all, no one threw Iris in Barry's face and got away with it, especially Cisco.
As a young boy, before he ever understood what he felt for her, Barry knew that he would do anything for Iris. That particular belief got tested quite a bit, like in the fifth grade when he hid in a school supply closet with her for six hours while she scoped out the school janitor whom she was certain, and rightly so, was not cleaning the girls' restroom. Then in the eighth grade, he joined the production of Guys and Dolls despite having crippling stage fright merely because Iris was a part of the production and thought that he would be the perfect Sky Masterson. And in freshman year, he got into more than a few fights standing up for her against a horde of students who were angry with her when she exposed one of the most popular teachers in the school for taking bribes from parents to boost their kids' test scores. He had been more than ready to take on those bruises and nose-bleeds because the physical pain was far less agonizing than seeing the tears in Iris's eyes when people would try and tear her down for doing the right thing.
Barry was there for Iris through thick and thin, but their relationship was never unbalanced because as much as he was there for her, she was always there for him. When he was eleven and his mother got really sick and had to have a heart transplant, Barry started acting out and chasing people away. Iris refused to succumb to his rude behavior, and stayed resolutely by his side, making sure he didn't get overwhelmed or give up hope that a donor would come around, which it thankfully did. When Becky Cooper broke up with him in the middle of the cafeteria their sophomore year, it was Iris who shouted her out for being rude and showed up to his house that night with mint chocolate chip ice cream and the original Star Wars trilogy to cheer him up. She had no qualms at all hanging out with him and the other science geeks he hung out with despite the fact that she was considered one of the most popular girls in their class, being the head of the newspaper and the captain of the cheerleading squad. Anyone who tried to judge her or tell her that it was weird that she was so close to Barry, immediately got an earful for their efforts. Besides his parents, there was no one in the world who seemed to care for him more than she did, and Barry counted himself lucky everyday that she was a part of his life.
His dad was the one who seemed to pick up on what he felt and enlightened him on his feelings and what they implied. He even nudged Barry to admit those feelings to her, but Barry had been adamant that those thoughts be ignored for the sake of the friendship he had with her. The last thing he ever wanted was to lose his best friend in the world even if it meant his romantic feelings could never be realized.
Iris, oddly enough, never really dated anyone throughout middle and high school, which everyone found to be a mystery considering how pretty and outgoing she was with everyone. Even Barry, the biggest science dork in school had a few girlfriends here and there, but Iris always insisted that she was too busy with school and extracurricular activities to get mixed up with romantic relationships. That, however, didn't stop the majority of the football, basketball, track, and even debate team members from asking her out nearly every other day. With each person that came up to her, Barry found himself holding his breath, waiting for her to fall in love with any one of them, but Iris never looked at any of them as anything more than friends, something he could actually sympathize with. He found her unwillingness to date anyone a blessing because he never had to actually see her with anyone else. At least that was the case until Eddie Thawne moved into town.
Eddie moved to Central City late in their junior year and immediately took the school by storm with his athleticism, his easy going attitude, and his charm. He slid right into the top of the school hierarchy his first few days in school and became the most popular kid in no time at all, though it never affected how nice he was to everyone. There was something about him that made the female, and quite a few of the male, population go completely gaga over him, but, much to Barry's chagrin, Eddie seemed to only have eyes for Iris.
To her credit, Iris didn't just succumb to his charms. Eddie asked her to go the movies with him the very day he met her, but she turned him down gently but firmly, citing her plans to go to STAR Labs to see Harrison Wells give a speech that very weekend with Barry for his birthday. Eddie took that rejection in stride but didn't allow it to keep him down for long. Though he didn't ask her out again for some time, he infiltrated Iris and Barry's circle of friends and made it a point to stay close to her, warding off every other boy that even looked in her direction, though he seemed to know better than to try to come between her and Barry. It actually took the entire year of Eddie weaseling his way into her life before Iris finally relented and agreed to go out with him. Barry had just started getting somewhat serious with his new girlfriend, Patty Spivot, so he couldn't object to Iris going out with Eddie, even though the sight of her on Eddie's arm made him sick to his stomach, no matter how amazingly perfect they looked together. He told himself that it had to happen eventually – Iris finding someone to be with – and despite his misgivings and his deep deep resentment toward Eddie, Barry had to concede that the blond jock was a good guy who really seemed to care about his best friend.
They always vowed that no one would ever come between their friendship, but neither realized that both of them being in relationships at the same time would definitely put a strain on it, or rather the time they were able to spend with each other. Initially, they tried doing double dates with Eddie and Patty, but none of the dates were a success with an air of awkwardness always lingering around them no matter what they did, which both Barry and Iris assumed was because Eddie and Patty didn't really seem to like one another for some odd reason. With double dates then out of the question, their time together was replaced with time spent with their girlfriend and boyfriend, who monopolized their respective free times. Then with the beginning of senior year new time-consuming events took hold such as school, clubs, and sports as well as college and scholarship applications. Their romantic relationships managed to flower with Eddie and Iris being elected Homecoming King and Queen and Barry and Patty becoming the Science Club darlings, but their friendship took another hit. The calls between them became fewer and farther in between, and friend dates with just him and her eventually stopped altogether.
The longer that he and Iris were apart, the more Barry felt the hole in his life where she belonged become bigger and bigger until it became a gaping black hole that nothing could fill but affected everything else, especially his mood. He was desperate to reconnect, but news started flying around school that Eddie was so smitten with Iris that he was going to pop the question right after graduation and that they were going to move to National City and attend school there together. And with that news, Barry started to believe that he was going to lose her forever, and his mood only got worse as he tried to accept that as his new reality.
Patty, oblivious to the source of his mood change, made an effort to cheer him up and brighten his demeanor by setting up more dates for them where they could be together. It was such a valiant attempt that Barry tried to throw himself into it head on, but it never felt completely right. Unfortunately, not even her perky attitude and constant reassurance that he and her could get through anything as long as they were together could overcome the dark cloud that seemed to constantly hang over his head. He couldn't even blame her when she eventually gave up the fight and broke up with him a week before Thanksgiving break by telling him that she was tired of feeling like she wasn't enough. Her eyes pleaded with him to tell her she was wrong, but he didn't argue with her reasoning, which only made her even more insistent that they end their relationship. It was in the aftermath that he realized that he was still very much in love with Iris and that he needed her to be a part of his life. She may never know how he felt, but as long as she was still his best friend, he would bear anything else, including Eddie.
When the Wests' Christmas party invitation arrived in the mail, Barry took it as a sign. He was almost desperate to see Iris again and get back to the way they used to be, which he felt was a lot easier now that they had handed in all their school applications and were done with the majority of the things that had consumed a lot of their time. Though Eddie would still be in the picture, Barry was determined that he would not lose his best friend. No matter what he had to do, he wanted to be a part of her life just as he needed her to be a part of his.
On the night of the party, he made sure to dress extra nice and irritated his parents in the process with his multiple outfit changes and incessant questions on which color made his eyes pop. When they all arrived at the party, and Iris greeted him and his parents at the door, all of Barry's thoughts about his wardrobe disintegrated into atom-sized specks; in fact, most of this thoughts went out the window.
Two months had seriously damaged his ability to be able to look at his best friend and not be outwardly affected. She was the same beautiful girl that had taken him by storm on the playground in the fourth grade, but in that moment the twinkle in her brown eyes and the wide grin on her lips seemed to be far more potent in its effect on his 146 IQ. He couldn't even say anything for a whole minute after the initial greeting, so Iris had to repeat her hello, which he didn't respond to any better than the first one. He could only make himself nod his head dumbly and stumble past her with only his parents' arms keeping him on his feet. They all looked at him worriedly at his abrupt lack of coherent speech and direction, but Barry immediately excused himself in order to avoid having to tell them what it was that was wrong with him, which was that his best friend's absence in his life had made his heart grow so fond of her, it completely overrode his entire brain's capacity to function properly in front of her.
He was able to speak normally when he talked to Joe and Francine West, and even when he joked around with Iris's little bother, Wally, but whenever Iris came into his view, he became a bumbling mess. Every time he caught her eye, she would dazzle him with a smile that made his knees feel weak and then she would beckon him to come to her, but he would always shrug her summons off and avert his gaze, which only earned him a somewhat bemused look from the object of his affections. He didn't know if he could talk to her coherently, and the effect she had on him was so heady that he was almost afraid that he would just blurt how he felt for her right then and there if he actually spent more than three seconds in her presence. It was best for him to keep some distance between them even though his body was screaming at him to go be by her side.
"Are you planning on talking to her tonight?" Cisco asked, surprising Barry who was too busy watching Iris laughing and talking animatedly with his mother to even notice his close friend's approach.
"Wh-what? Whattaya mean?" Barry awkwardly questioned back, rubbing the back of his head with a tinge of pink in his cheeks after finally tearing his eyes away from her. "Talk to who?"
"The girl you've been creepily watching all night," Cisco replied bluntly before he smugly took a sip of his cup of eggnog. "I'm pretty sure you're going to burn a hole in the back of her head with the intensity you've been staring at her, man. Why don't you just go over there and talk to her like a regular human being?"
"I will," Barry answered with a bit more volume in his voice than he intended. He ducked his head when he garnered a few stares from some of the neighboring groups around them and continued on more quietly. "She's just busy talking with my mom, and they always ignore me, anyway, whenever they get into their deep conversations, so I'll just talk to her later when they're done chatting."
"Sure you will, bro," Cisco huffed out in irritation, his words dripping with sarcasm.
"Why would you doubt that I would?" Barry shot back at him defensively, not understanding where his friend's doubtful and irritated tone was coming from.
His fellow science geek rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "Why are you making things so awkward, man? I would have thought that you would be all up in her grill after she broke up with Eddie a few weeks ago, but you still haven't made a move."
Barry's eyebrwos shot toward the ceiling as his eyes widened in shock, his heart was already beating wildly with excitement. "Wait, what? Iris and Eddie broke up? When did that happen?"
He had been expecting, and mentally preparing for, the blond jock to show up all night and had been surprised when an hour had gone by and he still hadn't shown. With this recent revelation, however, it all now kinda made sense.
"How could you not know? It was about a week after you and Patty broke up," chided Cisco, his eyebrows furrowed suspiciously at Barry for not knowing. His tone changed from flabbergasted to reprimanding as he went on. "I thought that with her finally being available and you free and clear of your own blonde stand in, that you would be happy and finally put yourself, and honestly the rest of us, out of all our miseries by finally asking her out, but you haven't, and based on how you're acting now, it doesn't look like you plan to, either."
"I didn't even know that she and Eddie were broken up," Barry argued, though there wasn't any heat in his voice as he felt like he had lost a hundred pounds and was on the verge of levitating off the ground. He forced that feeling aside as his defenses started shooting up again. "But even if I did know, I wouldn't just ask her out right off the bat. She's probably still getting over him, and I only just broke up with Patty. Besides, she and I are just friends."
Cisco dramatically heaved out a sigh that spoke of an exhaustion that only a man who had lived a hundred years working on his hands and knees could truly understand. "Are you seriously going to keep pulling that excuse out, Barry? I think three weeks is long enough for her to get over pretty boy, and considering how long you've been in love with Iris, getting over Patty is nothing compared to you finally just asking out the girl you've been wrapped around since I've known you."
Barry was hit with another dose of shock at his friend addressing his feelings so casually and nonchalantly. "I didn't- You don't- I haven't been-"
Shaking his head at Barry's paltry attempt at a defense, Cisco went on, cutting Barry off. "Don't insult my intelligence with that pathetic, tired lie, Barry. Anyone with eyes knows that you've been in love with Iris since the beginning of time. We've all just been waiting for you to actually get the balls to do something about it."
Barry's cheeks flushed red at the idea of people seeing how he felt and talking about it behind his back. He knew his dad knew how he felt about Iris, but to find out that there were seemingly a lot more people in the know was a bit alarming. It did, however, bring out his defensive side again.
"It's not that simple, Cisco. She's my best friend. I'm closer with her than I am with you, and she's just… she's Iris, for crying out loud," he cried out with a mix of desperation and defeat. "I've been lucky just to have her in my life for this long, I don't know if I could possibly ask her for more, Eddie or no Eddie."
A deep groan emanated from Cisco's throat as he raked the fingers of the hand not wrapped around his cup through his shoulder-length hair and shook his head irritably. He turned away from Barry as if he was about to walk away only to turn back around swiftly as he seemed to change his mind.
"You know what, man? You're right if you think she would never think of you as anything more than a friend," he shot at him with an annoyed bluntness that took Barry off his guard. "As far as I know, Iris has never gone for cowards. I guess that's why she's always been out of your league."
With that barb, Cisco drained the rest of his cup and walked away without so much as a glance back, leaving Barry feeling utterly aghast and bereft in his wake.
Barry's face was aflame as he narrowed his eyes at Cisco's back, and that feeling of the breath being knocked out of him started to blossom inside his chest where the words had hit the hardest. He wanted to go to Cisco and tell him how much of an ass he was and how wrong he was about him, but instead, he found himself walking swiftly out of the room and toward the front door, desperate to leave. It was only as he was grabbing the doorknob that he felt a small but firm hand grabbing his shoulder. The familiarity of that touch made his body go rigid as he knew who it belonged to without even having to turn around.
"Were you planning on leaving without even saying goodbye?"
Barry immediately turned around and forced a smile onto his face, but one look into Iris's eyes made his smile sincere almost instantly. She looked so beautiful under the warm lighting of the front room with her warm brown skin aglow. The fact that she was smiling back up at him relaxed every muscle in his body. His resolve to leave nearly disappeared, but the critical part of his brain pulled him back, making him realize that her power was still too potent for him to withstand.
"I-I actually just remembered that I have a paper due at midnight for physics that I totally forgot to submit," he lied easily as he slowly backed away from her and moved closer to the door. "I'm sorry that I can't stay longer."
"Is it really that urgent?" she asked softly, her hand now on his arm as her eyes gazed up into his pleadingly. "I thought that we could talk for a little bit, Barry. I've been wanting to talk with you ever since you came, but you've been kinda elusive all night."
"I promise that we'll talk again, and I promise it will be soon, but I really gotta go," Barry said quickly as he abruptly pulled on the doorknob and turned to walk out. "I'm sorry," he called back over her shoulder as he made a quick retreat down the sidewalk. He didn't even bother to look back, but he swore he could feel her disappointed gaze on his back as he kept walking down the walkway and finally out of her line of sight. Cisco's words swirled around his head as he kept walking. Coward, coward, coward, coward.
Barry's mind reeled back to the present, and his building anger toward Cisco came back to the forefront. Deep down, he knew that Cisco was far from guilty of his current predicament and the sorrow he felt at blowing off his best friend because of his own inability to keep his emotions in check, but he didn't know if he could bear facing the fact that his close friend's insinuation was accurate. He didn't want to think that he was a coward because he wasn't! Was he?
He was thankfully spared having to delve further into that line of thinking by the sound of multiple voices filling the air accompanied by snow crunching beneath boots trudging up his sidewalk. Cisco's voice was easy to single out from the mix, and at that moment, all other thoughts but retribution vanished from Barry's mind. With his hands reaching for the biggest snowball in his arsenal, he slowly rose from his crouch, ready to take aim and surprise bombard his friend.
In the midst of all the anger, frustration, and desperation swirling around in Barry's head, he seemed to forget one very important fault in his plan. It wasn't until he spotted Cisco, who had yet to notice him rising out of the snow drift like a skinny, tree-like ghost with his arm cocked back and the snowball already primed for a throw standing six feet away from him, that Barry remembered that he was absolutely incapable of throwing straight, or hitting anything less than three feet in front of him. The thought hit too late, and before he even knew what was happening, the ball had left his gloved hand and shot straight in the direction of Cisco but was already off course from its intended target. To his horror, Barry saw that the one who was in the snowball's path was the absolute last person he wanted to hit.
Everything seemed to slow down as the snowball continued on its course through the air. Most of the caroler group had finally noticed Barry and had seen that he had thrown something at one of them. Cisco looked up from his music book and shot a disappointed frown in Barry's direction, seeming to have already seen and understood what his friend's intention had been, but Barry's focus was still on the snowball that was flying right toward the person standing to Cisco's right – that person being none other than Iris. The worst part was that she was still gazing at the songbook in her hands, completely oblivious to his presence and the fact that a snowball was on a trajectory course to her head. Barry had to close his eyes as the icy ball collided with the bottom of her face, and he only knew that it had truly hit its mark when he heard a small groan followed by a collective gasp from the rest of the group.
"What the fuck, Barry?" Tony Woodward, a friend, though he was closer to Iris than was to Barry, shouted out furiously, his voice sounding like he wanted to pummel Barry into the ground. "What'd you do that for?"
Barry open his eyes to see Iris now bent down, clutching at her face as Cisco's girlfriend, Cynthia, and another caroler, Caitlin Snow, crowded around her, concerned. Caitlin's boyfriend, Ronnie Raymond placed himself between Barry and Iris alongside Tony and Cisco, all three men glaring right at him, looking very much like they wanted to hit him and not with just snowballs.
"What the hell were you thinking, Allen? Are you an idiot?" Ronnie spat out, clearly appalled by the other boy's actions.
"Barry, that was not cool," Caitlin agreed with her boyfriend from Iris's side where she was gently rubbing Iris's back soothingly. "You may have seriously hurt her. That was totally irresponsible of you."
"What's your damage, Allen?" Cynthia spit out as well, looking just as angry as the boys in the group.
Barry opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out. He wanted to fling himself off the nearest and highest platform for what he had just done. He was so busy muttering every swear word in his vocabulary under his breath and mentally beating himself up to notice the animosity that was coming his way from his friends. His eyes looked right past all of them and focused on Iris whose back was still faced to him as she remained crouched down with her head bent. He just wanted to see her face and see if she was okay before he could even really allow himself to breathe, let alone feel anything other than regret and anger at himself.
Cisco huffed out a white puff of breath sullenly as he shook his head at Barry. He walked forward and stood in front of him, his face void of all humor as he just stared up at Barry in open disapproval. "I don't know what you were thinking, man, but if you thought that this was what I meant when I told you to take your shot at Iris, you seriously misinterpreted my words."
Scowling at Cisco, Barry turned all his anger and frustration on him. "This is all your fault," he shouted at him as he roughly jabbed his finger into the other boy's chest. "That snowball was meant for you, not for her. If you had just sh-"
Barry saw a white blur form the corner of his eye before something white and cold slammed into his face sending pain through his right cheek but mostly his right eye. The force was almost enough to knock him off his feet, but he managed to stay standing, though he immediately turned and narrowed his good eye in the direction that the hit had come from. To his surprise, he saw Iris standing upright once more, staring right back at him with a snowball in her mitten-covered hand. There was a small scratch next to her mouth where his snowball had hit her, but it did little to hinder the smug grin that was on her lips.
"Your aim either still really sucks, or it's improved a lot, Bar'," she remarked, her voice surprisingly filled with laughter. "In any case, you should know it's only a fair fight if the other side is actually prepared for the attack." The second snowball came just as quickly as the first, but with a quick maneuver, Barry took the hit in his shoulder instead of his chin.
"SNOWBALL FIGHT!" Cisco suddenly bellowed out, not giving anyone else room to question what was happening, and soon all chaos broke loose as everyone in the yard immediately made a break for the snow to make it into proper ammunition to hurl at their fellow carolers. Barry leaped for his previous hiding place behind the drift where his reserve snowballs were already waiting for him and Cisco leaped right after him as it proved to be the only real shield in the entire yard.
Initially, it was everyone for themselves as they all just threw snowballs at one another, but it wasn't long before they unwittingly split into teams, the girls becoming a group and the boys becoming the opposition, all bad blood between Barry and the other boys seemingly forgotten as they focused their attention on getting the girls. The many snowballs Barry made earlier came in handy, but it didn't really help all that much when Caitlin got to making snowballs for the girls. Despite her lack of aim, she was an asset to their team because of how quickly she was able to put up their fort and supply Iris and Cynthia with the ammunition they needed to pelt the boys. They, unlike Caitlin, were extremely more proficient with their aim, and soon all the boys had matching red spots on their faces and exposed skin from the two girls' throws. The boys outnumbered the girls by one, but the girls still seemed to have the boys cornered to the house, mainly because Barry's aim was poor, and Ronnie was too worried that he would hit Caitlin to be much of help to the rest of them. Iris and Cynthia saw their weak spots, and exploited them mercilessly.
"I can't believe they're kicking our asses," Tony growled as he barely dodged a snowball that missed his face by a hair.. "We gotta do something, or we're going to lose. I don't think we can take much more of Iris's arm."
Barry's stinging right eye agreed with that sentiment, so he looked to Cisco, who had taken up the position of team strategist, to think of a plan and quickly. Cisco, already aware of the situation, had a plan at the ready and pulled their team together to impart it while the girls took a break to replenish their ammunition. He told him how he wanted Ronnie and Tony to provide cover for him and Barry, who were then going to be responsible for sneaking around the side of their fort and the yard to capture the girls' fort from behind. The former duo were meant to draw fire from Iris and Cynthia, which would then leave Caitlin alone to defend the girl fort by herself which would mean it would be just her going up against Cisco and Barry when they actually attacked.
The plan initially worked well enough with the chaos of the exchanged snowball fire covering the noise of Cisco and Barry slithering on their bellies through the snow, but when Barry and Cisco got to a small drift a few short feet from the girls' fort, there was a hitch in their plan. Both boys and girls' sides seemed to run out of snowballs at the same time, so both sides retreated to their bases to replenish their ammunition, which left Barry and Cisco stranded where they were, unable to move with all the girls so close by. They were close enough to hear Iris, Cynthia and Caitlin whispering to one another, which meant any movement they made would be picked up easily by all of them. For good measure, Barry held his finger in front of his lips to Cisco, silently telling his companion to be quiet..
"Hey, I've only seen Woodward and Raymond for the past five minutes," Barry and Cisco heard Cynthia comment from where the girls were huddled. "Where's Cisco and Allen?"
"Yeah… I haven't seen them, either," Iris agreed, a hint of nervousness and suspicion in her voice. "You don't think those two are up to something, do you?"
"Knowing my Cisco, he probably concocted some intricate plan to take our fort by creating a tunnel through the snow," Cynthia replied coolly. "But if he thinks that he's going to sneak up on us, I'm gonna give up a mouthful of snow for his efforts."
"'Kay, but don't hit Barry if you see him," Iris added softly. "I think I may have hit him a little too hard earlier. I think he's gotten pelted enough for the night."
"Of course you would say that, Iris," Caitlin puffed out teasingly. "You have way too big of a soft spot when it comes to Barry, even though he nailed you with a snowball and completely blew you off last weekend. I'm not sure he deserves your mercy."
"Hey," Iris responded guardedly. "You know Barry, Cait. That snowball was totally not intended for me. Based on his aim, I'm thinking he was probably aiming for Tony or Ronnie instead of me."
"Yeah, but that doesn't explain why he blew you off at your Christmas party, Iris," Cynthia interjected. "The least he could have done was stick around and actually talk to you, especially considering how moody you've been the past few months because the two of you not being as close as you used to be, but he totally buzzed off without even trying to talk to you once. I can't believe you actually broke it off with Thawne for him."
Barry's eyes widened at that statement, his ears noticeably red underneath his beanie. He looked to Cisco, ready to explode because of what he just heard, but Cisco quickly held up a finger to his lips this time, ordering him to remain silent.
"I didn't break up with Eddie for Barry, Cyn. Eddie and I just realized that we didn't really fit as a couple," protested Iris heatedly. "And I wasn't moody! I just missed having my best friend in my life. We've always been really close for as long as I can remember. Not having him around just felt… wrong."
"Based on how sad Eddie has been since you broke up with him, I'm not sure he agrees that you two didn't fit together, Iris, and it is odd that you just happened to come to that realization about Eddie only after you heard that Spallen were no more," Cynthia persisted, driving her point home with brutal bluntness. "That's quite the coincidence if you ask me."
"Well no one's asking you," Iris snapped, the bite in her tone causing Barry to stiffen, which made his coat squeak against the snow. Luckily the girls were too entranced in their conversation to hear.
Iris audibly sighed. "I'm sorry I snapped at you, Cyn, I just don't really want to talk about this right now. You and Caitlin are so blissfully happy with Cisco and Ronnie, but that doesn't mean you're automatically the consummate professionals on relationships, so, please, just drop it."
"You know we just want you to be happy, Iris, because it seems that you haven't really been happy for a while, now," Caitlin chimed in softly.
There was only silence from Iris in response.
Cynthia did not seem quite so willing to just let things slide on. "I'm just glad that Cisco and I didn't have to go through all this bullcrap. I don't think I could bear going through the emotional roller coaster ride the way you and Allen are constantly at it, Iris. It's so frustrating how completely oblivious you two are. You'd think for someone so smart, Allen would have, at least, figured out that you were in love with him ages ago."
"Cyn!" Iris hissed, panicked. "Can you be quiet? I don't need you shouting my business out to the entire world, especially Barry!"
"If he hasn't realized how you feel for him, I doubt he would understand what I just said if it hit him in the face," Cynthia huffed out an irritated. "But fine, I won't bring it up anymore," she than acquiesced solemnly.
"Thank you," Iris replied, the relief evident in her voice. "Your open bluntness is why I love you, but it's not really the right time to be talking about this."
"Can we just focus on killing the boys and taking their fort, then?"
"Well, I have about twenty snowballs ready for you guys to use, so hopefully, you can get it done with that," Caitlin said, jumping on the train of keeping the focus on the snowball fight to keep the tension at bay.
"It is seriously crazy how quickly you make these things, Snow," replied Cynthia, her voice willed with genuine awe. "It's like the snow just comes out of your hands."
Caitlin snorted. "That's impossible, and frankly would be kind of a boring superpower if making snowballs was all I could do," she remarked lightly. "Just try not to hit Ronnie with too many of them because I don't really think his heart is in this fight."
"No promises, Cait," Iris chirped in, her voice filled with renewed perkiness at the change of topic. "We're not going to take any prisoners. Right, Cyn?"
"Hell yeah. They're all going down!"
The conversation ended abruptly as Cynthia suddenly screamed out a war cry and made a mad dash to the boys' base with Iris close in tow. Tony and Ronnie made a valiant effort to combat them, but they were still not ready for the attack and in the end, Cynthia and Iris both screamed out in victory as both Tony and Ronnie eventually relented and called out their surrender.
Their attack on the boy fort would have been a prime time for Barry and Cisco to make a move on attacking Caitlin, but Barry was frozen in place, his eyes wide as his entire brain seemed to be set on fire with the new information he had just gleaned from his eavesdropping. Cisco made no move to attack Caitlin, either, as he just sat up and placed his hand reassuringly on Barry's shoulder, understanding that his friend had just received the shock of a lifetime in the span of five minutes.
He whispered softly in his best soothing tone. "I think you've heard enough, Barry. The ball's in your court, now."
The front door of the Allen household suddenly opened, and Nora Allen stepped out onto the front porch with a plate of cookies in her hands. The taunting shouts and laughter from Cynthia and Iris immediately stopped as all attention was focused on the Allen matriarch.
"I was expecting to hear carols, but I see I got a war on my hands, instead," she said, amused, with a genial smile on her lips, most likely having watched the entire fight from inside the house. "I see the girls have finally declared victory, so I thought now would be the perfect time for me to come out and invite you all come inside and have some hot chocolate and cookies to warm yourselves up."
Tony, Ronnie, Cynthia, and Iris all called out their thank you's to Nora from their place by the front steps. The two boys immediately started to make their way in, but Iris and Cynthia stayed back, waiting for their third teammate. The two boys still hiding out in the snow thought they would get the chance to come out after Caitlin headed in, but the girl in question suddenly appeared above their heads, her eyes wide in surprise as she stood over them.
"How long have you guys been there?" she demanded, glancing to where the girl base was and where the two boys were still crouched, which was not far at all from the former. "What did you two hear?"
Barry felt his cold face fill with warmth as he averted his eyes to the ground, not bothering to reply.
"Oh God, she's going to hate this," Caitlin muttered, not needing a verbal confirmation after seeing Barry's face. She turned to Cynthia and Iris and called out to both of them. "You guys, come over here."
Both Iris and Cynthia quickly came to Caitlin's side and when they looked down and saw Barry and Cisco, both of them immediately came the same conclusion as Caitlin did as to what the two boys may have overhead.
"Oh my God, they were there this whole time?" Iris muttered, horrified, under her breath. "Do you think-"
"Just talk to him, Iris," Cynthia stated firmly but gently as she reached out to squeeze her arm. "Caitlin and I are going to head inside. You're coming, too, Francisco," she then said, aiming the latter command to her boyfriend.
Cisco shot Barry a sympathetic look before he rose to his feet and followed his girlfriend and Caitlin into the house, leaving Iris standing above Barry who was still sitting in the snow. With everyone else inside, a heavy silence fell between the two best friends.
After a minute of the silence, Iris finally lowered herself to the ground next to Barry, who scooted over to give her flatter ground to sit on beside him. She left an inch of space between them as she shoved her mitten-covered hands into the pockets of her jacket and stared out at a spot off in the distance. Barry wanted to close the space between them, his body already yearning to be closer to hers, but he was still uncertain what the next proper move should be. To now know that the girl he had been in love with but whom he always believed to be out of his reach may have had feelings for him this entire time seemed too much of a dream come true.
"How's your eye?" Iris asked stiffly, her question ending the heavy silence that had built up like a wall between them.
"Oh, um… it's fine," Barry answered, both relieved and irritated that she had chosen not to just immediately address the elephant in the yard. He turned his head and took in her profile, but then she turned to face him and their eyes met fully making his brain start to go hazy all over again. "H-how's your lip? Does it hurt? You have to know I didn't mean to hit you at all. I was aiming at Cisco and-"
"I know," she replied, cutting off the word babble that about to leave his mouth.
A smile slowly slid across her lips as she continued gazing fondly into his eyes. There was something there that seemed to make her relax because the next thing Barry knew, she was getting onto her knees and crawling across the snow to kneel directly in front of him so their faces were almost level, though her head was slightly higher than his, which meant he had to look up to see her eyes. Though night had come a while ago, the Christmas lights from his house were bright enough to illuminate her face. The smooth brown skin on her cheeks and the tip of her nose were slightly tinged with a pink flush from the cold. The blinking lights reflected in her dark brown eyes and in the deep depths a new light had already begun to stir, stealing Barry's breath from right out of his lungs. She was so incredibly beautiful that all of the new information he had just heard suddenly made even less sense to him because never did he ever believe that such beauty would choose to be his. As a person who believed in logic, numbers, and facts that idea just seemed far too improbable.
Iris pulled her mittens off of her hands and let the pieces of clothing fall into her lap. Before Barry could ask her what she was doing, her hands were on his face: one gently propping his chin up while the other grazed over the skin around his right eye with such tenderness, it was almost like she was touching fragile crystal rather than his sturdy but bruised skin. Her face moved closer to his to study the damage that she had inflicted upon him. With her closeness, Barry was also able to see the small cut by her lip as well, and seeing the blemish on her perfect skin made him feel like he wanted the ground to swallow him up whole.
"I got you a lot worse than you got me," she said softly, almost as though she had read his mind. Sorrow filled her eyes as she watched her fingers continue to caress the skin by his eye. "I'm sorry, Bar', I think I overdid it a little bit."
"It's okay, Iris. I'm the one who started it, and I never meant to hurt you. If I could just-"
Barry's words were abruptly cut off by the sensation of Iris's lips brushing his eyelid. Even though he had assumed his skin would be numb after he had been out in the cold for so long, he could still feel the warm press of her mouth on his cold skin. It was a sensation that he wanted to drown in forever. When he closed his eyes, he tried to hold onto that feeling tight. He was so wrapped up in that struggle that when she started to pull away, he immediately reached out and placed his hands on her waist to keep her in place. With little provocation, she leaned back in and pressed her lips back on his right eyelid and the skin all around his eye. Barry kept his eyes closed, drinking in her affection like a man drinking water in an oasis after wandering the desert for weeks. He wasn't sure if he could get enough.
He opened his eyes and found Iris was still hovering above him, gazing down at him with such warmth and tenderness on her face that Barry could feel his eyes start to grow wet with tears of intense adoration.
"I love you, Iris," he declared in a whisper, still afraid that he would be rejected but too overly sensitized by her ministrations to hold back his feelings for her any longer. Her kisses had raised him so high up, he was no longer afraid of falling despite the depths being so much further beneath him and so much more dangerous.
He didn't know how she would react, but when she started to shake her head and pull back, he felt a sharp pain in his chest like his heart was already starting to break.
"You don't have to say that just because you heard what Cynthia said earlier, Barry," she asserted demurely. "I don't expect you to feel the same way as I do, and frankly, I'll be okay if we just stay the way we've always been." Her voice was forcefully light, but he could still hear the underlying disappointment just beneath the surface. "I'll be happy as long as you're a part of my life."
Before he could even offer her a response, she rose to her feet and offered her hand to help him up, which Barry accepted eagerly. The thought of allowing her to leave, especially with everything that had just happened was unacceptable and he started thinking desperately of how he could fix things. Remembering what Cisco had said, Barry realized that now more than ever, he could not be a coward. The moment called for boldness and courage – she neededboldness and courage – and she needed it from him, so that was exactly what he was going to give her.
He got to his feet, but instead of letting go of her hand, he kept it firmly in his grasp. He gently pulled on it, forcing her into his space, and when she drew close, he wrapped his arms around her, forcing a small gasp from her lips. She was so much smaller than him and yet she fit so perfectly in his arms, their bodies, despite the thickness of their coats, molding together seamlessly. He just held her close to him for a moment, letting her become enveloped in his embrace with her head tucked under his chin. He closed his eyes and allowed his warmth to mingle with hers before he finally decided on the words that would cement the path that he wanted them to go from there.
"I fell in love with you the very first moment I laid eyes on you swinging on the swing set in the fourth grade," he whispered in her ear as he reached up to brush his fingers across her cheek, careful not to touch the small cut near her lip. "Your hair was up in those perfect little pigtail puffs, and you were wearing a purple shirt and denim overalls with white and red sneakers. You were teaching another girl how to pump her legs on the swing, and you were doing a pretty good job of it. You didn't notice me at first, but then you turned your head, looked right at me, and then suddenly you were flying through the air like a bird. You landed right in front of me and you looked at me like you were shocked that I was still there, but by that time there was nowhere I would have rather been then right there with you. You smiled and I just had to take one look at that smile before I knew in that moment that you were the most special girl I would ever know."
The sound of her sniffling reached his ears accompanied by the warm wetness on his neck which revealed to him she had started to cry. He was worried that he may have said the wrong thing, but Barry could not stop there. The words that had been pent up inside of him for years had already started coming out, and they couldn't be held in any longer.
"I may not have completely understood what it was I felt right then and there, but I realized eventually that that was the moment I first fell in love with you, Iris West. It seemed like a miracle when you actually asked me to be your friend that day because your friendship felt like the most precious gift I could ever be given. And because I never thought that you would ever consider me as anything more than a friend, I told myself that I would never risk losing you, even if it meant you would never know how I truly felt about you."
"But why would you ever think that, Bartholomew?" Iris abruptly cried out. She lifted her head and narrowed her wet eyes at him sorrowfully. There was anger blazing alongside the sadness in the deep, brown depths of her gaze as she turned all of the emotions on him. "You, that boy in the striped, red and black polo, and the navy blue slacks, with those dark blue boat shoes you always used to love to wear, stole my heart that day, too, Barry. I didn't even know who you were, but your eyes were the most beautiful green I had ever seen, and your smile was so kind and welcoming that I knew that I wanted you to always be in my life, starting from that day, and I knew that I wanted to be a part of yours, too.
"So how could you possibly think that it was impossible for me to love you when I've loved you from the very beginning? What did I do or say that ever made you ever think that I was better than you or out of your reach? Did I ever say something that discouraged you from thinking that we were anything but equals?"
Barry was shocked at the accusation in her voice, but deep down he knew it was warranted because he was just as angry at himself for allowing his doubts and his lack of self-esteem to come between them.
"I'm so sorry, Iris," he apologized pleadingly as he cradled her face in his hands. "But you were always the most beautiful girl in any room you were in, and I saw how everyone looked at you and knew they thought you were just as incredible as I did. I was insecure since I was a scrawny nerd who just liked to immerse himself in science experiments and idolized Einstein, Hawking and Wells more than the boy bands that everyone else was in to. I put you up on a pedestal that you never asked to be on."
"I loved that kid," she insisted with a desperation in her tone ."I thought your mind was the most amazing thing in the world, and I adored the fact that you were so passionate about science. You were always so open about how you felt for the things that caught your fancy and interested you that it's hard for me to believe, now, that you could love me all this time and hide it so well."
Iris's brow furrowed as her eyes became slightly glassed over as they stared into his. "I just assumed that you were never interested in me, Barry," she murmured sadly, a single tear sliding down her cheek from the corner of her eye. "It just hurts to know that you felt the same way I did all this time, especially when I think back to all those times I wanted you to ask me out so badly only for you to ask another girl out instead."
"I never meant to hurt you, and if I had thought it at all possible that you felt the same way I did, I never would have been with anyone other than you."
"Well, that's not how it felt when you kept overlooking me. I just always felt inadequate." Iris lowered her head and stared at her shoes solemnly. "When I thought that you didn't like me because I wasn't into science, you started going out with Becky, who didn't like anything dealing with academics and definitely wasn't appealing to you for her brains. When I thought that you just wanted to be with a girl who was less passionate about things than me, you started dating Fiona, who was basically Tumblr personified with how she called people out on everything they did. When I thought that you just didn't want to be in a serious relationship, you started dating Patty and became attached at the hip with her everywhere you guys went. By that point, I just assumed that you just wanted a girl that wasn't me, which was why I decided that I was going to be with Eddie. He wasn't you, but I figured that that was going to make it easier to get over you."
Barry sighed, kissed her head gently, and then pressed his brow to her hair. Hearing her talk about how she felt when he was with other girls made him remember the times he wanted to throttle the seemingly endless line of people that asked her out on dates and flirted with her openly. He also remembered the dark thoughts that had stirred in his mind the moment she started dating Eddie and he saw the two of them walking around hand-in-hand or saw Eddie look at her with such open love in his eyes. Unable to hold in his own possessiveness, he found himself having to ask her a somewhat petty question.
"Did dating Eddie help you get over me?"
Iris looked up and rolled her eyes, silently admonishing him for even bothering to ask that question given the fact that she was there in his arms and not in Eddie's. The thought of her with Eddie, however, set off a jolt of jealousy that made him pull her closer to him to ward off the very thought of him from her mind.
"Well, if it helps, you should know that even when I was dating Becky, Fiona, and even Patty, you were never far from my mind."
"You were never far from mine, either, though thinking back, that does seem kinda unfair to all of them, don't you think?"
Barry wasn't a fan of the two of them thinking about their previous relationships when all he wanted was to focus on being with the girl he had always loved, but Iris had placed the idea in his head, and it felt like an obstacle that needed to be hurdled.
"I guess we can only hope that they find with other people what you and I have, now," he answered, feeling kinda lame speaking that cheesiness allowed.
"I don't think you have to worry about Patty having to look hard for that because news is, she and Eddie have been going out for a week now," recanted Iris with a raised brow. "And to think, we always assumed they hated each other because of how abysmal our double dates always were when we were with them."
A strange idea popped in Barry's mind as soon as he heard those words. "Maybe it wasn't their fault. Maybe it was ours all along," he suggested, putting the pieces of a strange puzzle together in his head. "I know that deep down I hated seeing you with Eddie."
"And Patty was always annoying to me when she was always clinging to you all the time," Iris chipped in coolly.
Barry nodded thoughtfully. "I guess it's plausible that our subconscious desires to be with each other made it uncomfortable for all of us when we were on a double date, especially Eddie and Patty."
There was a long silence that followed as both of them seemed to reflect on the effect their secret feelings for each other had on the people around them. Cisco had seemed downright furious when he had thought that Barry wasn't going to ask Iris out, and Cynthia and Caitlin hadn't seemed that thrilled with Iris's held in feelings, either. It seemed that everyone had been waiting for them to get over their own delusions and finally see what everyone else had seen from the start.
"I feel like we both deserved to get hit by snowballs today," Iris finally said as she closed her eyes and pressed her face against his neck. "It's appalling to realize that we have been so close to each other for so long and yet completely oblivious to the fact that we had feelings for each other all this time."
Barry wrapped his arms more securely around her and held her tight. "Well, I hate the fact that I hurt you, so I never want that to happen again, physically or emotionally. But I do agree that we needed a jolt to come to this realization. I think the fact that we were so close is why it was hard for us to see the bigger picture."
He leaned down and lifted her face back up to kiss the tip of her nose before he then let his lips slip down to the cut by her lip. He was tempted to just kiss her lips, something he had been dreaming of doing from the moment the idea of kissing started not being associated with cooties, but he forced himself to touch his lips only to the small wound. He heard Iris sigh when he kissed the small cut, which made him feel brave enough to throw all cautions to the wind, but he needed her to know something first.
"But now that it's out there, I don't ever want it to go back to the way it was. I love you, Iris West," he declared for the second time that night, his words coming out as more of an oath than a declaration. "We may be different in a lot of ways, but we're the same in all the only things that matter. Now that I know that you can love me-"
"Not can, Barry. The word you're looking for is 'do'," she sternly corrected him.
Barry grinned, dangerously close to flying a hundred feet into the air. He didn't think that he would ever get over hearing those words from her mouth.
"Fine. Now that I know that you do love me, that's basically all that I will ever need to know. It's a done deal. I'm yours, now, for as long as you will have me because my heart has already been yours for years now, and I know it will stay yours no matter what happens."
"And you'll always have mine, too, Barry," she stated gently, her eyes glistening again with tears as she gazed up into his face. "I'll always be yours."
Keeping her head up with his fingertips, Barry lowered his face to hers until he could smell the cold air on her skin and feel the white puff of air from her lips on his. Her eyes stared up into his, taking in the details of his face like she was engraving it in her brain, and Barry understood her actions because he was doing the same thing. The image of her love-riddled eyes was definitely a memory he was going to cling to, along with the feeling of her body pressed to his and the warmth that now filled his entire chest. Even if he lived to a hundred, he would remember every single little detail of this moment.
He tasted her sweet breath on his tongue before his mouth finally, after what seemed like a bitter eternity kept apart, sealed over hers. There was no awkwardness as their mouths moved in easy tandem with the each other. Breaths and tongues mingled flawlessly, creating a heat that warded off the cold, making it a distant feeling, thought, and finally a memory. If their kiss was a dance, it was one that they performed with immaculate synchronization despite having never learned the steps before. Everything else was insignificant except for his lips pressed to hers.
Breath was a petty burden to bear, but it finally became a necessity. Even with their lips now separated, they begged not to be parted too far apart. Barry pressed his brow back to hers and just breathed in the same air as she did, his brain sending off a million prayers in thanks for this precious moment he was sharing with the girl he loved.
"Are you guys planning on coming inside anytime this century?" Cisco's voice suddenly called out from the front door, his voice slicing through the moment with a samurai blade's sharpness.
"Get your ass in here, Cisco!" they heard Cynthia snap at her boyfriend angrily. "Ignore him!" she then shouted out to them.
They both looked over to the house and weren't surprised to see all the carolers, as well as Barry's parents, watching and smiling at them from the front window, all them sporting wide, excited grins. Iris pressed her lips into a thin line of irritation as she shot a death glare at Cisco and Cynthia who were still standing in the front door, looking smug. Barry wasn't far off in that thought department, but the elation he still felt combated any anger he could possibly feel. He was still high above the clouds with Iris in his arms.
"Oh God," Iris balked, embarrassed as she pulled away from him.
Barry squeezed her hand, making it impossible for her walk away. When Iris looked back at him, confused, he pulled her into his arms and quieted all her bashful thoughts with kisses that he didn't care were on open display to everyone inside. No one and nothing was ever going to keep him from showing his love for her, and Iris seemed to fall into that line of thinking easily enough when she met his kisses with desperate sighs and whimpers as her arms wrapped around his neck to pull him even closer to her.
Eventually, the two of them pulled apart, their lips swollen and red, and decided that it was time to head in and finally get out of the cold. Luckily enough, the front window was empty of all their gawkers, save for Cisco who held his cup of hot chocolate up to them in a cheers gesture. He was, however, swiftly pulled away by a firm arm, most likely belonging to Cynthia, making both Iris and Barry giggle softly.
Iris took Barry's hand and started to lead them toward the house and the awaiting warmth inside.
"I'm going to murder him," she stated as she ascended the porch steps with Barry close behind her.
With his head still light with all of the happiness he felt everywhere in his being, Barry slowly shook his head. "Maybe just mangle him," he suggested lightly. "After all, he is partly responsible for this fine moment."
Iris stopped at the top of the stairs, turned her head, and gazed at him over her shoulder with a perplexed frown on her lips. "How, exactly, does Cisco get any credit for this?" she questioned curiously.
Barry quickly related the events that had led up to their blissful moment of clarity. Iris listened intently, her eyebrows raised as he explained why he had blown her off at the Christmas party and why he had been hiding in a snow drift when the caroling group arrived. By the time they reached the front door, she was completely enlightened on the situation.
She opened the door, and the warmth of his home slipped out to greet them like a warm blanket. Cisco and the other carolers were singing carols for Nora and Henry Allen in the living room, the group seeming to have decided to complete what they had initially come to the Allen House for. Iris paused for a moment, looking almost wary about joining them all, but she never once released Barry's hand from her grip. She refused to relinquish her hold on him but even if she had, Barry would have refused to release his hold on hers. They both seemed to be of the same mind that now that they were finally together, there was little that would make them let go again.
"Scratch the murder and mangling," Iris declared lightly as she finally continued walking in and gently pulled him along after her. "I think I'm going to bake Cisco a cake, and brownies, and probably even cookies, too."
Barry gazed down at his hand grasped tightly in Iris's and then looked up to see her smiling at him, her eyes gazing at him with open adoration, and her lips, still slightly swollen from his overzealous kisses, perked up in a happy smile. The realization that she was actually his hit him like a rock but made him feel like not even gravity could keep him on the ground. His heart became full and he felt himself getting emotional as he finally nodded his head eagerly in agreement.
"Yeah, I think I'll help you make them," he said softly over the emotional lump that had grown in his throat. "And I think I'll even give him my First Edition Spider-Man comic he's been asking me for since forever."
"But you cherish that comic, Barry!" she cried out, aghast.
Barry shook his head and pulled her back to him to quickly peck her lips, but the peck turned into a full-on kiss, and that kiss was quickly followed by even more kisses that grew longer and heavier until only the fear of them getting caught by everybody else made them pull apart. Even that was done with greatest amount of reluctance. They each fixed the other's clothing and hair that had gotten rumpled in their tryst, both of them unable to stop the grins that seemed permanently engraved on their faces.
Barry leaned down to kiss the top of Iris's head one last time, and entwined his fingers in hers once more. "He definitely deserves it."