Can't count the years on one hand
That we've been together
I need the other one to hold you
Make you feel, make you feel better
It all started in 2009.
Dan still remembers how it felt to step off the train and see Phin- to see his best friend in the world a mere feet away from him. He still remembers feeling like he'd be struck by lightning, every nerve in his body buzzing as he approached the taller man, completely and utterly awestruck; he was finally meeting Phil. It didn't seem real- his best friend was finally going to be within arms reach- he wasn't just on Skype and Twitter, he was here.
Dan still remembers feeling paralyzed as soon as Phil's gaze locked with his own. Feeling breathless and terrified as the taller man practically radiated joy and began trying to push his way through the crowd. He remembers the almost mind numbing urgency he felt in that moment; he had to get to Phil. Right now.
Dan still remembers how it felt when he broke free of the crowd and crashed into Phil, both stumbling, and he remembers feeling his stomach flip when Phil's laughter ringing in his ears, and he remembers being suddenly enveloped in a warm hug, and everything wrong with the world suddenly seeming right.
"Dan." The older man breathes, and Dan's heart skips a beat.
"Phil." he responds, and he remembers wrapping his arms around the taller man and praying he would never have to let go.
On that day, the Manchester Piccadilly train station became his favourite destination in the world.
It's where they met. Where two souls were joined as one with something as simple as a hug.
It's where everything became right.
It's not a walk in the park
To love each other
But when our fingers interlock,
Can't deny, can't deny you're worth it
'Cause after all this time I'm still into you
He also remembers how much it hurt to leave Phil two days later. He remembers the stinging pain in his chest- the almost crippling feeling of despair, and the way tears stung his eyes and his heart sunk as he stepped out of Phil's arms as the final boarding call for his train was called.
He remembers worrying that their feelings would fade over time- that some day Phil would lose interest in the gangly awkward youtube nerd that he had befriended and would leave his life almost as suddenly as he had entered it.
But every day he woke up with a text from Phil, each day reading the same thing, and he remembers his heart fluttering in his chest every time he read those words- the same words he now whispers each morning when they wake up together.
"I'm still into you."
He remembers stupid fights they've had over the years, over their subscribers, and whether or not they should admit they're together, hell even occasionally over cereal, and he remembers breakdowns in his bedroom afterwards. He remembers thinking 'this is it, it's over, he's done'.
But he also remembers moving past it. He remembers each time he's thought that Phil was over him, only for the older man to gently interlock their fingers, and Dan remembers his heart fluttering wildly in his chest.
It's been more than 6 years, and he's still just as smitten with Phil Lester as he was the day he saw him on YouTube.
I should be over all the butterflies
But I'm into you (I'm into you)
And baby even on our worst nights
I'm into you (I'm into you)
Let 'em wonder how we got this far
'Cause I don't really need to wonder at all
Yeah, after all this time I'm still into you
Dan remembers the butterflies- though honestly they're hard to forget. It's not easy to forget the flutters and twists of your stomach when the person you're so in love with you can't think straight gently touches your hand. The way your heart leaps into your throat when they gently brush their fingers across your cheek.
The dizzying desperation when you would do anything to prevent them from pulling away. The electric current that rockets through your veins with each brush of skin.
Dan remembers the longing- the mind numbing, physically painful longing when you only want to be with the one you love. You would give anything to be with them, to have their arms around you, to hear their voice. Skype hardly does it justice.
He remembers the first time he saw Phil's eyes. Through Skype he had always said 'Phil's eyes are blue', but once he had realized how wrong he'd been. Phil's eyes aren't just blue, and saying that is a discredit to them. They're a twist of blue and green, light speckles of yellow dotting through them, and Dan finds himself drowning in them more often than he would care to admit.
Recount the night that
I first met your mother
And on the drive back to my house
I told you that, I told you that I loved ya
You felt the weight of the world
Fall off your shoulder
And to your favorite song
We sang along to the start of forever
And after all this time I'm still into you
Dan remembers the first time he met Phil's mom. He remembers her squealing and sweeping him into a hug, proclaiming that he was always welcome and she was glad he had come to visit. And he remembers instantly adoring her.
He remembers his heart melting as Phil hugged his mother, and every interaction between them made Dan's heart melt even more until he was sure it was a non-existent puddle and the only thing keeping him standing was his utter adoration of the man before him.
He remembers being swept off his feet and into a dance in front of the fire by Phil's mother, and instead of his usual crippling anxiety plaguing him he remembers laughing and willingly spinning with her. He remembers opening his eyes for a moment and locking gazes with Phil for a fraction of a second, but it was long enough to see the sparkling adoration in his eyes as he watched the two spin around the room.
He remembers that night, grabbing Phil's hand and whispering that he loved him. He remembers seeing all the tension drain from Phil's being, a smile lighting up his face as he squeezed his hand and whispered "I love you too."
He remembers feeling deliriously happy -the kind of happy that most people have to get drunk to achieve- and he remembers stumbling into Phil's room, hardly able to stand as they giggled and clung to each other, singing lazily and completely off key to Britney Spears as they fell back onto the bed in a tangle of limbs, hearts pounding in their chests as they giggled and laughed.
I should be over all the butterflies
But I'm into you (I'm into you)
And baby even on our worst nights
I'm into you (I'm into you)
Let 'em wonder how we got this far
'Cause I don't really need to wonder at all
Yeah, after all this time I'm still into you
Dan remembers being told it wouldn't work out between them.
He remembers people saying "All you have in common is YouTube- you'll never stay together." or "He's too good for you.", and while he was inclined to agree with the latter he still knew that they would make it. Something in his gut was telling him they were going to make it, and that feeling only gets stronger every morning he wakes up to Phil's soft whisper of "I'm still into you."
Dan remembers Phil falling asleep on the couch with him rather than wake him up. He remembers Phil making him breakfast in bed. He remembers Phil bringing him coffee, and playing video games with him, and watching television shows, and remembers each night that Phil slips into bed with him and wraps his arms gently around his waist.
He remembers introducing Phil to his own parents, and his father being skeptical of their friendship, saying it wouldn't last, but he vividly remembers the knowing look in her mother's eyes. And each time they speak, she teases a soft "I knew it." and Dan can't help but laugh at her and softly agree.
Some things just, some things just make sense
And one of those is you and I (Hey)
Some things just, some things just make sense
And even after all this time (Hey)
I'm into you, baby, not a day goes by
That I'm not into you
Dan is pulled out of his thoughts by Phil's laughter, and he turns to see the raven giggling at something on his laptop screen. He hums an inquisitive noise and Phil wordlessly turns his laptop so Dan can see it, revealing a cropped photograph on Tumblr of an Undertale character with legs as all of their limbs. The photo is captioned 'Legaton'. Dan snickers, and Phil meets his gaze to grin, and Dan swears he feels his heart skip a beat.
"You alright, love?" Phil asks, and he gently takes Dan's hand as the brunette nods his head.
"I'm fine. Just thinking."
"About?" he prompts softly, and Dan's cheeks turn a light red as he replies,
"Us."
"Good."
Dan can't help but laugh and nod his head in agreement, gently squeezing the hand now held firmly in his own.
I should be over all the butterflies
But I'm into you (I'm into you)
And baby even on our worst nights
I'm into you (I'm into you)
Let 'em wonder how we got this far
Phil doesn't bring it up again until that night, when they're in bed. Dan is the fist in bed, and Phil turns the light off before heading over and climbing into the bed behind Dan, arms immediately wrapping around his middle and pulling him into an embrace. Dan smiles and presses closer, and Phil sighs happily.
"So, what specifically?" he asks, and Dan instantly knows what he means.
"Oh, just some things." he replies, embarrassed to admit just how much those 4 words mean to him, and he hides his face in Phil's chest.
"Oh come on, bear." he prompts softly, and Dan breaks.
He's very weak.
"I'm still into you." he whispers, and Phil knows.
The raven smiles and pulls the brunette closer, kissing the top of his head, and for a moment Dan thinks that's the end of the conversation, until Phil holds him tighter and softly whispers,
"I'm still into you."
'Cause I don't really need to wonder at all
Yeah, after all this time
I'm still into you
I'm still into you
I'm still into you