Broken Strings
A/n: I am not JKR, I'm just playing in her world. The title is from the James Morrison song of the same name.
Sirius awoke to find the bed illuminated in the glow of the moonlight. He shifted slightly trying not disturb his companion. He slipped off the bed and tip toed across the room pulling on a house coat as he went. He didn't look back, he knew what he'd see. And, to be honest he wasn't sure he could handle it. Hadn't it only been a year ago when he couldn't keep his eyes off of her?
He closed the door behind him and headed to the kitchen. He ran his hand over his face feeling the slight beard he had been growing. Where had they gone wrong? Hadn't they been madly in love? Weren't they going to take on the world together? He opened up the cupboard grabbing a glass and the half empty bottle of fire whisky he'd been nursing for the last week. He took a shaky sip.
The two walked along the shore of the Black Lake still in their caps and gowns.
"We did it Black! We made it to graduation, can you believe it were finally grown-ups?," she said blue eyes alight with all the promises the future held.
" Speak for yourself, I have no intentions of becoming a grown-up," he grinned mischievously.
To this day he doesn't know what made him do it. Maybe it was the way she had curled her dark hair. Or maybe it was her youthful enthusiasm. He leaned in and kissed her and for some reason he will never understand she kissed him back.
It hadn't been that long ago when he had sworn up and down that he loved her. But, life kept getting in the way. They weren't those youthful teenagers anymore, they were harder now. How could they, the war had changed the both of them. He wasn't sure he even knew the woman lying in his bed. She was no longer the sweet girl who used to sit in the back of his classes.
He hadn't gotten a full nights sleep in weeks. This was of course in part due to James and him being sent out on an extended order mission. But, there was more to it then that. How could he sleep when is heart was falling to pieces around him.
" Dance with me Black," she laughed as she pulled him out on to the dance floor. His hands slipped naturally down to rest on the small of her back. Her eyes scanned the room caught up in the romance and the magic of the night. He grabbed her hand and spun her around the face the middle of the dance floor. In the centre of the floor where the bride and groom were dancing. Lily and James couldn't take their eyes off of each other. He leaned down and whispered into her ear,
"One day that is going to be us, love."
He took another sip of the fire whisky. When they parted ways the last time they had gone through the motions the way they always had. But it had just been that, going through the motions. And when he told her he loved her, he knew he didn't mean it. He wasn't sure if he had ever felt as sick with himself. When had he become this coward? He had broken up with girls before. But, this was different. He knew it was different.
Sirius was sitting in the kitchen going over the briefing for the mission he would be going on the next day, when he heard a knock. It was pouring rain outside who would possibly becoming to visit him. He opened the door to her standing in his hallway drenched.
" What happened, are you okay?" he asked concern evident in her voice
She shook her head tears in her eyes. He pulled her into his arms and led her into the flat. He sat her down in a chair as he made her some hot tea.
"Are you going to tell me what happened now?" he asked.
" I killed somebody today," she said in a voice barely above a whisper.
He had known it was coming. She'd been lucky, up until now she had gotten by using purely defensive magic. But, death eaters don't fight fair and sooner or later it had been bound to happen. It shouldn't have been like that, she shouldn't have known the pain of taking a life at the tender age of twenty. He wished he could take away her pain. But, having gone through it himself he knew it changed you. He did the only thing he could do. He held her close for hours as she sobbed into his shoulder.
They had been to hell and back together. Weren't experiences like that supposed to draw people together. How was it the war seemed to solidify James and Lily as a couple but it was destroying them. She had been there for him through some of his worst experiences how could he just leave her.
He was going to destroy every last thing in the room. He picked up a chair throwing it across the room. Trying to find a suitable outlet but no amount of destroyed furniture was going to make him feel better. He hardly registered the door open as he readied himself to throw the antique vase at the gaudy 12th century mirror. He felt a pair of hand on his arm and looked into her blue eyes.
"Sirius what happened?,"
"Regulus," he said quietly.
" He was there tonight?"
" Well it was easy for you to miss him after all he was wearing a mask!" he snapped he saw the realization dawn in her eyes.
"Sirius I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?"
" Leave!," he growled immediately regretting it.
She nodded and he was alone again. He wasn't sure what he felt worse about yelling at her or the fact that she actually left. But then the door opened revealing James. His best friend looked at him with concern. It might not seem like much to others, but the fact that she knew enough to get James spoke volumes.
He knew he had to end it. Yes once upon a time he had loved her and deep down he still did. But they weren't James and Lily. There relationship hadn't been destined. The universe was against them. Maybe he wasn't meant to find love. He glanced up to see her starring at him from the hallway wrapped in a sheet. Her hair was still a mess from their earlier escapades. He motioned for her to take the other chair. She grabbed a tumbler from the cupboard and sat down. He poured her a glass and she shot it back.
" Care to tell me why your getting drunk every night?" she asked.
He wanted to lie oh god did he want to lie. But he couldn't keep doing this to her or himself. It hurt too much. He took a deep breath.
" Marlene, I can't keep doing this anymore,"
" I figured as much, things haven't been right for awhile," she sighed solemnly.
" What happened to us?" he asked.
" I'm not sure the war, life maybe," she said quietly.
" I wish things could have been different," he said.
"Me too," she said as she reached over and squeezed his arm.
"Take care of yourself Black,"
"You too McKinnion,"
As the door closed on her way out, he gave a long drawn out breath. She had taught him more about life and love then anyone had before. He had meant it when he said he loved her but life had got in the way. As much as he was hurting he wouldn't change a thing. No they weren't James and Lily. But, maybe that was okay.