"Hey Tanya! Elly here! I'm not meant to use work email to talk to friends, but my home laptop is busted and it's been ages since I messaged you, so I thought I'd say hi- just don't email me back on here. I don't think they check the emails much, but y'know, would be just my luck."
Elena glanced around the office, double-triple-checking nobody was reading over her shoulder. All-clear. In the empty room, she took a swig from her mug of brandy hot chocolate (she wasn't *drunk*, just maybe a little tipsy), and carried on.
"So! How's it going? Hope everything's okay with the flat now? Did you get the Hedgehog Pie out of your wardrobe, or have you had to adopt it? And are you hooked up to the mako grid yet? You'll be pleased to hear, I'm doing great. My new job is AMAZING. I'm still just in training, but it is already SO much better than spreadsheets, and I start helicopter lessons next week! If you want a referral, let me know. Pay's ace and the risk of death is exaggerated.
"That said...
"So, don't tell anyone because this is top secret, but yesterday, I got in a car chase, a certified actual car chase! Picture this: two of us in a black Shinra convertible: me and my colleague, Reno. He's this crazy fucker with red spiky hair and a bag of coke in his sock; every time you see him, you know there's going to be trouble, but he makes things interesting. He's meant to be training me.
"So, Reno's driving us down the Sector 5 freeway, maybe 30mph? We're tailing this guy who's stolen a Shinra pickup truck, to see where he takes it- but ten minutes in, something spooks him, and he races off. So then Reno FLOORS it, and we're at like 100mph, and after I stop screaming I go to roll down the window so we can shoot out the guy's tires, but Reno just straight up- BAM!- shoots through the windscreen! Glass EVERYWHERE. We skid over it, puncture our own tires, car flies out of control, brakes scream- and we smash into a fucking wall. Pickup guy's long-gone. By some miracle, we're not hurt. No idea what to do, so we just sit there in our smoking ruin of a car for like five minutes, and then eventually I'm like, 'Wh-what do we say in our report?'
"Reno shrugs. 'Eh,' he goes, 'Shit happens. We just won't tell the big guy.'
"AND SPEAKING OF WHICH.
"Allow me to introduce my new boss, who is THIS THIRST-QUENCHING MAN:"
Elena attached a picture of Tseng.
"... YESSSSSSSS PLEAAAAASE. And already I know you're like, 'holy shit how is he possible' because he is 110% shoulders and THE THIRST IT IS REAL, but there's more! So, he's fully dressed in that photo since I haven't (yet) found any better pics, but I have been carefully timing my sessions in the Shinra gym to overlap with this fine purveyor of carpal tunnel and I swear to you, his abs' abs have abs. LOOK AT HIM."
She pasted the picture again, flipped horizontally.
"( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ... So yeah. I'm not saying I'm obsessed, I'm just saying I maybe need him to grab me by the hair right now and Administer some serious Research.
"... Okay, I *also* need to get home, so I'll leave it there. We should catch up in person! Let me know when you're free!
"Elly xxx"
Elena took another swig of brandy hot chocolate. Still holding her mug, she started to type in Tanya's email. "T-" The mug slipped, bashing the keyboard.
Autocomplete: "Tseng", and send.