I honestly don't know why, but I decided to try the DmC reboot and was absolutely hating it. "I'm pretty sure Dante could come up with something a lot catchier than just keep going back and forth with 'fuck you.'" I said, fighting the succubus.

"You really gotta wonder what Capcom was thinking, don't you?" Dante asked.

"Let's hope they smarten up and add me into DMC. I can fix everything the reboot ruined." I said.

"Well, I happen to know where the city the reboot takes place in is. You up for a job?" He asked.

I paused for a moment, looking at him, before understanding what he was getting at. "I have to kill every single person important to the reboot, don't I?" I asked.

"Take no prisoners, leave no one alive." He said.

I laughed evilly as I teleported to the city and began the hunt.

Background music: "Blood red sandman" by Lordi

Vs. DINO

I found DINO easily enough, walked past him and purposefully bumped into him with my shoulder. "Hey, fuck you!" He snapped, turning to me like he wanted to fight.

"No...Fuck YOU." I said in a dark, creepy tone, quickly pulling out a katana and slicing him in half horizontally. His body was still standing normally as if he was alive, so then I kicked him in the chin, sending his upper body a mile into the air, burning his lower body into an insignificant pile of ash, then stood underneath his upper body as it fell and pulled out Fire and Ice, continuously shooting him, loading him up with bullet holes, then I put them away and pulled out a minigun, blowing him into tiny pieces, then shooting a beam of demon energy out of my hand and vaporizing the tiny pieces. "All to easy." I said, searching for my next target.

Vs. Kat

She was looking for DINO, unaware he was already dead, so she got down on all 4's and placed down her insignia paper, spraying down the stuff to make a portal

Damn, that stinks!

[What do you expect? It's made with Squirrel semen.]

How do you think she gets that anyway? Jerking off squirrels.

[With how low these reboot characters are, I wouldn't be surprised.]

"Alright, quiet. Gonna do it, ninja style." I said, slowly walking up behind her silently. Then I grabbed her by the back of the head, snatched her spray can from her, sprayed her in the face, threw her to the ground, brought my foot into the air and then my heel down into her face, splitting her entire head in half. "This is easier than preforming surgery. I'm already halfway there." I said, then got an idea. People passed by the area and were shocked to see a woman's headless body with a metal pole stuck up her ass holding a sign that said "the reboot must die".

Vs. VINO

"So, the reboot version of Vergil is some kind of Riddler knock-off?" I asked when I broke into VINO's hideout, then turned to the 4th wall. "I'm serious, look at a picture of each of them, they look a lot alike when he's got the fedora on." I said.

"Are you mocking me?" He asked.

"Oh, no, no, no no no- pfft yeah." I said, pulling out Fire and Ice and- "Shot through the heart!" I sang, blasting him in the chest with both guns. He was already dead, but I wasn't done yet. I walked up to his body and pulled out a shotgun, blasting his hand off like Robocop, then blasted his head. From there, I pulled out 2 AK-47's and loading him up with bullets. To finish, I stood right above him and pulled out a bazooka, aiming right at his head and pulled the trigger, literally destroying him and bringing the entire hideout, blasting me out of it as well. "Oh, man, I'm having fun." I said satisfied.

Vs. The Succubus

"So, who should I go after next?" I asked Dante over the phone.

"Probably that succubus thing that makes Arius look good by comparison." He said.

"You got that right. She's an ugly motherfucker." I said like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

"By the way, if you get any of that crap she spits out on you, I'm not letting you back into the office until you take a shower." He said.

"I wouldn't worry about that. I THINK I have a plan." I said, stopping at the door of the energy drink place and pull out my beach-ball-sized C4 bomb and throwing it in, throwing a fireball at it and leveling the entire building and everything underneath it. "YEAH! EVERYTHING DIES!" I laughed maniacally, flying into the air and raining fireballs all over, destroying most of the city.

Vs. Bob Barbas

"I always did hate the news." I said, looking up at the giant tower where the news reporter dude was. "I think I'll do this the fast way." I said, going Super Saiyan, then flying into the air above the tower and aiming my hands down at it. "How's this for god's work! Final Flash motherfucker!" I said, firing a massive beam of demon energy, destroying the tower both in this world and in hell. "Eat shit and die, bitches!" I laughed, flying to find my next victim.

Vs. Lilith

"Walk up in the club like 'what up? I'mma kill you all!'" I said as I approached the club. I walked into the night club, ignoring the girls, since they all basically REAKED of diseases, finding Lilith up top, tapping on her stomach. "Taste justice, assholes!" I said, pulling out a giant rocket launcher, firing missiles everywhere and destroying the whole club. "Yeah, I don't think the liquor license was gonna last much longer anyway." I said, proceeding to engage my final target.

Vs. "Mundus"

I arrived at the tower where the fat-ass who was supposed to be Mundus was. "Why did you kill my child?" He asked as I arrived.

"Besides the fact it was ugly as hell and you bitch had NO redeeming qualities? I'm killing everyone from your shitty reboot. By the way: Debt, propaganda and energy drinks? THAT'S your big plan for taking over the world. That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard." I said.

"What is your suggestion?" He asked.

"I'm not getting into this, I'm just killing you now." I said.

"If you can." He said, rushing in to try and tear out my heart, I'm assuming.

"Me first." I said, slamming my fist through his chest. "Mortal Kombat rip-off." I said, putting my other hand in the wound and pulling him apart, ripping him in half and charging through.

"Sai wins. Flawless Victory. FATALITY." Shao Kahn's voice rang out.

You know, that was honestly boring as shit. Then again, so was the game. I'll just destroy the rest of the city. That'll be fun." I said, taking off and wreaking havoc over what was left of the city and what wouldn't be left in 5 minutes.