Title- Finally Home
Pairing- Olivia Benson and Amanda Rollins
Summary- Takes place directly after 18.08 Chasing Theo. Slight spoiler alert.
Author's Note- Hey Guys! So this is my first attempt at a Rolivia fanfiction. After tonight's episode, and fangirling over the Roliviaess of it with a friend on Tumblr, I knew I had to write something. So I hope you enjoy this. Please read and review! Flames will be put out with water so if ya don't like, don't read.
Amanda Rollins watched as her superior and ex lover exited the squad room. If Theo's moms had reminded her of one thing, it was how vicious things had been between her and Olivia after they broke up. The thing between them hadn't been so much of a relationship as it had been a fling. It had started just after the Gia Esks case they worked together. Both women needed to rid themselves of the horrible feelings that case had left them with, they found what they needed in each other. It was never something they spoke about at work and there were no strings attached, so no hurt feelings; at least not at first.
It wasn't until after the Lewis ordeal that Amanda had started having feelings for Olivia. The very thought of having almost lost her lover had sent the blonde reeling. Reeling right into the older woman's arms. It had been while Brian and Olivia were still together, had been Olivia who actually initiated it. She needed someone to help her forget, Forget how Lewis had touched her, how he smelled, how he felt. She needed a woman's touch, and Amanda had been her answer. Amanda had touched her so softy, kissed her so gently that every reminder of William Lewis had been wiped from the brunette's mind. After that night Amanda's feelings for Olivia began to develop and solidify. No matter how hard she tried to push them away she couldn't. After Olivia and Brian had broken up the two lovers had resumed their no strings attached relationship, Amanda hoping her feelings would just disappear. However, they never did. One night, needing a break from her reality and in a drunken stupor, Amanda had met former ADA Alex Cabot at a bar and the two had ended up sleeping together. It wasn't one of her proudest moments considering when Olivia had found out about it from a drunken text from Alex, she was livid.
One of the conditions, and frankly there weren't many, of their arrangement was that either of them could date or hook up with whoever they wanted to, as long as the other person was ok with it. One of the people on Olivia's 'Do Not Fuck List" for Amanda was ADA Alexandra Cabot. So when the blonde ADA had accidentally drunkenly texted her ex lover telling her that her current lover was in her bed, Olivia had been beyond angry. She had ended everything with the blonde detective. She had been so hurt by her, so angry that she would violate her trust, that it had even affected their working relationship. Olivia began being sterner, more unforgiving towards the blonde.
Amanda knew she had badly hurt the brunette, and for that she would never forgive herself. She knew deep down she had slept with Alex because she waned to hurt Olivia. Even though she knew she could have Olivia, if only for rough sex, it was hard knowing she could never truly have her completely. It hurt knowing that Olivia Benson would never really be hers. It wasn't until after Mike Dodds had been killed that Olivia had come back to her, if only for a night. Olivia needed to feel. Needed to have raw, hard, intense sex that would allow the numbness she felt to go away. So when she had shown up at Amanda's one night after Jessie was asleep, Amada had taken her hand and, wordlessly, lead her to the bedroom. After they had sex and were lying in bed about to go to sleep, Amanda had told her she loved her. The brunette had not responded, but had snuggled deeper into the blonde, smiling softly. No matter how hard the blonde tried to push her feelings for the brunette away, they were always deep within her.
When Olivia had started dating Tucker, Amanda had a feeling it wouldn't last. So many of the brunette's relationships didn't work out. So when her Lieutenant had told her that things between them weren't working out and they weren't connecting, Amanda knew it was only a matter of time. After finding Theo and seeing the dynamic between the two ex wives, Amanda knew she needed to finally come clean with Olivia. She knew she needed to tell her how she really felt. She knew there was a possibility that the older woman would shoot her down, but she had to try.
"I know what you're thinking about." Sonny Carisi's voice cut through her thoughts. "Don't. You are a good mother."
"I don't know about that." Amanda said softly. "It gets lonely sometimes."
"Well I do." Carisi said smiling. "Come on. Let's go buy some groceries and I'll make you spaghetti"
Amanda smiled at her partner and friend. "Can we take a rain check? I got something I need to take care of."
"Sure." The other detective replied. "I'm gonna go talk to Barba, He's been wanting to talk to me. Have a good night Amanda."
"You too." The blonde southerner replied as her partner walked away.
Amanda opened the top drawer of her desk and slowly pulled out a picture of her, Jessie, Olivia and Noah that Carisi had taken at the carnival the year before. This is my family. She thought. This is where I need to be. She smiled as she put the picture back in her desk and exited the squad room.
After picking up Jessie and packing an overnight bag, Amanda left a note for her sister Kim that she would be back the next day. As she set Jessie into her car seat she kissed her daughter's hair "We're going home baby." She smiled as she climbed into the front seat and started the drive to Olivia's place, stopping only to pick up a bouquet of flowers and a copy of Finding Dory.
Standing in the lobby, her nerves began to kick in. She had been so overeager that she had forgotten the fact that Olivia could very well tell her to leave. As she waited for her to answer the intercom, Amanda said a silent prayer that this wasn't a horrible idea.
"Hello?" Olivia said, tearfully.
"Liv it's me Amanda. Can I come up?"
She heard her boss hesitate before responding, "Sure." And letting her in.
The blonde detective knocked gently on the door and was greeted with a tear stained face,
"Liv what happened?" Amanda asked as she stepped into the apartment, Jessie strapped onto her chest.
"Tucker and I broke up." Liv said sadly.
"I'm so sorry Liv." Amanda said softly.
"Are you?" The brunette smirked.
"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" Amanda asked.
"Well because you have a bouquet of roses in your hand and Jessie's baby bag. And" She paused as she looked closer at the DVD peaking out of the bag, "Finding Dory?"
Amanda chuckled softly, "Yes. And these flowers are for you. I actually came by to tell you something I've wanted to tell you for a long time."
Olivia was about to respond when suddenly a very potent odor reached her nose, and Amanda's "Well maybe we should get this little girl changed first."
Amanda blushed, embarrassed that her daughter had chosen that exact moment to use the diaper bathroom. "Uh yeah. Sorry Liv."
"It's ok," The brunette smiled. "Let me do it. You put the flowers in some water. I'll be right back." Olivia spoke softy as she took the crying baby from the blonde.
"Ok." Amanda smiled as she watched her boss carry her daughter and the overnight bag into the bathroom. As she put the flowers in a vase she found in the cupboard, she could hear the brunette softly talking to her daughter. Amanda walked closer to the bathroom and heard her boss/s voice. "You have an amazing mommy Jessie. She's gonna love you like no one else. I wish I had seen that when we were together. She truly is amazing and beautiful." Amanda swooned at the older woman's words.
The young detective moved down the hall when she heard some soft crying coming from Noah's room.
"Hey little man." Amanda smiled as she picked the child up and held him in her arms. "Why are you crying buddy?"
"Bad dream." The boy whispered,
"Bad dream? About what?" The blonde asked gently.
"Mommy was taken away and I couldn't find her." Noah cried softly
"Oh honey it's ok "Amanda cooed. "Your mommy is just in the bathroom with my daughter. And no one is ever going to take her away from you. I promise you that. I love you and your mommy very much. I won't ever let anyone hurt either of you. Ok?" Amanda whispered.
"Ok. Thank you Manda." He said sleepily.
"You're very welcome." Amanda kissed the boy's forehead before laying him back down in the crib. As she turned around her heart stopped as she saw Olivia standing in the doorway, with tears in her eyes.
"Liv I-" The blonde was cut off as Olivia put a finger to her lips and took her hand, leading her out of the room. Before the blonde had a chance to speak, the brunette cupped her face in her hands and kissed her with all of the love and passion she could muster. "I love you too Amanda Rollins." The brunette whispered against her lips. "I have for a very long time; I just wasn't ready to be honest with myself about what I really wanted."
Amanda's mind and heart were reeling. She couldn't believe this was real. "I love you so much Olivia. It started for me after Lewis. Thinking I was gonna lose you. But I was so afraid of losing everything if I told you how I felt. So I tried to move on. And that night with Alex. Liv that meant nothing and I am the biggest asshole on the planet for hurting you like that. I'm so sorry." She choked back a sob. She felt the older woman's fingers brush away the tears and kiss her forehead softly. "It's ok" Olivia whispered. "We wasted so much time just having meaningless one night stands. I just want us to finally ne together. To finally be a family."
"I want that too." The blonde whispered. Lifting her head up and looking deep into the other woman's brown eyes. "That's all I've ever wanted."
Not saying a word, Olivia leaned down and kissed her. This kiss was slow, soft, but yet conveyed everything it needed to. Amanda's arms wrapped around her waist as she pulled her closer. Finally they pulled apart." I thought maybe, if you wanted to, we could have Noah and Jessie sleep in your room with us and we could watch Finding Dory? I just really want to have some family time with our family."
Olivia kissed her gently, "Nothing sounds more perfect to me than that. And since I'm the boss, we're taking tomorrow off and spending the day together as a family.
They both smiled lovingly at each other before they started to prepare to watch the movie. They moved Noah's crib into Olivia's bedroom and Olivia gently lifted the sleeping child into her arms, gently resting him under the blankets with her. Amanda got in on the other side with Jessie nestled in her arms. As the movie started, Olivia put her free arm around Amanda. The blonde smiled back at her, kissing her softly. This was where they were both meant to be. This was their family. This was their home.
Author's Note- There you have it folks! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!