1-25-13
Why Ask Why?
After months of avoiding and shutting her out, Fitz was made to realize that Liv's love for him is true and should never be questioned. After spending the night together, they faced the consequences of another day apart.
At 5:53am Fitz's car will just barely make it back to the White House before the press corp but he didn't worry much because he knew Tom would take care of everything. He laid his head back in his seat as a last ditch effort to get a few more minutes of sleep and with his eyes closed, his thoughts turned to Olivia and the way she looked in her pajamas this morning as he left. For the longest time, he has missed seeing her that way and how he always hated leaving her in early the morning hours. He recalled one morning on the campaign trail when they overslept and how they quickly came up with an excuse for each other if anyone had asked.
As the light of day peeked through the hotel curtains, Olivia opened her eyes and reached for her watch. "Oh my god, Fitz wake up! Wake up, it's 7:25a – we overslept!" She shook Fitz so hard that he almost fell off bed.
"Okay, okay I'm up. What time is it?" Fitz squinted his eyes as Olivia turned on every light in the room. He slowly sat up in the bed and watched her run around the room in a panic looking for various items. As she made what was probably her fifth run past the bed, she stopped and looked at him. Fitz had the grin of the Cheshire cat on his face and she was instantly annoyed.
"Why are you just sitting there?! Get up! You have to get to your room, shower and change all within the next 45 minutes." Fitz tilted his head to the side and looked at her.
"Livy, in order for me to get to my room, I need to get dressed. In order for me to get dressed, I'm gonna need my shirt."
He pulled her closer to him by the edge of the Navy shirt that she had on which happened to be his. She had slipped it on in the middle of the night because she was cold and it was the closest to the bed. She cracked a smile and looked down at him and the shirt. She knew once she took it off, they were going to need more than 45 minutes to meet everyone downstairs. But nonetheless and without hesitation, she took it off because after all he was right, he did need his shirt.
Needless to say, they were 30 minutes late meeting the others at the bus but as always, they thought of the perfect excuse.
This memory made him smile for these are the memories he treasures. Those were the times when they were both happy and falling in love each day and stealing private moments whenever they could making the most of them just being themselves.
As the car approached the south portico of the White House, Tom advised him to wait a moment before exiting because although they made it just before the members press corp start arriving, he needed to verify that all was clear. Once Fitz exited the vehicle, he slowly made his way through the door and upstairs to the residence. Mellie is not usually up this early but he figured she is aware that he left last night and she'll have questions about that. Either way, he planned on grabbing a quick shower and heading down to the oval office for his early morning briefing.
Fitz paused at the bedroom door and mentally prepared himself for another round of arguing with Mellie if she was awake. Although this was their normal routine, he was definitely not in the mood for it this morning. He had a long day ahead of him and his main focus is getting the Children's Immigration Act passed by the House today and somehow keeping his promise to Olivia to see her later.
He quietly opened the door and found that Mellie was still asleep. He made his way to the dressing room and then to the bathroom. He lingered in the shower for a few minutes to allow the warm water massage his body. He had been so tense and angry over the past few months he didn't realize how much those emotions were affecting him physically. Between the conversation with Verna and the few hours of blissful sleep he had with Olivia, the water was serving as a release of all the negativity that was binding him. He could still feel Olivia close to him as she had been just a few hours before. The love. The yearning. The passion. All three elements were burning inside of him once again and in that instant, he firmly made up his mind to move forward despite all that has happened and tell Mellie he still wants a divorce.
He was starting to run short on time so Fitz quickly moved from the shower to his dressing room. His suit and tie was all set up for the day and he began to get dressed. As he stood in front of the mirror putting on his tie, he heard a familiar clearing of the throat.
Mellie stood in the doorway of the dressing room staring at Fitz.
"Did you stay with her all night?"
Realizing how loaded that question was, Fitz turned to face her as he answered it as tactfully as possible.
"I arrived just before she died. Jeannie was there by her side also. It was a very emotional night."
Mellie leaned on the side of the doorway and folded her arms.
"I wish you would have considered asking me to go with you before you left. Verna and I had our differences but she was a part of my life too."
Fitz turned away and resumed getting dressed. The truth is he didn't consider Mellie at all and he wasn't going to go in the first place until Cyrus convinced him that he should. He had become so cold and distant with all of them that he didn't care what they needed from him because he no longer trusted anyone.
"Mellie I received her message at the last minute and it required a split second decision on whether I really cared to go or not. I didn't realize the urgency of the situation until I got there. Furthermore she asked me to come not us and for the sake of keeping the press at bay, I wanted the trip to be as low key as possible."
Sensing the conversation was about escalate to a shouting match as most of their conversations do, he picked up the pace and put on his shoes, fixed his shirt and tie and reached for his blazer.
"Well I would like to be informed of any arrangements going forth so do you think you can keep me in mind whenever you get an update or should I do it on my own?"
Fitz took a deep breath, fastened his watch to his wrist, and adjusted the cuffs on his jacket.
"Either way is fine with me. Now if you'll excuse me I have to get to my briefing."
Mellie glared at him as he walked past her. She wasn't done talking to him but she didn't feel like following behind him to get the last word in so she let him go – for now.
Olivia was also busy getting her day started. Verna's passing although not unexpected, was affecting her more than she anticipated. She had been at Verna's side for months as she endured chemotherapy and radiation treatments but she never let her know how much it grieved her to watch bravely go through those sessions. Verna was tough but Olivia also learned that deep down inside, she had a heart of gold. And although she never really confessed her love for Fitz to her, Verna knew without a doubt how they both felt about each other and never revealed their secret. She loved her for that and so many other things. She was like a second mother to her and thus irreplaceable.
As Olivia was about to enter the bathroom, she heard her phone ringing and turned back to see who was calling her. It was Harrison checking on her.
"Good morning Liv, how are you holding up?"
"I'm fine and I'm glad you called. We're going to be in full swing today. The justice requested that we handle her funeral when the time came. When you get to the office, have Abby call the major media and newspaper outlets and ask them to hold off on the official obituary until we give it to them. Have Quinn start on the guest list I emailed her and you and I will meet with her daughter to go over the details for everything else."
Harrison quietly listened to all that Olivia had to say and made mental notes of the details to pass along to everyone else. But knowing her as he does, he knew that her way of dealing with the hard stuff was to stay in control of the details and see everything through. So he didn't push her emotions any further than she was willing to give and accepted the I'm fine as just that.
"Got it Liv' I'll let everyone know. Anything for Huck?"
"I need him for something else but I will let him know when I get there."
"Okay, we'll see you in a little while then."
Olivia put the phone down and paused for a moment. She was talking to Harrison so fast she almost forgot to breathe. She went back to the bathroom, showered, got dressed and left the house to start her day. She made a quick stop for coffee and a bagel and then headed to the office. When she reached the parking garage, she took a moment to compose herself and sipped on her coffee. She continued sipping as she walked towards the elevator and said good morning to the security guard. Everyone heard the office door open and they stepped out to greet her.
"Good morning everyone, we are we so far?"
Abby answered first. "I was able to get the editors for two of the major newspapers to hold off and I'm waiting on call backs from several others and I still have a few more to go. Are we going to write the obituary ourselves or are we going to give the specific details for them to use in their own?"
"We're going to give the specific details use but hold everyone off until Harrison and I return later. We're going to meet with her daughter and that's one of the topics we will discuss."
Olivia turns to Quinn. "Quinn, have personal invitations delivered within the next two days to each person listed on the email I sent you. I'll send you the full arrangement details later today so they can be printed as soon as possible."
"Huck, I need to see you in your office."
Olivia had one major detail she needed taken care right away and the only person who could do it is Huck. They stepped into his office and Olivia closes the door behind them.
"Huck, I need you to get into two hospital databases and alter some of Verna's medical records before they are sealed or removed. She was last treated at Providence here in DC but all last year, she was receiving radiation treatments at Howard. The hospital chief and I are friends and he agreed to treat her under my name as a favor to me. I need you to search their database and make sure her real name is not found as well as erase any visits that were recorded on the hospital surveillance cameras. Also, it's important that her original diagnosis date is changed to the beginning of last year because she hid her illness during her SCOTUS confirmation hearings over two years ago. I know this is a lot to ask but she was a fiercely private woman and she didn't want her illness to hinder her from serving her country and ensuring our justice system remained fair and balanced for the people."
Olivia knew that Huck rarely needed details behind anything she asked of him. Since her confession a few months back about her involvement with the election rigging, she wanted to be more upfront with everyone in the office and regain their trust as well as rebuild the team of gladiators that the truly are.
"I'm on it. I'll let you know when it's all done."
"Thank you. Call me if you run into any problems."
Olivia left Huck to his task and signaled to Harrison that she was ready to go. They
spoke about minor things as they made the 45 minute trip to Verna's home in Maryland.
Harrison thought the small talk would serve as a little therapy to help Olivia stay on top
of her game. When they arrived, Jeanie greeted them at the door and showed them in.
They sat down and began to go over the funeral arrangements and the guest list. Olivia
could tell that Jeannie was having a hard time getting through the questions so she had
Harrison take the lead on most of it. She knows that he has a special way of putting
people at ease during difficult situations and there was a calming affect to his voice that
he utilizes when he wants someone relax when talking to them. They spent almost two
hours going over everything and when they were done, Jeannie asked Olivia to follow her
upstairs.
They went into Verna's room and Jeannie rummaged through one of her mother's
drawers and took out two envelopes. One was regular sized and addressed to Olivia. The
other was small and red and shaped like a mini folder. She walked over and handed them
to Olivia.
"Mom asked me to give you these. She said that you should read them in private and you
will know what to do with the contents of both."
Olivia accepted the envelopes and placed them in her purse. She reached out to Jeannie
and gave her a hug.
"Your mom was a wonderful person and I feel blessed to have met her. Please let me
know if you ever need anything. I'll be there for you no matter what."
"Thank you Olivia. She's always spoke highly of you."
They walked back down the stairs and Olivia asked Harrison if they had all they needed.
He agreed and they bid Jeannie goodbye and let her know that they will be in constant
contact everyday and keep her up updated on how everything was going.
Olivia was silent during the drive back to the office. She was eager to open the envelopes
Verna left for her but she knew she had to be alone to do so as Verna asked.
At the White House, Fitz was going over last minute talking points with Cyrus before his
afternoon press conference. He planned on address the public regarding the House vote
his immigration bill but he also wanted to be prepared for questions regarding Verna's
sudden passing.
"Cyrus, I want to get through this press conference quickly so let the reports know
I will take a maximum of seven questions. No more no less. I know some of those
questions will be about the Verna and I think I'm prepared to answer those. Do you have
any suggestions?"
"Mr. President I suggest that you be as vague as possible with the Verna questions and
try to keep the focus on the bill. Olivia's office is handling the funeral arrangements and
press releases. I'll have the press secretary follow up with her office and make it a part
tomorrow's press briefing."
"Okay, lets get this over with."
Fitz stood in front of the reports and gave his speech urging the House to pass the
immigration bill and he reiterated how import this law will be for young children who
are here illegally. he also asked for a moment of silence to acknowledge Verna's passing.
Once he concluded the speech and he started taking questions.
"Mr. President, will this bill also allow illegal children going to college to benefit from
Financial Aid.?"
"Yes. The only way they would qualify is if the parent(s) or guardian is here legally
then they can apply for aid for the student."
Fitz started counting and timing the questions and responses but the last one caught
him off guard.
"Mr. President, given that Justice Thornton's cancer diagnosis and sudden death, is
possible that she was ill during her SCOTUS confirmation hearings and not more
recently as being reported?"
"Robert, all presidential nominees are fully vetted and given health exams. Justice
Thornton was given a clean bill of health at Walter Reed Hospital almost three years so
there was no cause concern at that time. With that, I thank you all for you time."
Fitz walked away from the podium trying very hard not to let on that the last question
rattled him. Cyrus followed close behind him and once they reached the oval office, Fitz turned and looked directly at Cy.
"Cyrus, I want the truth to the next question I'm about to ask you. Did Verna know she had cancer when she was nominated? Is this another layer of the agreement you all made behind my back?"
Cyrus stepped back a little because he felt offended but he also understood why Fitz was asking this question.
"Mr. President, to my knowledge she was healthy back then. She never discussed being sick nor did she ever appear to be sick at any before or after you took office. Maybe we can talk to her daughter or request the exam records from Walter Reed to review? I don't know how else to answer that question."
Fitz was clearly not satisfied with that answer and suspected he had been duped again.
"Reporters rarely as questions without speculation so what did we miss Cy? If you didn't know and it wasn't a part of the "deal" you all made, then why would she be so desperate for power that she would hide a serious illness?
Cyrus stepped toward Fitz in annoyance because he was subtly accusing him of another cover up.
"I can have someone go over her surveillance records and question the doctor that examined her before the nomination but let me be clear. I know you have every right to be angry with us but if you are going to question everything I know, do, or have done let me know now. I know that trust has to be rebuilt between us and I am willing to do that but I will not tolerate you treating me like a criminal. If you want me to resign then say so and your wish will be granted. I wanted this job to be by your side and help run this great country the way it should be run and I'm not proud of what we did but I am proud of what we have accomplished so far. "
Fitz and Cyrus locked eyes at that very moment he could see that Cy was serious but also being truthful. He has known him long enough to know when he is lying.
"Fine. Find out whatever you can so we can head off this issue before it gets any bigger."
As they wrapped up their conversation, one of Fitz's advisors came in to inform them of the congressional vote.
"Mr. President, the immigration bill is being discussed on the floor now and we have confirmed that three of the four holdouts will vote yes. The staff is still working with the last representative to sway his vote our way."
This was good news to Fitz because had put a lot of work into the immigration bill over the past two months.
"Thank you Paul. Let me know when it goes to vote so we can watch it live."
Olivia and Harrison are back at the office and everyone is diligently working on the funeral arrangements. Olivia is sitting alone in her office and she is contemplating opening the envelope Verna left her. As she reaches for her letter opener, Huck walks in.
"I searched the hospital databases and I did come across some security camera footage which I erased. Nothing on the medical records though just dates that are after she took office. Do you need me to do anything else?"
Olivia thought for a moment to make sure all bases were covered.
"No, I think that should do it. Thank you Huck."
As he left the office, Olivia picked the letter up again. She got up and closed her office door and then began to open the letter. She sat down on her side couch to read it.
Dear Olivia –
If you are reading this letter then that damn cancer won the battle. But don't be sad for me because I made peace with myself. I told you this felt like karma in a way for some of the things I have done in the past. I'm writing you this letter because I want to give you some last minute advice that you wouldn't let me give you while I was living. I want you to stop substituting guilt for love because whether you realize it or not, it's consuming you and robbing you of the one thing you truly deserve. Commit yourself to being happy Liv no matter what may come. You can't keep dedicating your life to saving others without having someone to save you every now and then. You can't fix every problem. Some things you have to just let play themselves out and see how the cards fall.
Although you would never talk to me about your relationship with Fitz, I want you to know that I felt you two belong together. There is no mistaking love when you see it and you two love each other beyond words. As I told you before, you and Fitz breathe in sync and that is clearest indication of two people who have become one. I don't know how things started between the two of you but it's obvious that you have struggled with it for quite sometime but always remember this – love is love – plain and simple. It can happen at anytime to anyone and anywhere. It is the most nonselective emotion we humans possess and yet it is the most powerful. Love has the ability to overcome anything and you have to start believing that. The love you two share is stuck in an impossible situation but if you let that love fight this war, it will win as it always does. Yes Olivia, it's that powerful.
Fitz has to make this right for the two of you on his own. And I know he is probably still angry with all of us about what we did, but give him time to process it all and eventually you two will be able to work it out. I've known him all of his life and I know him well enough to know that he doesn't throw in the towel that easy. He'll be angry but he will think it through and put the puzzle pieces in the right place and when all is said and done, he'll be better than he was before.
I also left you a key to a safety deposit box that contains something that you may have to use against Mellie if need be. You and I both know that she "won't go gentle into that good night" if Fitz decides to leave her but I fear she will direct more of her anger towards you than him. So for this reason, I am giving you evidence of something she did a few years back that she thought I got rid of for her. I decided to hold on to it because I felt that if Fitz ever had the courage to leave her, this would make it easier. And even though I that courage is growing inside of him since he met you, I don't think he would ever use it the way he should so I'm giving it you instead. Remember, only use it if you need to because it will destroy her beyond repair if she knows you have it but it's much better to bring a sword to a knife fight because you have the advantage of reach.
Take care of yourself Olivia and hopefully one day I'll see you on the other side.
Olivia put the letter down and let the words sink in for a bit. She always felt that love is a weakness and it's better to run from it when things are this bad so how can it win in this situation? She walked over to her desk and opened the other small envelope and sure enough, there was a key numbered 8872 for the DC Federal Bank. Her curiosity was piqued but she knew that this box would be a Pandora one of sorts if it has anything to do with Mellie.
Olivia placed the letter and the key in the small safe she has hidden in her office. She glanced at her watch and realized it was getting late. Fitz had told her that he would be coming to see her this evening so she wanted to get home and prepare. She called everyone to the center of the office to find out their progress. She then thanked everyone and said they'll pick up where they left off tomorrow. Everyone packed up for the evening and headed out the door. Huck walked her to her car as usual and asked her if she needed any company home. She declined and told him to go home and enjoy his evening instead.
Fitz was in the oval office watching the final minutes of the House vote and they were just two votes shy of victory. As he listened to the final roll call for the votes, each nay made his heart sink a little more. Cheryl Sanders, one of his aides, came over to reassure him.
"Don't worry sir, it will pass. Some of the democrats are just holding out for a dramatic effect."
Thank you Cheryl.
The final numbers were posted on the screen – 220 yay 215 nay. The office erupted in applause but Fitz kept his cool and thanked everyone for their hard work. Cyrus came in a prepped him for an impromptu press conference regarding the victory.
"We did it Cy. Another win for the history books."
"Yes sir we did it."
After a few words to the press, Fitz returned to the oval office everyone celebrated with a quick drink and then slowly made their way out. Cyrus was ready to call it a night also and stepped over to Fitz.
"I'm going to head out now unless you needed something else."
Fitz sat back in his chair and put his feet up on the desk.
"No I'm done for the night. I think I'll just sit here for a little bit though. And Cy, I'm not 100% yet but I know I'll get there. I just feel betrayed by everyone and it's hard to trust anything right now."
"I understand and I would feel the same way but it's the path we chose so I guess we have to walk it. Goodnight Mr. President."
"Goodnight."
Fitz leaned forward to reach for the phone. He was going to call Liv and tell her he would be there shortly but then he paused. He suddenly found himself not wanting to go to her as he promised. The feelings of uncertainty and mistrust had crept up on him today and he couldn't shake it. The lines between the truth and the lies where blurred again and he wondered what had actually been real over the past 2 ½ years. Is this why she always kept running from him?
He sat back in the chair and let the hours pass. He didn't call her and he didn't want to see her – not now at least.
Olivia waited up until she fell asleep in the couch. She awoke suddenly and looked up at the clock. She checked her phone to see if she missed his call but there were none. he promised to come by but she figured he would've called if he wasn't able to so what could have happened. She thought of a million different excuses but none of them would suffice. Knowing how angry he has been over the past few months she decided that he must have simply changed his mind and to there was no reason to ask why.
She turned off the television and headed off to bed. As she laid down in the comfort of the sheets and pillows, she slowly drifted off to sleep.