a/n: And here it is. The sequel and/or continuation to Longing for You. It's two chapters long and already completed so the second chapter should be up sometime this week when I find the time. Like the other part, this was written at night so please excuse the errors for now and I'll find them and fix them when I have more time and awareness. And as always, reviews are appreciated!

Disclaimer: As if I would be writing fanfiction if I owned RK.

Wishing You Were Mine
Chapter One: Idiot

Here I am again. Standing by your side while she talks with her friends, totally ignoring you. I sigh and you give me a reproachful look. I shoot it right back. You have no place giving me those looks, not with the way your stupidity is affecting us and our friendship.

"Stop, she's talking to you!" you say to me.

"Kamiya-san?"

"Oh, Yukishiro-san, I'm sorry. I was spacing out," I apologize. "Was there something I could do for you?"

"It's just that you're standing in front of the door and I need to get through," she explains.

"Oh, I'm so terribly sorry!" Not really. "I'm just not quite with it today," I tell her, smiling.

"Obviously," she muttered as she walked past me into the room. I raise an eyebrow at her rudeness before looking at you to see what you thought. You are smiling. Typical.

"I'm getting out of here," I say before starting to walk away. I hear you call my name, but I keep walking. You are an idiot. I can't deal with idiocy right now. Not from you, at any rate.

"I'm the idiot," I whisper as I feel my eyes water. "Such an idiot."

"Kaoru!!" I continue to ignore you as a I walk. I don't even understand why you're chasing me.

"Go away," I murmur so you can't hear me. I doubt it would matter even if you could hear me. It never seems to.

You finally catch up to me and grab my upper arm. "What's the matter with you?" you ask.

"What's the matter with me?" I repeat. "What's the matter with you, Kenshin?"

You start. "There's nothing wrong with me. I asked about you."

"There's nothing wrong with me either," I defend. "Not that you'd care..." I finish quietly.

"What?"

"I didn't say anything," I say before turning around again. "I'm going home now."

"Kaoru-dono," you begin.

"Kenshin, just don't. Please. Just go back there and do what you always do, okay? I don't need you," I lie.

I hear your sharp intake of breath and my name. I don't turn around. I don't have to. I can hear your soft foot falls as you return to do what I say. I don't know what hurts more. That you would just let this matter drop or that you were so eager to get back to her. They are both knives twisting in my gut.

I feel the tears slip past my eyes and I let out a noise of frustration. I am so good at hiding my emotions, but it can get so tiring. I'm just tired. Tired of lying to you and hiding everything. I have been so close to just telling you, but then I see you watching her and know that I don't have the courage to do it.

I don't even have the courage to tell you that she won't even care if you tell her your feelings. I can't even save you from that heartache. I know you are itching to tell her that she is all you have ever dreamed of. And then she will shoot you down. It is inevitable. But you don't see that.

And I'm too afraid to tell you. I'm afraid that you'll hate me. At least, while we friends, you're close to me. If I tell you that she'll never love you, you would take it out on me. I don't think I could bear that. It would hurt so much.

So I don't. Instead I watch you and that's almost as painful. Almost. She is all you ever talk about anymore and that is painful. But not as painful as if you left me for her. I close my eyes and count backwards from ten at the crosswalk.

No matter what happens, I will always love you. And I will always wish that you were mine.

So I go home, just like I did the day before, leaving you with her. Lately it's been easier for me to leave than watch you interact with her. Or try to interact, rather. I shake my head and walk up the steps to my door. Once again my parents are missing and I let myself in.

And just like yesterday, I head straight for my journal. It's the only one that could ever understand me because it cannot talk back. It cannot criticize me for falling in love with you nor for being such an idiot. It simply accepts my ramblings.

I hear my phone going off in my purse and debate looking at it. The ring tone playing tells me that it is a text, not a phone call. I look at it. It is from you.

Where did you go?

I fight the urge to roll my eyes. I type back home. It is an effort not to attach a 'duh' to the end of it. Instead I send it off and wait for your next reply, if it is even coming.

It goes off again in a few seconds and I flip it open to read, Oh. Why did you take off so fast? This time I don't fight and roll my eyes before typing, I was ready to leave. You are such an idiot. Did you really have to ask?

I throw my cell phone on the bed and open my journal again. I don't feel like talking to you anymore. It just depresses me. But then I hear my text tone go off again and I look at it, debating. It is a losing battle. I get up and retrieve it from where I threw it. I flip it open to see what you had said.

Can I come over?

I am in disbelief. You have not willingly hung out with me in over a month. I do not answer right away. I don't know what to say. Should I say yes and endure the pain of listening to you talk about her? Or do I say no and suffer alone?

I close my eyes and type a single word answer that I know I will regret; Yes. It will hurt, but it is better than being alone. I think. I hold onto the phone after that and wait for your answer. It comes in a matter of seconds, as always.

On my way.

Of course you are. I don't believe you. You were with her when I left. It is possible that you are trying to tear yourself away from her side to come see me. I admit that it's possible, but not probable. You are probably trying to make me feel better by saying these things and will apologize when you get here about being late.

I will know the real reason you are late. You were watching her and attempting to make conversation with her.

But I push these thoughts aside and put my phone aside also. I see no reason that it will go off again any time soon. And I pull my journal out again. After three tries, I am finally able to finish my entry for today. It reads much the way the one yesterday did. And the day before. And every day before that for the past year.

It is weird, but that is how long I've known I love you. A year. It seems like no time, but it is so long, really. When I think about it, I have probably loved you longer than that and not known what to call it. But it has a name now. A horrible, painful name.

As I sit pondering this, I hear the front door slam. I get up and look out my window. There is no car which means one thing. You had came when you said you were. Odd.

I started down the stairs and met you half way.

"Hey," you say, fidgeting with your hands in your pockets.

"Well? Out with it," I urge, ushering you back down the stairs towards the living room.

"With what?"

"What did she do today? Aren't you here to tell me how amazing she is? Again?" I add with a small smile that reflects the exact opposite of what I'm feeling.

You scowl. "That's not all I talk about, you know."

"Oh really?" I challenge. I didn't want to get mad, but your words are so... wrong.

"Really. I talk about other things. Like you," you insist as you sit on the couch and I take the chair across from you.

I arc an eyebrow in skepticism. "I think I missed that conversation."

"I-Look," you start, running your fingers through your hair. "Tomoe said something today that got me thinking."

"You? Thinking? Oh, no! Do you have a headache?" I tease while rolling my eyes. "What were you thinking about that made you rush over here?"

"Can you be serious for two seconds?" You're starting to get angry and I can tell. Good. Now you understand the frustration I've endured the past year.

"I can try. What did she say?"

"We were talking and-"

"You were talking? I thought she couldn't even remember your name," I interrupt.

"Would you please listen? I keep trying to tell you and you keep asking stupid, unrelated questions and comments," you snap.

"Fine, fine. Finish your story."

"Like I said, we were talking and your name came up." Probably because I had stood in her way. "She... she said you were in love with me."

I freeze. I must look like a deer in the headlights. "Why would she say something like that?"

"She said that she could tell by the way you acted or something. Your eyes, I think was what she said. She said you had very sad eyes."

"Well that's-"

"Is it true?"

And to that, I have no idea what to say.

TBC

a/n: I'm mean, I know. Don't forget to drop a comment, please!