The Monroe Dilemma

**Please note, I do not own the characters, I did not come up with them, etcetera. This is merely an imagining of two characters that I enjoy and thought would be interesting together, even though in real life as well as the show, they do not engage in any such activity as such. Read on my friend, and enjoy.**

"Bye Claudia!" Pete waved frantically out the rolled down window as Myka sped off. Her foot, a lead brick most days, was no different today. Besides, they had to catch a plane from a small airport just outside Univille to hop to another, slightly larger airport, and so on until the pair were finally in the Siberian Outback, as Pete called it, to nab an artifact that had something to do with a common stove fire that wouldn't be extinguished and had begun to grow larger.

Claudia waved back, happy she could stay in the, still cold, but slightly warmer state of South Dakota. Granted it was much lower on the latitudinal lining (or was it longitudinal?) of the world, but it was winter and it was cold.

Cold enough that Claudia's thick sweater wasn't cutting it. She quickly yanked the warehouse door away from a killer snow bank and let it shut behind her. Sure there was a door closing remote, but when it was blowing enough to cause a whiteout, no button would shut the door.

She shook off the snow that had fallen onto her, more like furiously thrown at her at speeding degrees of velocity, and hustled back up to the office.

Artie had been taking a short "interlude" as he called it. A nap. Claudia knew better. On top of it, she had heard him snoring before she'd rushed Myka and Pete out the door.

There was a long list of items to be entered into the database and shelved before Claudia's weekend could officially start. Boxes sat scattered around the office, waiting to be placed. Artie was sleeping, Claudia was alone in the office. She popped her music list up and cranked it loud enough where it wouldn't wake the sleeping bear upstairs.

She danced around the office, fiddling with the boxes and finding the most interesting items first.

"Why, George Washington's—" she paused, repulsed by what she had just picked up. "His teeth? Oh my god gross!" She let the false teeth fall, a little harder than she should have, back into the box. Making fake retching noises, she quickly found another box.

"Cleopatra's eyeliner? That's what I'm talking about." She pulled out a small glass container and brush. The equally small index card simply read: Cleopatra's Makeup, Dung Beetle Dung. "Why is everything in the past disgusting?" She set the artifact back where it came from sighing.

Claudia decided it would go faster if she just put the information in the computer system already. "So much for cool stuff," she mumbled.

Item after item she punched in the notes Artie had left her on the index cards. If it was so urgent, she thought, why wasn't he helping her? Then again, as crabby as he was before Pete and Myka left, it was probably better he wasn't.

"The last artifact!" She was triumphant in her exclamation. And slightly hopeful that it wasn't something gross, dead, or vomit inducing. "Marylin Monroe's Hair Clip, huh? Hmm, don't mind if I do."

Claudia couldn't think of anything bad that would come of a hair clip. The other artifact of the 1960's sex goddess was a brush that turned hair platinum blonde. How bad could a little hair clip be? She flipped open a mirror Artie had hidden in the drawer. Slipping the small hair clip into her red hair, just partially behind her ear, she looked closely. It looked great on her! The purple and blue gems that were on the end only made her hair glow with beauty.

"You better have all of those artifacts done with Claudia!" Artie sounded even more crabby then he did when he went to sleep, as if that was possible.

"Yes Sir Artimus Maximus!" Claudia stood at attention, her hand up in salute.

"Just stop," he grumbled as he walked down the spiral staircase. But something was different. When his eyes met Claudia's he paused, for just a second, and stared at her. There was something different, something that Artie couldn't place his finger on.

But it was there.

"Did you, uh, get those artifacts done?" Artie blinked a few times. No, there was something different alright.

"Yeah, all done," she patted the top of the box nearest her. Standing, she smiled sheepishly at Artie. Maybe it was lack of sleep, or his seriously harsh bedhead, but Artie looked handsome. He always did, but more so than usual.

"Hey, Claud, what are you doing tonight? You look pretty." The words had tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them. He clapped his hand over his mouth and his eyes grew wide.

"Um, just hanging out in my room I guess. The weather sucks, doubt I'll get into town even."

'She didn't notice?' Artie thought, a wave of relief crashed over him. He began to fuss around the room. IT proved fruitless, Claudia noticed that he was doing nothing that made sense, picking up boxes and sheets of paper before setting them down in another spot.

"Artie," she cooed, a slight tinge of worry in her voice. "Are you okay? You seem a little shaken."

Claudia placed her hand on his shoulder, close enough to his collar that she brushed her pinkie against his neck. Instantly, he froze. His eyes grew dewy and he turned to her.

"God you are beautiful," he whispered. In rapid succession, Artie's hands wrapped around her torso, pulling her tightly to his body, and kissed her softly on the lips. His large hands spread across her petite back, anchoring her to him.

In the shock of it all, Claudia kissed him back. Teasing him by licking at his lower lip. But before either could do anything, Artie had a splinter of a second of clarity.

He pulled back, her eyes were closed and a small smile inched across her face. The tight skin on her face glowed, her barely there freckles accented by the blushing color in her cheeks. Her hands were on his upper arms, grasping at the fabric of his shirt, silently begging him to stay close to her.

Opening his mouth to respond to what had just happened, Artie watched as Claudia's eyes blinked open and she began to nibble on her lower lip. Those big green eyes went from his to his lips, her teeth still working on her bottom lip.

"Why don't we watch a movie? Here? Tonight?"