Think Twice
Title: Think twice
Author: Lysangelle
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: M
Summary: Arizona comes home on VDay to hear a confession from Callie.
Possible 6x14 spoilers.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
(This is my very first attempt at writing any fiction so please don't hit me too hard with the comments ;-)
Also, English is a foreign language for me and I didn't have this story betaed, so please, forgive me for the bad grammar or spelling mistakes.
I was frustrated by many things in what passed for the VDay episode but the most disturbing to me was Callie's offer to help with the baby with a total disregard of calzona relationship. Big writing omission there in my book. It made me want to try and come up with my own resolution.
Now I know that people have very different opinions on that subject and I really don't want to start any more debate, this story just presents my view on what happened and is not intended to impose that POV on anyone.)
Arizona couldn't help skipping along the hallway to Callie's apartment, with, in her head a little chant sounding strangely like "Yay me! Yay me!"
After receiving the text from Callie letting her know she finished her shift early and was heading home, she hurried to finish the charts she was working on. Hoping to make a quick escape and have a chance to have a few Valentine's day hours left to spend with her girlfriend.
After checking with Owen in the ER that she wasn't needed as extra hands anymore, she headed to the attending lockers to change.
As she was changing out of her dark blue scrubs, she sent, for the hundredth time that day, a little prayer of thanks that people don't bring their kids to romantic restaurants on Valentine's Day dates.
She couldn't wait to let Callie know that their little plan to play cupid for Bailey seems to have worked. And ask her where she had disappeared all evening!
Arizona chuckled to herself as she wondered how her girlfriend would react if she was dressing up as Cupid for next Halloween. A white towel, a pair of wings….and a very private Halloween for sure! Who could say no to that?
She opened the door quietly just in case, the dimpled smile on her beautiful face seems to get even brighter when she spotted her Calliope sitting on the couch, feet on the coffee table, watching TV.
Callie turned her head toward her as she heard the sound of the door, put her feet back on the floor and reacted to the wide smile on the face she loved so much with a somewhat tense one of her own.
"Baby do I have news for you!" Arizona happily said before registering the forced smile on Callie's face, knowing every nuance of her love's expressions.
She instantly dropped her purse and coat on the side table and made her way quickly to the couch, kicking her shoes off in one fast move on the way, she straddled Callie's lap and put her hands on her shoulders.
"What's wrong Calliope?" she asked calmly.
Callie could only give a real smile at the instant change of mood in her girlfriend. She never felt so cared for before in her life, never knew anyone who could make her feel like she was the most important thing in the world to them. Even if she knew she was sharing the top spot on Arizona's priorities list with any sick kid the blonde surgeon might come across.
Callie sighed as her hands found Arizona's hips and she instantly felt less anxious, even if she still had to confess to something that might very well turn her normally sweet lover into hurricane Arizona.
She smiled again, a real smile this time as Arizona raised her eyebrows, silently repeating her question.
"I need to talk to you about something too," she answered, knowing her usual 'nothing' answer wouldn't cut it, not with Arizona anyway, not anymore. "But you start, your news look exciting! Common, tell me of the last gossip from the heartbreak hotel hospital."
The beautiful blonde sitting on her lap laughed and her bright smile came back instantly as her mind turned back to her successful mission.
" I DID IT!! I did it!!" she squealed as she started a happy dance right there where she sits on the dark woman's. Though it felt more like a lap dance to Callie who had to restrain a moan.
Instead she started to laugh at the paradox that was her girlfriend;
from 35 to 5 years old in half a second.
The dark haired woman managed to grab the two hands that were flying in the air accompanying the hips rolls and brought them between them to get her irresistible lover's attention.
"And what is it exactly you did?" she asked still laughing.
Arizona smile got even wider, if possible.
"I'll let you know that you can now call me: cupid 2.0, Miss Calliope! I managed to get Bailey to accept a date with Ben!" she answered with a self satisfied smirk. "Hey where were you by the way? I didn't see you all evening, I could have used the help you know!" She added so fast Callie had to process it twice before deciding to not open that can of worms just now.
"You what!?" Exclaimed Callie in a chuckle.
Arizona lifted a finger in the typical, "wait just a minute" gesture as she got more comfy, shifting on a butt cheek then the next to stretch her legs and slide them around Callie's waist. The move waking up the ortho surgeon's libido some more.
The dark haired woman slightly moved forward on the couch to make room for the slender legs crossing behind her back.
Callie gave a chuckle and asked innocently.
"Parts of you getting numb, love?"
Arizona made a face and answered with narrowed eyes.
"Actually yes, and if you're good you can help with that in a while."
Callie laughed shakily, thinking about what was left to be said before she let that happen.
"So Cupid 2.0, how did you achieve that feat? I was pretty sure it was a mission impossible type of thing after our elevator ride."
"Oh ye of little faith, you underestimate me, woman!" Arizona teased as she started explaining how her plan panned out.
She started by explaining how she side blinded Derek to reassign Ben to Bailey's surgery. Then she explained how she encrusted herself in said surgery to plant seeds of encouragement in the anaesthesiologist's mind and seeds of doubt about her rebuttal in their small stubborn friend's one.
Conveniently she forgot to mention the perfect impression of a three years old, masked pout and shuffling feet included, she made when Bailey ended up booting her out of her OR.
Arizona finished her story by reporting the conversation she eavesdropped on while working on some charts, the smile on her face was the one of a proud mom watching her baby going on a date for the first time.
Callie gently laughed, marvelling once more about how much she loved that woman who was such a totally improbable fit to her own temperament.
"Wow, you REALLY are amazing, baby!" she said as she leans forward to gently kiss the smiling lips just a few inches from hers.
"See? I keep telling you how awesome I am but you're so stubborn that you don't listen to me!" Arizona teased with a laugh as she started dropping butterfly kisses on the dark haired woman's face and neck as she start her little victory chant again.
"I…"
Kiss.
"did…"
Kiss.
"it!..."
Kiss.
"I…"
Kiss.
"did…"
Kiss.
"it!..."
Kiss.
Callie swallowed hard as her lover's mouth get lower and lower, following the chain that newly adorned her neck, toward the silver heart resting on her chest.
'A woman only can take so much' she thought, forgetting her resolution to speak to her girlfriend about her own evening before allowing her sexy lover to distract her in her ever loving way.
She slid her hips forward on the couch cushion, gathering Arizona in her arms in the move to get up and take this to their bedroom.
But Arizona suddenly straighten up, stopping all attempt at any move Callie was planning and looking at her straight in the eyes.
"No, no, NO!!!" the blonde beauty quickly let out, putting her hands up.
Stunned, Callie could only watched her with wide eyes and uttered a profound:
"HUH?"
Arizona's mind was a blur; 'what am I doing? Did I just say no to hot sex with my hot hot lover?'
She shook her head lightly to clear her mind and then remembered where her reaction came from.
Looking at Callie's shocked face she hurried to add:
"I mean, yes, yes YES!!! But not right now."
Her voice turned from excited to soft as she finished her explanation.
"I would like to talk about what was troubling you when I came home, you looked distressed and I need to know why so I can help. Will you tell me?"
Callie tenderly smiled, amazed that her love would remember that detail among all the excitement of the last few minutes.
Then she gulped realizing the time to tell her own story has come. She hoped she wouldn't end up getting sex less punishment time after her confession. It would be a very bad timing for that, seeing how turned on she already was right now.
But Callie knew she had to tell everything to her girlfriend, as it was now part of their relationship, to share everything with each other. They talked and decided to never let any problems come between them again due to lack of communication.
But she knew she made a mistake, a mistake due to her nature as a devoted friend, but a mistake just the same. She just hoped that Arizona would understand at the end.
Callie sit back, keeping Arizona wrapped around herself, not ready to let her go yet as she was drawing strength from their physical closeness.
"What is it lover?" Arizona asked gently.
Callie looked at her and sighed, somewhat defeated.
"You know, for a smart woman and a rock star, sometimes I'm such an idiot."
Arizona frowned at the ominous start but she tried to keep things light at first.
"What did you do now, woman?" she asked with a smile.
'yeah such an idiot! Look at her trying to make me feel better!' Callie thought again.
She took a deep breath and started explaining to her love how she met Sloanette and the following events.
Arizona could see the pain in her Calliope's eyes. She knew her dark haired lover was thinking about the loss her best friend would feel if that baby was to disappear from his life.
Even if she really really hoped they'd never have to share a bed with Mark again and was still lightly uneasy about Callie and Mark's past, Arizona had noticed the changes in him since his daughter suddenly appeared. And she felt for him.
She start running her fingertips along Callie's collarbones, hoping to bring some comfort.
Callie went as far as telling her that Mark suggested to adopt the baby and then she lost her nerves and stopped talking. Trying to find the best way to explain to Arizona what happened in her mind at that time without hurting her.
"Wow," Arizona seemed to think out loud, "Mark sure did some growing up recently. When he doesn't react like an immature teenager that is" She finished with a short laugh.
The ortho surgeon laughed with her briefly before becoming serious again.
"It won't happen though, I met Sloan as she was sneaking out when I came home."
Arizona jaw dropped; "she left?!"
Callie nodded sadly, "She wants the baby to be adopted by strangers, she wants a clean cut from him, and for him to have a real family. And I think to make a totally new start for herself."
The blonde paeds surgeon brought her hand to her love's cheek for a moment.
"How is Mark taking it?" she asked sadly.
Callie made a face, "Not well, I had to tell him and it was terrible. I stayed with him for a while but he sent me home saying he wanted to be alone. He already loved that kid so much, you know. He even bought a cradle for Pete's sake!"
Arizona grabbed her love's hands and squeeze them.
"I'm sorry." She whispered and Callie knew she was sincere.
"There's something else, Arizona." She start before launching into a one breath rambling, "A part you might not like. Actually I'm pretty sure you won't like it at all. And I won't blame you either, I mean I would be mad too, and I want to apologize right away and for you to remember that I love you more than anything and if you could remember you love me too, that might help, and…"
Arizona couldn't help but laugh briefly at the cuteness of her badass wannabe as she launched in rambling mode. Then the words Callie pronounced registered.
"Ok! OK! Calliope, calm down! Breathe deeply right now!"
Callie did as she was told. At any other time she would have teased her girlfriend about her bossy side but she was freaking out too much for that.
Breathing deeply helped to clear her head some. 'Callie I. Torres, MD, Ortho rock star, freaking out expert, I just find myself a brass plate motto' She thought between two deep breaths.
The time it took for Callie to calm down gave Arizona some time to do some of her own freaking out but also to prepare herself for whatever she was going to hear.
"What did you do, Calliope? And why are you freaking out so much about telling me?" Arizona asked seemingly calmly even if her stomach was turning into a tight knot.
Callie closed her eyes briefly to gather her wits, then she start talking, fast.
"When Mark said he would adopt the baby, I could see Sloan had doubts and I jumped in and said I'd help raising the baby."
It took a minute for the words to register with Arizona and then questions start popping into her mind, the one that she blurted out was:
"YOU WHAT!?!"
Feeling the need to distance herself she freed her body from Callie's and got up, pacing in front of her very sheepish looking girlfriend.
"Callie! What were you thinking? Did you consider the responsibility? It's a baby, not a puppy, and it's not even yours in any way! Loving him isn't enough you know! And with Mark? Mark!" Arizona started with disbelief.
Callie seemed to shrunk at the use of her nickname by Arizona, she only called her that when she was mad at her.
The more Arizona tried to understand what Callie told her the more hurting details appeared to her and her incredulity turned to anger and changed direction.
"Were you planning to talk to me about it at all, by the way? I would have appreciate that you know! Who knows? I might even had agreed with you and say we'd both help!" the blonde beauty finished, not without sarcasm, her voice getting louder.
Arizona kept pacing as she tried to process what she learned. She needed to know even if the answers were going to burn her like acid.
So many feelings were rushing through her, she wasn't thinking clearly anymore. Another part of Callie's confession came back to her.
"Wait, wait! Did you just tell me you said 'I will help with the baby'? As in 'I, Callie'? What happened to 'us', as in you and me, Callie!?"
The dark haired surgeon shrunk some more she didn't know how to answer to that and she didn't think telling Arizona it has been a slip of the tongue would help. The blonde tornado's anger raised another level at the lack of verbal answer.
Arizona knew she probably was a bit harsh with Callie but the whole situation was bringing up some of her own insecurities.
"Did you even think about what I'd think about this? Or did you think it wasn't concerning me? Are you 'I, Callie; Mark's BFF' more than 'I, Callie; Arizona's girlfriend' now? Are you? Is that it?" The feisty blonde yelled.
Those word shocked Callie back to action.
"No! Arizona, no! Never! How can you believe that?" she answered loudly, tears filling her eyes.
"What do you expect me to believe, Callie? You just offered to help raising a baby with your ex fucking buddy! Without even thinking of consulting me, your girlfriend who practically is sharing your life! How did you think that would make me feel?!"
As Arizona extended her pacing pattern to the rest of the room and closer to the door, Callie had the sudden certitude that she was going to leave.
She shoot out of the couch and yelled;
"NO DON'T LEAVE! I'm an idiot! OK? I'm a screwed up idiot who let her big mouth takes over her brain! Now you see why everyone leave me! I'm so so sorry, Arizona! Please don't leave!"
Arizona froze at the first words out of Callies's mouth and stood stock-still, looking at her breaking down girlfriend until she heard her begging her not to leave for the second time.
Suddenly realizing where Callie's mind instantly went, she rushed to her and, making her sit back on the couch, she took her spot on her girlfriend's lap again, grabbing her lover's face between her hands she turned it toward her own until their eyes met.
Whatever happened today, she couldn't let Callie suffer this way, couldn't allow her to think she might leave her.
"Listen to me! And listen to me very carefully Calliope Torres. I won't leave. I won't leave this apartment tonight and I won't leave YOU, not now, not ever, not if I have it my way."
Callie looked deeply into the serious blue eyes that were saying so much more than any words could and knew she meant it.
Arizona saw the fear leave the dark eyes she learned to read so well and she gently added;
"OK? You got that imprinted in that thick head of yours?"
Callie gave her a small smile and nodded as her blonde lover dry the tears of her face with her thumbs before adding some things that still needed to be said.
"We do have a problem here and we need to deal with it and we probably will need to talk more about it later, but I won't leave because we have a fight, that I can promise you. I'm like a yappy little dog, you know, I go back and fight for my bone again and again, I'm not running away, it's not my thing."
Callie laughed at the yappy dog mention.
"Does that make me your bone?" she asked with a sniffle.
"It makes you all mine, bones and all, you hear that? ALL MINE'
Arizona answered seriously.
The dark haired surgeon answered just as seriously:
"All yours, Arizona, always and forever."
They look at each other for a couple of minutes, letting their racing hearts slow down after their fight.
Callie was the one to break the silence.
"I'm sorry, Arizona. I'm an idiot. I swear I need to get checked for that impulsiveness problem!" she said harshly hitting her knee with her fist.
The blonde doctor grabbed her hand before she could hit herself again.
Callie smiled at her and continued.
"When it happened all I could think about was how Mark would be devastated if he lost that baby, I thought that if Sloan knew there would be other people to help take care of her son, it would weight in her decision making. It was out of my mouth before I could think, that's all. It doesn't mean that I don't think about you and me as 'us', please believe me. If it makes you feel better my first thought after saying I'd help was that you were going to kill me."
Arizona snorted; "when you're right, you're right."
"I'm an impulsive woman, sometimes I'm even a spoiled child, Arizona. Let's blame my father for that one." Callie said with a frown and a wave of her hand.
Arizona snorted louder.
"The truth is my brain and my mouth aren't in sync. See it's like my mouth is a corvette, always 30 miles over the speed limit and my brain is…. A 1980 Honda Civic who can't even reach the speed limit!"
Despite her still hurt feelings, Arizona couldn't help but chuckle at how cute Callie was as she tried to apologize in her typical rambling way.
Intend on her need to have Arizona forgive her, Callie didn't notice the chuckling and keep talking animatedly:
"I talk before I think at times and it gets me in trouble. Most times I don't give a damn because, since I met a certain blonde in a bar's bathroom, I learned to not care about what other people think."
Both women smiled tenderly at each other, remembering the turning point in both their lives.
"The only times I worry about that fast big mouth of mine is when I say or do something that might hurt you and that's when it's killing me. And I'm so mad at myself for not being able to prevent that. But it's like today, usually it's too late!" Callie said in a self deprecating tone.
She looked into sad blue eyes, how she hated to see those eyes filled with sadness and all because of her.
In a soft voice she said: "The very last thing I ever want to do is hurt you, Arizona."
The blonde woman smiled slightly and whispered: "I know."
Almost without thought, Arizona's started tracing the silver heart pendant hanging from her love's neck.
Callie shivered as the finger touched her warm skin from time to time.
But she had more to say and now was the time to say it.
"You know, after Sloan left and Mark sent me home, I got a chance to think at last, and I realized how very wrong it was to make that offer. For so many reasons. Most of all it hit me how unfair to you I have been." Callie had to stop as her throat constricted around her words.
She cleared her throat and continued:
"Because you were wrong before, Arizona, YOU are the most important part of my life, you and only you. It's true that Mark is my best friend and you know friends are important to me…"
Arizona nodded with a small smile as happy tears started running down her cheeks
"Yes I know, love. It's one of the many things I love in you." She interrupted her lover.
Callie brought a pale hand to her mouth and kiss it tenderly.
"But the most important part is I love you. YOU. And you're the most important part of my life. And if I can find a way and stop being an idiot, I'll do everything to prove it to you, hopefully without anymore more crisis like today. You'll see; I'll learn. I'm an idiot who can learn; after all I'm a surgeon!" Callie ended, trying to take away a bit more of the tension between them.
Arizona laughed, still gently crying, 'Hey! Careful, it's my idiot you're talking about."
The blonde woman dried off her tears with the back of her fingers.
"But you know, you're wrong too, Calliope." She started seriously.
As Callie's face dropped she quickly add;
"You're wrong, your mouth isn't a corvette, it's a sexy red Ferrari, the kind everyone wants but only I own."
Callie smiled and kissed the still salty lips in front of her with passion, then she blushed as another thought crossed her mind.
"What?" Arizona asked softly noticing the redden cheeks close to her own face.
"Nothing?" Callie tried through narrowed eyes and a tilted head hoping to be cute, not sure if she was ready to share that thought with her lover yet.
"Calliiiiiope," Arizona drawled, "you need to start the learning now."
Callie laughed and blushed even more as she realized she was going to have to say it out loud.
"I just had another revelation about this whole baby thing."
Arizona lift an eyebrow in question.
"The only babies I want to help and raise are the ones we'll have together, you and me." Callie admitted in a whisper.
The blonde surgeon smiled brightly at the disguised commitment and wrapping herself tightly around Callie, she kissed her tenderly.
"I love you." she whispers against the full lips of her dark haired lover.
"I love you too." Callie answered before deepening the kiss and getting up the couch with the smaller woman still wrapped around her. "Wanna try to get that baby on the way now?"
Arizona burst out laughing; "You have been keeping things from me lover? You have hidden talents I don't know about?"
Callie laughed too as she kissed the blonde woman's neck.
"Nope, but nothing stops us from practicing anyway."
"Oh yeah, I'm all in favour of loads and loads of practice. After all it's still Valentine's Day and I didn't thank you properly for my gift yet."
As Callie carried her lover toward the bedroom, Arizona thought that they just overcame another storm, which hopefully will only make them stronger. Together.
end