There are Worse Things than a Gyrating Elvis
Perhaps the sky was too bright for the old man as he squinted out into the school yard, but it made him look mad and that wasn't the first time the girls had gone about imitating his bizarre style. He wore a moldy overcoat and overalls that were stained by mud and some unidentifiable brown substance that smelled old and smelly. Georgia, Jas and Rosie walked by, hiking their skirts up to irritate Hawk-Eye. They caught Elvis staring and Georgia, in a burst of inspiration shook her bum around madly.
"Dance that dirty way Elvis!" Lucky for her Elvis had an earwax build-up at the moment but he growled anyway.
"Ooh, that dirty old man, he turns me on." Said Rosie.
"You frighten me sometimes, but I suppose I should be used to you." Georgia said. "After all, you are dating a mad lad named Sven so what is to be expected of your twisted mind?"
"I wonder if Tom can go out tonight." Jas tugged on her fringe and Georgia was forced to slap her hand. "Ow!"
"Stop that, you look a prat." Georgia stated.
"She's right." Rosie nodded. "I get the urge to beat you every time I see you doing that."
"Then why don't you?" Georgia asked. "Nothing stops me."
"Well… you shouldn't, it isn't proper to duff your friend." Jas whined.
"Stick a cork in it woman." They walked out through the gates and took off their berets once they were sure Hawk-Eye couldn't see them any longer.
"Aiee! Does my hair look okay?" Rosie asked, patting it compulsively.
"A little frizzy but that goes without saying." Georgia responded, smoothing her own hair.
"Why hello! How are you lovely ladies?" Dave the Laugh came up behind the three girls. Georgia tuned faintly scarlet but grinned, praying that her nose would stay in place. Jas resisted tutting but Rosie just smiled.
"We're just fabbity fab fab fab!" Georgia babbled. "Having the time of our lives walking this road, we are."
"Then I shall join you for this fabbity little occasion, after all, what day is complete without a fabbity walk with three gorgeous girls?"
"I couldn't tell you, I always walk with us." Georgia laughed. Sven came close behind Dave and picked up Rosie from behind.
"I have my bird!" He said.
"Yes, yes you do! Put me down Sven!" Rosie laughed hysterically while squirming to get down from the 2 meter giant.
"Jah." He put her down. "You are on the floor again my sweet."
Sven had come home the month earlier, much to Rosie's delight. The summer holidays were approaching which meant many good things, such as freedom and no more non-freedom at school.
"Jas!" Cried out a lad. "Jas! Come here!" Tom was rushing behind them, giving Georgia a quick glance before tugging Jas away.
"What is it?"
"I have to tell you something… maybe… er… just come on." Tom pulled her away to behind a tree.
"What are they doing?" Rosie asked.
"Tom is going to ask her to marry him and to co-own the veggie shop." Georgia said grimly.
"Really?"
"Like I have a bloody clue. Jas will call me tonight I am sure and properly announce their engagement."
"That reminds me," said Dave, "I've been meaning to ask you if you'd be willing to marry me, oh Sven dear."
"Jah! What are you saying lad?" Everyone collapsed into hysterics as Sven grinned stupidly.
"Oh, tonight there's a dance at the dance-y place. Are you game?"
"As always." Georgia grinned.
"I am away laughing on a fast camel!"
"You are such a hussy." Jas scolded as Sven and Dave walked away.
"Does Ellen know yet?" Rosie asked. "Not that I really care but you might." Rosie pushed her glasses up her nose.
"No, I don't think she really needs to know. After all, I am the girlfriend of a sex god who lives in Kiwi-a-go-go land."
"Hm. He's probably out humping sheep right now." Rosie said enthusiastically.
"Erlack! I hope you are wrong."
"Have I ever been wrong?"
"Yes."
"Oh. So I'll see you at the dance-y thing tonight."
What none of the girls could have known was that the horrors of the night might keep them awake for eternity.
*****
Mr. Attwood sat in his cabin, chugging whiskey and wiping his mouth on the back of his filthy hand. His wife was currently in New Zealand and his "special" magazines were spread all over. He found a picture of people dancing.
"Erp! Why not?" He belched loudly. "I'll go! That I will!" Elvis, determined to have some fun whilst his wife was away stood and looked around for some clean overalls. "Aiee!" He collapsed to the ground and laughed manically as he attempted to stand. At eight o'clock that night he left his smelly house and began to head to the dance club.
*****
"Does my lippy look all right?" Jas smacked her lips together. "Ooh! There's Tom!" Jas got all giggly. Rosie was busy gibbering to Sven and Georgia was talking to Dave, laughing. The band struck up and Dave whipped Georgia onto the dance floor.
"Ah!" Georgia shrieked as she saw the most disturbing visual in the world. The English children clapped as a mad old man danced in the middle, busting some moves.
"Jah! Jah!" Sven jumped into the middle of the circle and joined the man.
"NO SVEN! NO!"
"Elvis is dead!" Georgia cried out. "Why, oh why did I have to see this?"
Mr. Attwood jiggled his hips some and all the girls from Stalag 14 were forced to flee the scene in terror.