A/N: This is something I wrote as a birthday gift for a friend of mine when I was seventeen. I just translated it this year, and boy it was difficult to find words to match the crazy Finnish expressions! But here it is, hope you like it.
The Magic of the pink Ferrari
Vaaleanpunaisen ferrarin taikaa
Once upon a time there was a prince, who on one beautiful day was walking his pet Pikachu on the back garden of the castle. It happened to be the prince's birthday, and he was happy; nothing could ruin the awesomeness. He had invited crazy amounts of people and they would arrive any minute.
When the guests finally arrived, amongst them was the oh-so-lovely crown princess of the neighbor kingdom, for whom the prince had romantic feelings. The rumor went, that the princess mastered a handful of exceedingly handy martial arts, and to top that, she owned a spectacular pink Ferrari. (The prince himself didn't care for the color, but he did harbor dreams of a magnificent sports wagon of that sort.)
The highlight of the party was approaching: the cooks of the castle had spent hours and hours decorating the birthday cake. (The prince happened to be a bit high maintenance and somewhat difficult to please, so it wasn't actually a big surprise that the job had taken some time.)
When three servants carted the humongous cake to the great hall with an evident labor, a surge of excitement run through the crowd: the cake was absolutely majestic (and god-damn-huge)! The prince climbed on a chair and blew the candles. At the exact moment the upper layers of the cake sprang into the air and landed on the lap of a very dumbfounded lady, and from the depths of the cake, jumped an evil (and really nasty-looking) witch. She snatched the thoroughly horrified prince and run through the doors at the speed of light and they vanished into thin air. (Later on many of the guests were amazed by this unbelievable athletic performance; the witch, after all, was relatively tiny.)
The whole party crowd sat stunned. That is until the faithful Pikachu decided to take the action. It struck a refreshing Thundershock to kick some life into the people and that did the trick. "The situation is horrible!" the princess of the neighbor kingdom announced. Her name was Valerie, which in fact didn't fit her that well. Many were in the opinion that someone ought to slip some valerian into her drink to calm her down a bit. Maybe that would make the honorable young lady actually shut up.
"I'm going to go search for the prince!" At that precise moment the princess ripped her fabulous organza gown and under that she happened to sport a surprise choice of underwear: a ridiculously awesome ninja outfit! (Tight-fitted, naturally – she did have a decent body to show off, after all.) Pikachu jumped on her shoulder (you see, it happened to be that kind of Pikachu, who knew the good guys from the idiotic ones. Even if the princess happened to be a wee bit reckless and in constant search of danger, it didn't bother the loyal Pikachu; the prince had to be saved.), and together they ran to the pink Ferrari, and set off, making only a quick stop at the petrol station in the process.
The prince woke up in a dim-lighted room and he had a brutal headache. (It had happened that the witch had had to smack him with a ladle to stop the prince from thrashing and threatening the witch with court and brutal execution by the rope, and that sort of imaginative things. Even if the witch happened to be very enamored with the prince, it certainly didn't mean that she would tolerate that kind of behavior.) The prince jumped to his feet and did a set of well-practiced shadow boxing to secure his back. When he was convinced that he was alone, he looked around in the room he had been shoved in. The room was small and dreary, with one teeny tiny window and a reasonably strong pine door (This the prince had discovered when he found himself with a nearly dislocated shoulder). He looked out of the tiny window and he could see a beautiful mossy forest, where deers and rabbits jumped about merrily and the flowers bloomed with every color imaginable.
"Quite curious place to live for such a nasty looking witch..", the prince pondered, and shrugged his left shoulder. The right was slightly too sore. At that moment a key turned in the lock of the door, and the prince startled, ready to repeat his marvelous self-defense moves.
"Don't bother bobbing", the witch said "I just brought you a little something to munch, so you won't starve while I pick up some flour from the market. For the wedding cake, you see." the witch cackled, and swished away, locking the door behind her.
The prince peered cautiously into the bowl the witch had brought, and he almost burst into tears:
"Spinach soup and dried bat ears! And I'm supposed to marry that thing?" Feeling utterly miserable, the prince sat down on a rickety chair (CRASH!) and rubbing his aching backside he checked his cellphone. No reception. He should have guessed.
Meanwhile, the princess and the pet Pikachu swerved towards the witch's castle. Not that they knew where it was, exactly, but Pikachu happened to have an uncannily accurate sense of smell, which proved to be a tremendous help. (Well, considering the mind-blowing smell that was characteristic to the witch, any pet (including a goldfish) would have been able to do that.) Naturally the witch had expected a rescue squad, and set various traps and snares, but what she hadn't expected was Pikachu, who caused the traps to short-circuit, regardless whether they were technical gadgets or not.
The prince suddenly awoke to a gentle purring of a highly advanced V12 engine, run to the window and saw the princess charmingly waving from her pink Ferrari (that conveniently happened to be a convertible). The princess threw him a parachute, that the prince quickly strapped to his back. He was already climbing to the windowsill, when he suddenly changed his mind, snatched the bowl of spinach soup and, with the help of a dried bat ear, wrote on the wall:
I left you for someone younger and prettier.
See you around. NOT.
Cordially,
The Prince (You know which)
(The prince was known for his slightly daring sense of humor, after all.)
Now the prince was ready to wriggle through the tiny window, and he landed quite gracefully next to the car, jumped to the front seat, and for a short romantic moment Pikachu felt a sudden urge to cover his eyes. (It seemed that the witch was not the only female attracted to the chap.) Then the prince threw a mildly dazed grin to Pikachu and the three of them cruised towards the sunset.
The End