Woeful Wizards Goblet of Fire Episode One
Scene 1:
[Frank, an old man, is sitting outside a door, listening to mutant-like Voldemort who is sitting with his feet up on a chair, Peter who is standing a little behind him and David Tennant Barty Crouch Jr. who is kneeling beside Voldemort. Spooky music is playing in the background.]
Voldemort: Are all the plans in (s) place?
Peter: Yes, my lord.
Voldemort: And what about (s) you, Barty?
Barty: Well, (breathes out heavily through his mouth) can't say that I'm not.
Voldemort: But remember, we don't have a lot of time so you can't go lording over us. Geddit?
Barty: (breaks until hysterical laughter) Good one, that's a good one.
[Nagini comes out behind Frank, sliding past and startling him.]
Nagini: Dayum gurl! Yo move dat fat ass.
[Nagini slides up to Voldemort.]
Voldemort: What da hell took you so long, nigga?
Nagini: Dis bitch in da hallway be cramping ma style.
Frank: (to himself) Surely he cannot understand that serpents tongue?
Voldemort: Yo, bro, I got ya back. (shouts) PETE!
Peter: (raises hand) Right here.
Voldemort: Oops. Sorry I yelled.
Peter: That's fine.
Voldemort: Bring our… visitor in.
[Peter opens the door and brings in Frank by his arm.]
Frank: (shrugs Peter off) YOU! (Points his finger at Voldemort) Feet off the upholstery!
Voldemort: (frowns) Of course, what a reasonable request, I'll just (s) AVADA KEDAVRA!
[Frank collapses on the floor in a heap. There is a silence of a few seconds.]
Barty: Excellent… wand work, Master.
[The camera does some sort of transition thing. Either it is zoom-y, or flash-y. It goes to Harry in his bed. A moment later, Harry sits up in his bed.]
Harry: (s) VOLDEMORT!
[Dramatic music.]
Scene 2:
[Draco and the gang are at Malfoy Manor.]
Draco: A lot (s) happened last year.
Crabbe: … I know.
Goyle: (s) How are we ever going to overcome these barriers?
[Silence]
Draco: I am SO excited for the Quidditch World Cup.
Goyle: Me too.
Crabbe: It's going to be super!
[Happy music.]
Scene 3:
[Harry is in his room, pacing.]
Harry: (s) What should I do? (s) Who can I tell? Hermione will just suggest a trained professional and Ron will ask his dad, a person who has access to resources I can only dream about…
Hedwig: (in her cage and whispers) Foreshadowing…
Harry: (s) Stop hooting ,Hedwig. I know! I'll shall write to my most trusted friend and advisor, Sirius Black!
[Harry sits down at his desk and he writes the following:]
Dear Sirius,
How are you? I hope you are well. I'm (s) fine.
Love,
Harry.
PS I am actually an extremely confused and vulnerable youth. Please give me some advice.
PPS Particularly about girls.
PPPS And fame.
PPPPS Oh, and no biggie, but I kind of dreamt that Voldemort had returned from the grave and that he was slowly returning to his full power. Weird, right?
[After completing the letter, Harry seals the letter with a kiss and hands it to Hedwig. Dramatic music plays as he stares at Hedwig "flying" off into the sunset.]
Scene 4:
[At the Burrow. Ron and his entire family are sitting down for a meal.]
Molly: So, how was everyone's day?
Percy: Well, actually, I-
George: Perce, just shut the hell up.
Fred: The wall; that is what you are driving me up.
Ginny: (appears to be wearing a mound of rags) Muh hmm…
Arthur: I have (s) news, family.
[Everyone swivels to Arthur.]
Arthur: I have tickets to (pause for EMPHASIS) the Quidditch World Cup.
[Dramatic music]
Arthur: And you can all (s) bring friends.
[Dramatic music.]
Bill: I'll bring Charlie!
Charlie: I'll bring Bill!
Percy: I'll bring my growing sense of estrangement from my family.
George: Dibs on Fred.
Fred: Damn, I wanted Dobby instead.
Ron: (to himself) Who should I chose? Harry (s) or Hermione?
Ginny: Can I bring a friend?
[Everyone bursts out laughing. Ginny shrinks away]
Arthur: (still chuckling) Ginny, love, I think Ron will just lend one of his friends to go with you.
Ron: (stands up abruptly and raises hands above his head) SUCCESS!
Scene 5:
[Harry is also sitting down to dinner with the Dursleys]
Harry: Sorry I was (s) late.
Vernon: Whatever. What's for dinner?
Petunia: Salad.
Dudley: (sighs) Oh, not again.
[The phone rings.]
Petunia: (stands up) That'll be the phone.
[She exits. The doorbell rings]
Vernon: I'll get it.
[Vernon exits. There is a moment of silence.]
Dudley: So, Harry, what were you up to?
Harry: (stares at Dudley) Just talking to my (s) friends.
Dudley: (frowns) I thought you didn't have any friends.
Harry: Maybe not. (Leans close to Dudley's ear and whispers) But I have cake.
Dudley: (gasps) What?
[Vernon and Petunia come back in. Vernon is holding a letter.]
Vernon: It's all very odd.
Harry: (s away and whispers) I know.
Petunia: What is it, dear?
Vernon: A letter for us, about Harry.
Harry: (stands up and shouts) WHAT'S SO WEIRD ABOUT THAT, HUH?
Vernon: It's written in blood.
[Dramatic music.]
Scene 6:
[At Malfoy Manor. Draco and the gang are all in their sleeping bags, gossiping.]
Crabbe: Have you seen the way she looks at (s) Dean Thomas?
Draco: (s) Who?
Crabbe: Ginny Weasley.
Draco: She is NOT going out with HIM.
Goyle: (s) How do you know?
Draco: (smugly) A gentleman never tells.
Crabbe: (hits Draco with a pillow) PILLOW FIGHT!
[Draco laughs, grab his own pillow and hits Crabbe with his own pillow. They roll about on the floor, giggling. Goyle sits on the sidelines, mouth agape. Friendship music.]
Scene 7:
[Back at 4 Privet Drive.]
Harry: (icily) Just because they are poor and can't afford ink so they have to write in their own blood, do you think it's okay if you discriminate against them?
Vernon: Well, I-
Harry: Give me that.
[Harry stands up, snatches the letter and sits back down, all the time glaring at Vernon.]
Dudley: What does it say, cousin?
Harry: I am (s) speechless.
Petunia: (frowns) Oh dear. I think I have medication for that.
Harry: Uncle, can I go to (s) the Quidditch World Cup?
Vernon: … sure. (turns to Petunia) You better hurry up with that medication.
[Petunia nods and walks out of the room.]
Harry: YES!
[Harry jumps into the air, hands above his head, his expression ecstatic. It freeze frames on that image.]
END OF EPISODE ONE