Fish Food
Summary: It comes to Liara's attention that Shepard's yeoman is getting a little too close to her human. In fact, she's decided it's about time she paid a friendly visit to the Normandy. FemShep/Liara. ME2.
Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect or anything associated with it. I am not making a profit off of this story. I am just a poor college kid who is addicted to the game.
A/N: Takes place after LotSB DLC, but before the end of the ME2. I saw this picture on the net and had to write this. It was a picture of a standoff between Kelly and Liara. The caption said 'WHEN YOU PISS OFF THE WRONG GIRLFRIEND.' And underneath that it said 'Miss Chambers, I heard you want to feed Shepard's fish…' So there might be a little Kelly bashing…
O0o0o0o0o0o0O
Liara's fingers, previously typing at an impressive rate, froze in midair. Blinking owlishly, she stared uncomprehendingly as the dozens of screens she had been staring avidly at suddenly all went blank. Hearing a gravelly voice clear their throat off to the side, the asari swivelled in her chair. After having stared at bright screens for so long, the already dark room appeared even darker than usual. Squinting, at where the noise came from, she was just able to make out a shadowy figure leaning against one of the walls.
"Feron?" Liara spoke into the darkness uncertainly.
The figure in question pushed off from the wall and started forward, a slight limp barely discernible in his movements. The Shadow Broker's annoying VI suddenly blinked into view, the light given off by its holographic glow revealing that the incoming figure was in fact her friend and assistant. Her attention returning once more to the workstation in front of her, she frowned.
"Of course it's you." One mystery solved, Liara's mind focused once more on a more pressing matter, namely her unresponsive terminal. "We seem to have had a power failure of some sort; I need you to check to see if this is an isolated occurrence or if it's ship-wide."
"Don't worry; none of the ship's systems were affected." Feron came to a stop beside the asari. "In fact, it would be safe to say that it's an extremely isolated event."
"Well that's," Liara started to say in relief only to stop as an errant thought occurred to her. Blue eyes narrowing slightly, she regarded the drell beside her in slight suspicion. "You sound confident in your assessment; however, I am curious to find out how exactly you know this for sure, seeing as how the failure happened moments before you appeared."
"That's easy," Feron stated bluntly. "It's because I'm the one who instructed our buddy here to black out your monitors."
"You- what?" Liara blinked incredulously, her surprise quickly slipping into a scowl. "Really, Feron! I was in the middle of a highly sensitive and crucial project! You can't just-"
"You're always in the middle of highly sensitive and crucial projects," Feron cut in calmly. "You need to rest before you burn yourself out."
"I'm perfectly fine," Liara all but snapped irritably, deftly ignoring the pointed look shot her way. "Besides, I told you I would take a break in an hour."
"You're right; you did say that." Feron nodded his head in agreement with her words, pointedly pausing for effect before continuing to drive his point home. "Yesterday."
"I-I what? I don't… That's not…" Liara stared at the drell in genuine surprise, not having realized so much time had already passed. Her eyes slipping closed for a moment, she sighed and rubbed her head wearily. "That's irrelevant. I don't have time to stop now; I am in the middle of-"
"Your health is not irrelevant," Feron adamantly cut her off again, slight disapproval audible in his voice. "Your operatives are skilled professionals and can do their jobs without your constant supervision. As for the vast amounts of information available to you, all I can say is it will still be there in the morning."
"Feron-" Liara attempted to defend her actions only to be frustratingly interrupted once more.
"Look, you're no good to anyone in this state; you're tired and overworked, and frankly it's beginning to show." Feron decided to change tactics, attempting this time to appeal to the asari's common sense. "You're bound to make a mistake in the worn out state you're in, and considering the power at your fingertips, I'm willing to bet it's a mistake that the galaxy would really rather you not make."
Silence permeated the large room as the occupants stared each other down, each wanting the other to concede to their point of view. Even the VI, normally annoyingly chatty, was silent as it hovered between them. Finally after a few long minutes, Liara acknowledged the fact that the drell could be just as stubborn as her, and that this standoff was getting them nowhere fast. Sighing, Liara looked away first; though she was unwilling to give in completely, she concluded compromise was the solution that would expedite her return to work.
"Feron, I understand what you're saying, and I agree that your words have some merit to them," Liara conceded evenly. "But-"
Afraid she'd completely disregard every word he'd said, Feron was prepared to use one last ditch argument to convince her. "Liara-"
"But," Liara emphasized, taking a small amount of childish glee out of being the one to interrupt this time. "I am in the middle of something important. I will finish it up and then I will take a break." At the drell's sceptical look, she tacked on with an eye-roll, "I promise."
Feron sighed in resignation; he knew that he had no authority over the asari and reluctantly acknowledged the fact that this was the best he was going to get. "Alright." Shaking his head, he began limping back to the living quarters. Pausing at the door, he turned his head slightly and decided to take one more stab at emphasizing the importance of taking a break. "Just remember; if you won't take a break for your health's sake, do it for mine."
At Liara's inquisitive look, he continued with a wry smile. "If you neglect your health and are put out of commission than not only would I be in for a world of hurt, but the galaxy would feel the absence of the Shadow Broker. Once your spectre finished with me I doubt there'd be enough of Feron left to make a shadow, let alone a stand-in Shadow Broker." Here Feron paused, his next words contemplative. "I don't think she's very fond of me."
Liara allowed a small smile to tug at the corner of her mouth, pointedly staying silent and not disputing either claim. Watching as the door slid shut behind the drell, Liara sighed and stretched in her chair. Stifling a pesky yawn, she put her game face back on and spoke clearly to the only other occupant of the room. "Drone, reconnect power to the main terminal and bring up the last screens viewed from memory."
"At once, Shadow Broker." The holographic ball droned moments before her screens came back to life. Mentally taking down a note to alter some of the drone's more annoying attributes and give it a name when she had the time, she quickly found where she had left off.
It was time to get back to work.
0o0o0o0
Leaning back in her seat with a sigh, Liara closed the files she had been viewing with a flourish. Just barely beating back the urge to start on a new project, she instead took the enforced downtime as an opportunity to let her mind wander. Of course, as it had done many times in the past few years, she unerringly found herself focusing on one thing and one thing only: Shepard.
She hadn't seen her girlfriend since the human had helped her take down her predecessor, the previous Shadow Broker, and in the process had helped to rescue Feron. As if thinking about the commander was permission enough, the tightly locked feelings she had tucked away so as not to distract her from her work all came crashing down on her at once. Unable to fight against the overwhelming emotional tide, her longing won out and she found herself unable to resist checking up on her spectre.
"Drone," Liara called out into the still room.
"Yes, Shadow Broker?" The VI blinked into existence at her elbow. "How may I be of service?"
"Pull up any recent files from the Normandy; keyword, SHEPARD."
"At once, Shadow Broker." The drone was silent for a few seconds before it beeped. "I have compiled sixteen audio files, three video files, and the receipt for a rather large open tab at Afterlife's bar that have all been deemed relevant by the inputted search parameters."
"Hmm..." Liara hummed, before nodding at the screen directly in front of her. "Transfer the video files to this console and bring up the first one, sorted by date and time of occurrence."
"At once, Shadow Broker." The drone promptly did as it was instructed. "Will that be all, Shadow Broker?"
"For now, yes," Liara responded distractedly as she looked at the screen and pressed play.
Commander Shepard burst into the room, looking frantically behind her in what could only be described as panic. Relaxing only marginally as the heavy doors slid shut, she slumped slightly against the door at her back, her breathing ragged. Searching the room with her eyes, she quickly spotted Garrus working by the gun and made a beeline for him.
"Garrus!" Her voice was an odd cross between a whisper and a yell.
"Hmm...? Oh, hey Shepard," Garrus responded absentmindedly as he fiddled with a few of the gun's components. "Is it important? I'm kind of in the middle of some calibrations."
"Screw the calibrations!" Shepard grabbed the taller alien by his shoulder guards and shook him, her eyes wide and full of panic. "You have to hide me! Now!"
"What? Why?" Garrus asked confusedly as his head bobbed back and forth with each shake. If it were any other human, he'd be surprised that they'd be able to make him move, heavy armor and all. This small and fragile looking human, however, was Shepard, and that made all the difference.
"Chambers! She almost cornered me in the elevator, but I managed to slip out just in time." Taking a deep breath, she looked him dead in the eye and shook him harder with each word for emphasis. "She. Is. Coming. This. WAY!"
"Oh, is that all? For a second there I thought Harbinger had snuck aboard with a few of his Collector friends and they were chasing you." Garrus' mandibles twitched in what Shepard frustratingly perceived as amusement. "Is she really still hounding you? You'd think she would have gotten the message by now."
"Garrus!" Shepard burst out, her voice high in pitch and slightly strangled as she divided her time between glancing nervously at the door and glaring at the turian in front of her. "So not the time, buddy!"
"Alright, alright," Garrus lifted his hands in surrender; the smaller human could pack quite the punch, especially when her fist was coated in biotics. He glanced around the room thoughtfully, searching for a place for her to hide. Eyes alighting on a few haphazardly placed crates towards the back of the gun, he pointed it out. "You're small enough; if you wedge yourself between the crates and the gun you shouldn't be visible from the door. I will warn you, however, that you'll probably get full of grease and oil."
"A small price to pay, and," Shepard glanced at the door and visibly shuddered. "Totally worth it."
Shepard hightailed it to the hiding place in question and just managed to tuck herself into the cramped and dirty opening before she heard the door swoosh open. Eyes wide, she kept perfectly still; all she was able to do at this point was listen and pray that Garrus could deter her stalker.
Kelly Chambers entered into the room with a smile, expecting to see her target as soon as she walked in. So, it was with surprise that a frown slipped onto her face as the commander wasn't readily visible. In fact, the only other person in the room was the commander's turian squad mate. Blinking in consternation, she slipped a professional smile onto her face and addressed the working turian.
"Mr. Vakarian?"
"Hmm...? Oh, hi." Shepard had to stifle her snickers at the fact that the shrink received a varied version of the line she always got when the turian was too absorbed in his work to care that anyone else was in the room with him. "Is it important? I'm kind of in the middle of some calibrations."
"Oh, I'm sorry," Kelly apologized, her voice cheery. "I was just looking for the Commander. I thought I saw her walking this way…?"
"Hmm..? Shepard?" Garrus glanced up at the redhead absently, a preoccupied look on his face. "Haven't seen her since breakfast this morning."
"Oh… I see…" Kelly hid her frown behind a slightly wider smile. She was sure the Commander had been making her way here when she had last seen her a few minutes ago.
"Oh!" Garrus' head rose sharply as if he had just remembered something. "I do remember her mentioning this morning that she had to talk to Miranda, something about her being in a bad mood? Perhaps that's where she is?"
"Ah…" Kelly's wide smile froze. "I… maybe I'll wait until they're done talking. Thanks for the information. Uh, good luck with your calibrations." Making sure to keep her smile on her face until she was out the door, she let it drop and a nervous look crossed her face as she glanced at Operative Lawson's office. Maybe it would be best if she went back to her post; she could find the commander later.
"I don't get it!" Shepard huffed indignantly as she extricated herself from the small space she was tightly wedged in. True to Garrus' word, her outfit was full of black smudges, one of which completely blotted out the Cerberus logo on her shoulder. She thought of it as an improvement. "I'm a Spectre. I chase after Reapers and blow up Collectors like they're piñatas, and yet it's my XO that terrifies the shit out of her and not me. Life is not fair."
"Well, you've got to admit Shepard; Lawson's got that whole 'I'm a stone cold bitch' persona that she wears like armor." Garrus smirked turning to regard the human. "In short, to the uneducated, plain stupid, and naïve, she appears to be scarier than you."
"What? That's bullshit. I look plenty scary," Shepard defended herself indignantly.
"Oh, forgive me," Garrus drawled sarcastically as he took in her disheveled hair and rumpled appearance. "You look as scary as a… What do you humans call those fluffy little mammals? A kitten? You look about as scary as a grumpy kitten."
"Looky here, Scarface," Shepard huffed out, her eyebrows drawn in indignation and her cheeks puffed out. "I'll have you know that I-"
"So why was she looking for you in the first place?" Garrus wisely interrupted her spiel before she built up any more steam. "I thought you made it clear that you were with Liara and that her advances were unwelcome?"
Shepard glared at the turian for a long moment, letting him know without words that this conversation was far from over, before deflating with a groan. "I thought I did too! I've tried subtlety and being blatantly obvious; she just won't take the hint, even when that hint practically slaps her in the face!"
"Has she tried to do anything inappropriate?"
"No. I don't know. Maybe?" Catching the turians look of disbelief, she scowled and kicked the ground. "She's been dogging my every move on the ship, constantly trying to get me alone, and it seems every conversation I'm forced to have with her ends in her asking if I want her to feed my fish." Shepard looked up at her friend, a hopelessly confused look upon her face. "I mean, am I just being paranoid, or is there a hidden innuendo in that statement? Because the way she looks at me when she says it…"
"I… really wouldn't know." Garrus shrugged his shoulders helplessly.
Shepard groaned in defeat. "Maybe I should just lock myself in my cabin for a few months. Maybe then she'll get the hint."
Face set in stone as the video ended, Liara sat in silence, staring unblinkingly at the blank screen in front of her. Shepard had told her that some of her crewmembers were annoying, but she hadn't thought something like this would happen. It looked like Shepard had acquired herself an obsessed stalker; unfortunately for her, the object of her obsession was the Shadow Broker's girlfriend.
"Would you like for me to play the second video, Shadow Broker?" The VI asked helpfully after a few minutes passed with no movement or instructions.
"No," Liara responded slowly, finally blinking. Turning to look at the drone, a calculating look appeared on her face. "Actually, I'd like for a ship to be waiting for me on the launch pad, and for you to inform Feron that I'll be stepping out for a few days." Glancing back at the screen, her eyes narrowed. "I think it's time I paid the Normandy a little visit." She'd already lost Shepard once.
She refused to let it happen again.
0o0o0o0
Shepard rolled into cover and swore, her blinking omni tool having distracted her to the point of almost getting shot. Seeing Jack let out a powerful shockwave, she poked her head out of cover long enough to send a warp along with it. Hearing the loud biotic explosion and the startled yelps of the mercs, she allowed a slightly satisfied grin onto her face.
Hearing Jack's laughter and Grunt's war cry, she was about to jump out of cover and rejoin the fight when her omni tool started flashing again. Sighing in annoyance, she made sure her cover was secure before answering the call. "What?"
"Uh, Commander?" Joker blinked at the glaring spectre on the screen. "Bad time?"
"This better be important, Joker," Shepard responded, annoyance clear as day in her voice.
"Uh, right." Clearing his throat, his eyes drifted almost unconsciously to another screen before Shepard's throat clearing got his attention again. "Right. Well, we have a prothean expert slash information broker here to see you. She looks-"
"Liara's there?" Shepard cut in, her expression suddenly bright and cheery. "Let her know I'll wrap this up and be there soon." Shepard quickly cut the connection and hefted her gun.
"-kind of scary." Joker finished speaking to a blank screen and shrugged. "Oh well; she'll find out for herself when she gets here."
Grinning, Shepard spoke into her communicator. "Okay guys, let's wrap this up fast; person with the lowest body count buys drinks for the winners."
"Count me in!" Grunt grunted as he head-butted a retreating salarian, sending him flying like a ragdoll.
"Hell yeah! Now we're fucking talking!" Jack took out three mercs with a well-placed biotic combo. "Bring it on!"
Shepard ginned fiercely as she stole a kill from the other biotic, causing Jack to flip her the bird before making the merc she was aiming at explode.
This wouldn't take long at all.
0o0o0o0
About to go straight to Shepard's cabin, Liara instead paused right before the elevator. A glint in her eyes as she caught sight of the yeoman beside the galaxy map, she was just able to contain a slightly evil smile as she walked up to the human. "Miss Chambers…"
"Oh!" Kelly turned around, startled, only to come up short at the sight of the asari in front of her. "Ms. T'Soni. I'm afraid Commander Shepard isn't on the ship at the moment. Is there anything I can help you with…?"
"It's Doctor T'Soni, actually," Liara corrected, her smile slowly slipping past her restraints. "Yes, I was aware of that fact; Joker informed me when I came aboard. But yes, now that you mention it, there is something that you can do for me…"
"O-of course, Dr. T'Soni," Kelly started to get a bad feeling, as if her instincts were trying to force her into 'flight' mode. She eyed asari warily, Liara's smile starting to unnerve her. "How can I be of service?"
"Miss Chambers," Liara's voice was low and soft, and yet her slightly narrowed eyes and positively feral smile made the human freeze in sudden terror. "I heard you want to feed Shepard's fish…"
0o0o0o0
"Liara?" Shepard called out as she walked into her cabin.
"Hello Shepard," Liara called back amicably from her sat on the couch. "I hope you do not mind, but I made an addition to your aquarium."
"Oh?" Shepard stopped a few feet into the room and crinkled her nose, slightly confused at the odd subject change. "Um, no, I don't mind. What kind is it?"
"That's good," Liara closed her eyes and smiled. Picking up the tea cup in front of her, she leaned back into the couch and inhaled the savory aroma. "It's an exotic eel; I picked it up while on Omega from a… mutual acquaintance."
"An eel, eh?" Shrugging, Shepard continued into the room and started for Liara, throwing only a cursory glance at the fish tank. Freezing, she slowly turned around and stared blankly at the watery habitat, confirming what she had only caught a glimpse of before.
"Umm… Liara?" The human asked hesitantly, wanting to turn her head to regard the asari but unable to turn away from the sight in front of her.
"Yes, Shepard?" Liara took a small sip and sighed in content.
"Is that…" Shepard trailed off, blinking to make sure she wasn't hallucinating. "Is that Yeoman Chambers inside my fish tank?"
"Why yes, I do believe it is." Liara glanced slowly at the fish tank, her expression showing no surprise at all, as if seeing a human in her girlfriend's fish tank was a regular occurrence.
"I see…" Shepard blinked and stared. The yeoman was clad in a scuba suit and standing stock still in the corner of the aquarium. Slithering around the human and always just shy of touching her was a large purple eel, blue sparks of electricity sporadically dancing across its slimy body. The human's face was, understandably, frozen in a look of blank terror. "And I'm assuming the sparking purple thing is the eel?"
"Mhmm," Liara hummed.
Shepard nodded, still staring morbidly at the scene in her usually boring aquarium. Leaning closer, she squinted; she wasn't even sure if Chambers were still conscious. Opening and closing her mouth futilely, she cleared her throat and tried again. "Why…?"
"None of the fish wanted to play with the eel; it's focusing on Miss Chambers because she's larger and not attempting to get away." The asari explained calmly.
"Oh… okay…." Shepard tilted her head, still confused. "So is that why my yeoman is in there?"
"No," Liara's calm facade started to crack, her eyes narrowing slightly as she gripped the tea cup more firmly. "Miss Chamber is in there for two reasons."
"And they are?" Shepard questioned hesitantly when no answer was immediately forthcoming. Although, now that she thought about it, she wasn't sure if she actually wanted to know anymore.
"Firstly, Miss Chambers wanted to feed your fish. I decided to… give her a hand."
"Ah…" Shepard winced, wondering how Liara had found out about that little problem.
"Secondly, I decided it was high time she was informed that it is..." Liara mulled over her words for a second before continuing. "Shall we say, impolite, to pursue something that does not belong to them."
"Err… What?" Shepard frowned slightly. Did she hear that right? Had she just been called a thing?
Setting down her teacup with a loud clank, Liara stood up abruptly. Face set in determination, she stalked predatorily across the room. Reaching Shepard, she got her attention by twirling her around and pressing her up against the tank. Ignoring the surprised squawk from the human, she captured the lips in front of her in a fiery kiss.
Shepard's eyes widened and her arms fluttered unsurely at her sides before her brain caught up with her body. Eyes slipping closed, she wrapped her arms around the asari and melted into the kiss. Allowing Liara to control the kiss, Shepard instead just basked in the sensations of having her girlfriend in her arms once more.
Liara, perhaps reacting to the lack of resistance, noticeably gentled the kiss. Running her hands along the human's side, causing a full body shiver, she buried her hands in the silky hair. About to deepen the kiss further, she instead ended up frowning lightly when Shepard pulled slightly back.
"Something?" Shepard panted slightly, not yet willing to give the matter up.
"Yes, something," Liara mumbled before attempting to reconnect their lips, only to be interrupted once more.
"Thing?" Shepard sulked stubbornly, dodging another kiss. "I am not a thing."
"Your affections, Shepard," Liara all but growled out in frustration before she managed to get one of her kisses to land.
"Mmm…" Shepard mumbled into the kiss, before pulling away slightly again. "Oh. That makes much more sense."
"Goddess, Shepard," Liara rolled her eyes and huffed. "Sometimes I wonder about you."
"Hey!" She exclaimed with a playful pout. "You still love me though, right?"
"Sometimes I wonder about that too," Liara teased, a genuine smile appearing on her face for the first time since she viewed the recording back on the Shadow Broker's ship.
Puffing up her cheeks in mock indignation, Shepard eyed her impishly. "Well, maybe I'll just have to make you forget about those blasphemous thoughts, hmm?" Leaning in for another kiss, she started to guide them towards the bed only to stop as the asari pulled away slightly. Sending her a confused look, she cocked her head to the side slightly.
"First, she must be removed." Liara stated as she eyed the human in the tank with slight disdain, almost as one would gaze at an annoying bug.
"Oh. Right." Shepard blinked as she remembered the unfortunate situation her yeoman was in. She had no idea how to go about removing her. "Well, you put her in there, right? Doesn't that mean you can get her out?"
Liara gave Shepard an easily interpreted look.
"Right," Shepard nodded in decisively. "I'll call Miranda."
O0o0o0o0o0o0O
A/N: I always said that those who cheated on Liara were crazy, but those who cheated on Liara 2.0 had no self-preservation skills whatsoever.