hey!
I always thought faberry as a future thing (More now that they will kill Finn) mainly because i think their love is so powerful that they need to reach a certain level of maturity. So that's why i love writing future fics (also because 3 season specially has so many especial canon moments.
so here's the thing i think i found a way of writing it without erasing those moments.
Summary: "Fireworks" Finn had said. They were really back together. Finn and Quinn. That's always been a devastating combination for her, simply because Quinn is a constant reminder of something she will never be. Or someone she will never have. "You don't belong here Rachel, and you can't hate me for helping to send you on your way…" What does that even mean? What if Rachel had understood the subtext in Quinn's speech that day? This is a little twist in the story where every Faberry moment is real. Where the "kind of friends" and "when you were singing that song" statements mean a whole lot more underneath.
Chapter 1:
I'll always love you.
She is exhausted. It seems that these days all they do is to argue with each other. She honestly can't take it anymore. It's funny because they spent all of sophomore and parts of junior year doing exactly this, arguing with each other. Although this time their reasons are entirely different. Actually, if she thinks about it, their reasons aren't that different at all. The thought causes a heavy sigh to escape.
This time though, she feels so much more vulnerable. This time, Quinn Fabray is not calling her Manhands, Treasure Trail or Loser. This time, Quinn is not asking her to stay away from Finn because he is her boyfriend. This time, Quinn is asking her to stay away from Finn because she can't stand the jealousy.
"Answer me!"
Rachel is brought out of her musings at the sound of Quinn's torn voice. In her attempt to avoid the question, she kind of spaced out.
"Yes," she says with a barely there voice. "I'm still thinking about it." She drops her eyes to the floor.
"I swear to God I'm going to kill Artie! And then I'm going to kill Tina!"
After Rachel summoned the meeting with the girls to get their opinions on whether she should lose her virginity or not, Quinn stayed behind and exploded in ager once they were alone (though she was really calm during the meeting). So they had another big fight. Which didn't change Rachel's decision on the matter so here they are in the girl's bathroom, still arguing.
"I didn't decide based on what she said. Sure it was beautiful but-," she says, lost in thought for a moment, thinking how she wants her first time to be just as special as Tina's. The fact of the matter though, is it going to be special if she gives herself to her boyfriend?
"I want my performance to be real," she sighs frustrated. She is not so sure anymore, not when Quinn is staring at her like that.
"So you're doing it because of a stupid musical."
"It's not stupid! You know what it means to me!"
"I know. I know. I'm Sorry."
Idiot! Who are you? Finn Hudson? Of course it's important to her.
Quinn bites her lip sadly and Rachel loses her determination a little, she snorts frustrated. She needs to end this conversation immediately.
"I-I…" Damn it! Why can't she form a coherent sentence now? She prepared herself for this conversation. She even rehearsed. But it is one thing to practice in front of her mirror and other being here and looking into those marvelous hazel eyes. "It's decided ba-Quinn," she rolls her eyes at her inability of staying indifferent to the other girl.
Quinn shakes her head vehemently as she gets a little bit closer to Rachel.
"No. You won't."
"Why?"
"What do you mean why?"
Wasn't it pretty obvious? The blonde girl thinks. They love each other. But, she also knows that everything that's happening is her fault. She can still picture the disappointment on the brunette's face when she said they couldn't be together while living in this stupid town and while under the scrutiny of her parents. Well, mostly her mother but still.
Were they cowards for hiding? She doesn't think so. If she really thinks about it, they are so young to have to deal with the pressures of a same sex relationship in Lima. She still finds it so incredible that she had the guts to kiss Rachel in New York. Even more shocking, that Rachel had kissed her back.
But then, she panicked. If they went public, she would certainly be kicked out again. They needed to keep up appearances, which meant that Rachel would continue to date Finn. Fake date. That's what Rachel was doing until their big fight and the break up. Now, Rachel is actually dating him again. Although Quinn is almost sure Rachel is doing it on purpose. Like the time she made out with Puck after she found out Finn lost his virginity with Santana.
"Well, Finn is my boyfriend. He loves me and I love him. That's what we're supposed to do right?"
Rachel watches as the blonde frowns and clenches her jaw.
"Is how it's going to be? Are you doing this to make me jealous or something?"
"And I'm self-centered?"
"Why are you doing this?" The blonde girl gets closer, grabs Rachel's waist and locks her eyes onto Rachel's brown ones.
"As I said before, he is my boyfriend," she sighs. "You know it." She releases herself and walks toward the door.
"Are you still mad at me?"
"No," she says as she stops walking but she doesn't turn around. "I'm just doing what's best for us," she calls over her shoulder bitterly as she continues her storm out. As makes her way down the hall and away from the bathroom, the sound of Quinn's fist punching the stall doors follows her.
She needed to do something. Very Fast. She knew this was going to happen as she practically threw Rachel into Finn's arms. She just didn't want it to happen so soon. Damn Artie! What was he thinking? It was just a stupid school musical! Who would care if Rachel was still a virgin? Besides, it couldn't be happening in a worst moment.
If she hadn't been so stupid, Rachel wouldn't be virgin now. And she wouldn't have had to worry about that moron putting his hands on her girlfriend. Actually, ex girlfriend, since she screwed up their relationship.
"Yes Quinn?"
"Uh… I… I have a- I want to sing-"
Okay, maybe singing a song is a lame thing to do. It's totally something Finn would do. But, she wanted to do something that she knew Rachel would never expect.
"Oh! That's great!" Mr. Shuester beams in excitement, as it's very rare for Quinn to prepare a song without a previous assignment. "Uh, it's just that we're kind of…"
"Busy?" Artie steps in. They are all gathered in the auditorium for their last rehearsal.
"Oh come on, let her sing!" Kurt cuts him off, "Mr. Shue, Artie, I think it will be good for us to hear something other than West Side Story songs. And that's coming from me!" He turns to Quinn, "I mean, please tell me it's something else Q?"
She giggles, making Rachel melt. "Yes, it is."
"Well well. Go ahead blondie," Santana teases. Quinn rolls her eyes at her friend.
"Okay then. Quinn?" Mr. Shuester nods at her.
"Well, this is something I've been listening to these days and I- yeah, Kurt is right. We need to relax and forget about the musical for a moment," she says as her eyes are locked onto Rachel's with a tangible intensity.
Then she turns to the band and nods. She nibbles her lip as the guitarist plays the intro.
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
This is how it's been since that first kiss. It changed everything even though they tried to pretend nothing happened almost all summer. When they are on the outside in front of everyone, their relationship is a mess. But when it's just the two of them, without the pressure and weight of everyone else, they feel like nothing can bring them apart. Not even their fears.
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again
As she watches her girlfriend singing, "Ex girlfriend," Rachel thinks, she revels in the thought that she is the only one who knows this side of Quinn. How the blonde girl can be so playful, funny and loose whenever they are alone.
However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again
They stare at each other as they are the only one in the room. How everybody is still unaware of their relationship is a mystery.
However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you
She sings with all her heart as she is trying to reassure Rachel that everything was real. Her feelings, the moments they shared, the tears…
However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you
I will always love you
I will always love you
"Oh! Quinn that was so beautiful!" Kurt says as he stands and claps his hands enthusiastically.
"Yeah, it was amazing," Finn says happily. "You should sing more Quinn." He turns to Rachel who is still trying to recover. For her, it was more than just a song performed in a glee club meeting. "Don't you think baby?"
"Yes," she smiles at the tall boy and turns to Quinn, eyes now full of emotion. "You were a little sharp here and there. Maybe I could help you with that one of these days. I mean, if you want, you can come to my house," she says cynically. "I know that it is common knowledge that I can be a little annoying but-"
"A little?" Santana mumbles as she rolls her eyes.
"Sectionals it's coming and we do need to work hard," Rachel says, ignoring the cheerios captain.
"Well, I think I can make the effort since yeah, you're absolutely annoying. But, for the sake of the group, I think I'm going to accept your offer."
"That's amazing. You won't regret it Quinn," Finn says happily.
"I know I won't."
"Okay back to rehearsals!" Artie shouts bossily.
Quinn watches as Rachel moves toward her. The shorter girl come to her side and says with a low voice, "After rehearsals. Meet me at my locker."
Without making eye contact the blonde nods slightly.
"What was that about?" she says as soon as Quinn approaches her.
"What? The song?"
Rachel sighs, "Yes."
"I thought it was pretty obvious. I love you."
She melts once again. It is still so surreal and so wonderful to hear those three words coming from the lips that she adores. She has to fight the urge to say I love you back. She is mad.
"Quinn…"
"Rach, I should be your first. I know that. You know that."
Rachel frowns irritated. Fuck this damn world and its ridiculous obsession about a woman's virginity!
"That's all you care about?"
"What?" Quinn is taken aback with the aggressiveness in Rachel's voice.
"What if Finn and I sleep together but then break up? Will you not want me anymore because I'm not virgin? Because you weren't my first?"
"Wow… hold on… it's not- I- you know it's not-"
Damn it! Did I lose the ability of talking?
"It's not what?"
"I want to be your first because I love you! Because I can't stand the mere thought of you with him," she trails off. She smiles weakly, "sorry…"
"Why?" Rachel looks at her with curiosity.
"You're right. And I screwed everything up. I don't have the right to demand anything. Forget what I said. Just don't do anything you'll regret okay? It's important, I know, but it is still just a school play."
She turns around and starts leaving.
"That's it? You're giving your blessing to me to sleep with him?"
"Rach come on," she says, turning toward Rachel. "You know me better than that. Let's just say I'm giving you time to think."
She walks away and then stops again.
"Rach? If you come to a decision, leave your lights on tonight."
Okay, maybe she knows the power she has over the other girl. She has learned that and she is not ashamed of using this power. Rachel does that all the time too.
The glee club diva smirks and then shakes her head. What is she doing? Is she going to really turn on the light?
Yes, she is going to.
When Quinn arrives at the Berry's house and sees Rachel's bedroom light on, she smirks. Maybe she still has a chance.
She walks toward the window and calls for Rachel quietly as to not wake the Berry men.
"Rach?"
The brunette approaches the window and opens it up.
"What do you want?"
"You."
"That's all you have to say?"
"Why are we talking like this?"
"Quinn?!" She covers her mouth. "Quinn," she speaks a little lower.
"You left the lights on."
"That's actually my lamp. I'm not so sure about anything. I don't even know what's going on in that head of yours."
"I can't let you go."
"What do you mean?"
"Can I go forward when my heart is here? Turn back, dull earth, and find thy centre out."
Rachel chuckles softly, surprised by Quinn's romanticism.
"But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief, that thou her maid art far more fair than she: Be not her maid, since she is envious; Her vestal livery is but sick and green And none but fools do wear it; cast it off. It is my lady, Oh, it is my love! Oh, that she knew she was! She speaks yet she says nothing: what of that? Her eye discourses; I will answer it. I am too bold, 'tis not to me she speaks: Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven, having some business, do entreat her eyes to twinkle in their spheres till they return. What if her eyes were there, they in her head? The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars, as daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven would through the airy region stream so bright that birds would sing and think it were not night. See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might touch that cheek!"
"Oh God! Quinn should be an actress," Rachel thinks, amused with Quinn's performance.
"Ay me!" Rachel says playfully.
"She speaks: Oh, speak again, bright angel! for thou art as glorious to this night, being o'er my head as is a winged messenger of heaven unto the white-upturned wondering eyes of mortals that fall back to gaze on him. When he bestrides the lazy-pacing clouds, and sails upon the bosom of the air."
"O Romeo, Romeo!"
The blonde rolls her eyes playfully and starts climbing up the tree outside Rachel's window.
"Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet."
"Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?" she says caching her breath, almost at the windowsill.
"'Tis but thy name that is my enemy; Thou art thyself, though not a Montague. What's Montague? It is nor hand, nor foot, nor arm, nor face, nor any other part belonging to a man. Oh, be some other name!" She watches the other girl worried about the high. "What's in a name?" She speaks again. "That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet; so Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd, retain that dear perfection which he owes without that title. Romeo, doff thy name, and for that name which is no part of thee take all myself."
"I take thee at thy word: Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized; henceforth I never will be Romeo- Woah!" she exclaims, losing her balance for a second and almost toppling to the ground.
"Careful Quinn!"
She smirks, "With love's light wings did I o'er-perch these walls; For stony limits cannot hold love out, and what love can do that dares love attempt; therefore thy kinsmen are no let to me."
"What are doing here Quinn?" she says seriously.
"Like I said, I want you," she says, leaning on the window. "Let me in." They are eye to eye now.
"Why should I?"
"I need you Rachel. You're probably better off without me but I need you. I know you think I'm doing this because I'm jealous. Well, I am but… I thought about it. I thought about us. Please forgive me. I swear everything is going to be different… I swear," she smiles, widely. "Lady, by yonder blessed moon I swear that tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops-"
"Oh! Swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon, that monthly changes in her circled orb, Lest that thy love prove likewise variable."
"What shall I swear by?"
"Do not swear at all; or, if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self, which is the god of my idolatry, and I'll believe thee."
"If my heart's dear love-"
"Well, do not swear. Although I joy in thee, I have no joy of this contract to-night: It is too rash, too unadvised, too sudden; too like the lightning, which doth cease to be Ere one can say 'It lightens.' Sweet, good night! This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath, may prove a beauteous flower when next we meet. Good night, good night! As sweet repose and rest come to thy heart as that within my breast!"
Yes, she just checked Rachel's breast. Yep, no bra.
"Ahem," Rachel clears her throat.
"Oh, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?"
"What satisfaction canst thou have to-night?"
She bursts out laughing. "The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine," she says and can't help but smile. She has other things in her mind.
"I gave thee mine before thou didst request it and yet I would it were to give again," Rachel sighs, looking intensely at hazel eyes.
"Wouldst thou withdraw it? For what purpose, love?"
"But to be frank, and give it thee again and yet I wish but for the thing I have: My bounty is as boundless as the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite."
She freezes because there's no way she can take it back. Not the words but the feelings behind the words. They stare at each other both knowing that Rachel spoke her heart in those words. Quinn leans forward to presses their lips together.
"Rachel?"
Hiram's voice brings them back from the love bubble they were in.
"What?!"
They hear the door starting to open.
"Wait! Don't open the door!"
"Are you okay in there? We heard some noises."
"I'm okay. I'm-" She turns to Quinn. "Come in."
The blonde climbs in the window and walks toward Rachel's bathroom.
"I'm…"
"You're what? Baby girl are you sure you're okay?"
Rachel looks toward the bathroom and sees it's safe to open the door. She finds a worried Hiram and Leroy standing there.
"I'm okay. It's just that I was… I was-"
Rachel curses herself for her lack of words right now. Maybe it's because it's still very difficult for her to lie to her dads. That's one of the reasons it was so difficult to hide her relationship from them.
"Oh God! Yeah. Okay. Let's go Hiram," Leroy says awkwardly.
"Why? You were worried too…"
"H, let's go."
The Berry men look at each as they are communicating through their eyes.
"Oh! Okay. Good night sweetie. Uh. We, well…"
They leave.
Oh no… did they think? Oh my Barbra!
She closes the door and presses her body against it.
Great!
"Oh well, that was…," Quinn says, laughing hard as she comes out of the bathroom.
"Awkward. And not funny at all!" Rachel pouts and crosses her arms harshly.
"Okay. Sorry." She gets close and cups Rachel's face but before she can kiss her the brunette girl pulls away abruptly.
"You should go now."
"Is what you want?"
"No."
What's the point in lying?
"Then… I'm going to kiss you now." She whispers as she is leaning her head.
"Don't do this."
"Why not?"
"Because I won't be able to resist you."
"So don't."
"Quinn…"
"Tell me you don't want it Rachel and I'll leave. Like I said, I'll always love you but I also respect you. Tell me you don't want me anymore and I'll go."
She knows that she should ask Quinn to leave. They both caused so much suffering to each other. But they can be so great together as well. She may be young, but she had never been as happy as she was during the time they were together. No one has ever made her feel the way Quinn did. The way she still does. Not even Finn.
Quinn sighs audibly and walks toward the window. She has a leg out when Rachel finally says, "Wait."
What are you doing Rachel?
She tried, but apparently she can not refuse the blonde.
"Screw it! I'm gay for Fabray."
Quinn turns into the room again and smiles; "Yeah?" she says and moves over to Rachel, pulling at the hem of her shirt and drawing her closer, "Since when?"
"That's a good questi-"
The blonde girl leans in and presses their lips together in a passionate kiss.
"And it's kind of difficult not to be with this kiss."
And those eyes…
Oh God those eyes…
She has been always enchanted by those eyes.
Since when?
Well, that's a good question indeed.
Everything started with a song. And fireworks.
So? should i continue with this? You tell me :)
The song:
Love song ( by the cure, but Quinn sang Adele's version)