Author's Note: I am of the middle school age and have met and befriended many kind people with suicidal thoughts. This is a letter I wrote a while ago in response to one of them and I kept everything anonymous and non-specific so I could use it again if I had to. I decided to share this because it has deep meaning to me and possibly many others. You may claim this work and give it to a friend in need, I do not mind at all. I have personally overcame many struggles related to suicidal thoughts and cutting, and I know not everyone has had that same issue.
Please leave a review if you have the time and I don't mind you being blunt with me.
Thank you guys! :')
"I would like you to push yourself through this, for my own selfish reasons. Just please don't kill yourself because you are one of my BEST friends and I am week, I can't handle emotional pain. Not in a stable manor. I need you to be there because if you leave I will go back, go back to that dark, gloomy corner of my mind. I don't want to look at my arm as if it were a slice of bread that needs to be cut, and I don't want to see myself as a burden in life again. I can't watch others in pain without blaming myself somehow, If you were to die it would be ENTIRELY my fault. I would hate myself, FOR YEARS. I would begin to crumble again and I would become a bully he relies on other peoples' weakness to make me feel power and reason. If I were to go back it would be worse than the first time because this time I have something to protect, a larger family, memories and friends. I am becoming a more open person so I have more weaknesses I can crumble with one sentence if it were phrased properly. I don't know if there is an after life, if you could watch me in spirit, if you would thrive in heaven or suffer in hell. I am weaker than I have ever been because I want to protect the people I love, even though the people I love also give me strength they are my weak spot, a very obvious one at that. I need every one around me to stay strong because I am selfish and week, because I can't support myself, or control my own mind and body. If I find you cutting I probably will start again too, not because I'm copying you but, because you are causing that pain to me too and I need to overcome it somehow, with more pain. When you die I die, either my purpose will die, my happiness will die, or my will to live will die. Please pull through so everyone who loves you won't get hurt. Please try to keep your will and remember every face that as smiled at you with an existing love and caring eyes, every person who wants you to exist along side them. Remember how many people care, even if others didn't, they ignored all those wrong people because they knew you were worth something. You still are. I'm writing this because I am smart, smart enough to know you matter, you are worth something, you exist, you deserve a life, and you are important. I have screamed in my sleep at the thought of your disappearance or death. I have bawled at the nightmares of you leaving. I have blamed myself for the chance you might take your own life. If you do it's my fault for not stopping you, for not teaching you how important you are and for not showing you the way i admire you. I don't look up to you because you are tall, or older, I look up to you because you are strong, stronger than me. The only way I can fall asleep at night is to tell myself "Your family and friends are ok, you are safe and EVERYONE you are worried about is alive, safe and well" please don't make it a lie and take away my way of rest. If you need help reach out in any direction you need to and I assure you someone who cares about you will find your hand, grab it, and pull you to safety. If I have ever lied to you, I'm sorry, it wasn't my intensions to cause you harm. I never want to see you in pain, unless it's the kind when one of us falls on our a$$ and we laugh at it uncontrollably. I want to give you something, but I don't know what it is yet. I just want to find something that can make you smile, not just an external smile but one that comes from the depths of your heart, a depth not even your soulmate could reach. I wish I could make your life as ideal as a movie, but I can't. Even if you deserve such a thing, the world is bias and it's impossible. I can't give you uh more than my support, but if you don't take it I have nothing to share with you. "Sacrificing/hurting yourself is just hurting your friends on the end" I agree with this quote, so if you care about us please stop. I love you. I can't loose you, if I do then I just lost myself. So basically all I am asking is, 'Don't, I need you and I am week without you"
~Someone who loves YOU