Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, but the story is mine. (woo-hoo) I am praying no one sues me!! If their are any spells and unless I tell you different, I will have obtained them from thecharmedworld.com, so they aren't mine either!
AN: If you haven't ever read my stories, it may do you some good to look back at the others before reading this so that it makes a little more sense. Ok, as promised, the new story!
I just wish everything could be different. I wish Prue had never died. Then maybe, just maybe, Phoebe and Paige would never had to endure what I couldn't stop. I wish Paige had grown up with us. Then she wouldn't have had to feel like an outsider, and Prue and Phoebe could have a sister they could actually count on. I wish Phoebe had never met Cole, or I could have shown her what he was, instead of allowing her to fall into his grasp. All of this had caused nothing but pain. A pain I should have stopped, and failed to do. I should have been better, tried harder, been more protective, but I wasn't and didn't. Now, the ones I love are hurting because of me, thought they won't admit it. Leo won't look at me, and I can't blame him. He knows it's my fault that we lost our baby, and I know it too. Prue has tried to help me, but regardless of what she or the others say, I will never forgive myself, never forget. I am such a mess right now. Paige and Phoebe need me to be strong, but I can't do it, not even for them. Prue is here now, I no longer have to be the oldest sister. I never was any good at it anyway, obviously considering what all took place. My God, in the short time I was in the eldest sister role, Phoebe died and went to Hell, Paige was tortured by Cole, the bastard, I made Paige feel as though she shouldn't exist, then Phoebe was shot because I didn't even consider the fact that our innocent might be pissed at us. I heard from one of the waitresses at P3 that Starlene died from the cancer we forced her to live with. What kind of a witch am I?
Prue has been watching me every night as I sleep. She doesn't know that I notice her sneaking into my room. She guards each of us at night, I think. Sometimes, when she leaves my room, I let myself cry. I will never tell her though, she doesn't need that burden. Paige is a zombie right now. I think she's just exhausted, like the rest of us. Phoebe, well, she's doing her best to deny everything. It's killing her, but sooner or later, she'll have to face it. When she does, I hope that I can help her and stop being such a failure. Prue has never faltered, she helps us all exactly how and when we need it. That was how I should have been, while she was gone. I should have been the strong one, the rock for our family. Instead, I was the weak link. My sisters deserved better and I couldn't provide it. Thank God Prue is here, otherwise they wouldn't make it through.
I don't know what happens now. I can't just move on, knowing I've hurt so many people, knowing that I let them all down. I've avoided all of their stares,as I'm sure they have noticed. I can't look into the eyes of the people I love most when I know, without a doubt, that I am the cause of the pain in their expressions and the feeling of despair I know they experience. I lost Phoebe, my sweet little sister, and my baby, a pure, innocent soul. I couldn't stop it, didn't get the chance to try. Sometimes, I wish the Elders would take me and leave my sisters with Prue, the one every I know they can count on. Who knows, maybe they will. They have to realise what a mistake I am. I wonder if this ache will ever be replaced. I don't believe it will, contrary to what my sisters tell me. It doesn't matter anyway, I deserve every ounce of it. They never deserved what happened to them and now they are suffering. I love them so much and I can't even help them get over the grief they are feeling. Isn't that my job? What a joke. Prue knew I would fail at filling her shoes, I bet that is why the Elders sent her back. No matter what the reason, I am so happy to have her back. She should have been here all along. I should have died in her place, I wish I would have.
I could do it, right now. I could grab a knife from the kitchen and drag it across my wrists. I am not afraid to die, in fact, I would welcome the change. It hurts too much to breathe anyway. The one thought that stops me, that keeps me from killing myself, is of my sisters. Even though I failed them, they still love me. I would only succeed in making it worse for them, and I will avoid that at all costs. I wonder what it would be like, to drift away from this world. Hell, I hear, is nothing but torture and unbelievable pain. Exactly what I deserve, but I can't go there, not now. Prue is calling me, and I have to go downstairs. Yet another day filled with sorrow and guilt. Maybe I am in Hell after all...
AN: If you haven't ever read my stories, it may do you some good to look back at the others before reading this so that it makes a little more sense. Ok, as promised, the new story!
I just wish everything could be different. I wish Prue had never died. Then maybe, just maybe, Phoebe and Paige would never had to endure what I couldn't stop. I wish Paige had grown up with us. Then she wouldn't have had to feel like an outsider, and Prue and Phoebe could have a sister they could actually count on. I wish Phoebe had never met Cole, or I could have shown her what he was, instead of allowing her to fall into his grasp. All of this had caused nothing but pain. A pain I should have stopped, and failed to do. I should have been better, tried harder, been more protective, but I wasn't and didn't. Now, the ones I love are hurting because of me, thought they won't admit it. Leo won't look at me, and I can't blame him. He knows it's my fault that we lost our baby, and I know it too. Prue has tried to help me, but regardless of what she or the others say, I will never forgive myself, never forget. I am such a mess right now. Paige and Phoebe need me to be strong, but I can't do it, not even for them. Prue is here now, I no longer have to be the oldest sister. I never was any good at it anyway, obviously considering what all took place. My God, in the short time I was in the eldest sister role, Phoebe died and went to Hell, Paige was tortured by Cole, the bastard, I made Paige feel as though she shouldn't exist, then Phoebe was shot because I didn't even consider the fact that our innocent might be pissed at us. I heard from one of the waitresses at P3 that Starlene died from the cancer we forced her to live with. What kind of a witch am I?
Prue has been watching me every night as I sleep. She doesn't know that I notice her sneaking into my room. She guards each of us at night, I think. Sometimes, when she leaves my room, I let myself cry. I will never tell her though, she doesn't need that burden. Paige is a zombie right now. I think she's just exhausted, like the rest of us. Phoebe, well, she's doing her best to deny everything. It's killing her, but sooner or later, she'll have to face it. When she does, I hope that I can help her and stop being such a failure. Prue has never faltered, she helps us all exactly how and when we need it. That was how I should have been, while she was gone. I should have been the strong one, the rock for our family. Instead, I was the weak link. My sisters deserved better and I couldn't provide it. Thank God Prue is here, otherwise they wouldn't make it through.
I don't know what happens now. I can't just move on, knowing I've hurt so many people, knowing that I let them all down. I've avoided all of their stares,as I'm sure they have noticed. I can't look into the eyes of the people I love most when I know, without a doubt, that I am the cause of the pain in their expressions and the feeling of despair I know they experience. I lost Phoebe, my sweet little sister, and my baby, a pure, innocent soul. I couldn't stop it, didn't get the chance to try. Sometimes, I wish the Elders would take me and leave my sisters with Prue, the one every I know they can count on. Who knows, maybe they will. They have to realise what a mistake I am. I wonder if this ache will ever be replaced. I don't believe it will, contrary to what my sisters tell me. It doesn't matter anyway, I deserve every ounce of it. They never deserved what happened to them and now they are suffering. I love them so much and I can't even help them get over the grief they are feeling. Isn't that my job? What a joke. Prue knew I would fail at filling her shoes, I bet that is why the Elders sent her back. No matter what the reason, I am so happy to have her back. She should have been here all along. I should have died in her place, I wish I would have.
I could do it, right now. I could grab a knife from the kitchen and drag it across my wrists. I am not afraid to die, in fact, I would welcome the change. It hurts too much to breathe anyway. The one thought that stops me, that keeps me from killing myself, is of my sisters. Even though I failed them, they still love me. I would only succeed in making it worse for them, and I will avoid that at all costs. I wonder what it would be like, to drift away from this world. Hell, I hear, is nothing but torture and unbelievable pain. Exactly what I deserve, but I can't go there, not now. Prue is calling me, and I have to go downstairs. Yet another day filled with sorrow and guilt. Maybe I am in Hell after all...