Again
Ch. 1 – The Past Returned
~By Mako-chan
Disclaimer: I don't own Spirited Away or any of its characters. But you already knew that. If I did, why would I be writing a fanfic?
"Sen. Hey, Sen."
Emiko pinched my arm, hard.
"Ow! Emi that hurt!"
"What are you staring at? Or should I say who?"
I smiled. Emi knew me too well. "That one."
"Which one?"
"That one. The one in the red shirt."
"Him? The American looking one?
"Yeah."
"Good choice. But won't dragon boy get jealous?"
"Shut up."
We both giggled. Emi and I met at a social event for singles arranged by the college we both went to. We both failed to find dates, but became fast friends. Soon, we were spending our free Sundays together, hunting for prospective boyfriends.
"How come I let slip, just once, that I had an imaginary friend and you never let me forget it? Do you really enjoy torturing me that much?"
"But you said you loved him," she teased.
"Puh-lease. A ten-year-old doesn't know what love is."
"According to my mother, neither does a twenty-year-old."
I glanced back at my chosen man. "Yeah, but Mr. American over there is so cute, I don't really care."
Emi laughed. "So go get him."
"Okay, okay," I laughed nervously as she pushed me toward him. A million pick-up lines flew through my head and were dismissed. Directness had always been my strong point. The man was looking in the window of a souvenir shop.
"See anything good?"
He turned to look at me. His pale blue eyes matched his light blond hair perfectly.
"What?"
Oh, right, I thought. He's a tourist. "Do you see anything you like?" I asked again in my heavily accented English.
"No, not much," he answered in broken Japanese.
"My name's Chihiro, and my English is pretty good if you can't speak Japanese."
"Thanks. I was getting kind of tired of speaking like a three year old." He held out a hand. "I'm Mark."
I took his hand and shook it. "Mak?" The English 'r' was a bit hard for me to pronounce.
He laughed. A warm, hearty laugh that made you want to smile when you heard it. "Yeah, that's close enough."
"Are you vacation?"
"Nope." He shook his head, making his blond hair fall
into his eyes. "I'm studying
abroad. My college sent me here on an
exchange program." He brushed his hair
back and tucked it back behind one ear.
It flopped forward again. "I just
got here a few days ago."
"Oh. Where are you from? I can't quite place your accent."
"Hemshire."
I looked at him quizzically, and he laughed again.
"Yeah, no one's heard of it. It's a really little town in northern England."
"Oh."
"Is that your friend?"
I turned around to see Emi waving frantically at me, beckoning me to come over.
"What's she doing?"
"She wants me to come over."
"Oh."
About then I remembered that our 'come-hither' gesture was the same as everyone else's 'go away' gesture. "Um, yeah. I'll be right back."
Mark smiled and nodded. He had such a nice smile.
"What do you want?"
"Why didn't you bring him?"
she breathed excitedly. "Never mind. Come and
see."
Emi dragged me few feet and
pointed. Across the street, a young man
was looking pensively at the window display of a clothing store.
He was beautiful, somehow. He was tall, well built, with pale, delicate features. His hair was long, maybe a few inches past his shoulders, pulled back into a ponytail and the deepest shade of black I'd ever seen. People around him stepped back, not because of the way he looked, but because he carried with him a sense of power. Everything about this young man made it clear that he was used to handling a great deal of power, and was more than capable of controlling it.
But, even more astonishingly, I knew this man. I knew that I knew him. Somehow, somewhere, we'd met before.
"Sen. Hey, Sen."
"What?" I snapped my attention back to Emi. She was looking at me with a strange
expression. "Uh, I mean, yeah. Go for it.
I…uh…I gotta go back to Mak."
I hurried back to Mark. Mark, the Englishman with the lovely smile.
"What was that all about?"
"Uh, nothing. My friend just needed some uh… emotional
support."
"Sounds like a hard job," he
laughed. "I'm kinda
hungry." He looked around. "Is that a café," he asked, surprised.
"Yeah."
"A French-ish café in Japan?"
"Sure. There's also a McDonald's down the street."
"Really? I've missed the good old, familiar junk food."
I laughed. "Come on. I'll treat, since you're new."
Emi joined us as we sat with our food at one of the few tables in the place. She was alone, and a bit overly depressed.
"Hey, Emi."
"Hey, Sen. It didn't work," she whined, taking a seat with us at our table
Mark smiled. "Having trouble with boy, girl?" he managed to ask.
"Yeah, you could say that." She sighed. "He totally brushed me off."
"I could might help."
"Really?" Emi jumped at the chance to get help from a real, live male.
I laughed quietly at her, then stood up suddenly.
"Sen, where are you going?"
"I forgot the ketchup. How can I eat fries without ketchup?"
"No, Sen!" Emi cried, grabbing my arm. "You can't leave! Who's going to translate for us?"
I laughed and shook her off. "I'll be right back."
I saw the man coming from a mile away. He was hard to miss. And his intense green gaze was fixed on me.
I'll just ignore him, I thought nervously, then laughed at myself. He probably wasn't even looking at me. I was getting arrogant with all this boy-hunting.
I reached the island with the condiments about the same time he did, though it was clear he meant to walk past it. But he didn't. He stopped right behind me.
"I've kept my promise. Why didn't you wait?" he whispered. His voice was soft, deep, strangely familiar.
"I don't know what you mean," I whispered back.
"Nothing that happens is ever forgotten. Rin and Bou miss you. So do the others."
Rin? Bou? "What?" I turned around, but the man was already gone. I could see him walking away through the crowd. Hurriedly, I grabbed a handful of ketchup packages and ran back to the table.
"What was that all about?"
"Huh?"
"You and that guy? Did you know each other?"
"Uh, no. He thought I was someone else."
~*~*~*~
An hour later, the three of us were walking to the bus stop together. Emi was going home, but I promised to take Mark sight-seeing. The little university town might not be famous, but it did have a few interesting historical sights, plus some good sights only a native would know.
As we walked to the bus stop, I saw him. He just looked at me. He didn't look sad or accusing or anything. He just stared. I looked back and, for maybe a fraction of a second, we made eye contact. Then he turned and walked away. It wasn't much, but it was enough to send shivers up my spine.
"Sen?" Mark had already started to call me by my nick-name. I didn't mind. It was easier to pronounce. "Coming?"
"Yeah."
I flirted shamelessly with Mark all day. He didn't seem to mind.
~*~*~*~
I dated Mark for about a month. I knew it was a bad idea. Somewhere in my mind I knew I didn't really like this man. But I wouldn't admit it: either to him or to myself.
His Japanese improved quite rapidly and soon I no longer had to translate for him when we went out. And we went out quite often. When we met, I'd fallen in love with his smile. Just seeing it made me want to smile. But Mark was too simple. He would smile all the time and laugh at anything. It was nothing special. It wasn't hard to find. To have him smile at me was nothing. So it lost its charm. So did he.
Yet, we still went out. And everywhere we went, he was there. Sometimes he would be there before we arrived, or walk past us on the way. He'd watch me, silently, passively, until I acknowledged his presence, then he'd walk away.
~*~*~*~
Early that spring I took Mark to the cherry blossom festival. We took blankets and a picnic lunch to the park and sat under the sakura trees just like so many other couples. It should have been romantic, but I was totally bored. Mark didn't really care about the delicate beauty of the sakura blossoms or the intricate, subtle traditions that went with them. He smiled and laughed and played along anyway. I would have too, but my heart really wasn't in it, and my mind was elsewhere.
Where was my mystery man? I caught myself looking for him as we walked through the park, then sharply reminded myself that I didn't like this man. I immediately turned my attention back to Mark, telling him about the festival traditions. I lost interest in that soon enough and went back to scanning the crowds, looking for that familiar back ponytail.
"Sen?"
"Huh? Yes, Mak?"
"Who are you looking for?"
"Uh…no one."
Mark frowned slightly, an unusual expression for him. "Is something wrong? You've been acting strangely today."
"Oh, I'm just tired. I, uh, I was up really late last night working on a paper."
"Oh." Mark didn't exactly look convinced, but he shrugged and dropped the subject. "When's the parade?"
"Soon. Let's go get a good seat for it."
The parade came and went. We walked through the park, then went out for dessert. I kept an eye out all day, but he never showed up.
~*~*~*~
I cancelled on Mark the next day. We were supposed to go to lunch, but I claimed illness. My kitchen was empty, however, so I went out anyway.
I sat at the small café, poking discontently at my salad.
"Is this seat taken?"
I looked up. It was him.
"Uh…no."
He sat. He didn't eat. He didn't speak. He didn't do anything. Just sat and stared. I ate nervously, glancing up occasionally at the strange man.
"What?"
He smiled at me. I got even more nervous.
"You hungry?"
"No."
A few moments of silence passed between us.
"Why are you following me?" I asked suddenly.
"Because you're always running from me."
"Well, couldn't you just take the hint?"
"No."
A few more moments of silence.
"Where were you yesterday?"
He smiled again. That small, slight smile that was more of a grin really. "Why? Did you miss me?"
A full minuet of silence. I had missed him. No, that wasn't it. He was just part of my routine. I didn't like my routine being broken. That was it.
"No," I whispered. I wanted to sound defiant. I failed.
He stood to leave.
"Wait. Who are you?"
He glanced at me, his green eyes so full of sadness I felt strangely ashamed. "Kohaku. But you used to call me Haku."
I sat, stunned into silence, watching him leave.
"Stop following me!"
~*~*~*~
Mark called me that evening. "Sen?"
"Yes, Mak?"
"Um, I don't think this is working out"
"Huh?"
"You don't want to date me."
No, I didn't, but I wasn't about to tell him. "Why do you say that?"
"I saw you today at the café."
Oh.
"So who is he?"
"No! It's not like that! He's … he's…"
"Yeah, save it. Thanks for everything, Sen. Bye."
He hung up.
~*~*~*~
"You told," I hissed in Emi's ear at school the next day.
"Told what?"
"That black-haired guy, remember him?"
"Yeah," she said slowly.
"He's been following me. Yesterday I talked to him and he claimed to be Haku."
"Your dragon-boy?"
"Haku doesn't exist! He's a figment of my imagination! And you're the only person I've ever told, so he must have heard it from you!"
"But Sen, I never told anyone. Why on Earth would I want to?"
"Don't lie to me!" I was hysterical, on the verge of tears. "Why?"
"I didn't! Sen-"
"Shut up." I felt a few tears spill over and wiped them away, then turned and ran. Half way down the hall I barreled head first into Mark.
"Sen? Wha-"
Forget Mark. Who cares about Mark? I dodged around him and kept running.
I slowed down outside the building, paused for just a moment to catch my breath. He was there, standing right next to me.
"AAAHG!" I jumped away. "What do you want?"
"Why did you do that?" he asked, looking concerned.
"Because you scare me! Go away!"
"You shouldn't blame your friend like that."
"Then who told you about Haku!"
"I am Haku."
"No!" I started to cry again. "You don't exist."
"Yes I do." He reached out to touch my shoulder. I flinched and backed away from him, from his touch.
"No! You don't exist. I've never been to a bathhouse. There are no gods, no witches, no giant babies! It was all just a silly ten-year-olds' dream."
"You've changed, Chihiro."
"Of course I have! I'm not some silly, naïve, selfless little child anymore." I stopped. A little sob escaped. "Like you would know. You're not Haku!"
I spun around, about to run away.
"How did you get your nick-name, Chihiro?"
I ran. I didn't even bother with the bus. I just ran all the way home.
"I'm such a loser," I cried to myself, curled up on my couch at home.
What was it about this boy? Why did he insist that he was Haku? And why did it bother me s much? He seemed so familiar.
The bathhouse didn't exist. It couldn't have. I'd held on to that dream for years, had almost convinced myself that it was real. I'd searched for weeks in the forest, looking for the amusement park. But it wasn't there. It didn't exist. It couldn't.
I sighed, all cried out for the moment, and my stomach took that as an opportunity to rumble. The kitchen was still empty, so I decided to go out, and then quickly changed my mind. A trip to the super-market was long overdue. Besides, I really didn't want to repeat the café experience.
As I walked through the isles, squeaky buggy fighting me all the way, I thought about my Spirit World. I remembered Kamaji, the cranky, kindly old boiler room man, and Rin, my short-tempered friend. I remembered Yu-Baba, her baby Bou, her sister Zeniba. I remembered them fuzzily, with little bits and pieces of the story missing, as if it were a real childhood memory. And I remembered Haku.
Haku, with the long black hair and deep green eyes. Haku, the river spirit without a home. Haku, who looked just like the stranger following me now. No wonder the young man was so unnerving. He looked just like Haku. Or, he would have looked just like him, if Haku really existed.
I walked home slowly, heavy laden with bags, mind still spinning. The more I thought about the bathhouse, the more I remembered; little details about the boiler room and Zeniba's cottage and Yu-Baba's office. I remembered my first time in that office, when Yu-Baba gave me my contract and took my name.
"How did you get your nickname?"
I heard the boy's question again, but that couldn't be the answer. Yu-Baba did not give me my nickname because she did not exist. But then who did? I tried to remember. I tried, and failed. Someone must have given it to me. My friends before the move didn't, yet I clearly remembered giving the name 'Sen' at my new school. So who nicknamed me?
The weight of the bags lessened suddenly. I looked up. He was there, tugging persistently at one handful of bags. I held on stubbornly.
"What do you want?"
"To help you."
"Help? You've done nothing but cause trouble for me since I met you! Leave me alone!"
He wouldn't let go of my bags, so I jerked them from his grip.
"I can carry them myself," I huffed and walked briskly away from him, but he kept pace with me.
"I'm sorry, Chihiro, for not coming sooner. We've missed you at the Abura-ya. Even Yu-Baba."
A thought struck me suddenly and I stopped. "How do you know about Yu-Baba? I told Emi about Haku, but NOONE kew about Yu-Baba. Or Rin. Or Bou."
"But I know." He reached out to touch me again. "It was real, Chihiro. You didn't dream it up. Please listen to me."
"No! No, stop it! Leave me alone!" I dropped my bags, covered my ears and ran all the way home.
I didn't cry. I'd cried far too much lately. Later that evening I found my groceries on my doorstep. The milk was still cold.
~*~*~*~
"Moshi-moshi?"
"Mom?"
"Chihiro!" Mother sounded especially glad to hear from me, which wasn't too surprising since I hadn't called her in quite a while. "How are you?"
"Um, good." Small talk wasn't really my style, so I just asked her. "Mom, where'd I get my nickname?"
"Huh? Well the knaji-"
"No, I know that, but who started calling me 'Sen'?"
"You did, dear."
"Me?"
"Yes, right after we moved when you were in the 5th grade, you suddenly insisted everyone start calling you 'Sen.'"
"Really?"
"Yes." She paused. "Don't you remember that move? That was when the movers got to the house a week before us."
"What?"
"Yeah. No one could figure out how that happened."
"Oh. I see." I felt like my mind was shutting down.
"Chihiro, honey, by the way, I was going through your stuff the other day and I found this hair-tie. It was wrapped up like it was something special. Do you remember it?"
Why did everyone want me to remember stuff? Why couldn't the past stay where it was supposed to? "No Mom. I guess you can throw it out if you want."
"Oh." Mom sounded a little disappointed. "Okay. How's school going?"
"Uh, okay I guess…"
~*~*~*~
A week late. We'd gotten lost in the woods. My parents turned into pigs. The hair-tie, made by Granny and my friends. The deal with Yu-Baba. Going home. All the missing pieces, all the bits I'd forced myself to forget, finally came back. Everything. All the things we'd said. Even one broken promise. You've changed Chihiro.
I went to the café the next day. The same one where Mark had seen me talking to Haku. I ordered a salad and sat down. Same seat. Same table. I sat and waited, staring at my salad.
"Is this seat taken?"
"Go ahead." I didn't look up. I knew it was Haku. I knew he'd show up.
"Trying to make a point?"
"No. Whatever gave you that idea?" I glanced up. Haku was smiling. "Just trying to get your attention."
"Well, you've got it."
I hesitated. I remembered him mad. Haku mad was not a good thing. But really, I wanted him to keep smiling. It wasn't something he did much.
"You said I'd changed." He stopped smiling. "Eleven years ago I fell in love. At least, I think I did. But I was only ten, so I didn't know it."
He opened his mouth, like he was about to speak.
"No, let me finish. You said it, and Mom said it too. I changed. I stopped being so selfless and trusting or something like that. She thought it was just puberty. But this boy I fell in love with, he made a promise that we'd meet again. I waited three years for him to keep that promise. When I finally gave up, when I decided he must have broken his promise, I learned not to trust people. You can't trust people who make crazy promises. They never keep them." I poked at my salad, still refusing to look at him. "Eventually I convinced myself that this boy didn't even exist." I paused and sighed. "I was wrong. You've kept your promise. But like you said, I've changed. So have you." I stood to leave and finally raised my head to look him in the eye. "Give my love to the others. I miss them, but I've grown up. I've moved on. I have a life now. Without you." I could see the pained look in his eyes and looked away. "Goodbye Haku."
I forced myself to look strait ahead as I walked away, never once looking back.
~*~*~*~
Bring. Bring.
"Hello?"
"Mak?"
"Hello Sen."
~End Ch 1~