"Aw, did somebody make a stinky? Does my little Charlie Chaplin need a diaper change?" Harley Quinn asked her adopted child in a mocking tone as she prepared the changing station in The Gas Station bathroom. Little, baby Charlie was wearing his old baby-blue T-shirt, along with his diaper which Harley had to remove in order to change him.
"I sure did Ma'. Whataya think of this crap?" Charlie joked, being able to talk thanks to the chemicals that he had been exposed to. He giggled as his Mother began changing his diaper.
"Charlie, ya shouldn't say that word; crap's not a nice word for babies like you to be sayin'..." Harley scolded as she held back the urge to gag at the aroma of the diaper's contents. She wasn't wearing her Harlequin costume at the moment but a pastel-pink, knee-length dress with pastel-pink heels to match. She was also wearing her blonde hair in high pigtails. Her and The Joker were in the process of moving to a different city, where they could hopefully start over and begin their new life as a normal, healthy family; this meant, that they would have to appear normal to the public as well so as not to be recognized by anyone as the infamous Clown King and Queen of Crime. They even went far as to shave Charlie's green hair in order to hide any further suspicions from any busy bodies. Harley's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a urinal flushing behind her as her husband, The Joker had just finished his business and had gone over to the sink to wash his hands.
"Goodnight in the mornin'! what is that putrid oder!" The Joker complained as he lathered the foamy soap into his hands. He had replaced his infamous, violet suit with a plain grey one and was now wearing a black wig to hide his green hair. He wasn't too concerned about his pale skin as it was more common for men with the hardworking appearance he was trying to obtain to not get out in The Sun very much.
"I made doodies!" Charlie giggled as Harley disposed of his soiled diaper and began powdering his backside. This provoked a disgusted groan from his Father as he finished rinsing his hands.
"How a little squirt like you craps so much, I'll never know..." The Joker mumbled under his breath as he grabbed a paper towel from the dispenser and began drying his hands.
"Mistah. J, not in front of the baby!" Harley gasped as she began to put a fresh, clean diaper on their son. For some unknown reason, she viewed the word, 'crap' as a swear word.
"It's just a natural part of life Dad, what goes in must come back out." Charlie defended.
"Well next time DON'T EAT SO MUCH THEN!" The Joker growled as he cradled Charlie into his arms.
"Puddin' Lower your voice..." Harley whispered worriedly.
"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! Now, go buy Charlie some more diapers while I gas up the car..." The Joker demanded before exiting the bathroom with Charlie.
"Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Yes dear..." Harley gulped before entering one of the bathroom stalls. She changed into her Harlequin costume and pulled a gun from her purse before calmly sneaking out of the bathroom and toward the diaper isle. She grabbed what she needed, before cutting in line and placing it on the counter.
"I'll be takin' these and all the money ya got in your cash register..." She smirked sinisterly as the guy behind the counter held up one hand while using his free hand to empty the cash register. Harley was unaware that he had pushed a button on the counter that would contact The Police.
Meanwhile, The Joker had just finished gassing up his violet Cadillac when he was startled by the sound of Police sirens. He looked up toward the window and saw Harley robbing the store as he felt anger and annoyance begin to boil within him. He loved Harley but she could be such an idiot sometimes. Did she not know what could happen to their family if they got arrested? Charlie could possibly be taken out of their custody, they could be viewed as unfit parents and worst of all, The Joker could lose his family once again.
"That freaking idiot...That freaking idiot!" He muttered under his breath as he violently slammed the gas pump back into it's slot.
"YOU FREAKING IDIOT!" He screamed at the top of his lungs , gaining Harley's attention as he got into the driver's side of his Cadillac and drove off, in a fast pace.
"I gotta go; trouble with the husband..." Harley explained before gathering up all of her stolen money and her merchandise and rushing out of the store. When she exited the store, she could see cop cars surrounding the front of the building. She swallowed hard as she felt her adrenalin begin to pump with a fight or flight response, when her thoughts were interrupted by the plate-glass window behind her shattering. She turned to see the store clerk pointing a shotgun at her with a sinister grin on his face as he fired another shot at her. He just barely missed as Harley Quinn took off running around the other side of the building and down the road with all of The Police Cars chasing after her and shooting at her.
As she ran, she tripped over a pothole, causing her to drop her stolen packet of diapers. She quickly turned around and reached over to get it but then jumped back when a bullet had pierced it's packaging, gracing her finger a bit as it did so. She quickly sprung back up to her feet, forgetting about the diapers as she cut into the nearest suburb to hide in. She leapt over one of the house's fence and hid behind it as she waited for all of The Police Cars to pass by. She breathed a sigh of relief but then screamed in horror once she saw a large Doberman Pincher running toward her. The Doberman leapt into the air and snapped at her face, just missing her nose by a mere before it was pulled back due to the wooden stake in the ground it was chained to.
Harley was quick to circle around the dog before leaping back over the fence and taking to her heels once again. The dog had broken free from it's chain and had leapt over the fence, to chase after Harley.
"Stop in the name of the law!" One of The Police Officers yelled as he began driving straight toward Harley while shooting at her.
"Nope!" Harley shrieked as she began running in the opposite direction. She quickly yanked open the door to the nearest, unlocked vehicle, which just-so happened to be an Eighteen-Wheeler Truck and hopped into the passenger's seat. She then slowly turned her head to glare at the filthy overweight man in the driver's seat next to her menacingly.
"You're dressed just like a clown..." The trucker stupidly stated the obvious, further enraging Harley Quinn about her current situation.
"If ya know what's good for ya, ya'd better drive fast..." She threatened darkly as she pointed her gun at him. The trucker was quick to oblige as he stepped on the gas peddle, pushing it all the way to the floor and speeding down the road as fast as all eighteen wheels could carry his large vehicle. Meanwhile, The Joker was speeding down the road, while muttering under his breath about how much of an idiot he thought Harley was. He turned to check on his son, Charlie, who was safely strapped into a child's carseat in the back seat of his car.
"Hold on son; Daddy needs to take a shortcut!" The Joker shouted before driving toward a wooden fence at great speed. Charlie covered his eyes in fear as The Joker's Cadillac came crashing through the fence and roughly screeching around a corner. Meanwhile, the trucker was still driving Harley Quinn's escape car from The Police when his windshield had suddenly shattered. He let out a horrified scream as Harley looked up to see the store clerk from earlier standing in the middle of the road and pointing his shotgun at them. Harley quickly grabbed the steering wheel, taking a sharp turn into another neighborhood as the store clerk was tackled by the escaped Doberman Pincher from earlier.
"STOP!" Harley shrieked as the trucker was now beginning to drive up into someone's front yard. He slammed on the breaks, throwing Harley from the truck through the broken windshield and sending her flying into the yard. She weakly stood back up and kicked down the front door to the house with all of her strength, before cutting through house, ignoring the residence of the house giving her their looks of confusion and disapproval.
"Smells good!" Harley announced to who she assumed was the Mother of the house, who was cooking dinner in the kitchen.
"Dinner's ready!" Harley once again announced to the people on the back porch, before leaping onto the trampoline in their backyard and bouncing from it, over the fence. The Joker had arrived just in time for Harley to land into the open sunroof of his Cadillac, before continuing on his way.
"Thanks for the save Mistah. J!" Harley thanked with a sweet smile. The Joker responded by delivering a good, hard, roundhouse punch to her jaw.
"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR EVER-LOVING MIND?! DO YOU KNOW WHAT COULD'VE HAPPENED TO OUR FAMILY IF YOU HAD'VE GOTTEN CAUGHT?!" The Joker scolded as Harley rubbed her throbbing cheek.
"But Puddin'..." She began, only to be cut off by her husband.
"Don't you but Puddin' me princess! Our lives of crime as Bonnie and Clyde are over! We're a family now! Things change!" The Joker shouted with a twitch of his eye as he turned the car sharply once again.
"And take that stupid thing off your head! You're a Mother now for cryin' out loud, not a clown! Act your role!" He snapped as he snatched the jester hat from her head.
"Yes dear..."Harley sighed sadly as she slumped down in her seat in defeat. She then opened her door and reached out to pick up the diapers she had dropped on the road when The Police were chasing her earlier.
TO BE CONTINUED...