My Rock
I had travelled this road before so many times as child and as an Army Captain. I knew it like the back of my hand as they say. Only this time it was different. The air, no the mist, I smiled to myself, Eve, it's haar, the East coast haar, sea fog. I passed under the pylons, the electricity making the radio crackle, and that when I saw them in the rear view mirror. Hell not again, as I slowed ready to be pulled in, but no, they overtook me. I almost waved in gratitude. This land, the wheat fields of East Lothian, the land flat save for the volcanic plug in the distance. The sea still, for August, the tide in. I could smell the ozone in the air. The island loomed into view, white from the guano deposited on it. I was almost there…..I again wondered why I was here away from the man I loved, back in my homeland.
Flashback
"You need to go Eve. You are all she has left." Jethro had said, as I stood looking at the letter.
"I don't know. It's been such a long time. I don't….Johns funeral. She came, said sorry. I haven't seen her for 20years."
My mother's sister Alison, that was why I was called Alice. Her lawyer said she was dying and wanted to see me before she died. How I wondered did she know I was still alive. No lawyers are a tight knitted group. Mine in Edinburgh, knew where I was. But did she know me as Eve?
I arrived in the town mid-morning, the drive only 90mins from the airport. The basket of flowers, hanging, from the lamp-posts. The signs, along the road, advertising the Highland Games. The Bass Rock looming ever larger, the Law stood tall silhouetted against the sky. The haar was lifting, but the smell of ozone still hung in the air.
"Go Eve, she needs to see you. Get in touch with Moira and Mitch."
I drove into the parking lot, smiling to myself, the car park Eve, how long had you been away, how much did he influence your life. I so missed him.
I entered the Lodge, and headed for reception. The girl looked up, and then stood.
"Good afternoon. Can I help you?"
"Eve Adam….I have a reservation." I replied, handing her my passport. It was easier using this one at times. How long had I been Eve? 18yrs, time had flown by. I only used Mrs Gibbs if we were together, but I was alone today. Mrs Gibbs was in my suitcase.
"Thank you, could you fill in the registration form please. Did you have a nice trip?" Her voice slightly familiar.
"South African?" I enquired.
She replied yes, but asked how long I had been away. I answered 3yrs and did it show?
I duly did, putting Jethro down as next of kin, and handed the form back. The receptionist handed me the credit card key.
"2nd floor, end of the corridor, you have a sea view as requested."
I thanked her and made my way to the elevator….no the lift.
Opening the door it was how you would imagine a Lodge to be. All the same, right down to the same pictures on the wall. The big double bed looked inviting. The view, from the window magnificent. I was going to be lonely. I called home.
"Eve, you OK? I miss you."
"Miss you too. Jethro, it's 2.30pm here, that's what 9.30 with you. I need to sleep…. it's been a long day and night. Call you later. Love you" As I blew a kiss and shut the cell.
-oOo-
I woke with a jolt, the evening sun shining through the window. The time? 6.30pm. I needed a shower and then I had to go to the hospital. I was past eating. I wondered if the little Thai restaurant was still in town.
I drove to the cottage hospital. It lay in the shadow of the Law. I parked up, and got out the car. A squirrel stopped on the grass and looked at me, before scurrying up a tree.
Nervously I entered the hospital, the clinical smell caught my nose. I waited.
"Hello." A voice behind me asked. I turned and saw the Sister.
"Alice Kerr….maybe, Alice Mitchell I've come to see Alison."
"Alice, of course, she talks of you. You are an Army Captain?"
"Was…but if she remembers me as that, then yes."
"Your accent it has a slight….."
"I'm married to an American now. My husband John died. Does she mention him?" I asked the sister.
"She does know he died. She remembers that. Sometimes she has good days and then again…..sometimes she doesn't. End of the corridor in on the left."
I thanked her and went to see my Aunt.
-oOo-
As I sat in the restaurant, I wasn't hungry, but I need to eat. I looked at the menu, and chose Chicken stir fry, I thought of my husband. My aunt had been sleeping she hadn't stirred I wondered how long I should stay. I held her hand, no movement. I had kissed her head. "See you tomorrow."
I paid and walked the short walk back to the Lodge. The sun was beginning to drop. The time 9.30pm, I waited until I got to my room and rang Jethro. Looking out over the Forth, the sun dropped in a blaze of orange. I listened.
"Jethro, I love you."
"Love you too Eve. Take care." The line died. The reception was bad. The Law blocked signals.
I showered and climbed into the big bed. I hugged the pillow.
-oOo-
The next morning was hazy, the late summer sun, beginning to rise, over the Forth. The haar, Jethro always laughed when Ducky and I talked about it. Jimmy always thought it sounded like catarrh, the guttural sound so Germanic, but from the Norse or at least from Northern Europe. I rose and looked out towards the rock. I wondered if my rock was awake. My time 7.30, so middle of the night, unless he was on a case. I showered and went for a walk along the shore before breakfast. I knew the haar would lift with the heat of the day. But in the meantime it hung like a blanket, nuzzling the beach.
I waited until closer to 10.00 before I made my way to the Cottage Hospital. The nurse in charge ushered me in, "Any time." She said.
Alison was sitting up, watching the TV.
"Hello," I said opening the door further and walking in, "I looked in on you last night, but you were sleeping."
"Alice my child, come in. It is so good to see you after all these years. I thought you had died? But my lawyer said you were working for the government all these years." There was silence as I looked at this frail woman. I saw myself, my mother, I saw what I would become. I missed my husband.
"Where are you now child?" she asked.
"Washington DC, I married an American." I replied, smiling I didn't think of myself as a child, but then I suppose to my Aunt I would always be.
We continued the small talk. I could see her, drifting in and out, her eyes glazing over. I had seen this before. I was reminded of when Jethro had been hospitalised after the car accident. When he had, been so ill. I hated hospitals.
The nurse approached, "Alice, it is almost lunch time would you care to stay?"
I declined I need to clear my head. I need space, the hospital walls closing in as they did after my blackout in Iraq. I need space. I said I would return in the evening, but call me, as I gave her my number. She smiled. I walked through the garden, the park down to the seafront.
I sat on the seat staring out over the sand to the island. The Rock. The haar had lifted, but the smell of ozone lingered. Children laughed and dogs barked. They frolicked in the old outdoor paddling pool. I remembered the old swimming pool, now the Internationally, acclaimed Seabird Centre, how times had changed. The Rock. During the 17th century it had been a jail for prisoners, political and criminal, a castle had once stood on the Rock. The Rock, a jail for prisoners long before America had its Alcatraz. No-one had ever escaped from here. The only things that escaped now were the gannets, I smiled, Tony the gannet. I missed Washington. The Rock mentioned in Catriona, by Robert Louis Stevenson,
" "It was an unco place by night, unco by day; and there were unco sounds; of the calling of the solans [gannets], and the plash [splash] of the sea, and the rock echoes that hung continually in our ears. It was chiefly so in moderate weather. When the waves were anyway great they roared about the rock like thunder and the drums of armies, dreadful, but merry to hear, and it was in the calm days when a man could daunt himself with listening; so many still, hollow noises haunted and reverberated in the porches of the rock."
Acknowledgement to Robert Louis Stevenson, a great Scottish writer, whose cousin David, had built the lighthouse on the rock.
I missed my rock.
My cell rang.
-oOo-
I listened to the sound of his voice. I could see the smile, the contours of his face vivid in my mind.
"You, OK Eve?"
"Never better, the sun is shining, the birds singing, children playing in the surf…"
"Cut the crap. I know you, for an Intelligence Officer, you were always a bit dippy."
"Great…..the Gunny knows best."
"Eve, this is your real life. This is you, this is how it ends." I heard him say.
"Great Gunny…..so where are you when I need you most?" the tears beginning to form on my face, as I looked out to sea at the Rock.
"Eyes left Captain." As I listened, and looked. I saw his form getting closer. He was as he was when we were on vacation, I smiled holiday. The denim faded jeans and the denim shirt, we were so bohemian at times. I smiled as I shut the phone and waited for him to sit by my side.
He looked out over the Forth, the two of us silent.
"What's that? He pointed at The Rock.
"The Bass Rock , not as in base, but bassssss." I said, not looking at him.
"What was it?"
"Volcanic plug, like the Law behind us." I replied looking to the sea.
"Oh that hill." As I elbowed him in the ribs, I sensed his smile. "What's on the top? Looks like a giant wish bone." As I again elbowed him in the ribs.
"That darling is a whale's jawbone….which collapsed in 2005. Because it was iconic to the town they fabricated a fibreglass one and airlifted it to the top." I replied, starting to smile. "You fancy climbing?" now turning and looking at his face.
"Nope." He replied but smiled the half smile, "Hear they have sheep running round it."
"Yep, and, mountain goats. Takes about 30mins, but the view from the top magnificent." I replied now seeing the grin extend. He looked at me.
"Hear….. the view is spectacular from the top. But not, today Eve. I have travelled like you, since 17.00 last night I need to rest."
I took his hand and squeezed, he acknowledged. We rose and walked back to the lodge.
-oOo-
The evening light was beginning to fading when I woke. I wanted to hold him. I watched as he stirred. Our lovemaking, fulfilling. He reached out to me. I held his hand and kissed his lips.
"Shower and are you buying dinner?" I questioned.
"Alison?" he asked.
"The hospital said she was sleeping maybe tomorrow."
He smiled, "Dinner it is. That Thai you were talking about. It far, from here?"
-oOo-
Next day, typical of the east coast, the week so far had been good, the haar lay like a blanket along the shoreline. They said an Indian summer but the English schools were due back soon and the tourists, would be gone. The Law shrouded in the white mist. I kissed my sleeping husband, before I got out of bed. He awoke and smiled, drawing me to his arms, we embraced. We had survived the night. He rose and headed for the bathroom. I heard the shower begin to run, "Eve, " he shouted. I smiled and went to join him.
We walked, after breakfast to the hospital. The nurse ushering, us in. I showed my husband to Alison's room.
"Hello," I whispered, looking at the woman who seemed to have aged overnight. She opened her eyes She had been placed in a sitting position, the bed raised to support her, the pillows supporting her slender frame.
"Alice," she whispered back.
"Alison may I introduce my husband, Jethro Gibbs."
"Alison" he acknowledged.
"You a soldier?" she questioned, "You meet through her work?"
My husband smiled, looking at me he half nodded his head as he does when asked, questions like that.
"Nope I was a Marine and yep, met her through work. And very persuasive she was too," he replied, laughing.
"Well you take care of her, laddie, she deserves some happiness." As she closed her eyes and drifted into peace.
I kissed her head, "Night Alison." The tears beginning, to form. I had seen death before, as had my husband but never as peaceful as this. I knew the end would not be long. I had fulfilled her request.
My Rock placed his arm round my shoulders, and kissed the top of my head.
"Eve, I'll race you to the top of that hill. I want to see the view." I looked into his face, concern and thoughtfulness. It would take my mind off here. I replied with a feeble smile, and a nod of my head.
-oOo-
The view from the top was as spectacular as I remembered it. Looking out over the town, and away to the Kingdom of Fife, northwards. The sun shining. My cell rang. I listened, looking away from my Rock, to the other rock. I shut the cell and turned to face Jethro, the tears now running down my face. He took me in his arms and let me sob, before brushing my hair from my face and lifting my chin. He kissed my lips, tasting the saltiness.
"Come Eve, we had better see to funeral. But 1st , do we need to see the body?"
"I would like to just this last time." I replied, as he took my hand and we descended the Law.
-oOo-
We stood looking at Alison. Her face calm and so, so, in peace. In her hand which had been clenched shut now open. In it….a picture a photograph taken so long ago, at the top of the Law. My mother, me and Alison. The Rock in the background. But my rock was beside me now. I knew I had nothing to fear….ever. We turned and walked the corridor out into the late summer sunshine…..each with our own thoughts, but uour arms round each others waists.
The End.