It's hard. It's so incredibly hard to be around her all the time, and not be able to touch her. It sounds vain and selfish, but each morning I wake up to her body heat, each night I watch her rub lotion into her palms, I feel crazy. I want to write her notes and watch her read them. I want to write dirty letters that would shock her, make her blush. She's not quite ready, but she's getting there.
At first it wasn't so bad, I could deal with not being able to touch her. But she's different now, more alert, and things are beginning to change. Emma is beginning to see the world differently, she isn't so afraid, and each time she smiles, I gain a new understanding of what it is that goes on in her mind that she will never share with me.
It's horrible to think, but sometimes I wish she wasn't so attractive. Life would be easier. My heart wouldn't pound as fast and my hands wouldn't be clammy each time we just cuddled on the couch. She's so beautiful, and she always tries to be perfect. But I don't want her to be perfect. Someday she'll know that she doesn't have to be. We're getting there, making our way towards both of us knowing that.
Emma is naive. She's not experienced like other women. She doesn't know how far she can push without taking things too far. I get the green light; my hand beneath her shirt, touching her and making her whimper. But the red light comes just as quickly; she rolls over and whispers goodnight.
I know she wants it.
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I'm frightened sometimes by the fire in his eyes. He's delicious, and it feels so good to be close to him in that way. But I can't. My mind stops me, and I beg the voices in my head that one day they'll allow me to just forget, for minutes, moments, milliseconds. In that free time, I'd do anything with Will. I'd let him do anything to me, and I'd do everything to him.
I can't help but to imagine what it would be like to have his hands on me. I wonder what it would be like between us, what he would be like. He'd be gentle, I'm sure. But there's another part to him that he tries desperately to hide. And it's dark.
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They climbed the steps outside their apartment, soft smiles gracing both of their expressions. His hand was warm in hers, a comfort she had become accustomed to.
It had been a long night. A last minute rehearsal, backstage drama, a few misplaced costumes. But it had all equalled to a brilliant performance, and Emma and Will had been confident in the students as soon as they relaxed in two seats in the back row. But that night, as the lights beamed over the stars, they were Emma's kids, not Will's.
"Hey." Will reached to still Emma's hand on the door knob. She raised her gaze, and met his. She watched him swallow, the light shining through the darkness in his eyes. "I was so proud of you tonight."
She felt beautiful in his eyes as she held the key in the lock to their home.
She bit her lip, and blinked twice. "Will, I had help with the play." He leant against the door frame, and watched her. "Thank you, though," Emma noted as she continued to work at opening the lock.
His hand didn't move, and remained upon hers. Warm fingers coated the back of her hand. They both felt softness touch their skin. She looked up at him quizzically, and rested her back against the door.
"It's not that you directed the show," he clarified. His palm pressed against the door, beside her head. "I'm proud because you cared so much. You're my girlfriend and you care about those kids-my kids." Her eyelids fluttered, and she took him in. Her gorgeous boyfriend who looked forward to sharing many milestones with her. Dressed in the same suit he wore to her first wedding, he was most definitely handsome. "And because of your hard work, Rachel got to play the part she's wanted to play forever."She could feel his breath on her forehead when his head tilted closer to hers, and it felt beautiful. "You're so tired, Em. This musical has completely worn you out," he whispered with understanding. "But when you saw her up there on that stage, when you saw Rachel, your eyes lit up." Her brown eyes bore into his glazed stare. "You were happy." Pause. "I was proud that you were happy for my kids."
He watched her. He stared. He gazed. He questioned her desire with just a look.
His lips found hers in a rush. It was hot, and wet, and completely consuming. He'd never kissed her so deeply. Perhaps I'm tired, she pondered. Perhaps I'm imagining things. Surely he has kissed me like this before. Maybe I can't remember.
His hands cupped her neck, and tilted her head into their kiss. He poured everything he had into their kiss. Pent up frustration, sexual desire they'd never fulfilled. His body burnt for her. He needed to be inside her. He needed to feel her twitch. He needed her to want.
He needed her to bring him to orgasm, because he needed a release that would keep him sane.
Emma's lips were soft and slid against his so smoothly. When he pulled away to gaze into her eyes, he challenged her. Beg me to kiss you again. But Emma stared, waiting for something to happen, because she was desperate.
"I'm so proud," his lips fell back to rest against hers, "...that you're mine," he whispered.
At his words, Emma whimpered against his lips. And then he felt her kissing back. Her fingers clenched his biceps. She felt infected, weak and strong altogether.
When he pulled away, his jaw was tight with want and frustration. And she opened the door that stood behind them.
They were steady on their feet as they walked towards the bedroom. He led her quickly, hoping to god she wouldn't change her mind. He didn't know what she wanted, but they were both under the impression that they were walking towards something they had been anticipating for so long.
She stepped into the bedroom before him, and when Emma realised she was leading, she turned and threw herself into his arms.
And then Will did something a man had never done with her. His hands found the back of her thighs, and he lifted her up to his body like a child. She tightened her hold on him, and felt the satin of her blouse press against her skin as he hugged her smaller body and made his way over to the bed. She'd never felt so close to Will, so warm, and clutching at his shoulders, she felt the earth move. They were almost one person.
They fell onto the bed together, and his hips pressed into hers. She reached up to kiss him, to gather his face in her palms. But as her back arched to touch him, her pelvis pushed forward.
She felt it.
He felt it.
Her heels pressed into the back of his clothed calves. He pushed forward again, and her white skirt rode higher up her thighs. He looked down and strained to see the outline of her pale thighs in the darkness. He had to touch her. And he did. Bare skin, nylon that finished mid-thigh.
She could feel the bulge pressed between her legs, his arousal that made her mind dizzy. Emma ground into him, into the pants of his suit, and it felt good.
They pressed together slowly, discovering something they hadn't dared to try.
And then it was wild.
Her thighs eventually pressed tighter against his hips, and they rocked madly. Emma had no idea what it was she was searching for, and she was completely oblivious to explosion it would end in. But that that moment, as they moved together on the neatly made bed, everything felt good, and right. His palms pushed lightly against the curves of her waist, trapping her to the bed. Her fingers dug into his shoulder blades.
Her purple blouse crumpled as Will made love to her. The woman he had lusted after for so long was writhing beneath him, causing his heart to beat slowly. Too slowly. His suit was too hot. He wanted to take it off. But he couldn't frighten her. Mostly, he couldn't stop to take it off.
She was completely quiet as their bodies madly rubbed together. But she was strong. And somehow, she knew exactly what she wanted.
He wasn't thinking. He hadn't had dry sex since he was sixteen. But what he was doing with Emma was so different. Almost possessive.
He buried his face in her neck, and felt the ends of her hair tickling his cheek.
Emma scooted lower, and as a tiny moan escaped her parted lips, her fingernails pressed into his suit jacket.
There. More. Now.
He felt her shudder beneath him, and he wondered if she understood what had happened. An expression of euphoria graced her features, and Will rocked into her wildly as her thighs lost their grip on his sides.
He shook above her as he pressed himself into her. He grazed his hardness between her legs, against her panties, and it was enough to make him let go.
The pressure, and friction, and holding her close caused his undoing. Emma's body was warm below Will's when he fell completely above her.
The pressure of his body felt divine.
They held onto each other, trying to grasp what had happened in just moments. The clock on her bedside table glared that it was midnight. Their bed was made. Their clothes were on. Everything seemed so normal. But they were completely changed. They had held each other in a state as vulnerable as Emma knew how to be.
Emma sighed, and ran her fingers through the curls at the nape of Will's neck. She felt wetness between her legs, and tried her hardest to ignore it. She couldn't, and so she prayed in her mind.
Let me have this. Please, just let me have this.
"I have such a full life," Will whispered against her neck, and she felt the heat of his breath warm the shell of her ear.
She swallowed.
"So do I."
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AN: Just a little one-shot based on the next episode. The next chapter of An Emerald Desire will be up after Wednesday. Thanks for reading and reviewing. It really does mean the world to fanfic writers.