"TJ, we need to talk," Seth said by way of greeting as soon as she answered the door to her quarters, revealing one perturbed Commander Goddard.
It had been a long day. After distributing the students' report cards that morning, to mixed reactions, they had spent the afternoon fighting off a Doppelganger who created duplicates of the entire crew (except Seth). It had been an odd experience to say the least. Facing essentially herself, albeit an uninhibited, darker version, made TJ sit and evaluate who she was at her core and how that might change how she views herself. It also concerned her how the rest of the crew might see her moving forward as well.
She had also been nervous sharing her assessments of the students with Seth that morning- presenting herself as apprehensive, concerned, and hesitant to see his reaction. The absent wringing of her hands gave her away as did the stutter borne from admitting the constructive criticism she had imparted sans his input. Outwardly, the Commander had been supportive, however, she should have known it would be a matter of time before he confronted her directly and called her out.
"Pardon?" TJ asked as he pushed past her. She had an icepack pressed to her eye, where a large shiner had formed at the spot her doppelganger had landed a punch on her.
"Talk. You. Me."
"In regards to?" She was playing at dumb, but she doubted he would buy that act from her for even a second. He read people well in general, and it seemed he read her even better than most. Either the man had a superior bullshit detector or she had a lousy poker face.
"The report cards," he said simply. Yep. She knew it. TJ braced for what he might say next. It was doubtful the next few minutes would be pleasant. "I don't mind that you wrote them or distributed them, hell, I don't necessarily disagree with what was said, but I would like to have been consulted on them before you did," he continued.
"So if don't disagree with what was stated, then why are you here?" she asked sharply.
"That's not the point I'm getting at-"
"What is the point then Commander? Because it sounds to me like you are angry or offended by my carrying out the responsibilities allotted to me as their teacher," she said hotly.
"We are both their teachers," he protested, the volume rising in his voice. "We're supposed to be a team." Ah, there it was.
"A team? Oh really? Where were you when I needed you? Oh that's right. You tried playing hero yet again and ended up having Radu drag your broken body back onto this ship. It's a miracle you weren't killed!" TJ yelled back, a touch of hysteria creeping into her tone, which she desperately tried to control. That moment had been the most traumatizing one thus far on their journey, seeing the man who was supposed to be their leader broken, battered, and on death's door. He begged, weakly, for her to get the children home, as she tried to feign bravery, reassuring him that they would get their students home together. Truth be told, TJ wasn't even sure she believed the words that were coming from her mouth. If Rosie hadn't discovered the healing chamber when she did, who knows what may have come. The weeks she spent keeping the crew alive on her own during the day, keeping vigil by his side at night, and maintaining some semblance of normalcy was enough. It was not anything she ever wanted to relive.
"Oh, you think I planned to have the ship land on me?" he threw back sarcastically. "Yes, that sounds exactly like how I had wanted my day to go!"
"You know what you are?" TJ asked sharply, suddenly furious at him. "A brilliant leader whose impulsive decisions nearly got himself killed! You let your emotions guide far too many of your command decisions which will hurt us all in the long run!"
"Is that really how you feel?" If TJ had been looking to get a rise from him, she succeeded. His face flushed red, and his voice registered an acerbic tone. "Because you are no better!"
"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, surprised by his choice of words as she stepped back. She felt defensive, not having accounted for the possibility he may take offense to her words. TJ should have known better. One thing Seth Goddard never did was back down from a challenge.
His eyes flashed dangerously. "Every single report card you handed out today- every comment you made- they were all true, but they could also be applied to you too. You demonstrate leadership capability- hell, you kept everything together when I was hurt- but you have trouble trusting people, including me-"
"I do trust you-" she said, her voice wavering.
"Enough to let me help with decisions regarding OUR students' education? Or commenting on their progress? Or to make decisions I think will benefit the crew?"
"That's not fair!" she protested.
"Scientific interests are a pleasing development but you feel everything will go wrong so you won't take risks or you're just too scared to try-"
"It's dangerous out here-" She argued back, attempting to justify her position but Seth wasn't having any of it.
"You're hiding! You're brilliant and the knowledge you have could be the best asset we have on this trip, but you get so wrapped up in your own fears that it's keeping you from seeing what an amazing opportunity you've been given to grow."
"I'm not that-"
"You've grown in self- confidence somewhat but you hold yourself back," Seth continued. "I've watched you do that to yourself time and again. And why?" He continued pushing. "Is it because you're afraid of who you really might be underneath it all? Or that I won't approve of who you are under the armor you have around yourself? What are you hiding? Because there is something seriously wrong if you can't let yourself be honest with anyone, including yourself. If that's how you're going to behave, then you're just going to end up alone and miserable for the rest of your life!" He was shouting at this point, barely registering the tears that had filled her hazel eyes and the shaking of her hands. It was only when she finally reacted that he brought back to reality and he saw the consequences of his rage.
She left. No words, no snarky comeback, no fight. Just eyes, red and puffy, full of hurt, tears that spilled down her flushed face, the black eye she'd earned from her doppelganger on full display, and a defeated spin on her heel and she made her way- seemingly in slow motion- out the door.
Oh fuck. I'm an ass, he chastised himself. What the hell did I do? He felt immediately guilty that his stupid, stupid mouth had run itself again with no filter. He had really messed up this time. They always pushed each other- it was how they argued- but he must have hit a serious nerve if she wouldn't even fight back. Following her from the room, desiring to make it right, he weakly called. "Teej, shouldn't I be leaving? Those are your quarters."
She continued walking as he heard a sob escape and his heart sank to his feet. The guilt he felt was crushing. I have to make this right, he thought desperately. "Teej, wait!" he called as he ran after her. Once he caught up, he put a hand on her shoulder to hopefully stop her from continuing to walk away.
"Don't touch me!" she whispered angrily, her voice filled with sadness. She jerked away from him violently.
He took a step back, as though her words had cut straight through him. Which they had. "I just-"
"What Seth? Wanted to continue to tear me down? Tell me that I'm intelligent but struggle with working as part of a team or that I'm a loner? Or that I just want everyone to be happy to the point that I annoy them?"
"No, I-"
"I'm fully aware that my inclusion to this crew was purely accidental and my contributions are completely inconsequential. I don't need you to remind me of it." The tears poured down her cheeks now, uncontrollable, even as she tried to wipe them away. Seth remained rooted where he stood, speechless and in shock. Yup. He had hit a major insecurity of hers and thoughtlessly thrown it into her face with no regards to her feelings. I am an ass. "No witty comeback? No snide comments?" TJ's voice snapped him from his mental berating of himself.
Seth was frozen, mortified that he'd hurt her so badly. When he managed to finally get any words out, all he could say was, "TJ, I'm sorry," in a choked whisper, tears stinging his own blue eyes. "Please. Talk to me. Yell at me. Something." He was painfully aware he needed to do something spectacularly notable to earn her forgiveness.
Her eyes met his and Seth saw the tears and the war of emotions contained within them. Please, he silently tried to convey with his gaze.
She shook her head, holding his gaze. "I need to be alone for a while," she whispered. Turning away from him once more, she quietly walked away, leaving him by himself in the empty corridor as he watched her retreating form round the corner from view.
SCSCSCSC
Three days passed and despite being on a ship like the Christa and a crew as small as theirs, somehow Seth hadn't seen TJ at all. It wasn't for lack of trying. The day after his fight with her, when he noticed she hadn't come to breakfast, he sent Thelma to her quarters to check on her, ensuring that the android left with some food to be sure the teacher was eating. The food wheel was even being particularly kind and provided something edible- waffles and strawberries- in selecting what food to give for her. The subsequent two mornings he had done the same, as well as dinner hour as well. Twice he had even personally appeared outside the entry to her quarters, but each time lacked any sort of plan detailing what he wanted to say. After a few moments of frantic pacing, and several rounds of reaching for, then pulling away from the access crystal to her quarters, he walked away dejectedly, feeling morose.
He was positive the woman was avoiding him also. Seth was fully aware she had left her quarters- the students had told him she was still carrying on with their daily lessons, but seemed to be slightly more on edge than usual. He never got any acknowledgement to the meals he was sending and other than the classroom updates, the students didn't offer much information. He knew the children weren't stupid- all had commented more than once about Miss Davenport's absence from the Command Post over the past few days. Each time he heard someone emerge from the jumptubes, his head snapped around, hoping TJ would be the one arriving. When it wasn't, his shoulders sagged once more, the hope he felt starting to fade each time and his mood souring again. It served only to make him snappy and ornery.
"Looking for someone?" Harlan had asked on the second day of his whipping around to look at the tubes. The boy knew who his superior was looking for. Seth rewarded him with a vicious death look and double Command Post duty for his nosiness.
The more time dragged on, the more he found that he missed the banter, the arguments, the late night conversations, and the fire in her eyes when they began to verbally spar. It reminded him of the last really big fight they had had, back at the Starcademy, when they hadn't spoken for a week. Thinking back on it, he had leveled many of the same charges then that he had now- of her being closed off, alone, and miserable. He felt worse. They were supposed to be past those petty arguments and he had gone ahead and said those things anyway. Worse, he had said it after she'd spent weeks feeling exactly that way- alone and miserable- after he'd nearly gotten himself killed escaping from that accursed planet as the Spung were firing on them. I must be the biggest idiot in the galaxy, he mentally berated himself. If he was truly honest with himself, perhaps his accusations were a manifestation of his own fears being deflected onto her. Sure, he'd been in relationships before, but nothing had ever stuck. Now, in uncharted space, with his mentor's daughter no less, he was forced to address his own insecurities, fears, and demons, while trying to safely lead his misfit crew home. His stupid, impulsive mouth made him lash out, right when TJ was just trying to help in her own nervous and awkward way. How had he responded? By pushing her away. Just as he had pushed away every other woman in his life (save his sisters and mom). The hurt he'd inflicted on her cut right through him, affecting him far more than any person he'd been fully involved with, even though they weren't actually together in the classic sense of the word. For a minute, Seth considered why he was even feeling that way. They were colleagues and nothing more, he tried telling himself, but he knew that was a lie. Being stuck in space had forged a different sort of bond between them, more complex than any friendship or relationship or familial tie he'd ever experienced. He knew he had to make it right. How to do that was where he struggled.
It was on the third night of silence from her, while he paced his quarters, still unable to sleep, that he decided to act with certainty. Seth had been racking his brain for anything to right his behavior towards TJ when he thought of her father. James Davenport had been his teacher and mentor, and if Seth was completely honest with himself, likely his greatest ally while in the STARDOGS and at the Starcademy. Despite Goddard's failings, James had never given up on him and it seemed that trait had been passed down to the man's daughter. The woman had never backed down from him, and seemed to believe that somewhere inside him was a man worth fighting for. She deserved better. Seth knew he needed TJ to understand the guilt he felt, and come up with a solution and spectacular apology. As Mr. Davenport had always told him, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. Grabbing his Compupad, he set to work on a solution to hopefully gain her forgiveness.
SCSCSCSC
Theresa James Davenport could be many things- intelligent, a stickler for protocol, anxious, and stubborn to a fault among them. Lately, she'd been trying to extend herself somewhat, attempting to be braver, less skittish, and more confident in her ability to lead the crew. Part was by necessity- after Seth had nearly been killed, TJ had no choice but to step up and provide the leadership needed to keep their students alive and safe. It left little time to consider her own anxieties and fears, even though she awoke each day terrified of what she would encounter. After lights out every night, she would visit Seth in the Medlab, briefing him on their day, even as he couldn't answer. Some days it was nice to be able to just talk and release her frustrations with no arguments but most days she'd wish he could do just that. TJ quickly discovered that her growth on their journey had been largely due to his influence and without that push, she was lonely, bored, and mournful. When he finally emerged from the chamber, she'd been ecstatic, but held herself together, trying not to appear too excited. But then she'd had to be stupid and ruin everything.
It all started with writing midterm report cards for their students. In retrospect she should have had him assist her in writing the feedback, but she hadn't wanted to burden him right after emerging from the healing process. Big mistake. That choice had resulted in a major blow out, and the pair hadn't spoken since. It was a repeat of the fight after a dance at the Starcademy- with him reminding her that her lack of trust in others would leave her alone and miserable. At least this time Seth had had the sense to look mortified afterwards and he truly looked remorseful, but she had stubbornly walked away, giving him exactly what she thought he wanted- imposing an isolation on herself away from him.
She couldn't face Seth. So, her being "apart from the group," as she'd worded Suzee's criticism, had become something of a self-fulfilling prophecy on herself. It wasn't that she completely locked herself away- TJ still kept up with the students' lessons, grading assignments, and any tasks that didn't require her presence in the Command Post. She ate at odd times so she wouldn't see Seth, unsure what she would say if she did. Food had appeared twice a day at her door as well, a gesture she was sure came from Thelma or Rosie. Someone knew she enjoyed waffles and strawberries. For a fleeting moment, she wondered if perhaps Seth had been the one to drop the food but quickly shoved it aside. Why would he do that, she rationalized. He was in a coma when the crew learned that was my favorite breakfast. How would he even know? Those moments while eating gave her time and space to think about what she might say when she inevitably couldn't avoid him any longer. To fill the void left in her schedule, for the hours she normally spent in the Command Post, she had been recording, then deleting log entries, her thoughts scattered and disjointed as she had no idea how to even begin speaking about this particular fight. She'd even called on Thelma at one point to chat for a while but it was hard explaining to the android why she was asking about how Seth was.
"What don't you ask him yourself?" Thelma had asked innocently.
"It's…," she shook her head in resignation. "Complicated," TJ settled on.
"You are both friends," Thelma stated.
"I'm not so sure that the Commander views me that way right now," TJ sighed.
Thelma attempted to process the statement. "You are fighting?"
"We had a fight," TJ clarified. "We just haven't figured out how to apologize I suppose."
"It must have been something important then," Thelma offered.
"Pardon?"
"I have come to understand that friends fight about things that truly matter. By that logic, I can only surmise that whatever you argued about must have mattered a great deal to you both." Thelma looked almost childlike as she finished.
TJ regarded her curiously. "I never considered that way of looking at it." Smiling, she added, "Thank you, Thelma," before the android disappeared off to somewhere else.
Truth be told, the longer she went without talking to him, the more TJ realized she missed him. This was a different sort of loneliness from his time in the healing chamber. At least then she could see him, even if he was covered in bandages and enshrined in a cylindrical prison, unable to speak. Now she completely- willfully- cut herself off and found it pained her. It puzzled her as to why that was the case. The man was stubborn, difficult, and challenging yet for whatever reason, she seemed to always charge back in at him. Because you care about him, a voice in the back of her head nagged at her. TJ wasn't sure how much longer she could maintain her distance before she followed the niggling voice in her head and the ache in her heart, both screaming for her to stop being stubborn and apologize. It made her feel conflicted.
On the third night, finding she wasn't able to sleep- again- she spent time journaling her feelings onto a Compupad, trying to brain dump her feelings as a way to clear her mind and finally finding a way to word things that seemed to stick. For a while she thought it had worked too- until she found herself tossing in bed wishing for sleep to come, to no avail. Giving up, she decided to brew up some decaf herbal tea in the galley to help relax her. She never made it past the immediate exterior of her door.
Laying on the corridor floor outside the entry to her quarters, was one Commander Seth Goddard, whimpering slightly as he slept, sweat beading at his hairline, as his body tossed uneasily on the floor. He looked quite uncomfortable and it took TJ a moment to register he was in the throes of some sort of nightmare to which he needed to be awoken from. Good heavens!, she thought. For a moment she considered what sort of demon had taken hold in him to be causing his restlessness as he attempted sleep. She found she couldn't bring herself to watch him suffer for long. Kneeling beside him, she placed a hand on his shoulder, gently shaking him and softly calling his name. "Commander? Commander?" She shook him a little more intensely. "Seth!"
His eyes snapped open, his breaths ragged and unsteady. He sat straight up and looked frantically around before his gaze settled on TJ, still beside him, now wringing her hands nervously. "Seth? Are you all right?"
"Teej? Where-?"
"Outside my quarters. Although, I'm having trouble understanding why you chose the floor instead of just ringing-"
"Would you have let me in?" he asked. There was no malice in his voice, only acceptance of how they'd both been behaving.
Her silence was all the answer he needed. "You look a mess," she said softly, changing the subject.
"Thanks," he said flatly.
"You seemed to be having some sort of nightmare," she clarified gently. "Are you alright?"
He took a moment to slow his heavy breathing, having already caught her gaze and holding it for a long moment before answering, "I am now."
TJ forgot she was supposed to be angry at him and blushed a furiously deep shade of red. The sincerity that was conveyed in his crystal blue eyes caught her off guard. "Let's get you off this floor before anyone catches you here and starts talking," she told him. Gingerly picking herself up off the floor she knelt on, TJ then reached out a hand to help him off the floor, which Seth gratefully accepted. A tingling sensation worked its way through her body- not for the first time when it came to him. Once up, she invited him into her quarters. He followed her in, where he settled on the couch as she fetched a glass of water, then offered it to him. He gratefully accepted it.
"Thanks, TJ," he told her as he drained the cup.
She nodded. "It seemed like an unsettling dream."
"It was."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No." His voice held a note of finality. TJ decided not to push him on that.
She sat at the opposite end of the couch from him, vacillating between wanting to speak and not knowing what to say if she did. Without realizing, she began biting the corner of her lip and wringing her hands in her lap, both nervous habits when she felt distressed and jittery. Glancing over, she saw him engaging in his own habits for when he was unsure of how to proceed in something- namely running his hands through his hair, then scrubbing his hands over his face. He was just as tense as she. When did I start learning his nervous tics, she silently wondered.
"So… how's your eye?" he asked lamely, instantly regretting it. Stupid, stupid, stupid, he chastised himself. You come here to apologize and you start with a lame observation about her injury?
Thankfully, she didn't seem upset with him. "Healing." Looking at her eye, he noted the swelling was going down and the angry blacks, purples, and blues that had set in originally had morphed into more greens, yellows, and blacks, showing signs that it was getting better.
"Okay. Good."
TJ saw him continue to look all over the room, to anywhere except to her. He's nervous about something, she noted silently. She figured it would be best just to cut straight to the chase and find out why he suddenly appeared at her door after three days of silence. Thinking for a moment on how she wanted to broach the subject, she landed on attempting to be calm and kind in an effort to get him to open up. "What brings you here, Commander?" she started gently.
Silently, Seth revealed a Compupad he had been clutching, which TJ noted had been missed when she initially found him. TJ regarded him curiously as he punched in a few codes to the device, then handed it over.
"What is this?"
"Watch that," he said simply. "Please."
Narrowing her eyes suspiciously, Seth simply nodded encouragingly as she turned the device over in her hands a few times before opening the file.
"Personal log of Commander Seth Goddard, day 724 of our journey home. Recently, my first officer completed midterm assessments for our students, commenting on their progress and suggesting small constructive criticisms for ways to better themselves as officers and people. While I was a little hurt to not have been included in the writing of said commentary, I wholeheartedly support the statements Miss Davenport made and do hope the students take what was said to heart.
"In rereading those files from each child, one thing did occur to me. As the commanding officer of this vessel, one of my responsibilities is to assess my crew from time to time. While Miss Davenport quite competently took care of the children, and somewhere in that filing system of hers probably has one for myself as well-" TJ flushed a shade of crimson at that, tipping Seth that she had indeed done exactly that, "- she seems to have left out a self-assessment. Truthfully, this is a difficult thing for anyone to do, so in its absence, I offer the following evaluation of Lieutenant Theresa James Davenport."
TJ paused the recording there, shaking her head. "I can't watch this," she said quietly, passing the Compupad back. "I feel like you're about to make light of what -"
Seth stopped her. Putting his hands over hers, he gently pushed the Compupad back towards her. "Watch the rest of it, that's an order," he told her gently.
The tingling came over her again, but she ignored it as she indignantly lashed at him, "An order? You are ordering me to be humiliated? Heavens, you've probably been itching to be given the chance to roast me."
"Don't assume things," he said dryly. "We know what happens when people do that."
Pursing her lips in frustration, she heaved a loud sigh as she took back the device and continued the recording.
"At the start of this- adventure?- Miss Davenport was ill-suited for space travel. Up until that point, she had lived a sheltered existence as a rigid yet competent administrator with an encyclopedic knowledge of STARDOG protocols and by the book interpretations of how situations should be handled in space. We butted heads frequently since our opinions often were at odds both at the Starcademy and after we'd been unintentionally launched across the galaxy. She is frustrating, stubborn, and infuriating sometimes-"
TJ paused again. She was only growing more heated. "Commander, if this is supposed to some sort of backhanded-"
Seth scooted closer and spoke softly. "Keep watching," he implored. "There is a point I'm trying to make in it."
Damn him!,, she thought furiously. How am I supposed to think straight when he keeps invading my space like this! Again, she fought her feelings back when she spoke. "Then I hope it gets made quickly," she grumbled, once again playing back the Commander's video log.
"-but over time I've come to realize that while she is all of the above, she is also braver than I ever expected, more brilliant than initially realized, and beautiful inside and out." She cast a stunned glance at him as he shot a sheepish smile at her and nodded for TJ to continue. "Her stubbornness stems from her need to show that she is not only more capable than initially given credit for, but also to help temper my own impulses and stubbornness. As a result, she has made me more measured in my decision making than I've ever been, even if sometimes it doesn't seem that way. I wholeheartedly believe she is the reason we are all still alive. Her ability to act as the voice of reason, her gentleness with the students in delicate situations, becoming my sounding board and confidante- she is the heart of this crew and I am certain that I could not survive this journey without her.
"Sometimes Miss Davenport doubts her leadership capabilities and questions whether or not she can push past her fears to successfully keep our students safe and cared for. I contend that facing her demons each day, in spite of her terror, makes her the bravest person I've ever met. She is far braver and more courageous than I could ever hope to be and I'm constantly in awe of her. A recent faceoff with a doppelganger presented her a new challenge that she faced with great aplomb. If she can continue to tap into her courage and tie it to the raw knowledge she possesses, it could be our greatest asset on this journey. She is already a force to be reckoned with- if she does what I have recommended, she would be unstoppable."
The recording ended there and it was a blessing it did. TJ already had tears pouring down her cheeks. I never believed he thought anything good of me, let alone that highly, she thought. The Compupad dropped from her hands into her lap as she desperately tried to wipe away the tears, to no avail. Seth jumped up to get her something to wipe her eyes, finding a light blue handkerchief on her nightstand which he quickly grabbed and brought her. TJ gratefully accepted it as he sat beside her, and began apologizing. "I'm sorry," she blubbered.
"Why are you apologizing? I wanted to apologize," he said softly, his eyes downcast. "I was an ass to you when all you were trying to do was help. I'm sorry." His breathing was hitched and TJ could tell he was fighting to keep his emotions in check.
He blames himself for the fight? I'm the one who instigated it. "I'm the one who should be sorry," she responded, trying to let him convey her remorse.
His head swung quickly around, stunned at her admission. "What-?"
"You were right," she said. "We are supposed to be a team. But I made a decision you should have been consulted on and I selfishly didn't. After some reflection, I came to the conclusion that you were right to call me on it. I am sorry."
"I could have handled it better," Seth told her guiltily.
"Perhaps we both could have," she conceded carefully. She paused, then, "Wait. Are we having an argument over who deserves to feel sorry now?"
Seth chuckled lightly. "Seems that way."
"Oh, we are a mess, aren't we?" she lamented, still wiping away renegade droplets.
"Little bit," he agreed.
"Did you mean what you said?" she choked out through her tears.
"Every word," he answered without hesitation.
She smiled at that, eyes shining through the tears. "You're a good man, Seth Goddard."
"High praise coming from you," he teased, giving her a tiny nudge, pulling a small giggle through the last tears.
"Don't make me regret saying that," she teased back.
He grinned, standing up and taking hold of hand to pull TJ to her feet. Having not expected the sudden action, she stumbled and fell forward, right into the Commander's chest, who quickly caught her and steadied her. "You okay?" he asked worriedly, his eyes filled with concern.
TJ looked up and caught his gaze, flushing a deep red as she noticed the position they'd ended up in. She didn't dislike how she felt with his arms wrapped around her. "Don't know your own strength?" she asked with a wry smile.
"Apparently not. I always manage to catch you though." Their gazes locked together and Seth felt something significant shift between them. He gulped as she reached up to touch a hand to his cheek, her hazel eyes seeming to probe his blue ones, freezing him in place as he attempted to process what was happening. As quickly as the jolt of electricity fired through his body from where he touched her, it was gone, TJ having pulled away to rub her stomach.
"My," she said, "I suppose I should get some food." Heavens, that was embarrassing! And why did my stomach need to come alive right then?, she screamed internally.
Seth shook himself from the temporary daze he'd gotten locked into. "Yeah," he agreed. "Your body probably needs more than just the waffles and strawberries that have been left the past three days."
"Well, yes, that would be- how did you know food was left here?" TJ asked suspiciously. He couldn't be the one responsible for leaving all that food… could he?
"I- um-" he stuttered to think of a response. "I was worried when you weren't coming to eat with us. So I, uh- I started asking the Christa for some food for you," he admitted.
"Which you brought me." It was a statement, not a question. "You are a good man," she repeated.
He nodded silently before taking a step back. "We should probably get you some real food," he offered.
"Wait!" she exclaimed. "One thing first."
He was about to protest when she hurried across the room and retrieved her own Compupad, then hurried back to place it in his hands. "I'd like you to watch this," she urged him.
"What-?"
"My report on you," she said simply. "Perhaps we can discuss it over our meal? Together?"
Her eyes looked hopeful, and Seth found it hard to say no to her.
"Should I be worried?"
"No more or less than I was for yours," she said airily.
He visibly gulped again. "I'm doomed."
"Or perhaps you'll be pleasantly surprised," she said vaguely. With that, she glided past him, shooting the tiniest quirk of a smirk at him before leaving him alone with the device in hand to contemplate the meaning of her words.
"Personal log of TJ Davenport. Day 718 of our journey home. I have just completed the midterm report cards for the students. Before I distribute them to the children, I probably should complete an assessment of Commander Goddard as well. After all, despite the fact that I am no longer employed by the Starcademy, one of my responsibilities while there was to provide unbiased feedback on his progress regarding his assigned punishment. Considering all our time together on the Christa and with a further expanse of space still awaiting us, I am unsure whether or not I can still be thought about as unbiased, I will strive to be honest. The Commander deserves that much from me.
"When we first boarded the Christa I was terrified, to say the least. My life, and the lives of the children in our care were in the hands of the Commander, who was quick to point out that he had been counting the days until the end of his punishment. 'Three weeks shy,' he had pointed out the first day. That was the man to whom I had to place my trust, to guide us home. We butted heads frequently in those first weeks, both of us resorting to our particular idiosyncrasies as we struggled to find compromises in establishing some semblance of order, rather than resort to pure chaos. He was rash, impulsive, stubborn, ego driven, allowed his emotions to guide his decisions, somewhat arrogant… and he knew exactly what to say in order to wind me up. I wondered why in the universe it had been him, of all people, that I had to be stuck with.
"And yet, as time moved forward, I began to see him in a whole new way. The man who presented himself at the Starcademy began to show his true nature; who he really is, to say, the man my father always knew him to be. His stubbornness challenged me to view circumstances through a lens that wasn't necessarily just the textbook answer. The man possesses leadership skills that are unparalleled by anyone I have ever met. His intelligence rivals my own, which I find unnerving and comforting at once. Under the tough command exterior is a warm, compassionate, sensitive man who deeply cares for everyone in his charge. He is courageous and brave, but also noble- almost to a fault- and will do whatever it takes to protect his crew, placing himself between us and the danger, if that's what it takes. That action has already played itself out already in one particularly chilling instance, leaving me alone to care for the children for a time. His injuries were but an unfortunate accident, but the period of time without him gave me the chance to evaluate my own abilities. Even alone, I seemed to have learned a good number of lessons from him.
"Commander Goddard taught me that I am more capable than I ever gave myself credit for. His influence gave me the courage and confidence to lead the crew in his absence. He has shown me that, as the trip gets longer, we need to be a team, a family, and unless we work together, we'll never survive the journey, regardless of how 'by the book' we complete tasks. I firmly believe he is the reason any of us are still alive. If anything, the man who I dreaded being 'stuck' with is now my greatest ally and greatest friend. If he continues on this same path for the duration of our adventure, I firmly believe that he will not only have 'learned his lesson' as it were, but will have more than earned the right to be rewarded, not punished for our accidental jaunt into the cosmos."
Seth smiled as the report ended. Maybe we have more in common than I thought, he thought as a smirk graced his lips. Carrying the Compupad with him to the galley, he fully intended to carry out that conversation TJ had offered to him. They had a lot to discuss.