Words Get in the Way
I realize you're seeing someone new
Jude listened to the voicemail he left her for the 17th time that day. It had been nearly a year and a half since she heard from him and this wasn't the way she wanted it to happen. In her head, she imagined him calling her and telling her what a fool he had been, that he never should have left Toronto or G Major, and that he should have stayed with her. But life never works out as planned and she had learned to accept that.
Pressing the number 1 on her phone again, she allowed the message to play once more. "Hey, it's me. I know it's been a while, but, I, uh, just wanted to call and let you know that I'm getting married next month. I'll be in Toronto tomorrow. Let's get together and catch up." She finally shut her phone fell back onto her bed.
I don't believe she knows you like I do
Tom Quincy was getting married.
And it wasn't to her.
Your temperamental moody side,
She figured he would meet someone else, maybe date her for a while, but she never expected anything serious from him. She never expected him to meet the woman he was going to spend the rest of his life with because, well, she always thought that she was that woman.
She knew all there was to know about him. She knew that whenever he was unsure of something he would always rub the back of his neck and look down at the floor. She knew that he would never really apologize; he would always try to make it up to you in another way. She knew that when he was mad at her he would always avoid her and never say anything to her.
The one you always try to hide from me
So when he decided to leave, she didn't understand it. She couldn't figure out what went wrong and no matter how many times she tried to get him to tell her, she got nowhere.
Now, a year and half later he comes back, out of the blue, and calls her as if they could pick up right where they left off. They were never more that just friends, but their friendship always had a special meaning, a deeper bond. At least, that's what she thought; and she could have sworn that's what he thought too.
But I know when you have some thing on your mind
Part of her was hopeful that he was calling to meet with her because he was having doubts about getting married; that by her telling him he was making a mistake would be enough for him to change his mind.
Letting out a heavy sigh, she covered her face with her hands and let out a muffled scream. She opened her phone again and dialed her voicemail to listen to the message again.
You've been trying to tell me for the longest time
As she listened to his voice she imagined how he might have acted. He probably attempted to dial her number a few times before actually going through with it. She could tell when he finally did get through, he was still nervous. He was probably pacing the floor, rubbing the back of his neck, as he waited for her voicemail greeting to end. There was an unusually long pause at the beginning of the message and she almost deleted it, thinking it was an empty one. But once she heard the intake of a shaky breath, and the way that person said, "hey", she knew exactly who it was.
And before you break my heart in two,
As the message came to an end, she ended the call and stared at the screen of her phone. She still knew his number by heart and before she realized what was happening, she had dialed his number and was listening to her phone ring. She squeezed her eyes shut and hoped that her call would go straight to voicemail.
There's something I've been trying to say to you
Two rings.
Three rings.
Four rings.
Fiv-
"Hello?"
She inhaled a sharp breath and held it, afraid that if she moved she would say something she would regret.
"Hello?" he repeated once more, this time slightly annoyed.
"Tommy?" Her voice was filled with apprehension and doubt, and she wasn't even sure if he heard her.
But the words get in the way
"Hi, Jude." His voice was soft and low.
She twisted a lock of her around her fingers as she stared up at the ceiling. "I got your message."
"Yeah?"
She winced silently at the way the conversation was going. If this was any indication at how their meeting would be like, she wasn't sure if she wanted to go through with it. "We can meet for lunch tomorrow, if you want."
"I'd love to," he replied, his voice a little more excited than before. "We can meet at Halcyon at one?"
"That's fine," she said quietly.
There's so much I want to say
The next day she paced her room, anxious about her lunch with Tommy. She tried on half of her wardrobe and applied, removed, and reapplied her makeup at least three times. Half an hour later, she was finally satisfied and took one last look in the mirror. Taking a deep breath she said to herself, "You can do this."
Jude walked into Halcyon and found him seated in the booth in the far back corner, their table. She tugged at her jacket before finally making her way to the table.
"Hi."
Tommy looked up from his cup of hot cocoa and gave her a warm smile. He stood up to meet her and Jude extended her hand out to him. "Why so formal, Ms. Harrison?" he said as he pulled her to him for a hug. She leaned into him, holding on tight, remembering what it felt like to be in his arms again.
They finally parted and sat down in the booth and an awkward silence came over them. Jude picked an imaginary piece of lint of her jacket as Tommy stared into his cup. After a few more moments of this, she finally got up the courage to say something. "So…married, huh?" She couldn't bring herself to look at him just yet. Your heart has always been an open door
"Yep, I can't believe it either," he said with a nervous chuckle.
She looked up in time to catch him rubbing the back of his neck. "Why are you unsure?"
He tilted his head back slightly and threw her a confused expression. "What are you talking about?"
"Whenever you get nervous you rub the back of your neck. Usually, though, you do it when you're unsure of your yourself or something," she said as she shrugged her shoulders.
"I'm not unsure," he said. "My neck was itchy."
She pursed her lips and gave him a nod that told him she didn't quite believe him. "Right," she said as she drawled out the word.
But baby I don't even know you any more
A few seconds later, the waitress came by and placed a cup of hot cocoa in front of her. She eyed him suspiciously and he said, "I remembered you liked their hot cocoa. After all, you were the one who introduced me to it."
She gave him a small smile and lifted her mug up to him. Closing her eyes she took a sip of the warm liquid and relaxed as it filled her body. This place held so many memories for them, and something as simple a sip of their favorite drink was enough to bring everything back.
The first time they wrote a song together.
The first time he opened up to her.
The first time he kissed her, and the second, and the third.
The first time he admitted that he had fallen for her.
The first time he broke her heart – and each time he repeated it.
And despite the fact it's hurting me,
The waitress returned to take their order and as soon as she left, they once again fell into an awkward silence. She twisted a lock of hair around her fingers as Tommy tapped the rim of his mug.
"Tommy?"
He looked up at her anxiously. "Hm?"
She took a deep breath as she bit the side of her bottom lip. "Will you answer one question for me?"
Shaking his head he said, "anything."
"Why did you leave?"
I know the time has come to set you free
Giving her a halfhearted smile, he turned and looked off into the distance, avoiding her gaze. He thought for a few minutes and she studied him carefully. She knew that when he didn't want to tell her something he would take a moment to choose his words carefully. He may have thought he was doing her a favor by sugarcoating the truth but in reality, she'd rather have a harsh reality than a rose-colored truth.
Growing frustrated she blurted out, "Tommy, I know you're trying to find a way to say it so I won't get hurt, but I'm a big girl now. I can handle it."
His head snapped back and he shook his head and let out a small chuckle. "You really do know me, huh?"
"More than you realize," she whispered.
But the words get in the way
He took a sip from his mug and let out a small sigh. "It was a…complicated situation," he said slowly. "I don't even know how to begin."
"How about at the beginning, with the truth?" She placed her hands around her mug, allowing it to warm the. "That's always a good place to start."
There's so much I want to say
Nodding his head slowly he opened his mouth to speak but decided against what he was going to say and closed it. Before he could open it again the waitress came back with their food and set it on the table.
"Thanks," they both said in unison.
Picking at his food he opened he attempted to start his explanation once more. "I never meant to leave things the way I did," he said quietly.
"You always say that, Tommy." She pushed her food around her plate and added, "You always mean to not do a lot of things."
But it's locked deep inside and if you look in my eyes,
He looked up from his plate. "Jude," he started.
She dropped her fork and looked up to meet his eyes. Leaning back in the booth she crossed her arms over her chest and said, "What?"
"I'm sorry," he said, as he looked her straight in the eyes. Scoffing, she dropped her arms and rolled her eyes. "I'm serious."
She narrowed her eyes at him. "Are you now?"
"I'm sorry I left you the way I did and never even bothered to give you some sort of explanation. You deserved even that much, and I couldn't give it to you. I'm sorry for walking out of your life when you needed me the most, when I needed you the most."
"Tommy-" she started to say.
"No, let me finish." He took a deep breath and continued on. "But most of all I'm sorry for giving up on us before we even had a chance to start."
We might fall in love again
Shaking her head slowly she said, "You don't mean that." Her chest rose and fell rapidly as her breathing became shallow. "You can't mean that."
"I mean every word," he said as he reached across the table for her hand.
I won't even start to cry, and before we say goodbye
She pulled her hand away from his and wiped away a stray tear. "You honestly did not call to meet up with me just to tell me that, did you?"
Tommy began to say something but stopped and let out sigh. "See," he began. "I really don't know why I called." He ran a hand through his hair. "It was over before I realized what I had done."
"This was a bad idea," she said as she gathered her things. "I have to go." She slid out of the booth and grabbed her purse.
I'm trying to say "I love you"
He stood up and grabbed hold of her hand and said, "No, please. Stay a little longer."
She glanced down at her hand in his and frowned. "I can't." Slowly, she let his hand fall from hers and she turned and began to walk away from him.
"Jude?"
Stopping where she was, she contemplated on just walking ahead instead of turning around. Of course, she gave in and turned to face him. "Yeah?"
"I," he began uncertainly. "I'll see you around?"
She let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding and nodded her head. "Yeah, see you around."
But the words get in the way