So... I was bored a couple years ago, wrote this, forgot about it, and then found it again. Just a glimpse at what Iolaus II might have been thinking during the beginning of this episode. Enjoy!
"Where is my Jester?‼" his ringing voice echoed in my ears, magnifying the terror already causing my heart to beat about three times faster than usual. Which is saying something, considering that I live in an almost constant state of anxiety and fear. "I wish to be entertained! Bring me the fool or I will have your heads!" It would seem that his imminent marriage hadn't softened the Sovereign's heart in any way. For the twenty-sixth time in the past half hour I questioned my sanity.
This morning, I had seen an opportunity to finally, finally break free, and had made the insane decision to take it. The guards, who returned me to my cell after my morning routine for the Sovereign while he broke his fast, had by some chance left my cell unlocked. Every day of my life I have stared death in the face merely by being around the insane demigod. Today some wisp of courage long buried in my heart surged to the forefront once more and inspired me to take my chances at an escape.
Looking back, I can't help but wonder if it wasn't courage at all but insanity of my own sneaking in. What chance did I have to escape this man? It was not without reason that he is called 'the Sovereign'. He literally rules this entire world, as well as Olympus, for so long as he continues to poison Zeus with Hind's blood.
As I debated my chances of getting caught if I called all this off and tried to sneak back to my cell, I noticed a nearby servants' entrance door ajar. Simultaneously, the guards sent to fetch me just moments ago now returned and fearfully reported to the Sovereign that I wasn't in my cell. "Very disappointed!" he bellowed out, irrational rage dominating his expression. Realizing I was out of options, I slipped through the servants' entrance door and, as quickly as possible, made my way out to the courtyard.
I bolted, taking off with speed that surprised even me, and made it all the way to the outer gates before I heard soldiers taking horses and preparing to track me down and drag me back. Utilizing all of the endurance and flexibility I had built up over the years of being an acrobat, I sprinted at a breakneck pace along the ground, cursing my luck that the terrain was all open field. There was nowhere for me to hide, and so I did the only thing I could-run.
Heart pounding so loudly I thought it would burst from my chest, my feet flying faster than ever they had before, I struggled not to imagine what gruesome horrors the Sovereign would inflict upon me, should I be recaptured. A desperate glance behind me revealed at least eight riders in hot pursuit. The urge to pray came suddenly upon me, but it was pointless. There was none left upon all of Olympus who could help, even if they felt so inclined.
I was nearly ready to give up, to surrender and beg for mercy that would never come, when out of nowhere there came a sound like thunder and a huge blue funnel appeared out of thin air directly before me. My first instinct was to cower back, to try to get away from this newest threat, but a strange force from the funnel pulled me in.
Unfortunately, the riders appeared to have been dragged in as well. I landed in what I assumed to be the center of the strange phenomena, and quickly got to my feet. I could still hear my pursuers behind me, and tried to put on yet another burst of speed, but my muscles were burning and I was already beginning to gasp.
As I ran as quickly as I could through the strange blue phenomena, I couldn't help but wonder if I might have been better off allowing the Sovereign's guards to just kill me. It was unlikely, as they were not allowed to actually end my life, just beat me, but the thought was strangely comforting.
I could hear their pursuit as they gained ground, apparently having no qualms about riding right into this strange tunnel behind me. I had hit my top speed some time ago, and all my limbs burned sharply. My breath came in short gasps, but fear of what the Sovereign would do to me should I be returned to him gave me one last burst of strength, and I was able to reach the light shining at the other end of the tunnel. As I stumbled out, breathing heavily, my eyes darted around seeking a place to hide.
I caught a glimpse of wildly curly blonde hair nearly identical to my own, but I had no more time to see anything else as the riders behind me burst forth from the tunnel. I continued my fevered sprint, going past the two men I had glimpsed at first, and then collapsed against the wall of the building behind them. Dimly, I waited for the riders to seize me. And waited. And waited. I heard a yell of indignation, and glanced up to see them turning back into the tunnel once more, the blond man being dragged along with them, before the tunnel vanished, leaving no trace of any of them.
Suddenly, a hand seized me by the scruff of my neck, and I whimpered in terror. Struggling futilely, I soon realized that whoever or whatever held me was far stronger than I could ever hope to be, and I went limp in despair. There was a dark, sinister sounding laugh, and then a vicious voice near to me shouted, "You lose your little buddy? I found someone to take his place."
I was roughly pulled around, and stood trembling, whimpering quietly in utter terror. The terrifying laughter came again, and I looked around with un-seeing eyes, completely helpless. I could not see anyone near to me, save the taller man from before, striding toward me, or more so to my left. "Ares. Let him go" a strangely gentle voice commanded. Dimly, I wondered what the god of love had to do with anything that had happened. The vicious voice came again, from the invisible space beside me, "He's all yours brother." I felt the hand at my neck close into a fist in my tunic, and then I was tossed forward several feet, landing on my face at the feet of the tall man.
"Take it easy, take it easy. You're all right." The voice of the man who had come near came once again, still far gentler than any I was accustomed to hearing. A hand grasped my arm and lifted me carefully to my feet. Trying to catch my breath, I choked a couple of times, and then spoke to my savior. "Oh, thanks. It's like... somebody had me by the scruff of the neck, and then I turned around and there's nobody there!" As I explained, I glanced up, still getting my bearings, and looked straight into the face of the Sovereign.
I was frozen in shock for only a moment, but it was enough for a thousand thoughts to run through my mind. The Sovereign was here. He must have followed his soldiers when they came through the blue portal, and would most likely kill me now. I had only one chance to save myself. Maybe, and this is a very slim chance, but maybe if I performed as I always had, and was able to make him laugh, he just might spare me. It had to be worth a try, at the least.
"You! Hey!" I exclaimed, grappling for something, anything, to try to entertain or distract him. "Hey, hey wait a minute. Um... uh..." I quickly replaced my jester hat back upon my head, before grinning cheerily and trying for a joke. "You hear the one about the two Egyptians, and the drunken mummy?" His face darkened slightly, and he asked in an incredulous voice, "What?" I fought to keep from trembling at his displeasure, imagining my bones snapping beneath his strength, and I couldn't keep my face from falling slightly. "No jokes today" I mumbled to myself, before coming up with another idea.
"Okay, um, give me some room, give me some room!" I quickly darted out of his immediate reach, before proceeding to perform several flips and cartwheels, laughing maniacally all the while. I jumped up before landing in a split, but I had not performed a full split in several weeks, and my muscles were unaccustomed to the stretch. Trying to hide the pain, I leapt up again, and began to dance as best I could. The Sovereign spoke again, and he did not yet sound overly enraged, but I knew that could change in an instant.
"Look, I don't know who you are or what you are doing, but we need to talk. Where did you come from?" Fates, was this another mind game of his? Of course he knows who I am! I could only play along, and hope to buy more time. As I continued to dance, I answered his question, "Uh, I got my start at the comedy cave in Hellespont. I know, it's a dive, but uh, you gotta start somewhere, right?" Dimly, I heard the vicious, vaguely familiar voice from earlier mutter something about miming and death. Miming! There is an idea! Perhaps that would appease the Sovereign's anger.
I quickly began a mime in which I was crushed to death by a large object, praying to myself all the while that this would not become a reality in a few moments. The Sovereign spoke, but he did not appear to be addressing me at the moment. "Ares" he said, in a conciliatory manner, and again I wondered what on earth Love had to do with any of this. Still, there was no laughter, nor even a hint of a smile upon the Sovereign's face, and I tried to step things up a notch, getting desperate. Clearly, he was still furious about my escape attempt. In truth, I was rather shocked that he had, so far, let me live. As I began to impersonate a chicken, he continued to speak, apparently to the god of love, and I hoped that Ares could somehow distract him.
However, as the one sided (to me, at least) conversation continued, I heard him mention my name, and I tried to sneak away. I had only gotten a few yards when godly power seized me, and I was forced back several feet and spun around roughly. Shockingly, I had not been harmed during this, but I didn't have a lot of time to appreciate it, as the furrows in the Sovereign's face had only deepened. Clearly, he was becoming more and more enraged. As soon as I felt myself released from the power of whichever god had pulled me back, I raced to a doorway in the building behind the Sovereign, knowing that this was my last chance to escape.
I heard what sounded like the end of the conversation, as the tyrant said, again in a voice that was startlingly gentle in contrast to what he usually sounded like, "Tell Zeus that I'll do what I can." He then turned, and saw me trying to get away. I yelped, and fled into the doorway, trying to find somewhere to hide. I kept glancing behind me to see if he had followed, hurrying around several pillars. I then turned to face ahead of me again, and screamed in shock when I saw him, leaning casually against the pillar right in front of me, arms crossed. "Hi" he said in a deceptively mild tone, displeasure emanating from him.
So dead so dead so dead so dead so dead so dead so dead SO DEAD! I trembled violently, knowing that he would kill me without a second thought, and tried to plead for the only mercy I could possibly hope for, which was a quick death. "Oh, please, please make it fast, and painless" I clasped my hands together, and quickly dropped to my knees in supplication. "Well, I mean, I know I've got a little pain coming but please make it fast!" I nearly sobbed out my desperate pleas, hoping he would show mercy, any clemency at all, and I flinched violently when I felt his hands upon my shoulders.
"C'mon, c'mon. Get up, get up!" he said rather quickly, lifting me effortlessly to my feet. I whimpered when he spoke, mild aggravation the only emotion I could detect in his voice. "Don't you understand?" I flinched back when he lifted his hands, but he was only emphasizing his words, and made no move to strike me. "This is not where you came from. I'm not who you think I am!" What did he mean, he is not who I think he is? Is he not the Sovereign? With the same voice, face, and body, how could he not be? But then, I was not dead, bruised, bleeding, or maimed in any way. Maybe... of course! The portal! I must have been in some sort of different dimension, where people all had opposite versions of themselves. That meant the Sovereign wasn't here, and I was finally free!
My excitement bubbled over slightly, and I couldn't stop from exclaiming in glee, "Oh I get it! I should be happy because I've escaped from that monster!" I grinned, looking around to double check somewhat nervously, hoping I hadn't jinxed my luck. The Sovereign, or perhaps his look-alike, asked me curiously, "What monster? Who were you running from?" I stopped and looked at him then, and replied, "You." He looked rather bewildered, and repeated incredulously, "Me?"
So… that's it. Just wanted a glance at what the AU Iolaus might have been thinking throughout the beginning. That's it. Literally. All I've got. Ha. I really should start sleeping more and writing random one-shots less. Oops. Hope you've enjoye