Leo's Peridot: Hi guys, and welcome to my first fanfiction ever made! I originally decided to make this a crossover story, but then again, there were only a few wrestlers in here anyway, so I had to go back and switch it to just one category: The Legend of Zelda! Now, for those of you who don't like the villains in this story, you're out of luck. For those of you who like and or absolutely love him, I'm just warning you that he may get a bit traumatized during the chapters in this story. And for those of you who don't like the Legend of Zelda at all, then you're in the wrong place. Anyway, without any furher rambling by me, on with the...uhhh...fanfic!
(Disclaimer: The Legend Of Zelda and its characters, the TV show Eye for an Eye, Taco Bell, WWE, the WWE superstars the WWE superstars' theme music, and any other legally copyrighted stuff are the property of their legal and rightful owners. Any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.)
What would happen if The Legend of Zelda characters went onto the TV court show Eye for an Eye? (For those of you who are not familiar with the show, Eye for an Eye is like the other court shows on TV-with a few exceptions. Instead of a gavel, the judge uses a baseball bat. There is no jury (the judge is also the jury). Also, the person who won the case not only gets what they sued for, but the judge gives that person permission to take some form of revenge on the other individual.)
After finally deciding that he's had enough of Ganondorf trying to take over Hyrule, Link decides to sue Ganondorf and get payback for what Ganondorf has done to him, Zelda, and the Hyrule Kingdom-mostly for him. Ganondorf, however, sees this as an opportunity to take over Hyrule (well, if at first you don't succeed…) and with careful and laborious studying of the U.S. Constitution and the U.S. legal system, he is able to counter sue Link. Since they are unable to have their case settled in an actual courtroom-including the U.S. Supreme Court, they've agreed to settle their case-inside of a televised courtroom. After applying for numerous TV court shows (that would take them seriously), they've finally been able to take their case to one particular show…
Announcer: Coming up on Triforce for a Triforce...
Announcer: The plaintiff, Link is suing Ganondorf Dragmire for the destruction of Hyrule, attempted murder of him and Zelda, and illegal possession of the Triforce of Power. The amount he is suing for is… FIVE BILLION RUPEES? Who in Hyrule has that kind of money? Who the heck does he think he's suing, Bill Gates? Anyway, the defendant, Ganondorf Dragmire, claims that Link should not have interfered in the first place and that he was trying to provide a better life for the Gerudo. He is countersuing for attempted murder, assault and battery, and for damaged property. The amount he is countersuing for is one billion rupees… and half the land of Hyrule for the Gerudo? How can someone sue for land? Besides, he doesn't need that land! The Gerudo have already claimed the desert, so they have to live with it! Ahem… anyway, will Link get the upper hand over Ganondorf again? Or will Ganondorf finally be able to succeed over his heroic nemesis once and for all?
Announcer: In the court system, justice is not always just. That's why they being their disputes here. Real problems, real justice, real…revenge. This is:
Triforce for a Triforce: Hyrule Edition
by Leo's Peridot
Agahnim: Welcome to Triforce for a Triforce. I'm your host Agahnim Sheikah. Today's case involves the ongoing feud between Link and Ganondorf. Link blames Ganondorf for the destruction of Hyrule, while Ganondorf claims that Link shouldn't have been interfering in the first place. It's the case of "Hylian Hijinks".
(Earlier in the Courtroom…)
Link: (in a separate room) Ganondorf has stolen the Triforce of Power, tried to destroy me and Princess Zelda, and took over all of Hyrule for seven years! Not only that, he murdered the king of Hyrule, the Water Sage, and the Deku Tree! Furthermore, he has not apologized for his actions!
Ganondorf: (also in a separate room) The reason I attacked Hyrule was because my people were suffering under the harsh weather conditions in the Gerudo Desert! I was using the Triforce to wish for a better life for my people until this cross-dressing twerp tried to attack ME!
Link: Judge Rauru will make him pay for what he did! And I'm not a cross-dressing twerp, Ganondorf!
Ganondorf: After today, Judge Rauru will see that justice is served! And Link, you are a cross dressing twerp. After all, you're still wearing a dress and tights.
Act I: The Writer Strikes Back
(The scene cuts to the inside of the courtroom, where the audience is seated and waiting for the trial to begin.)
( Link's theme music (which is JBL's theme music) starts to play)
Announcer: Making his way into the courtroom is the plaintiff; from Hyrule Kingdom and the Kokiri Forest, weighing in at 258 pounds, the Hero of Time: Link!
(The courtroom doors open. A green limousine with bull horns on the top of the hood enters. On the back doors of the limo the words "LINK, HERO OF TIME" are embellished in gold. The chauffeur driving the limousine stops the vehicle, gets out, and heads to the back of the limo. He then opens the door for Link, who steps out and heads to the courtroom, while the chauffeur backs the limo out of the courtroom. Booing and jeering from the audience.)
Link: (Rolls his eyes) Don't these people know that they are in the presence of a Hylian idol?
(Someone throws a three-month old smelly catfish at him, which is followed by a rotten bowl of chitterlings.)
(Link's music ends; Zelda's theme music (which is Trish Stratus's theme music) starts playing.)
Announcer: Joining the plaintiff is the Princess of Hyrule; from the kingdom of Hyrule, weighing in at 131 pounds, Princess Zelda!
(Audience starts cheering for Zelda as she joins link in the plaintiff's section.)
(Zelda's theme music ends; Nabooru's theme music (which is Chyna's theme music) starts playing.)
Nabooru's Theme Music: "Don't treat me like a woman/ Don't treat me like a man/Don't treat me like you know me/Treat me for just who and what I am.."
Announcer: Joining the defendant is his Second-in-Command; from the Gerudo Desert, weighing in at 157 pounds, Nabooru!
(Audience cheers even louder as Nabooru heads to the defendant's section.)
( Nabooru's theme song ends; Ganondorf's theme music (which was the Undertaker's theme music when he wrestled as "the American Bada**")
starts playing, "Rollin'" by Limp Bizkit)
Ganondorf's Theme Music: "Keep rollin', rollin', rollin' rollin' (Yeah!)/Keep rollin', rollin', rollin' rollin' (What?)/Keep rollin', rollin', rollin' rollin' (Come on!)/Keep rollin', rollin', rollin' rollin'!"
Announcer: Making his way into the courtroom is the defendant; from the Gerudo Desert and the Dark Realm, weighing in at 367 pounds, the Gerudo King: Ganondorf Dragmire!
(Audience erupts in deafening cheers and energetic applause. Some even give him the "Arsenio Hall" chant. If you don't know who Arsenio Hall is either, look him up on YouTube.)
( With the theme music playing, the courtroom doors open and Ganondorf (appearing as he did in Ocarina of Time, cape, armor and all) rides into the courtroom on a dark red Harley-Davidson motorcycle. He rides around the courtroom before stopping the motorcycle near the doors. He parks the motorcycle and heads to the defendant's section where Nabooru is.)
Ganondorf: I was kind of expecting to get jeered. (He raises his fist in the air which causes the audience to cheer even louder.)
Link: Wait a minute... (looks up) Hey, you writing the story!
(Ganondorf's theme music stops.)
(Somewhere in an secret, undisclosed location, the writer of this story, Leo's Peridot, stops typing.)
Leo's Peridot: What is it, Link?
Link: Why are you giving Ganondorf superstar treatment, while I get a jeer fest?
Leo's Peridot: Well, one, I like Ganondorf; two, he is awesome and hot; three, he doesn't get enough credit for at least persevering in his quest to conquer Hyrule; and four, I'm writing this story, SO DEAL WITH IT! If you don't like it, then shut up!
Link: Look, I'm the Hero of Time, a legend, and an idol to these mindless, worthless people, and I don't have to answer to some snotty nosed brat! If you don't give me star treatment right now, then I'll break into your house and impale you with the Master Sword!
Leo's Peridot: Ha! You don't even know where I live! You can try if you want to, but since I'm writing the script, I have to power to make you or break you.
Link: You can't do anything to me! I'm the Hero of Time, you ditz!
Leo's Peridot: Dude, I don't really care if you're the Hero of Time or not and you'd better watch your mouth when speaking to me.
Link: What if I don't?
Leo's Peridot: I can make your life very painful.
Link: I'd like to see you try!
Leo's Peridot: (sighs and rolls her eyes) Do you always have to learn the hard way?
(Suddenly, Mickie James's theme music starts playing. Ruto bursts into the courtroom. Link sees her.)
Link: What the-? (tries to hide, but Ruto catches him and starts to kiss him. The theme music stops.)
Ruto: Oh Linky-poo, I knew you loved me! Now we can get married and be together forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and-
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Help me, somebody! HEEEELLLLLLLLLLLP!
Ganondorf: I didn't know you were planning a wedding! (laughing wickedly)
Leo's Peridot: Do you get my drift?
Link: I'll do whatever you say! Just save me, please!
Leo's Peridot: Anything?
Link: ANYTHING, ANYTHING, ANYTHING!
Leo's Peridot: (grinning sadistically) Okay...ummm...I want you to...sing a Village People song...while you're dressed as Barney!
(Link suddenly appears in a Barney costume.)
Link: You have GOT to be kidding me! I refuse!
Leo's Peridot: If you say so. Good luck on the wedding!
Link: Wait!
(Link starts to sing Village People's "YMCA" and tries to do the dance-while still in the Barney costume, which is somewhat difficult since the costume is bulky.)
Link: "Y,M,CA! Y,M,CA!"
Leo's Peridot: Now sing Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean"-and dance it right.
Link: (trying to do his best at singing, but can't)"Billie Jean is not my lover, she's just a girl who says I am the one, but the kid is not my son!" (looks up) Am I done singing and dancing now?
Leo's Peridot: You didn't do the moonwalk.
Link: I'm not dancing the moonwalk! Get rid of Ruto RIGHT NOW! Or I'll-
Leo's Peridot: DO THE MOONWALK, YOU CROSS-DRESSING TWERP OR I'LL BURN YOU TO A CRISP WITH MY FIREPOWER!
(Link, who is by this time scared and defeated, finally does the moonwalk-correctly. Again, hard to do in a Barney costume. The audience, Ganondorf, Nabooru, and Zelda laugh at Link's humiliation at the hands of the writer.)
Leo's Peridot: Well obviously you definitely need to work on your singing, but then again, you're not as terrible as the WWE Diva Jillian Hall. However, you do have some pretty good dancing techniques.
( Link is flattered and keeps dancing.)
Leo's Peridot: Thank you Barney, you can stop dancing now.
Ganondorf: Aw, man! I was going to request MC Hammer's "You Can't Touch This"!
(Link stops dancing. His Barney costume disappears and he is now wearing his Hero of Time outfit.)
Link: Thanks!
Leo's Peridot: You're not out of the woods yet. Hang on for one second.
(Ruto has been completely oblivious to the event, which happens when you are talking nonstop about getting married to Link.)
Ruto: ...and we'll have a big wedding and we'll live in the castle and we'll have lots and lots of children and-
Leo's Peridot: Ruto, your job is done! Beat it!
Ruto: No! (resumes chatter)
(By this time, the audience has had enough of Ruto's chatter, and they're not alone. Link starts getting a cooking grill ready with coals, lighter fluid, and a match; Zelda brings in a frying pan and starts frying fries on a stove; Nabooru makes twelve pitchers of Lemonade Kool-Aid; and Ganondorf is wearing a chef's apron, getting cooking knives out, and is reading "1001 Ways to Fry an Annoying Hylian Fish Who Won't Shut Up".)
Leo's Peridot: Ruto, if don't shut up and leave right now, I'm going to execute Plan S.I.!
Ruto: Shut up! I'M taking to MY Link, and YOU can just go set yourself on fire for all I care!
Leo's Peridot: Did she just tell me to shut up? (anger rising in her voice with every word) Did she just tell ME to shut up? DID-SHE-JUST-TELL-ME-TO -SHUT -UP?
Zelda and Nabooru: Uh oh…
Leo's Peridot: (who at this point is really ticked off) So, Ruto, since you want to be so freaking hardheaded… Plan S.I shall be executed.
Link: What the heck is Plan S.I., anyway?
Nabooru: Uh oh, I think I know…
Link: Know what?
Leo's Peridot: (yells to an unknown source) Alright guys! Do your stuff!
Link: Who is she talking to?
(Suddenly, the courtroom lights go out, and everyone goes quiet-except for Ruto, who is still flapping her jaws. All of a sudden-)
DX Theme Music: "You think you can tell me what to do?"
(Suddenly, everyone in the audience starts cheering loudly as D-Generation X's theme keeps playing. Ruto is still oblivious to these events and is still yik-yakking. Stupid fish-I mean, Zora.)
DX Theme Music: "Break it down!"
( With the DX theme still playing, into the courtroom walk "The Game" Triple H and "The Heartbreak Kid" Shawn Michaels in their DX gear.)
Link: You've gotta be kidding me!
Ganondorf: How and where did she get those two?
Ruto: (still oblivious to the fact that at she's about to get her behind kicked) -and we'll invite lots and lots of people to the wedding and I'll wear a really, really big white dress and I'll carry a really, really big bouquet of flowers and ride in a big white carriage drawn by lots and lots of horses and-
(DX theme music stops.)
( Deciding that they've heard enough of her chatter (even though they've listened for only five seconds), Triple H and Shawn Michaels walk up to Ruto and punch her in the face. Triple H scoops up Ruto and throws her down onto the floor. Shawn Michaels then goes to a ladder that has appeared out of nowhere, climbs to the top, and jumps off, landing on Ruto. Shawn Michaels then goes to one side of the courtroom and starts "tuning up the band" for the Sweet Chin Music. Everyone starts counting up to 6 when Ruto regains some consciousness and walks dizzily toward Shawn Michaels. Shan Michaels performs the super kick, aka "Sweet Chin Music" on Ruto, who staggers toward Triple H. Triple H kicks Ruto in the gut and does the "Pedigree", then rolls her onto her back and grabs her leg while Ganondorf (in a… referee shirt?) does a three count. A time keeper's bell dings out of nowhere, the DX theme starts playing and Ganondorf holds DX's hands up while Howard "The Fink" Finkel (who also out of nowhere) announces DX as the winners. Triple H and Shawn Michaels turn towards the audience and do the infamous DX crotch chop four times while the audience cheers loudly. Triple H and Shawn Michaels then grab Ruto and drag her out of the courtroom while she's still unconscious. After they leave, the DX theme music stops playing.)
Link: Thank you!
Leo's Peridot: (whose anger has diminished a little) You're lucky that I'm a very nice person; however, if you step out of line with me again, I will personally come into the courtroom, grab a sledgehammer and beat the living daylights out of you with it so bad that you will never be able to appear in any more Legend of Zelda games for a year. Got it?
Link: Yes.
Leo's Peridot: Yes, what?
Link: Yes, ma'am.
(The scene cuts to Agahnim, who is standing outside of the courtroom wearing DX merchandise. After witnessing the incident inside the courtroom, he is seen laughing his head off before realizing that he's on TV right this moment.)
Agahnim:(laughing) Oh man, that was classic!...Wait, am I on?
(regains his composure)
Agahnim: Ahem…after what happened in there, Link may have to not only face Ganondorf, but also the writer of this story!... Speaking of the writer, why am I here?
Leo's Peridot: I felt that you were underappreciated and deserved to be a part of the fan fiction stories more often. Besides, I doubt that Rauru would make a good announcer. That Butterball turkey sleeps way too much.
Agahnim: Thank you. We'll be back after this break.
(Will Link be able to win the trial? Will he be able to get revenge on Ganondorf once and for all? Will he survive Leo's Peridot's random and pointless writing antics? Or will Ganondorf and Leo's Peridot get the upper hand in this trial? Oh, and by the way-as if we really cared- will Ruto recover from DX's attack? Tune in for Act II of Triforce for a Triforce next time!)
(By the way, don't forget to get your DX merchandise at...well you guys should know this by now.)
Leo's Peridot: Since this my first time writing fanfiction, I would appreciate it if you guys could rate, review, and most importantly, comment and give me some writing tips! That way, I don't have to edit my stories every five seconds after they are published! Thank you!