Disclaimer: I don't own Shameless. Wish I was a lot more shameless though.
A/N: First ever Shamless fanfic on my part. Rewatching some inspired me to dabble and write this little drabble. And because I do not nearly often enough use my words.
Use Your Words
He cannot see what it would bring, where it would take him, saying it. He just cannot.
He cannot stop thinking it though either, 'I love you,' his mind just won't shut up. 'I love you. I love you. I love you.'
Love should not make anyone this angry ... but it does. And so he has no choice but to hate himself for loving Ian. For feeling what only ever Ian has made him feel.
There is no waking up together in the morning, nor a falling asleep together at night, if there was, maybe, just maybe, that could change ... things, everything could change.
But Mickey cannot convince himself to try for that something he has never had, does not know nor can imagine it in a way that makes it almost tangible, makes it even just seem possible, likely enough to feel in the tiniest way real, real enough to truly try.
Holding on, getting attached to anything, anyone has never been a wise choice in Mickey's past, so he has stopped trying, years ago, to make anything his future. To plan, to hope. Because planning needs hope, dreaming needs hope, that hope that Mickey has lost a long time ago. Is not about to dig up, just to have it shattered again.
Mickey still knows though, even if he cannot say it, knows, hopes and fears alike Ian does too, 'I love you.'
It does not matter where he runs into him, it has been his only thought for weeks.
'I love you.'
And there is that other thought following it more and more often now, together with an urge Mickey cannot name. 'I love you. Do you know that?'