The Only Regret

by Kyuuketsuki Fang

One-shot. 'I don't know when I started loving Lily Evans. Maybe when she became my friend. Perhaps when I first saw her. Or maybe, I fell in love when she left me and I realized how much I needed her.' Snape looks back on his time with Lily.

This is my first fanfic! Clapclapclap. Anyway, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Snape, Lily, or James. But I did write the poem.

You were my hero

You were my king

You had been there

For everything

I remember the first time I saw Lily Evans. She and Petunia had been playing. I hid and watched her. Her green eyes sparkled and her whole face lit up every time she laughed. She was so much different.

You've stood by me

Through times and lies

You've always been

Right at my side

The first time I revealed myself to her was so long ago. I knew she was a witch. She'd just performed magic, after all. Her sister laughed at me, but I only had eyes for Lily.

We'd talk for hours about magic and Hogwarts. Best of friends, we'd become. It was hard being separated from her. She was sorted into Griffindor, and I Slytherin. We were in different houses. We had different friends.

But now you're gone

We had to part

No will to live

Stays in my heart

I saw her drifting away. I wanted to call out to her, to beg her to stay. She was brave, beautiful, caring; the opposite of everything I was. Lily didn't approve of my friends. She was scared of Dark Magic; scared of You-Know-Who.

You were my start

You are my end

I know my heart

Will never mend

I don't know when I started loving Lily Evans. Maybe when she became my friend. Perhaps when I first saw her. Or maybe, I fell in love when she left me and I realized how much I needed her.

I loved her and it hurt when she loved James Potter. I called out to her but she still left. I tore my heart apart to hear she had married Potter. Hearing she had had his child was like pouring salt on my wound.

You were the greatest

Friend of mine

I always thought

That we would shine

I valued your friendship—your company—more than anything else. I truly believed that we'd be together forever. Truly believed we'd always be friends. How wrong I was.

Many battles

We'd prevail

Side by side

Hand in hand

We had been

Something great

Our lives had been

Entwined by fate

We trained together, studied together, learned together. Lily Evans had been my dearest friend.

I sometimes wonder where we would be without each other. What would happen if we'd never met? Would she be a different person? Would I?

We were the brave ones

Laughing at death

Courageous until

Our friendship's last breath

I never feared death, as long as I was with her. Together with Lily, I could face anything. How jealous I had been of Potter in our seventh year. How jealous I still am. Foolish, one would consider me before.

Now, I am impure. I've been exposed to betrayal, death, evil, fear. I'm no longer the innocent, ignorant child I had been so many years before.

'Brave.' I'd never considered myself that until Dumbledore told me. Am I brave? Could this have been different if I had always been brave?

Now we're alone

Together no longer

Now on our own

We try to be stronger

No longer are we 'Lily and Severus.' We've left each other's company. We seek new friends. The hurt in your eyes, the longing in mine. We're each on our own respective paths; mine in the dark, hers in the light. Inevitably, our paths will cross. I hope to delay this meeting, for it will surely result in death. Ironic, I didn't use to be afraid.

Why?

Am I afraid of her?

The weak ones shall fall

Strong ones prevail

But it hurts so much

To remember our tale

When I heard about her death, a part of me died along with her. It left a void that I just couldn't fill. She was someone I just couldn't replace. Lily Evans shaped who I was.

Severus Snape died that night. Severus Snape, the brave Slytherin, the one with so much future, the young boy who was so filled with regret, Lily's best friend, the man who loved her.

What was left? Severus Snape, the Dark Lord's spy in Hogwarts, Dumbledore's spy on the Dark Lord, the lonely man with no friends, no hope.

Joy still eludes me

Despair in my eyes

I now understand that

My choice was unwise

I cannot fill myself with the happiness that I could once find so easily by looking at her. I wished I would die over and over again, but I couldn't. Not now. Not when I had to protect her son. Protect the result in her love with James. I can't explain it. I feel I have to. To make up for my blunders.

How many times I've wished for another chance? Wished for time to go back so I could change things? I realize how foolish I'd been. If asked again, I would answer so quickly. Lily. She is the most important, the most precious thing to me.

I understand that I can't though. I can't change history, but I can accept it and learn from it. I've hurt her too much. Now I have to make it up to you, smooth out the rough edges. I've made too much mistakes, hurt you too many times.

We can't be together

The damage is done

Our story is finished

Dark is the sun

I treasure our time

My memories, too

Of You and Me

Of Me and You

I welcome constructive criticism, BUT FLAMES ARE NOT WELCOME. Compliments are nice too. XD Please review (click that friendly little button below!)