If Only

I thought it wasn't wrong,

It all began the night of her eighteenth. It was the night they finally were able to be together without anyone disapproving of it, without anything standing in their way. And for a while, it was perfect.

To hide from you

They would purposely stay late at the studio because it meant more time together. And whenever it got too late, she would spend the night at his place where they would just lie next to each other, reveling in the fact they were together. To him, those nights were the ones he loved the most. Those were the nights where they were so raw and so honest with each other.

Simple truth.

Until one night three weeks ago.

It was just like any other night they spent together. They went back to his place after getting some horrible late night fast food and they were once again lying in his bed, listening to the rain outside.

I was scared,

"How about instead of going into the studio tomorrow we just stay in?" Jude asked him lazily.

"Mmm, that would be nice," Tommy said as he buried a kiss on the top of her head. She smelled of vanilla and he loved it. "I love the smell of your hair."

She turned so she was now on her side, her head propped by her hand and she was facing him. "You know what I love?"

"What?" he said as he ran his fingers through her blonde hair.

"I love you."

I felt it all along,

Three simple words, three simple words that made everything so complicated without even trying.

"Jude," he began. "…you don't meant that."

The mood in the room suddenly changed and Jude's expression changed completely. "Excuse me?"

Tommy sat up on the bed and ran his hands through his hair. "You don't mean it, you can't mean it." He looked her straight in the eyes, "You don't know what love is."

But it hurt too much for me, to share.

She said nothing as she stood up to leave. He got up and went after her and caught her as she was opening the front door. "Jude where are you going?"

"Home. I need to be anywhere but here." And with that she was gone.

Finally understand,

After that night, there were no more late nights in the studio, no more banter between takes; it was back to the way things were before they started dating. It was as if the last six months had never happened.

Why things have happened,

He tried desperately to try to talk to her, to try to make things go back to the way they were, but no matter what he did, nothing worked. The harder he tried, the more she pushed him away.

And how it all could go so wrong.

After everything failed him, he did the only thing he had left.

Once Jude had left for a break during one their recording sessions, he set up the booth for himself. When he was sure everything was set he sat and waited for her to return. As soon as she walked into the door he began.

"If only I, had been less blind.
I'd have someone to hold on to."

He continued tentatively, his guitar his only lifeline. She was still standing there, listening, which was a good thing.

"If only I, could change your mind,
If only I, could have spoke my mind,"

He watched her, as she stood there, no emotion on her face. If this didn't work, then he was done trying, he was done with it all.

"If only it were true, we could start brand-new"

Will this pain ever end?

He held out the last note as he strummed the final chord on his guitar. Setting the guitar down he made his way out of the sound booth and to where she was standing and took her face into her hands as he whispered, "If only I had you."

'cause I don't think I can carry on.

She looked up at him with wide eyes, not exactly sure what to make of the situation. Taking his hands in hers, she removed them from her face and she turned away from him. "Tommy, it's too late," she whispered.

I know I'll make it through if only I had you…