Here it is as promised! The first chapter to the sequel of "All I've Lost." I can't even begin to explain how happy I was when I read the reviews for it, since I had started it feeling anxious about whether or not it would get positive feedback. But since it was very well received, I wanted to kinda continue the story, but focus a little more on the characters around Lovi.
Also, I decided that the intro to the chapter will be my favorite recovery quotes. (Whereas "All I've Lost" was a poem.)
So, here it is! I hope you guys like it and I'll be updating every Tuesday.
Chapter 1. "It's Work,
It's a process,
It's worth it,
it's possible."
"Are you almost done?"
"Hmm...yeah, just about."
The last box was cut open and the Spaniard stuffed his hands inside it, retrieving the contents carefully placed inside. Everything from photos, books, clothes, papers, bags and random knickknacks littered the living room of their shared apartment.
Antonio wiped his sweaty forehead, his curly brown bangs were pinned up courtesy of Lovino, who had been pointing out just how long Antonio's hair was getting. He was currently wearing a plaid red and black button-up that had its sleeves rolled up to his elbows and dark grey shorts that showed his tanned, muscular legs.
"Here, let me do it. You're taking too long!" Lovino hissed, snatching the box from his boyfriend and rifling through the box himself. Antonio's gaze traveled over Lovino, taking all of him in as the reality of them living together sunk in.
Lovino's appearance had changed drastically ever since they graduated high school. His once wispy hair was now softer and thicker. Instead of his pale face, his skin now glowed and was definitely much darker, which Antonio presumed was his natural skin tone. He was nearly as dark as Antonio by now!
Where once Antonio could easily see Lovino's ribcage and bones in his chest, arms and legs, he now looked much healthier. He didn't have the thigh gap he had once had, but the collarbones remained and his stomach was still considerably flat. Antonio couldn't help blurting out, "You're so beautiful." to Lovino, who paused just as he was taking a photo frame out from the box, and gave Antonio a curious stare.
"...Thanks." He said with a smirk, leaning over to peck the Spaniard on the lips before resuming unpacking. "I know I look sexy, but if you can stop ogling over me for just ten minutes, we might actually get things done."
Antonio laughed and scooted closer to assist Lovino with the photos. "That's impossible. I can't help but ogle over you every chance I get." He said easily, stacking the photos and standing up to place them on the nearby desk. He loved Lovino's new proud attitude. New to him, at least. Feliciano had assured Antonio that that had been how Lovino had acted before the disorder.
Lovino rolled his eyes and pulled another box toward him, but a small smile quirked his lips. "Hey, do you know where we put the boxes full of books?" He asked Antonio as he looked around the room.
"Hmm… You mean that giant box that was too heavy to carry so we had to pull it on a wagon?" Antonio asked cheerfully.
"Yes, that one."
"Ah, let me check." Antonio walked into the next room that was going to be their shared bedroom, where Feliciano was also unpacking. "Was the big box in here-? Oh, there it is~" Antonio grinned at Feliciano, who was putting the books on a bookshelf in the corner of the room.
He beamed at Antonio the moment he had walked in. "How's it look in there? Still lots to do?" He asked as he stood up and stretched. "I didn't realize just how many books Lovino had!"
Antonio chuckled and led Feliciano back into the living room of the apartment. It was midday and the sun shown brightly into the un-curtained windows. So far they only set up the basics. Such as the bed, bookshelf, tv stand, dresser, and futon. The rest of their things had yet to be unpacked and both the living room and bedroom were littered with their possessions.
"Wow!" Feliciano exclaimed as he tiptoed threw the mess to get to his brother. "I don't think you guys will be done tonight!" He said as he glanced around.
Lovino nodded and scrunched up his nose when he took a bag of potato chips from out of a box. He looked at Antonio, who only shrugged. "They were probably sitting in my room. I told you, I just threw everything into boxes when I packed." He said sheepishly.
Feliciano giggled and searched through the box as well, finding other foods such as a box of oreos, animal crackers, and a can of soda. "...You… like to snack…?" He asked jokingly, tossing the food in a pile that Lovino had created to go into the kitchen.
Antonio chuckled and made his way over to Lovino, sitting down in a criss-cross beside him. "Why don't we take a break? We could go have lunch or something." He suggested as he pushed the box away from Lovino a bit.
Lovino's hands rested on his lap and he too was a little sweaty. "Well, alright but where are we going to go?" He complied and stretched his legs out on the pale grey carpet.
Feliciano clapped his hands together excitedly. "I know! How about this one Japanese restaurant? It's just down the road!" He said happily.
Antonio and Lovino glanced at each other and gave Feliciano a confirming nod. "Well, at least you didn't suggest a fucking Italian restaurant. I can't stand those places, with their disgustingly fake spaghetti..." Lovino griped and gave Antonio a once over, wrinkling his nose as he noticed just how sweaty he was. "...Let's go after we shower though..."
Feliciano gasped and made a show of covering his mouth dramatically. "Oh, Lovi! How naughty~" He teased and dodged a notebook that was immediately flung at him.
"I- I didn't mean together, you idiots!" Lovino shouted embarrassedly when Antonio laughed and commented about how bold Lovino was.
"Well, I'll hop in first then." Antonio grinned and unpinned his bangs, letting them fall awkwardly on his forehead and over his eyes. He stood up and left to the backroom where the bathroom was located, leaving the two brothers alone.
"Antonio seems so happy." Feliciano commented and helped his brother stand so he could stretch out his legs.
"You have no idea. The first time I even suggested us moving in together, he cried for about fifteen goddamn minutes and wouldn't let me go..." Lovino sighed and rolled his shoulders to get the kinks out of them.
Feliciano giggled softly and they strode over to the new black futon, sitting down and making themselves comfortable. "...Grandpa was sad when you left, you know." He said, breaking the short silence that fell.
"Yeah? Well, he shouldn't be. We'll come visit." Lovino grumbled, but his stomach twisted at the thought of their grandfather living alone now. Feliciano had instead moved into the campus dorms, and roomed with Ludwig. He and Antonio, however, had decided that it would be better if they were to live in their own apartment. Especially after they found one available that was close to campus, but was also very near the small shopping district. If they had chosen a dorm as Feliciano had, they could not guarantee them living together.
"I guess so…" Feliciano mumbled sadly, fumbling with his fingers. "…This is all so new, grandpa was worried something might happen… again..."
Lovino snorted and tried not to roll his eyes. "Feli, we've talked about this a hundred times. I'm okay now. It's been almost a year, I think I can honestly say I'm recovered." He forced himself to smile reassuringly, but Feliciano only frowned.
"I know. And you haven't relapsed in several months, but still…"
"I've got Antonio with me. I am one hundred percent okay. Actually, I'm feeling fucking elated right now."
As he said this, Antonio's humming drifted in from the bathroom and Feliciano finally smiled. The two listened to the sound and Lovino did his best to suppress a laugh at how ridiculous the Spaniard was sometimes.
"Okay." Feliciano relented. "Luddy wants to get to know you better too, you know." He glanced at his brother hopefully.
Lovino groaned and let his head fall back against the backrest of the futon. "I allowed you two to sleep together, date, and live together, what more does he fucking want?"
Feliciano giggled once more. "Well, it's going to be holiday season soon. Thanksgiving, Christmas...New Years.." He counted off on his fingers.
Lovino turned his head to stare at his brother. "So, what? Antonio's not like that with you." He accused.
The smile faded, but Feliciano pressed on. "So Ludwig wants to celebrate those holidays together, as a family! We're both in reasonably serious relationships, Lovi. It's important for us to spend time together and get to know one another. And… Antonio's not like that because unlike you, we actually talk and have a decent relationship. You've never bothered to talk to Ludwig." He said sadly, bringing his knees to his chest and turning away.
Lovino knew his brother was right. Antonio had voiced on more than one occasion how he would like to have Lovino's entire family over so that they could be introduced to his mother and brother. Or how Antonio and Feliciano did have a good relationship together. It was even more odd that Ludwig had been present during Lovino's darkest days in high school and had witnessed some of his breakdowns and knew of his situation. Yet, they rarely looked each other in the eye, let alone talk.
Antonio suddenly walked into the cluttered living room in a grey tank top and black shorts, his hair was still dripping wet and the towel was hung over his shoulders. "You two are so quiet, I thought you'd left without me." He chuckled and sat down in front of Lovino on the floor.
Lovino blushed, but knew what the Spaniard had wanted. He took the towel from Antonio and began drying his hair for him, ignoring his brother's soft coos of how 'adorable' they were.
"Idiot. I still need to shower too." Lovino told him softly.
When he was finished and Antonio's hair was a completely dry mess, he stood from the futon and tiptoed his way to the bedroom, not saying a word as he jumped in the shower.
~oO0Oo~
Antonio didn't know what to think. At first glance it seemed as if nothing was wrong, but the moment Antonio stopped engaging in conversation, the table became awkward and silent. Normally, the two brothers would talk or bicker, but now they avoided looking at one another completely. Feliciano was fine talking indirectly to Lovino however, so Antonio didn't doubt that it was Lovino who was upset.
It was always a constant worry, no matter how far Lovino was in recovery, or has come since. In the middle of their late lunch he suddenly excused himself and went into the bathroom. Antonio followed shortly after, memories of how Lovino had forced himself to throw up secretly, even when it seemed he was fine with eating, added to the concern.
However when Antonio opened the bathroom doors, it was to see Lovino splashing water onto his face and frowning deeply.
"Before you ask, we're not fighting. It's just me." Lovino explained without turning to Antonio. He pulled a paper towel out from its dispenser and dried his face.
"What's wrong?" Antonio asked gently, taking a moment to inspect the room to make sure no one was there with them.
Lovino bunched up the paper towel and tossed it into the nearby bin, then leaned against the wall, finally facing Antonio. "Something's wrong with me." He said, staring into Antonio's surprised eyes.
"We've talked about this Lovi, there's nothing wrong with you, you're perfect to m-"
"No, not that." Lovino interrupted. "I mean… I don't get excited the way you and Feli do when you think about spending the holidays together as a family. It just seems kinda…" The confused look Antonio gave him made him rush to move on. "And, Feli's right. I don't bother establishing any kind of relationships, especially with Ludwig. I just don't think it's that important. But...you and Feli talk, and… and I don't know…it just made me feel guilty." He finished, looking down.
Antonio smiled, moving closer and brushing wet strands of hair out of Lovino's face. "Well, I don't know about the whole holidays and family thing. I mean, it would be nice, but you shouldn't feel compelled to enjoy something you've got no feelings towards. And yes, Feli may be right, but he's also got to understand that it's just your personality. You like to keep to yourself. Feli and I only talk because we have very outgoing personalities. Both you and Ludwig are reserved, but that doesn't mean you hate each other."
Lovino was honestly amazed. Antonio was great at reassuring Lovino and helping to make him feel better. It seemed like he knew just the right things to say. Lovino sighed in relief and leaned forward to wrap his arms around Antonio's waist. "It's scary how well you manage to make me feel better..." He mumbled against his chest.
Lovino felt the hair on the top of his head flutter as Antonio laughed. "You think so? I just speak what comes to mind."
The door to the bathroom swung open and an elderly man halted as he came upon the two of them. Lovino immediately pushed away, his face completely bright red. The man eyed them warily as he made his way to one of the stalls and Antonio apologized profusely before leading the two of them out of the bathroom.
Feliciano was sitting at the table alone with a sad expression on his face. Their food was still sitting half-eaten on the table and he was busying himself with swirling his straw in his drink.
When they returned, Antonio gave Feliciano the usual reassuring look that told him Lovino hadn't meant to purge.
"...While you two were gone, I overheard this one couple saying that a carnival comes every Halloween." Feliciano began, glancing at Lovino for any sort of reaction. "Maybe we could go together?"
Antonio beamed around his mouth full of noodles. "Sounth great!" He tried saying.
Lovino was slowly chewing his food and looked to be contemplating the idea. He still refused to look at his younger brother, but debated on how he should go about apologizing for his behavior.
"...Well, since classes are starting next week, we won't be able to hang out as much. Luddy's grateful you two helped us move into our dorm..." He continued nervously. "...And… well, since classes are starting...we were thinking it would be nice for...for Lovi to meet Luddy's relatives. Since they'll be visiting often as well."
Lovino shot his brother a look and finished swallowing his food before speaking. "Just how many relatives are we talking about?" He questioned.
Feliciano's eyes wandered away from his brother's piercing stare and he smiled nervously. "Um… Well, maybe a few cousins… Gil will be around, of course. But I think we'll be eating dinner with them as well, so I guess you'll see how many there are..." He tried joking, but Lovino's expression only hardened.
"I thought you said you wanted to do the whole 'meeting each other's families' thing during the holidays?" He asked in a dangerous tone.
"Well, not necessarily the holidays, Lovi. The point was meeting them in general." Feliciano retorted, finally gathering the courage to return his brother's glare.
"But they're not my family. They'll be yours!" Lovino's voice rose, and Antonio gently placed a hand on his shoulder.
"You're wrong! Luddy will be family to you, and I want you to meet them!" Feliciano admitted, his eyes watering as he stared pleadingly at Lovino. "Why do you always have to be so cruel?"
Lovino faltered, the words stinging him worse than he thought they would. Before he could say anything however, Feliciano pulled money from his pocket and slammed it down onto the table. "I'm going to stay in a hotel room." He growled out as he stomped out of the restaurant.
"...Why waste money when he's been staying with us...?" Antonio asked in confusion as he watched Feliciano go. He sighed and turned to Lovino, who was glaring at the food in front of him. That was always a dangerous sign.
"...What do you say we go for a walk around town? I hear there's an interesting bookstore a few blocks down?" He asked lightly.
"...Am I in the wrong, Antonio?" Lovino asked instead, ignoring Antonio's suggestion.
Antonio tilted his head and hummed in thought. He felt he had no right to side with either brother. Both had their own reasons, after all. "Well, no… But I can see where Feli's coming from." A strange look from Lovino made him rush to explain. "I mean- from my point of view, I'd want you to meet with family, if only for the sole purpose of feeling accepted. I think Feli has decided that you don't accept Ludwig as a future brother-in-law, and he was suggesting the dinner in hopes that you would maybe learn to accept him. Your opinion might mean the world to him, Lovi."
Lovino sighed and pulled the glass of water toward him, taking a few sips. "...It stresses me the fuck out, but if that's what he really wants, then I guess I'll just have to do it..." He mumbled. "I left my phone at the apartment, I should probably call him and apologize..."
Antonio smiled and nodded, pulling out his wallet. "Okay. But we're so going to that bookstore, I know you want to." The grin that Lovino gave him made his heart flutter and the two paid for their late lunch, saving Feliciano's money to return to him later.
~oO0Oo~
The first night alone in their apartment felt strange. Lovino was used to hearing his grandfather moving about in the house and Feliciano making a ruckus before bed. Antonio tried to get used to the feeling of his brother being nowhere near his bedroom, so he didn't have to worry about being pranked in the middle of the night. Or how his mother's soothing hum's drifted in from the living room or kitchen.
Lovino shifted to his side, meeting Antonio's gaze in the darkness of the room. "...Do you really think I can get along with Ludwig and his family?" Lovino asked suddenly.
There was a great deal of space between them, which made Antonio sad, but he wanted to respect Lovino's wishes. Instead he reached out to take a hold of Lovino's hand, squeezing it lightly. "Of course. It's not like you hate Ludwig, right?"
Lovino stared at their hands, appreciating the warmth that radiated from the Spaniards fingers. "No, no I don't..." He admitted in a hushed voice.
Antonio nodded, seeming satisfied with that answer. He figured their conversation was over, so he wriggled into the blanket more and closed his eyes. He didn't expect Lovino to speak again, however.
"...I don't really know much about your family."
There was a stiffening silence, leaving Lovino to wonder if it was okay that he had mentioned the topic at all. Antonio's hand lessened its hold, but the touch remained, much to Lovino's relief.
"...I have a mother, she grew up in Barcelona and both of her parents are still living there. She loves to knit, sew, bake, and every now and then, play guitar. She has two boys, the oldest is named Afonso and he commutes back and forth from home to his college where he's studying for law. He's a little rough around the edges, but otherwise a great brother. The youngest is Antonio, who is yours truly. He is currently living together with the love of his life and couldn't be happier." Antonio spoke happily and couldn't stop himself from scooting closer to Lovino a bit. When the Italian didn't resist or push him away, he closed the distance between them and gently wrapped his arms around him.
"...Then… What about… your dad?" Lovino asked hesitantly. The words rolling off of his tongue before he could stop them.
"Ah, he's just… plain, boring. There's nothing much to say about him." Antonio quickly said, then changed the subject. "Anyway, it's getting late and we still have a lot of work to do around the apartment. You should get some rest, my love." He kissed Lovino's forehead and nuzzled closer as he closed his eyes.
Lovino laid there, stunned. Antonio had subtly rejected his question. He had guessed that it would be a sour topic for Antonio, who showed signs of greatly disliking his father. But Lovino was very curious about it. Then again, it wasn't really any of his business, was it?
With that thought sitting in the back of his mind, he let his eyelids drift close. However the worry of Feliciano lingered. He had tried calling him numerous times when they had returned to the apartment, and Lovino was a bit crushed when Feliciano only texted Antonio, saying that he was doing okay and to not worry. He decided that as soon as possible the next morning, he would go and try to make amends with his younger brother.