"Ziva"
"What McGee?" Her voice is calm, firm. She will not break.
"I just came to see if you are alright?" He stands in her doorway, still wearing the suit from the funeral. He is in some ways fearful of her and yet determined too. He made up his mind to come here hours earlier, she could see it in his eyes.
"I'm fine McGee." Ziva watches him with her liquid eyes, her hand on the edge of the door.
"Ziva, she wasn't just the Director to you. She was a friend and a partner."
His truth hurts her and she doesn't want to feel anymore pain. She must become used to it again. To being alone. She straightens and tells him what she must.
"McGee, please I'm fine… Ziva tries to shut him out feeling that if she can just close the door then the tears won't come again. She will be able to control them this time. It is better to control them. If she lets one out then they all must come out and she does not know if anything will be left of her after the tears have dried. A shadow. A shadow filled with the memory of too many tears shed for too many people.
"No your not and its ok not to be ok" Tim dares and steps in and holds her softly in his warm cotton embrace. Ziva takes a deep breath and feels her throat constrict painfully. If she can just keep it down then she will survive. She was strong before and she can be strong again.
This is McGee, this is Tim. There is no judgment there. No judgment of her inaction, of her failure. Only the desire to provide comfort to her pain. To be useful to her. To be her friend. She closes her eyes as the hot tears well, the image of Jenny, blood stained seared onto the back of her eyelids. Jenny was her friend and yet she could do nothing to save her.
McGee holds her and lets the tears come as Ziva's small frame starts to shake with sobs.
He rocks her slowly as they stand together in her open doorway.
"Shsshhhh its ok Ziva. I know it doesn't seem like it right now but it will be ok, sshhhh"
Back and forth. Gentle solid warm rocking.
Ziva weeps harder as another friend dies. Perhaps this one too she could have saved? She gasps for breath as her tears take all her energy.
Back and forth. Like a mother to her child. Instinctive comfort.
"It's ok to cry Ziva. Let it out." Tim's voice is warm and familiar.
Back and forth. His arms wrap around her holding her upright allowing her to sag into him.
More tears from a seemingly endless source spring anew. They hadn't finished their talk about Tony. And now they never would.
Back and forth. Slowly like a heartbeat. Held secure.
Ziva's throat aches from the grief. Greif she has felt too often but never seems to get any easier. It is not just Jenny she has lost but her life. Her past will reclaim her future. And she will be alone again.
Back and forth. Warm masculine protection. Comfort.
Her first tears are drying sticky on his shirt as more run fresh down her face. She grips his jacket and scrunches her face up in despair trying to hide her eyes from the light, from the truth. Jenny is dead.
A fresh wail is torn from her throat, and she does not hear it.
Back and forth. As constant as the sun rising. Back and forth. Hands slowly rubbing up and down her back soothing.
"Is ok Ziva. Just let it out." Tim's voice reminds her of gentle teasing and laughter.
She turns her face up to the sound of his voice looking for reassurance. Wanting him to tell her it's not true. That it is a cover up even though she saw the body herself.
The body.
Jenny.
She knew something was wrong and she should have insisted!
Please Tim? She does not know if she voices her request or if it is just in her eyes but he knows what she wants. More tears slip silently from her eyes at his sad smile. He will not lie to her. He is her friend and he cares for her.
Back and forth. Holding her tight and safe.
McGee leans down and kisses first one closed eye softly then the other.
Back and forth. Rocking together. Her arms around him. Her hands covering his broad strong back. He does not mock her pain but shares it. Back and forth.
She can hear his fragile heart beat through his cotton shirt. She knows how easy it could be stopped and yet it keeps beating. Keeps trying to live.
Ziva raises her still face up further as his kisses dry her tears. He too is magic. More. It is a different sort of magic but it belongs to him alone. McGee leans down and slowly kisses the trail of salty tears down her cheeks.
Back and forth. Softly. His lips are so warm and Ziva feels so cold. Cold and alone. She is always the one who is left alone.
Back and forth. Ziva takes a shuddering breath trying to free the pain in her chest.
Tim kisses her lips softly. Chaste. He gently rubs his thumbs across her swollen eyes and frames her face in his large warm hands. And still he rocks her with his body.
Back and forth. As constant as the sun rise and night fall. Back and forth.
Ziva opens her lips for more. Please. Please tell me I am not alone.
Tony pulls up outside Ziva's Silver Springs apartment, the sunglasses covering his red eyes and the guilt laying heavily on his mind.
The sound of Ziva's voice as she called him over, in the Diner. He knew right then. Jenny was dead. He has been replaying it over and over in his head. What if he had not stopped for fuel? What if he had listened to Ziva from the beginning? Would they have attended Jenny's funeral today?
Tony reaches over for the six pack of beer he brought with him and stops as he sees the familiar Porsche parked on the street.
When did Probie get so fast?
Tony holds the door open, one foot on the asphalt. He should go. He should make sure Ziva is ok. They are a team. But he doesn't. He stays and closes the door behind him. McGee is making sure Ziva is alright. McGee is her friend. Hell McGee is his friend. McGee is the one who lives the closest to Ziva. It would make sense that he would go and check on her.
He should go. He should go home and drink the beer and pass out. But he doesn't. He stays in his car and watches as McGee's car remains outsides Ziva's apartment all night.
It is a long cold night and he is alone.
(Ok kind of sad and comforting at the same time depending on who you ship. Let me know what you think.)