My dearest Ryou,

I'm sorry that I didn't wait for you to say goodbye. But there was no more time left. Please know that it wasn't so bad at all. Actually I'm happy right now. I feel relieved.

Please understand that it has to end like this. The doctor came two weeks ago to tell me that there is no hope left. Eventually the Cancer will be my death. He was insecure how long I actually have. If now weeks or maybe months. In my head I already saw myself bound to a bed, drooling like an idiot, bluthering bollocks and calling you grandpa and daddy mom (for the case he would even show up of course), until somebody finally would have the guts to poison me or something. This would be the worst thing that could happen for me and I don't want to die like this. That way I decided to end this by myself.

Actually I wanted to do this way earlier. Actually the day after they told me. But...well, there was something that has gone in my way.

You remember how I said I don't want anybody else in this room eventhough it is a room for two patients? I did everything to avoid any other patient in here. I attacked one of the nurses, I scared the crap out of one chick that should be in my room, once I even shove the closet before the door to lock everybody out, until they said that they gave the bugger who should be my roommate an other room. I didn't want to have anybody around me. Nobody should see me in such a pathetic condition.

Well this time I wasn't clear enough, I'm afraid. Well to be hounest, I didn't care anymore after that message 'bout my soon desease. So they used their chance and brought another girl in my room. Pretty silent bird. Besides the ruckus she made after her brother didn't show up she was a silent one - and a real beauty.

Yes, bro, yes! Your sister is actually atrackted to a bloody bird. Don't make a big deal out of it. Eventhough...it is a big deal.

Her name is Serenity. I don't think such a name really fits her actually. More something...donno...I would call her Emma...or Eline...donno, something with an E would fit pretty good to her.

Her hair looks pretty soft. She has long chocolatebrown hair. Not so fluffy one like you have...just soft. Pretty often I wished I could touch it and feel how it glides through my fingers.

Her eyes I only saw on one day. The day she arrived. Her eyes are green. Not very light one. It also is a bit of brown in it witch make the coulor look like autumn. After that day she had her operation. She had a desease on her eyes which almoust made her become blind. Now with that operation and perhaps a bit of luck, she could be able to see again. I hope she will. For now a bandage is still hiding her eyes. So the main thing you can see from her face are her porzelain cheeks and her soft rose lips. She cannot stare at me like everybody else would stare on that lunatic punk chick with no hair that I am. She will never see how ugly I've become...and I for myself can inspect every courner of her stunning little face without making her feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't dare doing this if she would recognise. I wouldn't want to disturb her. But the way the things are it was perfect.

When she arrived I was so strucked by her beauty. I didn't want to go. I just wanted to look. Just one minute more. I hoped so deeply she would perhaps talk to me...just one little sentence. Just one tiny word with that angelvoice of hers. When she came she was sad. She cried, after her brother decided to play a cardgame instead of coming and holding her hand. She locked the door (haha, the way I always did) and yelled that she wouldn't open it until her brother would show up - he really did and I saw her smile the first time.

...

I can't describe what it made me feel seeing that smile. May you will understand the day you see a smile like this. I hope for you, you will. Because it felt so good.

After that she had a lot visits from a friend of her brother. Looked pretty stupid. But I didn't care at all 'bout that bloke anyway. I only had eyes for her. Her brother is in that torney you wrote about in your last letter (I wish you all my luck for it :)). So the bloke watched a livestream from his duels on his labtop and told her about what is happening. She smiled pretty much these days. Gave me flying butterflies in my stommach. I wanted to watch her. Just a day more. Just a minute more. I gave a damn about my death these days and just enjoyed like I didn't enjoyed anything for years. I am so happy I met her. Eventhough she didn't know me.

Today we talked. This it was what I was waiting for. That she would finally talk to me. She apollogised for beeing silent to me the whole time and after she would move tomorrow she wanted to make it good. So we talked. Goodness I can't remember when I had a real conversation like that the last time. She bluthered about her brother, me about you, she was pretty excited to hear that I also have a brother who's doing Battle City and we told us sisters storys and laughed together. We talked about parents devorce - her parents are aswell - and suddenly we embraced each other and were sad together. I had the feeling she could feel everything I feel. I think this has been one of the happiest days I ever had. We are friends now, Serenity and I. This sounds so nice.

This is how I want to end. Beeing so happy.

I want to die right now.

That way I never have to feel sad and alone and done for again. I'm so happy, eventhough I'm crying now. Remember this please, my Ryou! I am so happy.

I will die now, while holding this letter, giving you one last kiss over it. They will find a note together with this so they will give it to you soon. But before I jump from this roof I will scream in the night.

I will sream: "I'm in love with Serenity!"

Three times I will scream it. Or four...or...maybe a few more. Maybe she will hear me. I hope she will hear me. It would be nice.

Goodbye now, my little Ryou. Have a nice life. Find a nice girl or find a nice boy and enjoy every breath. Do your best! And if Florence should bother again, my ghost will come to kick is arse :)

I love you, little brother!

Farewell

your sister

Amane