I had originally planned on turning this story into a multi-chapter fic and even posted a few more chapters, but then the overall plans fell through. Therefore, I'm reposting this now as it's original one-shot.
A few things you should know before you read. One, everything before BD happened, but BD itself did not. This starts during the wedding and goes on from there. Two, Jacob didn't run off when he got the invitation. He stayed and he went to the wedding before the I do's were said not after. Three, this is in Bella's POV. For the most part she's in character, but some may feel like she's not. I personally think given the right chance and had Jacob shown up before the wedding as opposed to after the wedding, maybe just maybe everything could've happened differently.
The song that gave me the idea for this story You Get Me Through by Emily Osment. If you want you can youtube the song and listen to it while reading this.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, but most of the thoughts. Bolded words are not mine, they are words from the actual book/movie.
You Get Me Through
Everything was perfect. Well, to the Cullen's standards everything was perfect, namely Alice's. The wedding was like a fairytale wedding. From the decorations to the wedding cake to the dress that I was wearing...it was all perfect.
But, something just didn't feel right.
This was what I wanted, though, right? I wanted to be with Edward. I wanted to become a vampire. I wanted to live for an eternity as a vampire with Edward. Right? Yes, right. That's exactly what I wanted.
"No, that's what you're trying to convince yourself you want," a voice spoke in my head above all the rest of my thoughts.
As much as I wanted the voice to go away and leave me alone, I knew it had a point. If all of this is really what I wanted then why did I feel sick to my stomach all of a sudden just thinking about it? And, why was I thinking such things at a time like this?
When I woke up this morning, I was happy. Nervous, but happy. What bride isn't, though, on her wedding day? It's a day that will be remembered for life. Or, in my case, for eternity. I was going to be Mrs. Edward Cullen by the end of the night and I'd be happily on my way to my honeymoon with Edward, the man I loved more than life itself, not long after.
But, that was this morning. And, this is now.
Now I'm not so sure anymore. I was so sure that my mind had been set. I had chosen Edward, the love of my life.
"Yeah, sure. You keep telling yourself that, Bella," a voice screamed in my head.
The voice again. But, it wasn't my voice I was hearing. It never was. It was his. It was his. My best friend's voice spoke to me in my head denying everything that I was thinking about Edward and how much I loved him and wanted to be with him. This morning I was willing to fight tooth and nail with his voice in my head.
But, that was this morning. And, this is now.
Now I had seen him. I knew he was here. I knew he was standing out by the woods waiting to hear me say those two words that would finally take away all hope he had of me changing my mind. Those two words that would break his heart completely and would mean that he had lost me for good. That I had lost my sun. That I had lost my Jacob.
I could feel the tears suddenly well up in my eyes. Thankfully, this was my wedding day and tears were expected and not questioned. Everyone would think the tears were happy tears, that I was crying because I was giving myself fully, completely, and legally to Edward in front of God and everyone.
"Please, Bella. Don't do this," the voice, his voice again pleading with me.
No one would know what the tears were really for.
"I'll always be waiting in the wings, Bella. You'll always have that spare option if you want it," his voice, this time from my memory spoke.
No one but me, myself, and I.
I tried so hard to ignore it. I was doing the right thing. I know I was.
"I'm exactly right for you, Bella. It would have been effortless for us — comfortable, easy as breathing. I was the natural path your life would have taken… If the world was the way it was supposed to be, if there were no monsters and no magic…"
More memories. Yes, in a world of no monsters and no magic...things would be different. But, we were in a world of monsters and magic.
"When are you finally going to figure out that you're in love with me, too?"
And, that one did it. It explained it all. It was the reason I was second guessing my so called perfect plan for the rest of my life. It had to be the reason. I couldn't stomach going through with my plans when I knew it'd break my best friend, my sun, my Jacob...it would break his heart into unrepairable pieces. And, I couldn't bare to do it because he was right.
I was in love with Jacob, too.
Oh, god. What am I doing? I can't do this...I can't marry Edward. It's not fair to him. To Jacob. To me. It's not fair to any of us.
I was suddenly stolen away from my thoughts by Edward's sultry, hypnotizing voice. If my revelation wasn't so strong and mind blowing I would've probably fallen into the trap of his voice. But, I didn't. I didn't forget what I just realized.
"Bella," Edward said my name again.
I looked up at him and put on my fakest smile. Through my tears, I saw him smile back. Then, I heard another voice.
"Do you Bella Swan take Edward Cullen to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
I opened my mouth to say something. To say those two words, but nothing came out. Those two words should've been any to say. But, they weren't. They weren't because at that moment I realized that I hadn't fallen back into being Edward's Bella, the Bella who saw and thought of nothing but him. I was currently thinking and breathing as Jacob's Bella...as my Bella...the real Bella, the Bella who lived life, who wanted to be free, who needed her sun.
"I...I..." I stuttered and nothing came out.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jacob. He was looking straight at me and I could see a glint of hope in his eyes. I couldn't take that away from him. I couldn't take that away from me. From us.
Before I could stop myself I turned back to look at Edward and the words fell out of my mouth. "I can't. I'm sorry."
Oceans of tears followed. I couldn't contain them any longer.
I could hear everyone gasp and murmurs began to fill the crowd of people who had come for the wedding. The look in Edward's eyes was full of confusion, pain, and sadness. I hated hurting him, it hurt me bad. But, I just couldn't find it in me to kill Jacob's last hope, my own last hope for a normal life, that not even I realized I had truly wanted, because if I did then I just knew it would kill him, probably literally, and in turn it would kill me, too, because he's my sun, my Jacob. Without him...I'm truly nothing.
And, not the over the top co-dependent "I'm nothing. He is my life, my existence," type of I'm truly nothing that I felt with Edward, but the "One of these days I will literally come around to needing my best friend who I'm also in love with" type of I'm truly nothing.
Without another word, I grabbed my dress pulling it up enough for me to run without tripping over it and I took off down the aisle. I ran past my father, who looked relieved, my mother who was confused, and Billy who was trying to hide a small smile. I even ran past Jacob who was shocked beyond belief.
It was too soon to tell Jacob or anyone else what had made me change my mind. It wouldn't be right if I just jumped into something with Jacob only moments after leaving Edward at the altar. I wasn't that selfish and heartless. It would take some time, but one day I would get there. I would get to the point where it would be 100% just Jacob.
I ran, not having any idea where exactly I was going, but not caring either way. I just had to get away from there. I needed to get away. I needed to get as far away from everything as I could in hope that running away would somehow make the suffocating feeling in my lungs and the sick feeling in my stomach go away.
I ran until I couldn't anymore. I fell forward onto the ground ruining my dress in the process. I really didn't care at this point. Tears fell freely down my face and I couldn't stop them even if I tried. My recent revelations along with my recent actions were just too much for me to handle all at once.
"Bells."
My breath caught in my throat. Slowly I looked up and found Jacob, my Jacob standing over me concern all over his face. It wasn't hard for me to tell just by looking into his eyes exactly why I had done what I had only minutes before. He was truly my sun, towering over me and making me feel better even in a situation as such where I had no reason to really feel better.
"Bells," he murmured bending down to help me off of the ground.
Once standing, I quickly buried myself into his chest and cried some more. This was where I belonged. I had belonged here for so long. Why hadn't I realized it before now?
We stood that way for only God knows how long.
"Jacob," I said finally looking up at him when I got myself together enough to speak again.
He looked down at me with a small smile. "Yeah?"
"Get me out of here, please," I pleaded with him looking at him through my teary eyes.
"Do you want me to take you home?"
I shook my head. "No, not home. I need to get away from here. Away from Forks," I told him.
I flashed back to the conversation from that day in my room before everything that lead up to now had happened.
"Maybe we should just get out of here for a while. Just leave. Just you and me."
"You'd do that?"
"I'd do it for you."
"It's not something I can run away from. But I would...run away with you. If I could."
I could only hope that he would do the same thing for me, too. Things were different now. It wasn't him who had something to run away from. It was me.
"Please," I pleaded again letting out a breath I wasn't even aware I was holding in.
"Alright, let's go away for a bit."
"You really mean that?" I asked wanting to make sure he was serious about this.
He nodded. "Anything for you, Bells."
And, with that I felt better. I always knew I could count on my Jacob, my sun.
Thoughts?