Chapter One

If there was one thing Winona Kirk had learned a long time ago, it was the simple fact that everything happened for a reason, no matter if it was a good thing or a bad thing. It all had a purpose. Her son was the captain of Starfleet's flagship, that had happened for a reason. Or a lot of reasons, if she thought about it long enough. And if she thought longer, Winona decided that it probably shouldn't have happened at all. But, because of her brilliant and misunderstood son, they were all here and she was here, kneeling before the gray granite wall engraved with hundreds of thousands of names, mourning for her husband dead twenty-five years. George had died to save them, died to give her a chance to escape the Romulans alive. But instead of living for his memory, she had lived in it and all but abandoned her children.

She had divorced Colby McNevin years ago, just before Jim decided Starfleet was for him and enlisted, that had happened for a reason. Winona had finally pulled her head out of the sand after she had to pick Jim up from the police station not because he'd done something stupid, but because he'd run to the police looking for a place to hide for a few hours. She remembered those bruises, the hateful glint in her son's eyes when he saw her, how he shrugged off her attempt to be a mother and insisted they just go home and get it overwith. She'd fought with Colby that night, as she'd never fought with him before, and told him that he either had to clean up his act and behave like a human being, or she was leaving him, and she wouldn't be coming back. She'd find a way to take Jim and keep him safe, too. Jim had fended Colby off with a phase-pistol set to vaporize, and the threat that if Colby touched Jim or Winona ever again, it wouldn't just be his balls the man ended up missing. Winona had never thanked Jim for saving their lives that night, Colby had disappeared the next morning and she'd collared him long enough for a divorce then never seen him again. She'd heard that he picked a fight with the wrong people and the body had never been found. Jim had headed off to Starfleet two weeks later, and she didn't see him much either, even when she was in San Francisco.

Christopher Pike kept her updated on Jim's doings and whereabouts and friends, though he really only had one true friend anymore. Winona smiled as she thought of the cranky former physician from Savannah, Georgia with awful bedside manner and a heart of pure gold. Jim had met Leonard McCoy for a reason, Leonard McCoy had saved her little boy's life. Before Starfleet, and before McCoy, Jim had been every mother's worst nightmare, the bane of three separate precincts and the terror of three counties. Not that he was a bad kid, he really wasn't, but he had this carefully-cultivated bad boy image that had kept respectable people at a distance and police lieutenants and sheriff's deputies on twenty-four hour watch. Then he'd discovered Starfleet, gently nudged through that door by a dare from Christopher Pike. Jim couldn't refuse a good dare, so he'd promised Pike to do what took four years in three years and no more. He'd done it, graduation was in two hours and then he'd have two weeks before setting out on any number of adventures…or misadventures. Jim seemed to have a propensity for trouble that landed him in hot water more often than not.

Winona stroked the letters of her husband's name on the smooth face of the granite and smiled sadly, "Oh, George, you'd be so proud of our little boy. I wish you could have seen him when they all got home, he was so happy." She sighed, remembering the sight of her bruised, battered son staggering off the shuttle with one arm around Leonard McCoy's shoulders, the other around the shoulders of a tall, quiet Vulcan he had introduced as his First Officer, "Mom, this is Spock. Spock, this is my mother, Winona Kirk." Winona had not offered to shake hands or hug Spock, he was Vulcan and even Winona knew Vulcans avoided touching.

Somehow, Winona lost track of the time and only realized two hours had gone past when she heard the bell-tower at the Academy tolling the hour. She cheated and used a transporter so she wouldn't be late. People were still filtering in, so she wasn't too out of place. Giving her dress-uniform a cursory brush-down, Winona looked for a place to sit. In the student section, which was pitifully empty, she saw clusters of students chatting before the ceremony. Winona looked for her son and caught sight of him with McCoy and the others she knew now were his officers. She didn't see Spock, and then remembered that he was an instructor, not a student. Ah well, a technicality. There were seats down towards the front, and while part of her wanted to be out of the way and where Jim was unlikely to see her, Winona knew she couldn't just be a quiet bystander. So down she went. It looked like those seats were set aside for dignitaries and special guests, but Winona just couldn't bring herself to care. Then she caught sight of Spock off to one side, speaking with several older Vulcans. Survivors perhaps? Hmm. Well, it was someone she knew besides the graduates anyway. Wondering what madness took her, Winona went closer to them. Spock saw her coming and straightened, she saw his shoulders stiffen in automatic reaction to the sight of a superior officer.

"Ah, Captain Kirk."

"Commander." She smiled for him, "I thought I was too late."

"On the contrary, Captain. As you can see, guests are still arriving. The ceremony itself will not begin until Admiral Pike has arrived, and that could take some time."

"As long as Chris makes it, I'll be happy." Winona exhaled slowly, thinking of the last time she'd actually seen Christopher Pike. She had visited him yesterday in the hospital, not at all that surprised to find the boys keeping him company, just glad to see him sitting upright. It made her even happier to see him laughing at one of Jim's awful jokes.

"You seem deeply concerned with the admiral's health, Captain." One of the elders spoke up and Winona looked from Spock to the one who had addressed her. She looked over her shoulder to see if Jim had noticed and was glad he hadn't.

"Christopher Pike is a family friend, he is very…dear to us. When Doctor McCoy informed me of his state of health, I was devastated."

"Then you must have been relieved to learn that he was going to survive?"

"Very much so." She couldn't help but notice a distinct sadness about this particular Vulcan, or the way he traded a look with Spock. Had he lost someone? Well, of course he had, who hadn't lost someone? Winona was just lucky Jim and Christopher were safe.

"The ceremony is about to begin, Captain. Do you have a seat already?" Spock cut in politely. Winona shook her head.

"No, I'm afraid I came a little later than I intended to."

"Allow me to find you a seat." He extended one hand and she turned. He led her straight to the empty seats in the front row, "Is this agreeable to you?"

"I can see the stage from here, I can see Jimmy and McCoy. Thank you, Commander." She smiled, "Thank you."

"You are welcome, Captain." He dipped his head and went off again. Winona leaned forward in the seat and put her head in her hands. It felt like everyone was watching her, even though Winona knew that wasn't at all true. She had experienced the microscope effect the first time she'd come home with Jim, and remembered how much she'd hated the feeling. Like the world was watching and she couldn't cry because she didn't want the world to see her weakness. She was aware of someone sitting down on her right, but she did not move until the gong sounded to mark the beginning of the ceremony. Raising her head, Winona got to her feet with everyone else in the auditorium, watching as the admirals filed onto the stage. When she saw Christopher, she felt a stab of regret.

The ceremony commenced and Winona kept waiting for Jim's name, but she never heard it. When she realized they had passed over him, she looked to the student section and saw her son with his head in his hands. Then the last names had been read. Why had they missed Jim? They weren't still punishing him, were they? They couldn't! It was just wrong!

"James T. Kirk, stand up." They called him, but they called him last. Why? Winona watched, holding her breath, as Jim got slowly to his feet and came down to the floor. He climbed the stairs to the stage with the air of a man going to his own execution.

"The Board would like to recognize one Cadet especially, for unorthodox methods of leadership and unwavering loyalty to the Federation, to Starfleet, and his duty as an officer." Richard Barnett almost smiled, but not quite, "Therefore, it is with gratitude and pride I present you with this small token of our thanks. Without you, there would be no Federation, no Starfleet, no Earth." It was dead silent in the auditorium as Barnett pinned a medal to Jim's red jacket and shook hands with him, "Congratulations, son."

"T-Thank you, sir."

"And at the request of Admiral Pike, there is one more thing." This time, Barnett did smile and Winona had to remind herself to breathe or pass out, "James T. Kirk, you are hereby required to relieve Chirstopher Pike, Rear Admiral, of duty as Commanding Officer of the Starship Enterprise, and take upon you his duties as Captain therein." Winona watched Jim straighten up until his spine was straight and his shoulders stiff. He turned to Christopher and smiled.

"I relieve you, sir."

"I am relieved." Christopher beamed at Jim, they shook hands, and the whole auditorium just erupted with cheering. Winona swiped away a few tears as Jim trotted down the steps of the stage, his smile blinding and his enthusiasm contagious as he pumped his fist in a clear sign of victory before he was swamped and lost in a knot of red uniforms. Winona had to move, and she did. Approaching the swarming knot of over-excited Cadets, she stood at the fringes of the small celebration and folded her hands behind her back.

"I hate to interrupt this little party, but I've been sitting on my hands a little too long." She spoke up over the clamor, "I claim mother's privilege."

"Mom!" Jim came flying out of the knot of bodies, "Mom, you made it! Where were you?"

"Right down in front." Winona caught her whirlwind son and held on, wishing again that George could have seen this before she realized he'd probably been watching over Jim the whole time and was just laughing until his sides hurt. She pulled back to look at Jim and for once, seeing George in his eyes and in his smile didn't make her sad. She ran her fingers through messy blonde hair, "Oh, Jim, I'm so proud of you! When they didn't call your name at first, I thought the worst!"

"You weren't the only one. Bones here was about to go at the whole lot of 'em." Jim just grinned, that cocky, lopsided grin that was sheer Jim and no one else. Winona just hugged her son before passing him off to his friends, people who would be his officers someday soon.

Among those who came to congratulate Jim on his rise to captaincy of the flagship was Commander Spock, the two shook hands and exchanged a few quiet words. Winona turned to see Ambassador Sarek watching the festivities and wondered what he saw when he looked at her headstrong son surrounded by his friends and supporters like this. Sarek dipped his head in acknowledgement and then vanished into the crowd. Winona did not miss the flicker of sadness and pain she saw in his eyes in the split second before he turned away. There, but for the grace of God, went a man broken. But what, she wondered, had broken? His heart? Winona knew that pain too well, and wouldn't wish it on anyone else, Vulcan or not.